Rachel, Interrupted
by EnchantedtoMeetYou
Summary: Rachel is no longer the confident dreamer she once was. She now battles with a personality disorder that is causing her to spiral. Will she be able to raise herself up from her ashes? She has a lot of pieces to put together, but luckily, she is not alone.
1. Broken Dreamer

**A/N: This story came to me last night, when I was thinking about how Rachel's character has changed throughout season 2 and how her character is becoming one dimensional and less independent as she used to be, so here's my attempt to give her some depth.**

**This takes place after the Christmas Special. **

It was New Years Eve, and while most of the students of McKinley High were getting ready for the much hyped New Years Bash hosted by the football team, one girl was not. Rachel Berry sat alone in her living room, wearing a pink snuggie and with a universal remote control in hand. She hardly moved from her spot throughout the whole holiday vacation, and wasn't intending on changing her routing tonight. Tonight, she was watching a musical marathon on Turner Classic Movies that was dedicated to Judy Garland. She had seen the movies so many times that she practically had them memorized.

She was in the middle of singing along with "Meet Me in St. Louis" with the least amount of energy she had ever injected into a song, when her fathers walked into the living room and turned the TV off.

"Rachel honey, it has been two weeks since you and Finn broke up. You need to get out." said her father, Hiram.

Rachel turned the TV back on.

"Dad, Daddy, I'm fine. You don't have anything to worry about, really." She assured.

They looked at her skeptically.

"Sweetie, you've spent the past two weeks inside, you've skipped out on your daily workouts, your dance classes, and you're in desperate need of a shower." said her other father, Leroy.

She looked away, feeling insulted.

They both sat down on opposite sides of her and took the remote from her hand to turn off the television again. She sighed and stood up to go up to her room. Her fathers both got up and finally lost their patience.

"We won't let you be so affected by one silly boy. You have goals and dreams and it's about time that you focus on them again instead of the school jocks!" said Leroy.

At that, Rachel snapped her body around to face them, her face flushed with anger.

"One boy? Have you not been paying attention to my life at all? Don't you remember what happened with Jesse? While both of you were enjoying your couples vacation in Aruba, I was here in a wreck!"

Her fathers faces looked crushed.

"What happened to our motivated and determined Rachel who saw her dreams as the most important thing in the world? What happened to our little girl who didn't need a guy?" Hiram said emotionally.

Rachel didn't know what to say. Now that she thought of it, she hadn't been spending much time on her dreams. Her elliptical was collecting dust, and she hadn't been sending out audition tapes like she used to. But over the past few months, her future plans haven't been on her mind as much as her heartbreaks. She had lost her confidence in herself and didn't feel as though she was capable of being a star.

"Who am I kidding? I'm just a nobody from Lima. The most I'll ever do is replace Mister Schuester when he retires!" she said.

"That is not the Rachel that we raised! What happened to you?" asked Leroy tearfully.

"What happened is I went too many days getting slushy thrown in my face, getting hate posted on my myspace and facebook pages, being ridiculed by everyone and feeling alone throughout the whole thing. I haven't had anyone on my side!" she cried.

"But what about your Glee Club? Didn't you say that it's a group of misfits who understand each other?" Hiram asked.

Rachel laughed sarcastically.

"They understand each other, but couldn't care less about me. They only tolerate me because they know that they need my voice to win. Other than that, they shoot down all my ideas, they put me down, and call me names." She stopped and laughed to herself. "See, I can't even fit in with a group of misfits."

Her fathers had nothing to say. Rachel's voice was starting to crack with emotion.

"Dad, Daddy, everyone uses me and then leaves me. Jesse used me for a game before he left me, and to get me to seek out my birth mother—"

Her fathers gasped with hurt.

"Don't worry… I regret that. She used me to fill the gap in her life that she had from wanting to be a mother. But that didn't work out and she left me. Finn promised me he'd never leave me and he did…"

By this point, Rachel was trembling and wiping tears from her eyes. She was terrified of the fact that she was opening up so much with her parents because she usually tried to hide all of her problems from them so they believed that she was a perfect child, so they would never abandon her. She suddenly became aware of how inappropriate her outburst was. Her parents must be so freaked out by her right now. She needed to do some damage control.

She turned and ran up the rest of the staircase to her room. After a long shower, she dressed herself up in her best knee-length white party dress and told her fathers that she was going out to the New Years Eve Bash to get her mind off of things. Despite the fact that she gave them her best show face, they couldn't really believe her act. They were still confused and skeptical of Rachel's motives, but allowed her to go because they wanted her to go out and have some human interaction. She bid them goodnight and stepped out the door, her smile vanishing completely the second the door was shut.

Rachel started having second thoughts about going to the party during the drive over to Karofsky's house. First off, she wasn't invited. Secondly, she was walking into the lion's den. It would be suicidal for such a bullying target like herself to crash their party. She considered changing directions and spending the next few hours driving around towns she had never visited, singing along to the radio. But then she remembered that Finn would more than likely be there.

She bit her lip.

She started imagining a scenario of her walking into the party unexpected, looking dazzling and making him want to be with her again. The thought had her smiling her first real smile since before Finn broke up with her. Her smile was short lived however, because she remembered what her fathers said about how she used to be more independent. She felt like a terrible woman for it but couldn't accept defeat with Finn. She reasoned with herself that she felt incredibly alone and really needed him right now.

Before she knew it, she was parked across the street from Karofsky's house. Rachel got out of her car and took a few deep breaths before walking over to the house with her head held high as gracefully as she could manage. She painted a smile on her face that would show Finn that she was happy and unaffected by the breakup. A little hard to get wouldn't hurt.

The party was raging, it was fifteen minutes before midnight and everyone was completely drunk. She spotted Puck playing a game of beer pong with Mike Chang, surrounded by a swarm of drunk girls who threw themselves at them. She looked around for a while, trying to find Finn, but he was nowhere to be seen. To calm her nerves, she took a few shots of vodka. It was disgusting, but it did the job. She gave up the first floor and decided to check out the basement when she heard that it was where the rest of the jocks were hanging out.

She descended the stairs, forgetting all about the potential harm that may meet her if this went wrong. The jocks were certainly down there, with their current girlfriends in their arms. They were all drunk and watching the New Years Eve Ball Drop about to happen on Karofskys flat screen television. The first person to notice that Rachel was there was Quinn, the only sober one there. She peeled herself off of Sam to go talk to her.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?" she asked with worry.

"Why do you have concern in your voice, Quinn? The last time I checked, you hated me." Rachel scoffed.

Quinn folded her arms and looked irritated.

"Look, I only say this because you're walking in, uninvited, in a place full of people who bully you. What are you thinking?" she said, trying to pull Rachel upstairs.

Rachel tugged her arm back.

"I just want to talk to Finn." she said before turning back to the jocks.

"You really need to go home." Quinn said as she tried to grab her again and pull her upstairs.

By now this commotion had drawn the attention of the jocks. Rachel turned around and found herself being stared at by the rest of the them. She spotted Finn in the corner with his arms around Santana.

_Santana, _the girl who took his virginity, the girl that she felt so threatened by. She was watching her with a devilish smile. When she was sure that Rachel had her eyes on the two, she grabbed Finn and kissed him seductively. He was torn between enjoying it, and feeling terrible that Rachel had to witness it.

Rachel stood there, feeling disoriented. Quinn was still trying to grab her upstairs, but she wouldn't budge. Her feet were stuck. The next thing she knew, the jocks, with an exception of Sam and Finn, were closing in on her. She could distantly hear Quinn threatening Karofsky to stand down, but he ignored her. There she was, in the middle of the room, surrounded by drunk men twice as tall as her.

"Lets ring in the New Year right, guys!" shouted Karofsky.

They started counting down from ten in unison with the screaming crowd on the television.

"FIVE – FOUR – THREE – TWO – ONE!" they shouted fiercely. When they hit one, they all threw whatever drink they had in hand at Rachel. Some spilled their beer cans over the top of her head, some tossed their cups of rum and cokes, one actually threw a wine cooler at her—still in the bottle. Her white dress was ruined.

When she finally regained feeling in her legs, she tried to turn around to go upstairs, but Karofsky grabbed her and held her. They weren't done with her. Two other jocks took the cooler and dumped it over her head. Ice hit her with such force that she was actually scratched by a few pieces. A few left over beer cans also fell down and hit her in the process.

She looked up in humiliation at the crowd around her. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Her bullies were laughing at her. Quinn was yelling at Karofsky, but he didn't care enough to listen. Finn just stood there holding Santana as she laughed. He never stuck up for her, who was she to think that he would now.

When she thought it couldn't get any worse, Azimio grabbed her around her waist and pushed her down on Karofsky's couch. She knew things had just gone from terrible to worse. Suddenly, her adrenaline kicked in as he reached for her dress strap and she scratched him as hard as she could across his face. He backed up, covering his bleeding face and she got up and ran for the door with Quinn at her heels. The last thing she saw before she left the room was Santana leading Finn into another room. She ran up the stairs and out the door, across the street and to her car. She sped off before Quinn could catch up to her.

Hiram and Leroy nearly dropped their wine glasses at the loud sound of their front door slamming shut. They could smell the beer and other drinks on her immediately. They turned and saw Rachel standing there soaked and disheveled. Her best white dress was now a brownish yellow. Before they could get a question out of their mouths, she ran upstairs and slammed her door.

She locked herself in her bathroom and cried as she washed Azimio's blood from her nails. When her hands were clean, she looked at her long nails, then at her sobbing reflection in the mirror. She hated the way her face looked when she cried. She felt hideous. Without much thought, she took a crystal vase and threw it at her bathroom mirror.

The sound of the broken vase really left her parents terrified. They decided that it was time to step in and pushed her door open. When they found her in her bathroom, she was sitting on the floor in a mess of glass. Leroy reached down to grab Rachel's hand and pull her up but froze when he saw the scratches on her arm. She had a dozen self inflicted scratches on her left arm. From the look if it, they weren't the product of the glass on the floor. She had actually scratched her own arms with her fingernails.

Hiram started to cry at the sight of his child in such a wreck.

"Baby, I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but you need to get help. It's obvious that this is going too far. If this pain inside you is so bad that you feel like you have to take it out on yourself, then we need to do all we can to make you better again. Tomorrow we're scheduling an appointment with a psychologist." Said Leroy in tears.

All Rachel could do was cry and throw her arms around her fathers.

She had never felt so broken.

**A/N: I know its kind of angsty, but things will get worse before they get better. Review?**


	2. The Egg Mob

It was a cold evening in Lima and the sun had just set. Rachel was walking down a shopping district by herself, heading over to a Chinese restaurant that had vegan meal options. She was bundled up in her red coat with a white hat, scarf, and mittens. The wind outside was blowing harder than she had ever felt, so she ran to the entrance and threw herself in.

It was a very stereotypical Chinese restaurant adorned all over with hanging red and yellow lanterns. Almost all of the tables seemed to be filled with people on dates. There were students that Rachel recognized, elderly people celebrating their anniversary, and even two lovestruck ten year olds chaperoned by their parents. Rachel rolled her eyes and sat in an open table, looking around for a waiter. As she waited she removed all of her layers of clothing to reveal her white dress from the party. It was clean again. Waiters and waitresses were running around like chickens without heads, tending to their customers but they all seemed to skip over her. Losing her patience, she got up and rang the bell at the pay station.

"Excuse me, I've been waiting for fifteen minutes here!" she shouted to a young man with a great head of wavy hair, who had his back turned to her. He was cracking eggs and dropping them into the cooking soup.

"Hello?" she shouted, ringing the bell a few more times.

"One minute, Rachel." He said without turning around.

Rachel raised her eyebrow suspiciously because he knew her name, and hadn't even looked at her. She couldn't spend much time thinking about it because someone behind her was calling her name. She turned and saw Kurt and Blaine waving as they took their seats. A waitress served them immediately, causing Rachel to get upset. She turned around and saw Mister Schuester and Shelby on a date at the table right in front of her. Shelby looked up at her and picked up baby Beth with an evil smile, before saying, "Beth is the best daughter I could have ever asked for. She's my one and only." Rachel clenched her teeth. She turned to leave, when she bumped into Santana and Finn.

"Hey troll!" Santana said with a smile.

Rachel rolled her eyes and turned around to talk to the egg cracking man. He wasn't even dropping them into the soup anymore. He was just slamming them onto the counter. She was freaked out by it and turned around again. Kurt, Blaine, Mister Schuester, Shelby, Finn, and Santana were crowded around her, half an inch from her face. They all looked at her with stone facial expressions full of contempt. She backed up away from them until she bumped into the counter. She looked down at her dress, which was now the brownish yellow that it was at the party. She felt humiliated that she looked like this in public. They were closing in on her like mindless zombies.

"Who would ever want you?" said Shelby.

"Glee doesn't need you at all!" said Mister Schuester.

"You're nothing but an ugly, worthless diva!" Kurt shouted, and Blaine laughed.

"You were such a waste of my time. I should have left you ages ago." Finn said evilly.

"Why don't you just kill yourself?" shouted Santana.

Rachel was so terrified; she climbed up on the counter to create a barrier between her and the mob. She slipped on the egg yolks and fell behind it, onto the floor. She tried to get up, but slipped again on more egg yolks. She cut her hands on eggshells trying to lift herself. The guy cracking the eggs finally turned to face her and offered her his hand. She grabbed his hand and looked up to see that it was Jesse St. James, as gorgeous as he ever was. He lifted her up to her feet and tried to pull her into a hug but she backed away from him. There was no way she would allow him to hug her. Not after what he did. She turned back over to the mob.

They all stood there, holding eggs in their hands.

"Come on Jesse, do it!" shouted Santana.

Rachel turned to him, dreading what she knew was coming again. He held up and egg, just like the one he cracked over her head that other time before. She closed her eyes, anticipating the blow. She heard the egg slam down on the counter. Jesse smashed the egg down on the counter, instead of on her head. She looked up at him in confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, the mob roared against him.

"Fine St. James, protect the troll!" Shelby shouted, banging on the counter.

Jesse grabbed Rachel into his arms, but she continued to fight him off. He grabbed her arm, which was now covered in her self-inflicted scratches. He pulled her into his arms and turned her away from the mob. They threw dozens of eggs, which all hit Jesse all along his body. When the barrage ended, she looked up at him. His perfect hair was covered in an eggy mess, as was his designer black jacket. Despite the mess that covered him completely, he was still just as handsome as he ever was. She was torn between feelings of anger for what he did before, and gratitude for what he did now.

"Don't let them win, Rachel." He said softly.

She couldn't take the mixed feelings she was feeling, and jumped back over the counter and out the door, with the mod closely following. She forgot her coat but didn't care, even though it was snowing. When she got to an intersection, she waited anxiously for the light to turn red because the mob had almost reached her. She decided to take her own chances and run across traffic. She slipped on some ice and fell down in the middle of the street.

The mod stood there watching with devilish delight on the sidewalk. She turned to get up, but froze when she saw a speeding car coming at her, driven by her fathers. There was no way that she could get away from it in time. She was surely done for now…

* * *

"Rachel?"

"Rachel?"

"Rachel, wake up!"

Rachel woke up in a cold sweat.

Her father Hiram was standing in her room, drawing her baby pink window curtains open. A flood of sunlight poured, causing Rachel to shield her face like some vampire. She groaned and rolled over, covering her face with her quilt.

"No, not a chance hun, you're going to see Doctor Austen today. She's a good friend of mine who was kind enough to squeeze you in today. So you're not going to pass up on this. Get up and get dressed so you can be ready in a hour." he said firmly.

She was too weak to argue. That dream was still fresh in her mind. She wanted to lay in bed thinking about it, but she didn't have enough time to wrap her brain around it. She was especially confused by the part with Jesse.

_Jesse._

She hadn't dreamt of him in what felt like an eternity. She still felt the anger and confusion that she felt towards him in the dream. One thing that she knew for sure, though, was that she couldn't get his egg covered face out of her mind.


	3. Survival

Rachel played with a loose thread on her plaid skirt as she sat in the back seat of her father's car. She knew that the next hour would be very unpleasant for her. She would give anything for the car to just turn around and take her home. As far as she knew, she didn't need some overly paid doctor to analyze her brain. There was nothing wrong with her. She glanced down at the marks left from herself inflicted scratches that were slightly visible on her arms. She pulled down her sleeves.

The car pulled up into the driveway of a well to do home.

"This is it?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Don't worry, you'll like it. It's very homey and you'll feel more comfortable here than in any other cold office." Leroy said from the passenger seat.

The family stepped out of the car and made their way up the stone steps of the home. Hiram rang the doorbell, and within seconds a tall woman with curly brown hair and bright green eyes greeted them. As they were walking into the house, Rachel noticed that one of Doctor Austen's neighbors was watching from their window. She could only tell that it was a girl with blonde hair. Trying to get a better look, she looked again, but she was gone.

The home was something out of a high scale home designing magazine. The living room was filled with gigantic cream colored coaches and scented candles burning on the antique coffee table. Rachel sat down on one of the couches and felt as though she were being swallowed by them. Her legs couldn 't even touch the ground. She sat there, watching as her parents made small talk with Doctor Austen. A large orange cat walked over her and sat down on her lap. This was actually quite comforting. She was so caught up in petting the cat that she didn't notice that her parents had left. All feelings of comfort drained instantly.

"Would you like some tea, Rachel?" Doctor Austen asked from her kitchen.

"No thanks." She replied quietly.

Doctor Austen walked into the living room and sat in the couch opposite Rachel. She sat there, grasping a large steaming mug of tea in one hand, and a pen in the other, with a note pad on her lap.

"I see you've met Diva." She said with a smile. "She's a rescue cat that my nephew adopted before he went off to college this year. He couldn't take her with him, so I volunteered to take care of her. Poor thing misses him so much though. She won't eat or play as much as she used to. It's almost as if she needs him to function properly."

Rachel looked down at the cat.

"Do you think that's crazy?" asked Rachel.

Doctor Austen smiled.

"Crazy is subjective." She responded.

There was a long pause.

"Rachel, just so you know, everything that we say here stays between you and me. I won't tell your fathers, or anyone else. This is strictly confidential. That is, unless I feel like you may be a harm to others, or yourself."

Rachel nodded.

"Why do you think you're here, Rachel?" asked the doctor.

"Because my Dads think I'm crazy." she replied stiffly.

"Do you think you're crazy?"

Rachel shook her head.

"I just had a small melt down."

The doctor nodded.

"Tell me about it."

Rachel didn't like all the prying that the doctor was doing. She knew it was her job to ask questions, but they were making her uncomfortable.

"My boyfriend broke up with me. He promised me he never would… and I'm not that well liked at school. I went to a party to see if I could get him back and it went really bad…"

"What happened at the party?"

She didn't want to think about it. It was too painful. But she was thinking about it, and tears were starting to form in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak a few times but nothing came out. The doctor sat there, patiently waiting, until Rachel finally spoke.

"He was with another girl who picks on me, and the rest of the guys there saw that I was there… they threw their drinks at me. All of them. Then, when things couldn't get any worse, one of them tried to take my clothes off." She whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

The doctor stood quiet, so she continued.

"These people have been picking on me for years. They throw slushies on me at school. They think that I'm some freak, just because I was trying to reach a dream that was much more than anything Lima has to offer. I thought I was destined to be a broadway star."

Doctor Austen laughed.

"You sound like my nephew."

Rachel raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off.

"That was then. I guess I had my head in the clouds. If I can't gain the respect of my peers at school, then how would I expect to gain it from the rest of the world?"

"Alright, that's one thing we're going to have to tackle in the future." said the doctor, jotting down notes. "Now tell me about your love life."

"Finn. I really love him. He's kind, has his heart in the right place, he's attractive- which is a plus. But I don't think I was ever good enough for him. Please don't go saying that it's his loss, because I'm the only one losing here."

The doctor shook her head. Before she could open her mouth to reply, Rachel spoke again.

"I get to go to school every day, not knowing If I'm going to get slushied, or thrown in a dumpster, or called a troll… and its hard. There is only so much a person can take before they crack. And Finn… atleast when I had Finn I felt like someone wanted me. I felt like I could take on anything. So without him, I just don't feel strong enough to walk through those doors again. I KNOW it's wrong to depend on someone so much. But given the circumstances, I don't feel like I have a choice." She said defensively.

Doctor Austen finally spoke.

"Why did Finn break up with you?"

Rachel looked away.

"I messed up. I found out that he lost his virginity to the girl who bullies me, and to get back at him I made out with his best friend. I don't know what I was thinking, but he never forgave me. Then he went out with her again, and I guess they're together now."

"You said he was there at the party. Did he try to defend you?" asked the doctor.

Rachel shook her head silently.

"Rachel listen, your life is tough. I'm not going to deny that. Sometimes when we face situations like that, we tend to latch on to people. That is how you survive. It may have been working when you were with Finn, but now that you don't have him it's blowing up in your face. Hopefully, we can work on getting you to be more self reliant, and work on that self esteem. Because Rachel, if you go around thinking that you're not worth someone's love, you'll never get anywhere. It may be cliché but you have to love yourself before you can love someone else."

Rachel nodded quietly.

"I don't know what to do… Who do I talk to when I'm getting picked on? Do I have to deal with it all myself? I'm so used to having Finn's shoulder to lean on. Maybe I was just too much for him. Maybe Santana was just easier to be with- "

"You need friends. Friends who actually care about you. If you can surround yourself with a good group of friends, than you have one of the strongest weapons against despair."

"What's the point, they're just going to leave me. Everyone leaves me. Wait till you hear about my ex boyfriend and the way he left me."

"Do you think you have abandonment issues?" asked the doctor.

Rachel nodded.

"One more question before we end today's session. Has this separation from Finn caused you to do anything self damaging?"

Rachel shook her head immediately, while pulling down her sleeves again. If she told her that, then she'd surely send her off to a mental institution.

Doctor Austen didn't seem to believe her, but she didn't pry any further.

"Remember Rachel, crazy is only what you make it. At the end of the day you're just trying to survive. We just need to get you to survive in a healthier way. I really hope you'll come back next week. Think it over."

The doorbell rang, signaling that her parents had come back to pick her up. They didn't ask her much about how it went on the ride home, and for that she was thankful. She'd never admit it, but she felt slightly better now that she had someone to talk to.


	4. The Doctor's Neighbor

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Keep it up please?

* * *

**

That night Rachel had another dream. She was rehearsing an intricate contemporary dance number in an empty dance class. She was trying to get a particularly difficult leap down, but no matter how many times she tried, she couldn't pull it off. Covered in sweat, she sat on the floor and stared at her furious face in the wall to wall mirror. After a few seconds, she got back up and tried her leap again. This time, she fell. She got back up and retreated to her water bottle.

While taking a drink, she saw her reflection again. Enraged with her failure, she took the stainless steel water bottle and threw it at the mirror with as much force as she could muster. The mirror barely cracked, but the lid came off and all of its contents splashed all over it. She reached down to pick up her bottle, but stopped when she saw movement in the mirror's reflection. Through the distorted image, caused by the recent cracks and water dripping down, she could make out something small behind her. She quickly got up and turned to see Diva sitting by the doorway to the studio.

Rachel smiled.

"Hey Diva. How did you get over here, girl?" she asked, as she made her way over to pet her.

At her touch, she purred with delight. She tried to pick her up, but she ran off and out the door.

"Diva!"

Rachel ran out the door to follow her but, stopped when she found herself in a hallway that wasn't part of the dance studio. She was inside someone's home. Confused, she turned around to go back to the studio, but it was no longer there. Diva could be heard meowing in another room. Rachel followed until she reached the living room.

It was a large upscale apartment, and that looked like it was perfected by a celebrity interior decorator. The living room was filled with long black leather couches that surrounded a flat screen television raised over a grand fireplace. Rachel watched as the flames danced around over giant cut pieces of wood. She fell out of her trance when she saw Diva run past her and rub herself against her leg on the way. Diva ran to the kitchen and headed straight for her food and water bowl.

"I thought you had trouble eating while your owner was away at school?" she said as she watched the cat eat like there was no tomorrow.

Diva meowed again, as if responding to her, and then ran over to the apartment front door. Rachel heard the sound of keys coming from the other side of the door. She realized that she was in a stranger's apartment and shouldn't be here. Overcome with fear of getting caught, she ducked and hid behind the couch as she heard the knob turn. She could hear Diva scratching at the door in anticipation for the arrival of her owner. Finally, the door opened and Rachel could hear footsteps in the entrance hallway.

"Hey girl, I brought you a new toy!" said a familiar male voice.

Rachel peered her head around and saw Diva run across the living room, chasing a wind up mouse. When she saw Rachel hiding behind the couch, she abandoned her quest to catch the mouse and ran over to her. She meowed loudly. Rachel was done for. She shut her eyes in anticipation.

"What's over there Diva?" asked the young man.

He walked over and stopped in front of her. She opened her eyes and saw him standing there. She was afraid to look up, so she stared at his expensive looking jazz shoes.

"Rachel?" he asked.

Before she could look up and see his face, she woke up.

"Rachel?... Rachel wake up!" her father, Leroy called from her doorway.

She sat up and looked at the alarm. Her jaw dropped. It was twelve in the afternoon. She never slept that late. How on earth did that happen? What was she becoming? Her father sensed her confusion.

"I guess sometimes when you're overwhelmed your body needs more time to recover." he smiled.

He was probably right. But after ten hours of sleep, she still felt like a train had just hit her. She couldn't believe that her body still demanded more sleep.

"I feel drained, Dad." She said, leaning back on her pillows.

Leroy nodded an understanding nod.

"But you have to start your day, or before you know it, you'll only be up at night. Anyway, there's a friend from school who just visited to see you. I told her that you weren't feeling well, but she insisted on seeing you, and she was just so sweet. Anyway, she made you cookies. You should go say hi and thank her." said Leroy.

"Who on earth would want to bring me cookies?" she asked, raking her mind for anyone who has been nice to her.

"Her name is Quinn—"

Rachel was suddenly wide awake.

"Quinn Fabray? No. No way, tell her to leave." she responded quickly.

"Now Rachel, don't be like that. The cookies are delicious! At least go thank her."

"Why would I want to thank someone who spent years bullying me?" she asked back.

Rachel heard her other father, Hiram, coming down the hall.

"Is she awake? Oh good, Rachel, I'm sending Quinn in to see you now." He said with a smile.

"No Daddy—"

But it was too late. Quinn was standing there, in her doorway. She walked into Rachel's room and admired one of her autographed Les Miserables posters. Rachel looked over at her fathers in the door way, and Leroy mouthed out "Be nice!" before shutting the door.

Quinn turned to look at Rachel and smiled sympathetically. She was dressed in a white long sleeve sweater dress and knee high brown boots. Her hair was down, which was rare for since she became head cheerleader again. Rachel looked down in horror at her own clothes, when she noticed that she was wearing kitten pajamas. Quinn would never let her hear the end of this.

"You must be enjoying this." said Rachel with an fake smile.

Quinn looked confused.

"The Queen Bee gets to swoop down on the lower species on the food chain to laugh from her high pedestal. Come to sting me, Quinn?" she asked spitefully.

Quinn ignored this.

"What do you want Quinn?" she asked flatly.

Quinn sat in Rachel's computer chair.

"I just wanted to see if you were alright. What happened at the party… You didn't deserve any of it." She said softly.

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"I know it's not much, coming from me. But while I'm here, I want to just tell you that I'm sorry. I know I've hurt you and bullied you before, but I've never seen you as hurt as you looked when they humiliated you that night. You looked…" she said, before pausing to find the right word. "…Broken."

This was all too much for Rachel. Doctor Austen just told her to surround herself with a strong group of friends, but how could she best friends with one of her bullies?

"Quinn, stop." said Rachel in frustration.

"I don't expect you to say anything to me because of all I've done, but I want you to know that you're never alone. It may not seem like it but you do have people who care about you. If you ever need me, you know where to find me."

Rachel looked up. She desperately wanted to accept Quinn's apology and invitation for friendship, but she just couldn't. Even if Quinn really did want to be her friend, she'd only leave her when she got annoyed with her. That seemed to be the pattern with everyone else.

"Quinn, please go home and let me think about it. This is too much." she said shaking her head.

Quinn nodded in response and made her way to the door before stopping.

"I know I'm not supposed to know this, but I'm glad you're getting help. I saw you from my window. Doctor Austen is my neighb-"

"So you're spying on me now?" Rachel snapped.

"No, I-"

"Get out, Quinn!"  
Quinn stepped back into the room.

"Alright, but there's something you should know about Doctor Austen." She said seriously.

"OUT!"

Quinn sighed.

"Fine."

And with that, she marched out of Rachel's room. For a few seconds, Rachel felt empowered. She loved that she had just stood up to one of her bullies, once and for all. But after that fades, an quickly it did, she felt lonely. She'd give anything to have a friend right now, even if it was Quinn Fabray.


	5. You're Not Alone

School was starting up again, and Rachel was dreading it. She didn't know how many people knew about the New Years Bash incident, but judging by the amount of popular kids in the room at the time, she figured everyone would know. On the morning of her first day back, Rachel stood in her walk-in closet for a few minutes. She couldn't decide whether she should dress in her usual sweater and skirt, or if she should anticipate the slushy bath she would receive and wear a hoodie and jeans. After a few more minutes, she decided to go with the latter. She completed her look with a French braid. The last person she looked like right now was Rachel Berry.

She drove herself to school a half hour early in hopes of avoiding contact with her bullies. Throughout most of the day, she managed to avoid the group of football players who attacked her because of her out of the ordinary clothes. When she had one more period left at the end of the day, Rachel was smiling because she had managed to be spared of any humiliation. Sadly, this smile was short lived.

Santana walked straight up to Rachel and leaned against the locker next to her. Rachel tried to ignore this and continue to pull out her books for her history class.

"Nice fashion choice today, Berry." She said dryly.

Rachel stared ahead into her locker and focused on a star sticker on one of her binders.

"Are you preggers or something? Cuz if you are, it's not Finn's. Don't you dare try and think you'll do what Quinn did to him."

Rachel slammed her locker shut and glared at Santana.

"Excuse me, Santana." she said through gritted teeth before trying to pass her.

Santana stepped in front of her and crossed her arms.

"Don't think I'm done with you yet, freak."

"Get out of my way Santana!" shouted Rachel, her face on fire with anger.

Santana uncrossed her arms and stepped aside.

"Not a problem. Just watch your back…."

Rachel tried to storm away, but Santana grabbed the back of her hoodie, which caused her to fall. To make matters worse, a nearby jock handed her a cherry red slushy and she poured it into her hood. Then, she finished her off by pulling up the hood over her head, causing all of the slushy to spill over Rachel's head. Satisfied, Santana walked away to her last class as the bell rang.

Forgetting she had a class to attend, Rachel sat on the floor of the hallway trying to fight back tears. She crawled over to her locker and leaned against it, before finally breaking down. She sat in a ball as she was overcome by tears. The tears were soon replaced with anger. Without much thought, Rachel started digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands. When she felt as though she couldn't take the pain, she increased the pressure even more. Somehow, the pain that she was making herself feel made the emotional pain subside. Still angry though, she hit her locker so hard that the sound echoed down the halls.

"Rachel is that you?" came a voice down the hall.

She looked up slightly to see the figure of a male student standing fifteen feet away. She wiped her eyes to make sure that she was seeing correctly. It was definitely Kurt Hummel standing there with a hall pass in his hands. He wore a concerned expression on his face.

"Kurt? I thought you transferred to Dalton?" asked Rachel in her best attempt at a normal voice.

He walked closer to her to get a better look. His heart sank when he saw the melted slushy all over her face and clothes. Sighing, he sat down next to her.

"I transferred back. Everything was too uniform and rigid. I did look good in the uniform, though." He said.

Rachel managed to laugh a weak laugh.

"I couldn't breathe there. So here I am." He added, looking off into the distance.

"Why would you want to come back here? You're going to get creamed when Karofsky finds out you're back. This place is death, I mean look at me…" said Rachel, pointing to her stained hoodie.

Kurt shrugged.

"I'd rather be here, where I can be myself with some great friends than some place where I had to conform myself to the standard. And if one of those boneheads messes with me, I'll do everything I can to get justice. I won't run away again."

Rachel nodded.

"Don't let them win, Rachel." Said Kurt.

Rachel felt a jolt run through her body. She had heard Jesse say that in her dream before. She had forgotten all about the egging nightmare she had a few days back. As the melted slushy dripped down her face, she felt the same pain and humiliation she felt in the dream.

"I don't know how you can stay so positive, Kurt. Aren't you afraid?" Rachel said as she felt another wave of tears come close.

"Definitely." He responded instantly. "Sometimes you just have to live, in spite of those things that scare you to death. At the end of the day we'll _both_ be stronger."

"I don't feel strong." said Rachel through tears.

Kurt leaned his head on Rachel's, despite the mess he would have in his hair afterward.

"Rachel Berry, you are stronger than you know. In fact, I envy how strong you are. You stayed here, while I ran away."

Rachel shook her head.

"You weren't safe here. You had to do what was right for you!" she said.

"Trust me. I am." he responded.

She looked up at him.

"What about Blaine?" she asked.

Kurt's face fell a little.

"Well—"

"He's right here, just transferred in!" said a voice down the hall.

Blaine stood there, in a blue v-neck sweater and jeans, clutching registration paperwork. Rachel looked up at Kurt again, whose face had lit up completely. Blaine walked over to them and sat on the other side of Rachel.

"I'm Blaine, and you're…..soaked!" he said, pointing to Rachel.

"Rachel Berry, nice to meet you." she said, shaking his pointed finger.

"Oh yeah! Rachel! Kurt's told me all about you." said Blaine.

Rachel looked over at Kurt in confusion. Kurt was still smiling.

"Why did you transfer?" he asked.

"I didn't want to run away anymore. So I figured we'd take on the opposition together." He said, smiling back at Kurt. "That, and I can't wait to be a part of one of your glee club numbers. You guys really tore it up at the competition." he added to Rachel.

She smiled weakly.

"So I take it that you're the victim of McKinley's famous slushy attack I've heard about?" he asked Rachel.

Rachel nodded.

"You know, Rachel, I can tell from looking at you right here, that you are incredibly smart, strong, and beautiful." said Blaine.

"How?" she asked.

"Because, the bullies only pick on the smart ones. You're strong because you're still here after putting up with this for so long; and you're beautiful because- come on look at those eyes!" he said.

Kurt nodded in agreement.

"He has a point there." said Kurt.

"I mean, not many can pull off cherry slushy." said Blaine.

"You own it." said Kurt.

By this point, Rachel was laughing so hard that her sides hurt. She leaned her head against her locker, smiling. Kurt and Blaine each leaned their heads against hers again.

"But seriously though, if you want to make it out of this death trap alive, you're going to need friends." said Kurt.

Rachel remembered what Doctor Austen had told her about needing friends. She was filled with such joy right now as she shared this moment with Kurt and Blaine. The possibility of having them as friends made her feel a little better. Just when her abandonment insecurity was about to hit, Kurt spoke again.

"You have us from now on. I promise."

"You're not alone." Blaine added.

Rachel smiled at them both. Hope had defeated her fears for that day.

"Now, let's get you cleaned up. Come on." said Kurt, as he got up and reached out a hand to Rachel.

She grabbed it, and he pulled her up. He looked down at the raw skin on her hands that was peeling where she dug her nails in. There was also a small amount of dried up blood on her palms. This caused his smile to fall. This was more serious than he thought. Without any thought, he instantly pulled her into a hug.

"Kurt! You'll mess up your clothes!" said Rachel through the hug.

"It doesn't matter." he said with a smile. "Now, come on."

Blaine put one hand on Rachel's shoulder, and laced his other with Kurt's.

"Let's go."

They walked over to the nearest bathroom together to clean up. By the time they finished, the bell had rung again and the final class of the day had ended. They walked out of the bathroom laughing at one of Blaine's many stories. On their way out the school, they passed by Quinn. While she was upset about hearing about Rachel's latest bullying attack, she was comforted by the thought of Rachel having friends. She just wished she could be one of them.


	6. The Doctor's Nephew

Today Rachel had another appointment with Doctor Austen scheduled. Her fathers were pleasantly surprised that she didn't put up any resistance to attending the session. Truthfully, the biggest reason why Rachel was so excited to go was to see Diva, the cat. She still wasn't fully comfortable about pouring her soul out to a stranger, though. She had a hard enough time pouring herself out to her dads these days. But she couldn't deny that sessions with Doctor Austen left her feeling better than she would be without them.

This time she drove herself to over to Doctor Austen's house. When she stepped out of her car, she saw Diva run into the cat flap on the front door. She straightened out her skirt and walked up the winding stone path. When she rang the door bell, she looked over to Quinn's house next door. She wasn't anywhere to be seen. For this, Rachel was thankful. She only had to ring the bell once for the doctor to welcome her in.

The second time around, she found the décor of Doctor Austen's house to be comforting. The scented candles burning on the antique coffee table helped to put her at peace. Rachel sat in the same spot on the couch she sat at during the last session. Instantly, Diva jumped on top of her lap and began to purr. As she pet the cat, she noticed her star shaped name tag. It's something she definitely would have chosen for the cat if she were hers.

"Tea, Rachel?" came Doctor Austen's voice from the kitchen just like before.

"Yes, please." she replied.

The doctor brought out a tray with two large mugs of herbal tea and a plate of cookies. She sat down in her usual seat opposite Rachel and picked up her pen and note pad. She smiled when she saw Diva looking so happy with Rachel again.

"I wish she was that friendly with me. You're my only patient who she has really taken to." She said, smiling.

"I'm glad. She's a really great cat!" said Rachel. "Aren't you?" she added to Diva.

They both laughed.

"Okay Rachel, how has your week been going?" she asked.

"There's been some good and bad." she replied honestly.

"How so?"

"I'm still getting bullied by the cheerleaders and the football players," she said as she looked down at the cat "The girl who stole my boyfriend from me poured a slushy on my head in the middle of the school hallway again."

She couldn't bring herself to look up at the doctor so she kept her eyes on Diva, who enjoyed the attention. In fact when Rachel took her hand off the cat, she dug her head under Rachel's hand again.

"When did all this bullying start?" asked the doctor.

Rachel thought for a few seconds.

"I've known most of them since elementary school. I guess it all started in the first grade when we had career day. I was the first to stand up in front of the class because I wanted to make a good impression. I told everyone that someday I would be a star. Then I asked if anyone wanted my autograph, because it would be worth a lot of money someday… and nobody did." said Rachel seriously.

She looked seriously confused that no one wanted her autograph. Doctor Austen stared at Rachel with raised eyebrows. Rachel failed to notice this and continued her story.

"During lunchtime, Quinn and Santana walked up to me and threw their fruit cups on me. Now they've gotten the entire school against me throwing slushies. I guess their weapon of choice hasn't gotten any more sophisticated since the first grade."

Rachel looked up at Doctor Austen, who chuckled a little as she wrote down notes.

"You've certainly been dealing with this for a while. It never gets easier to take does it?" she asked.

Rachel shook her head.

"I've gotten better at hiding how much it bothers me. But I guess that's just the actress in me."

"Did you ever tell the principal or the guidance counselor at your school about it?" asked the doctor.

"What good would it do? My friend Kurt has been bullied for years by the football team because he's gay and the principal didn't even expel them!"

Doctor Austen put down her pen.

"That's terrible. But did I hear correctly? Did you say you have a friend?" she asked.

Rachel grinned wide.

"Two," she said proudly "It's recent."

"Well, look at that!" said the doctor proudly.

"Kurt transferred to another school to escape the bullying but he came back because he said he didn't want to run away. His friend Blaine transferred to our school too and we're friends now. They said I was strong because I didn't run away like they did but I don't see it that way. Sometimes I want to run away from everyone here and just start over." said Rachel.

"Where would you run away to?" asked the doctor.

Rachel didn't need a second to think about her answer. She already knew that the place she belonged was in New York City. She hadn't thought about it much these days though.

"I guess New York City," She replied. "I don't know anymore though. My talent isn't appreciated here so I doubt it will be there."

Doctor Austen thought for a second.

"The world is a very big place, Rachel. You're going to find that there are people out there who will truly appreciate you. Have you ever found someone like that?" she asked.

"Once." said Rachel bitterly.

"You don't sound too happy about that."

"My ex-boyfriend was basically the male version of me. He was just as motivated to become a star as I was. Maybe more. I don't doubt that he will become everything he's ever wanted because he's the type that is willing to break hearts to get ahead." she said coldly.

Doctor Austen looked up at Rachel suspiciously.

"Tell me more about him." she asked.

"He was the star of our club's rival show choir. The rest of our club suspected that he was only dating me because of some hidden agenda to sabotage us. He tried to prove to me and to them that he was serious about his love for me by transferring to our school but…" Rachel choked back tears. "Maybe they were right because he ended up dropping out really close to our competition and he rejoined Vocal Adrenaline—"

"Vocal Adrenaline?" asked Doctor Austen in disbelief.

"Yeah, it's in Carmel," said Rachel. "To make matters worse he and his group ambushed me in the parking lot. They threw eggs at me."

Rachel looked away so the doctor wouldn't see her tears. She hadn't thought much about what Jesse had done to her since she got together with Finn.

"Do you know what the worst part about it is, though? When he won the title for Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals, he was coached by my biological mother who didn't want to have anything to do with me. She would rather have adopted one of my bully's babies than have anything to do with me! They both didn't want me. They both left me…" she cried.

Doctor Austen couldn't formulate any words. Her mouth was slightly open in shock.

"So Finn leaves me, my mom leaves me, Jesse leaves me. Who's next?" she said hysterically, causing Diva to jump off of her lap.

The doctor was still silent.

"You think I'm crazy, don't you." said Rachel.

Doctor Austen seemed to finally wake up from her shocked trance.

"No of course not, Rachel."

Rachel scoffed.

"Liar. You think I'm so crazy that you're going to tell me that my case is just way too much for you. I'm too much for everyone, so go ahead and say it. I won't be surprised."

The doctor got up and walked over to her mantel quietly.

"Well you're right about one thing. I'm not sure if I can be your doctor anymore." she said quietly.

"Of course," said Rachel as she sat back on the couch and crossed her legs. "Just like the rest."

"It's not like that, Rachel." Doctor Austen replied.

Rachel stood up and faced the doctor.

"What is it like then? You're a doctor. You're supposed to help people feel better and not run away when the case gets a little difficult. How do you think that makes me feel? Even my doctor can't handle me. Wow, I must be one piece of work if a professional can't handle me."

"Rachel.."

"Pathetic…" Rachel muttered to herself.

Doctor Austen picked up a picture that she had framed on her mantel and looked at it for a few seconds. She brought it back to her seat and sat down.

"Please sit so I can explain." she said calmly.

Diva rubbed her body against Rachel's leg as she purred. This calmed her down enough to allow her to sit.

"Okay, explain." she said in a cold tone.

"I only say that I don't think that I can continue to be your doctor because I don't think you'll want me to be your doctor after I tell you what I'm about to tell you. If you still want to come see me, than it is of course your decision. I will not force you to stop seeing me. But I just know that you'll never want to walk through these doors again after I tell you this."

"Tell me." she replied.

Doctor Austen sighed.

"It's better that I just show you." she said.

The doctor held out the picture frame that she had pulled from her mantel. Rachel paused for a second before reaching over to take it from her. It was a family picture of Doctor Austen's family at a high school graduation. In the center of the picture was the graduate. Rachel had to take a double take to make sure that her eyes were seeing correctly. It was absolutely and positively Jesse St. James in the picture at his high school graduation. He had one arm around Doctor Austen and the other around his mother. He looked just as handsome as he did the day he walked away from her life.

Rachel looked up at the doctor, completely baffled.

"He's the nephew you were talking about?" she finally managed to ask.

"My only nephew," she replied. "We are really close."

"I told you everything!" said Rachel, feeling betrayed.

"Now, I promise you that this is strictly between you and me." She assured her.

"Does he know that I'm seeing you?" she asked suspiciously.

"Once again, this is completely confidential between us. But even if I could tell, how could he know? I only found out now that you were the Rachel constantly spoke about!" the doctor exclaimed.

Rachel froze.

"He constantly spoke about me?" she asked in disbelief.

"Not in any real therapy session. But yes, he came over for tea every week before he graduated. He would tell me about his rehearsals and towards the end of his senior year he spoke a lot about this girl he loved named Rachel. I never figured you were the same girl." said the doctor honestly.

"He never loved me," Rachel scoffed. "You don't attack the person you love with eggs."

"I'm not saying what Jesse did was right, I'm only saying what I know from what he told me. There's more that he told me but I owe it to him to keep our conversations confidential too." she explained.

"I'm sure you're taking his side." Rachel said as she crossed her arms.

Doctor Austen shook her head.

"What he did to you was wrong. As far as I can tell, your abandonment issues started with him. I know it seemed as though everyone started to leave you after him, but it all started there. Didn't it?" asked the doctor seriously.

Rachel nodded silently.

"Then you immediately jumped into your next relationship because you were afraid of being alone. Now that he left you too, you're left with the pain he caused you as well as the pain left from Jesse."

"You're right." said Rachel.

"Rachel, you can't just go from relationship from relationship to avoid the pain that still exists underneath. You have to face it and deal with it before you can give your heart to another," explained the doctor. "You can't hide from it. Hiding from it with other guys serving as a distraction may be enough to help you survive when they're with you. But were you really happy with them at the end of the day?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Not completely." She replied.

"Now that you're alone again, you're going to have to deal with those issues. Do you think you're ready for it?" asked the Doctor.

"I don't think I have a choice." said Rachel quietly.

"You _always_ have a choice. You have a choice in whether you want to come in again next week. I'm not sure you're going to want to because it may be too painful that I'm related to the one who caused you so much pain, but it is _your_ choice." she assured.

Rachel didn't know what to say. She looked down at Diva, who had once again taken her place on Rachel's lap. Diva was _Jesse's_ cat. He was the only other person apart from her who would name their pet that. She got goose bumps when she remembered the dream she had with Diva and her owner that she never got to see. It was as if her subconscious was trying to tell her that it was suspicious of the truth. She remembered what Doctor Austen had said about Diva not being able to eat enough when Jesse was away. Diva had abandonment issues just like her. Rachel picked her up and pulled her close to her face so she could give her a kiss.

"It's entirely too early to tell but I'm pretty sure of what you have, Rachel." said the doctor softly.

She looked up at the doctor in fear. Something was definitely wrong with her if the doctor had to make a diagnosis. She wasn't just stressed or overwhelmed. She _had_ something.

"What's wrong with me?" she asked fearfully.

"Borderline Personality Disorder," Doctor Austen replied. "It means you—"

"Borderline? Borderline of what? Does it mean that I'm on the brink of insanity?" she asked hysterically.

"Calm down, Rachel," said Doctor Austen. "It only means that you are afraid of abandonment and that it tends to make relationships with people difficult because you constantly fear that they will leave you. There are more symptoms that I believe you have too, but we'll get into that another time."

"I'm crazy." Rachel whispered.

"No, you're not," she assured her again. "You will be able to get through this. I can help you."

Rachel stood up and let Diva go. Diva ran out of the living room and down to the entrance hall. She started to meow loudly.

"I want to go home. This is too much for today." She said as she picked up her bag.

Doctor Austen nodded.

"If you don't show up for your appointment next week, I'll take it that you don't want to meet with me anymore. But Rachel, if you don't want me to be your doctor then please seek the help of another. You need it." she said as she stood up.

Rachel was about to say something back to Doctor Austen when she saw Diva sitting up next to the door. She looked over at Rachel and meowed. She found it odd that she didn't just leave through the cat flap. It was as if Diva wanted Rachel to open the door. Rachel reached for the knob, but it turned from the other side. The door opened.

Diva ran out to greet the young man in an expensive leather jacket who had opened the door. She circled his legs and rubbed her body against them in the process. He reached down to pick her up. "Hey girl, did you miss me?" he asked her affectionately. He looked up into the hall and noticed Rachel standing there. Rachel could have sworn that she saw him smile for a split second before it was replaced with a pained expression. He set the cat down and looked up at her again.

"Rachel..." he started.

"Save it." She said before pushing past him and running out the door.

When she reached her car, she saw Quinn standing in her yard. She walked over to the fence when she saw Rachel. Trying to avoid a conversation, Rachel threw her car door open and started her it.

"I'm sorry you had to find out that way." said Quinn sadly.

Rachel glared at her before speeding off down the street.

**A/N: There you go, Jesse's here! I'm being hard on him now, but don't worry, things will get better soon. I want her to work on herself before she can fall in love again. Read and Review?**


	7. A Textbook Nut Case

**A/N: Medical Information is from MayoClinic, NIMH, and Psych Central.

* * *

**

An owl hooted loudly on one of the white holiday light decorated trees in the Berry's front yard. The clock on Rachel's desk blinked 2:45 in bright red annoyingly. If her dads knew about the hours she had been keeping these days, they'd send her to a doctor with the ability to prescribe her sleeping pills. Combing her messy brown hair with her hands, she opened Google on her bright pink laptop and typed in '_Borderline Personality Disorder'_.

A slew of web pages from medical sites instantly popped up with details and symptoms of the condition. She clicked on one of the first few websites and read the information out loud to herself.

"_Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an emotional disorder that causes emotional instability, leading to stress and other problems."_

"That's incredibly vague." she sneered.

Despite the vagueness of the first sentence, she continued to read.

"_With borderline personality disorder your image of yourself is distorted, making you feel worthless and fundamentally flawed. Your anger, impulsivity and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you desire loving relationships."_

"My image of myself isn't distorted. If it were, all of the guys in school would be fawning over me." she reasoned with herself.

She ran her hand through her hair again and walked away from the computer. Wrapping a bright pink blanket around her small frame, she sat on her bed and thought about what she had just read. It was impossible for her to deny the part about her pushing others away when she desired—no, needed a loving relationship. Maybe she'd be okay reading a little more about the disorder…

When she clicked on the arrow to list the symptoms of the disorder, she continued to read.

_Feelings of emptiness and boredom_

Check.

_Black and white thinking_

Everything was definitely one way or the other with her…

Check.

_Frequent displays of inappropriate anger_

"I wouldn't exactly call them 'inappropriate' but okay, check." she thought to herself.

_Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting_

"Whoa, this is definitely not me… substance abuse? sexual relationships? No way!"

As she continued to re-read that symptom she realized that she did relate to one, if only slightly.

"I do have the urge to buy those knit sweaters that I love every weekend."

As a matter of fact, this weekend she came home with six sweaters, 5 skirts, 8 pairs of knee socks, and two pairs of shoes… Shaking her head, she continued reading the symptoms.

_Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment_

It was the big one. There was no possible way that Rachel could deny that she fit this symptom. It was the biggest symptom of the disorder and she had displayed it for most of her life. Spending most of her high school years either desperately wanting a boyfriend or being with guys like Finn, Puck, and Jesse, she was never truly okay with being alone. But was it so wrong to dislike loneliness? Was it so bad to want companionship?

She checked this symptom mentally and moved forward to the last one.

_Recurrent acts of crisis such as wrist cutting, overdosing, or self-injury (such as cutting)_

"That's it!"

Enraged, she slammed her laptop shut and threw herself on her bed. Doctor Austen's diagnosis was absolutely outrageous and untrue. Was she trying to make her out to be a complete lunatic? Rolling over, she glanced at the self inflicted marks left on her hands under the moonlight. It wasn't as serious as actual cutting…

Was this diagnosis going to go on some record and follow her until the day that she died? What if her Dads found out? She shuddered at the thought of telling them that she was suffering from a supposed personality disorder.

As she tossed and turned in bed, she tried to decide what her next action would be. Therapy had to definitely continue because she needed more answers about this disorder she has. The question was, does she continue to see Doctor Austen? That revelation of Jesse St. James being Doctor Austen's nephew last weekend at her home hit her hard. To make the situation worse, she ran into him as she was leaving. Closing her eyes, she replayed the moment in her mind's eye.

The excitement on his face from seeing his beloved cat, Diva, drained when he looked up to see her standing in his aunt's doorway. He was taken aback by their unanticipated collision. Something about the look on his face said that he was glad to see her, or maybe Rachel was just imagining that.

"Of course he's back in Ohio. He should be on winter break. College students get like a month off." she thought.

If he was staying with his aunt and uncle during this time, he would be close to her for the next few weeks. Deep inside of her, she was happy about the prospect of seeing him again. The thought of her wanting to see the guy who humiliated her and betrayed her and her group was depressing. A strong and independent woman would not have such a desire to see one of the main causes of her problem.

"It could help solve them though… to get to the bottom of it all and get some closure at least." she reasoned with herself.

Who was she kidding? It wasn't like Jesse really wanted to see her again. He was the one who walked out of her life in the manner that he chose to do. Their reunion was probably one of the biggest things he wanted to avoid when he returned to Ohio. It was probably best that she didn't go back to Doctor Austen then.

Rolling over again, she flashed back to her attempt to talk to Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell this afternoon.

"_Borderline Personality Disorder?" asked the doe eyed guidance counselor tensely._

_Rachel nodded slightly. _

"_I'm just curious about it." she said innocently._

"_Oh dear, Rachel have you been over analyzing you symptoms on WebMD's symptom checker again?" _

"_No. No, not at all. In fact it's not even me that has the disorder. It's… a friend from Glee Club… Yeah, Glee Club." Rachel lied quickly. _

_Ms. Pillsbury stood up and perused her variety of guidance counselor pamphlets. Between "So You Like To Sniff Glue?" and "Seventeen and Still Have an Imaginary Friend?" was an actual normal looking pamphlet that read "On the Borderline". She handed it to Rachel and then took her seat behind her desk once again. _

"_That should just about cover it." muttered -Howell._

"_Thanks." said Rachel, rising from her seat._

"_I hope your… friend, is okay. If he or she really has this disorder, then it is important that they seek treatment as soon as possible. So they can get better, you know? It's not something you can get over by yourself." said the guidance counselor._

_That was the first piece of real advice she had ever seen her give. _

"_Now if you excuse me, I have an appointment with Brittany." she told her, gesturing to Brittany outside in the hall waiting patiently._

"_Oh, of course. Thanks!" said Rachel._

_As she was turning to head out, she saw the counselor pulling out "Seventeen and You Still Have An Imaginary Friend?" and setting it on her desk. Stifling a laugh, Rachel walked out and passed Brittany who was debating with thin air on who should enter the room first. _

She forgot about the pamphlet she walked away from the meeting with. Rising from her bed again, she reached in the dark for her day planner and pulled out the pamphlet hidden between its pages and walked over to her window. The moonlight revealed the text on the pamphlet clearly enough for her to read it. It listed the same symptoms that she had just read online, with the addition of a few help hot line numbers and websites. On the back of the pamphlet was a box that said:

_If you have borderline personality disorder, please don't get discouraged. Many people with the disorder get better with treatment and can live happy lives. Don't lose hope._

Sighing, she re opened her laptop and typed in one of the websites on the pamphlet. There was a "Do You Have Borderline Personality Disorder?"Quiz on the front page. She clicked the link and spent the next fifteen minutes answering a ton of personal questions. When she finished, she clicked "Score Me" and a mass of results came up. The first sentence read,_ "Judging by your responses, you seem to be a textbook case of BPD. Please seek psychological help immediately." _The rest was filled with charts and hot line numbers for reference.

"Text book nut case." she muttered.

Still unsure about whether she really had the disorder or not, she knew that she had to continue her treatment. She was once again faced with the dilemma of whether she should change doctors. Perhaps a second opinion would be necessary to assess what she was really going through. Lima is a small town with a small selection of doctors, though. The area would be lucky if they had a hand full of therapists available. What if the next doctor she chooses turns out to be a relative of one of her Glee Club teammates? She can't risk the awkwardness of running into one of them for a session.

"The least people who know about this, the better." she thought fearfully.

There was no other choice for her to even consider. She would have to continue her meetings with Doctor Austen and Jesse St. James would just have to deal with it.

* * *

"Kurt, Blaine?"

"Hey Rach!" said Blaine happily as Kurt simply smiled.

Pulling up a chair in front of the couple, she motioned for them to come closer with her hand. They leaned in, listening intently.

"Are you guys busy after Glee rehearsal? There's something important going on and I really need someone to talk to about it." she whispered.

"I have to go home first for dinner. My dad is trying to get us to have family dinners again because he doesn't like how Finn and I haven't been speaking since he broke up with you." said Kurt, rolling his eyes.

"And I promised my Mom I'd sing a few songs for her book club this afternoon." Blaine added.

"Oh…okay" she said sadly.

"We'll come to your house at seven. How about that?" asked Kurt.

"No really, if you don't want to see me, don't bother." she said bitterly.

"What the heck, Rachel? Of course we want to be there for you." said a totally confused Blaine.

"Don't make excuses for not wanting to hang out with me." she replied with her back to them.

"Are you trying to push us away from you on purpose?" said Kurt in annoyance.

"_Your anger, impulsivity and frequent mood swings may push others away" _she recalled from the website.

Sighing, she turned to face their confused and annoyed looks again.

"I'm sorry. I'm just going through a lot right now and saying things without thinking. It all boils down to what I have to talk to you about." she said.

"Okay… we really are here for you though. Don't doubt that." assured Blaine sympathetically.

"Thanks" she smiled before turning to face Mister Schuester.

"Ok guys, let's work on our set list for Regionals. I think we should use our Toxic number from our Britney Spears performance with Brittany leading it once again."

A majority of the members of New Directions cheered. Among them was Puck, who was incredibly excited to start another sex riot. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"For another group number, we can use one of our Rocky Horror numbers. How about the Time Warp?" he asked.

Kurt placed a supportive hand on Rachel's shoulder, as if to let her know that he knows how much these announcements are killing her. While they didn't work very well, she nevertheless appreciated it greatly.

"Santana did so great at Sectionals and I think she should take the solo again for Regionals." continued Mister Schuester.

Santana threw her arms up in the air as the rest of the club applauded her.

"I accept, Mr. Shue." she replied.

Eyes slightly twitching, Rachel gritted her teeth and gripped her seat tightly.

"I'm thinking a Broadway number for you Santana, because you have some seriously untapped potential. How about "Defying Gravity" from Wicked?" he said enthusiastically.

Before Santana could respond, Rachel shot her hand up in the air. Mercedes let out a "Here we go…" and Kurt put his face in his hands.

"Mister Schuester, if I may—"

"Not now, Rachel." he interrupted.

Not taking no for an answer, she stood up and marched over to the front of the choir room to face him.

"Do you see my face?" she asked him with total irritation.

"Rachel, what—"

"DO YOU SEE MY FACE?" she repeated loudly.

"Yes?"

"Do you not notice the striking resemblance to the flawless features of the great Idina Menzel who graced the Broadway stage during the opening run of Wicked? Do you not recall how I blew you all away when I sang Defying Gravity? I was BORN to sing her songs."

"Rachel, do you think you're being a little bitter because Santana is dating Finn now?" asked Mister Schuester.

"How dare—"

Quinn shot up her hand.

"Actually Mister Schue, I think she's right. Rachel knocked Defying Gravity out of the park." she said.

A slight smile broke out on Rachel's face in appreciation.

"Quinn's right. She even blew me away, and I was competing with her for the song. If Rachel sang this song, we'd definitely win." added Kurt.

"The point is, we have other Glee Club members to give solos to. Every solo doesn't go to you, Rachel." said Mister Schuester.

Rachel laughed dryly.

"Fine, don't give me the solo. Give a solo to someone who has never sung a solo at a competition. What about Kurt? Mercedes? Tina? Artie? Puck? Heck, Blaine killed his solos for the Warblers and it would be a crime not to use his talent to it's potential. Just like you're doing to mine. It's hypocritical." she shouted.

"Rachel, I think you're being a little out of line—"started Mister Schuester.

"I think if Rachel was really any good, we would have won Regionals last year. Face it Man Hands, we don't need you." sneered Santana.

"Santana!" shouted Mister Schuester.

Santana stood up and walked over to Rachel slowly.

"You're just mad that you can't be the star. Earth to Rachel! You're not a star. You never have been, and you never will be a star. The sooner you know, the better." she said with icy venom.

Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn stood up immediately and started shouting in Rachel's defense.

Rachel raised her hand to signal them to stop, as she choked back a flood of tears that fought to be released.

"Don't bother guys. I appreciate you all sticking up for me, but it's obvious that I've worn out my welcome in this club." she said softly.

"Rachel—" started Mister Schuester.

"No!" said Blaine.

"Rachel, don't!" pleaded Kurt.

"Don't listen to her!" said Quinn.

"No guys it's fine. She's right. I'm just wasting my time here. I quit."

With that, she turned her back on New Directions and ran out of the choir room as fast as her small body could take her. She didn't even stop at her locker to pick up her coat or umbrella in case Kurt, Blaine, or Quinn ran after her. The icy rain was pouring down hard; it immediately soaked through Rachel's sweater and skirt down to her bones. Shivering, she broke out into a sprint for her car in the student parking lot. A barely visible sheet of ice sat in front of her car and caused her to lose her footing and fall down hard on the pavement. Knees scraped and hands scratched, she pulled herself up and into her car.

In the safety of her car, she finally broke down and let out all of the tears that had been fighting to be released in the choir room. Her hands formed into fists and she started digging her fingernails into her palms which stung more than usual because of her scratches from the fall. She opened her hands and proceeded to drag her nails across her legs. It wasn't doing the job. She needed something that did more damage. There was sure to be some sort of tool she could use at available at home.

She made it to her house in record time. Her fathers weren't going to be home for the next few hours because they had a work dinner party to attend together. The time was now. Still soaked from the rain, she ran upstairs and raided her family fun room for the art tools that her parents stocked. A set of wood carving knives sat neatly in the craft corner of the room. She grasped one in her hand, trembling with a mixture of pain and fear. She held it close to the skin on her arm for a few seconds, trembling even worse than before.

"No…" she whispered.

The knife fell from her hands and clanged loudly as it hit the floor.

She feared the kind of person she was becoming. There was no way that she could be alone right now in the state she was in. Kurt and Blaine were busy right now and although Quinn has been really kind to her these days, she still didn't feel comfortable opening up to her yet. There was no other choice but to go to Doctor Austen's house.

The drive to the doctor's house was extremely fast because of the emotional state Rachel was driving in. She somehow managed to avoid being pulled over by the Lima police. Her car screeched to a halt in the doctor's driveway, barely skidding straight into her garage. She slammed her car door and ran up the winding path and up the stairs. Banging her already raw fists against her door, she shouted Doctor Austen's name.

The door opened, but it wasn't Doctor Austen standing there. It was Jesse St. James. A look of deep concern was all over his face. He knew from the look on her face, to the serious shaking that spread throughout her small body, and her lack of any sort of winter clothing, that something was terribly wrong.

"Come inside, Rach." he said, reaching to grab her hand.

"Don't touch me." she responded as she jerked her hand away.

"It's twelve degrees out right now! You're going to catch a cold and damage your voice."

"It doesn't matter!" she shouted.

His look got more serious. If Rachel didn't care about her on voice, then something was seriously wrong.

"Just forget it." she said, turning to go back to her car.

Jesse ran out after her without a second thought (or coat and umbrella) and grabbed her hand.

"Let go of me, Jesse!" she shouted.

"Not a chance. You're going to come inside, and dry off in front of the fire, and have something hot to drink. My aunt will be home in an hour and you can talk to her."

"I'm not going in there with you! What makes you think I want to be in the same place as you?" she shouted.

"Which is exactly why I know this is serious. You wouldn't come down here and risk running into me if it wasn't serious." he said firmly.

"I'll wait in my car, then." she said, as she jerked her hand away from his.

"I'm not going inside until you do." he said, folding his arms.

"And what about losing your voice?" she snapped back, folding her arms too.

"So be it then, I already lost you." Jesse replied in a softer tone.

This was too much for her to handle.

"I'll wait in my car." she repeated as she turned to hide her tears. There was no point in it though, because the rain washed them away.

Jesse grabbed her hand again and pulled her into an embrace. She froze for a second before finally dropping her guard burying her face into his shoulder. He rubbed her back soothingly as she sobbed in his arms.

"It's okay Rach, let it out. It's going to be alright, baby…" he muttered softly.

Her sobs grew louder as she threw her arms around him and reciprocated the embrace. The two of them stood there in the middle of the pouring rain in a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry…" he whispered. "God, I'm sorry."

* * *

**A/N: Review please?**


	8. His Fault

**A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews! They literally make me dance in my seat. So to thank you all, I'm throwing out another chapter. R&R and I'll post more soon!

* * *

**

The warm fire danced majestically inside the grand stone hearth of Doctor Austen's living room. It certainly helped the small shivering Rachel feel a little better. Teeth chattering, she rubbed her arms to create some more heat with the friction. It was a losing battle to warm up when her clothes and hair were soaked completely with the ice rain that had been falling all day. She nearly jumped when she noticed Jesse by her side with towels.

He wrapped one particularly large one around her shoulders, and used another to dry her hair. Finding herself too weak to protest, she closed her eyes and gave in. For this, Jesse was thankful.

After he had gotten her to be considerably dryer, he wrapped a thick quilt around her petite frame. Before she could say anything, he had risen and retreated to the kitchen. He returned in a minute with two steaming mugs of tea in his hands, and set one down next to Rachel. She was in no position to decline his gesture out of bitterness, because her body demanded all the warmth it could take.

Jesse sat down next to Rachel and started to towel dry his own hair. It had slightly straightened because of the downpour, but it was now starting to resume to its normal light curls. When he finished, he leaned on his side so that his body was closer to the fire and facing Rachel.

Internally, Rachel was battling herself with feeling the need to be difficult and bitter with the guy who has caused her so much grief, but her kind heart felt that she should at least thank him for all that he's doing for her right now.

"Don't worry about it." he muttered as if he had read her mind.

There was not a single hint of arrogance in his statement, because he wasn't trying to rub it in, or make her feel bad for not thanking him. He just knew. Of course he knew about the battle going on in her head right now. He could almost always sense what Rachel was thinking when they dated before. It was the same vice versa. They were equals on all levels, which meant that they could detect and comprehend the inner workings of each other's mind. Right now he knew very well that she was still angry with him about his method of breaking up with her, and accepting his kindness would chip at the wall that she put up against him.

They both drank in silence, each taking turns looking at the other when the other wasn't. She was having a considerably hard time holding onto her scalding hot mug because of the scratches on her hands. This of course didn't go unnoticed by Jesse.

Without a word, he got up and went to the kitchen again before returning with a first aid kit. He knelt closer to her and pulled out the tools he would be using.

"Let me see." he said firmly.

She glared daggers at him.

"_Let me see."_ he repeated, this time more gently.

She sighed and held out her hands for him to inspect. He winced just looking at them.

"This is going to sting." he said as he ripped open an alcohol pad.

"Lovely." she muttered sarcastically, but couldn't say anything else after because of the stinging the alcohol was doing to her hand.

She pulled her hand away.

"Don't be difficult, Rach." he said, taking her hands again.

"You must be loving this."

He shook his head.

"Why would I enjoy seeing you in pain?" he asked.

Rachel shot him a dirty look.

"Do I really need to answer that?"

They both knew she was referring to the egging.

"I didn't_ enjoy_ that." he said as he applied Neosporin to her wounds.

When her hands were bandaged, he pulled her legs over to him so he could see the cuts on her knees. She hated how much his warm touch sent waves through her body when she wanted so desperately to stay angry with him.

"You should really consider wearing pants during the dead of the winter." he said as he pressed another alcohol pad to her knee.

It stung so much, she almost reflexively kicked him. That didn't really sound like a bad idea right now. Her wall that she had placed up between them started to chip again however, when he started to hum "_Hello_". They were both instantly taken back to the day the first met. It felt so long ago now, and yet she could still remember the look on his face as they sang to each other perfectly.

"Did she tell you anything?" she asked.

"Doctor/Patient confidentiality, I'm afraid." he said with a hint of frustration, which let her know that he had tried to get answers.

"Good."

Pushing the first aid kit away, he sat more comfortably next to her and pulled her blanket back over her legs.

"I know that something is terribly wrong, but I am in no position to ask about it. I think that we should talk, though. If not about what's going on with you now, then what happened with us then."

"What is there to discuss?" she asked coldly.

"How much I regret it? How I hate myself for hurting you like I did? How I was a coward? I could go on forever…" he said with his face writhing with guilt.

She looked away and focused on the fire as a distraction. He moved closer to her and moved some wet pieces of hair that covered her face. Waves of electricity once again rippled through her body and she closed her eyes.

_Don't stop…_

He left his hand on her cheek, and she would never admit to him how much she was enjoying the feeling.

"We should wait another day to discuss it, though," He said. "Now is probably not the best time."

She nodded silently as she opened her eyes.

"See me tomorrow?" he asked softly.

His eyes were so full of sincerity and longing that she couldn't resist. Rubbing her face against his hand, she nodded again.

"Thank you." he whispered.

Diva strolled into the living room and rubbed herself against Jesse as she passed him and climbed onto Rachel's lap.

"That's odd. She always had a hard time getting close to anyone but me." he said as he stroked Diva's back.

"She's always been comfortable around me." she replied as she put her hand on the cat as well and their hands touched.

They both looked up at each other and smiled slightly.

"She was abused by her previous owner. I found her tied up and thrown in a dumpster when I heard her meowing from my car parked nearby. Her foot was broken, and she was just completely ravaged and bloody. The vet suspected she was used to train dogs as their bate for dog fighting. They just left her in the garbage to die." he recalled with bitter fury.

"It's good that you found her, then." she said. "I had no idea you were capable of that level of sensitivity, Jesse St. James."

"Ouch!" he winced, dramatically falling over.

She tried to hide the smile that was creeping up on her face, but he noticed it right away.

"I'm glad that you're smiling. Whatever happened earlier really shook you, didn't it?"

The smile faded from her face and she nodded.

"Okay sorry, we won't talk about it. Onto a happier subject, how's things going with New Directions?" he asked.

Her face fell even farther.

"I quit today." she mumbled in a barely audible tone.

"What?" he asked as he shot up quickly.

"Let's face it, Jesse. I'm no star and I won't ever be one. The sooner I accept it, the better." she said softly.

"Who are you and what have you done with Rachel Berry?" he asked in horror.

As she thought of what to say, Jesse looked up to the front door. There was a sound of keys rattling through the lock. The door swung open and Doctor Austen walked in and closed her umbrella. She failed to notice them sitting there until she stepped into the living room.

"Jesse, I brought Chinese— Rachel?"

"Hello, Doctor Austen. I came by an hour ago because of an emotional emergency and Jesse… kindly let me in so I could wait for you." she said in the most normal tone she could manage.

She glanced at Rachel's wet clothes and bandaged hands and knees over to Jesse's similarly wet clothes. He still wore a slight look of horror from what Rachel had just told him.

"Jesse, maybe it would be best if you take your dinner upstairs and play some really loud music." said the doctor seriously.

Without protest he abandoned his spot next to Rachel and took one of the Chinese bags from Doctor Austen's hands. As he climbed the stairs, he looked back at Rachel sadly. In a few seconds the soundtrack to Gypsy started blaring from his room.

"Okay, now he won't listen in." said Doctor Austen as she set the rest of the food down on the counter and walked back over to her usual therapy seat.

Rachel picked herself and her blanket up and sat down on her usual spot opposite the doctor.

"Thank you for seeing me on no notice. I know this is dinner time, and I feel terrible for preventing you from your meal. Maybe I should go…" said Rachel guiltily.

"Don't worry about it. What happened today?" asked the doctor.

Rachel took a deep breath.

"I quit the Glee Club. They wouldn't give me any solos and I protested. But then Santana said that I shouldn't sing solo because we lost Regionals last time I sang lead. I still wanted that part though." she said sadly.

"That's why you quit?"

"No. I quit because I realized that I wasn't really the star that I had been making myself out to be. I used to put a star sticker down every time I signed my name to metaphorically symbolize that I will be the biggest thing to hit the Broadway stage one day. But I'm no star and I won't ever be one. Santana told me that the sooner I realize it the better. She was right. The girl who took my boyfriend from me and tormented me was actually right."

"Why do you value what others think of you so much?" asked the doctor.

"It's what actors do I guess. We need approval to survive. That's why we feed off of applause. It's like a drug… no, a life source."

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic?" she asked, which caused Rachel to glare at her. "Wait, you're an actress- you embody drama."

"I'll take that as a complement." said Rachel, smiling weakly.

"I sense that wasn't the emergency you ran all the way here over for." said Doctor Austen skeptically.

Rachel shook her head quietly.

"After I quit I ran out feeling totally worthless. I fell on the ice and hurt my hands and knees and when I reached my car, I just broke. My chest literally hurt from the pain and I just wanted it to stop." she told the doctor, her voice cracking with emotion.

Doctor Austen nodded patiently.

"When you said I'm a Borderline, I researched it and no matter how much I didn't want to accept it, I couldn't deny that I did display the symptoms. But, I don't want to be crazy and be on medication and suicide watch—"

"Suicide?" asked the doctor with a look of concern.

Rachel looked down.

"I'm not suicidal. Not yet at least." she whispered honestly. "But I'm afraid that I will be soon."

"And why is that?"

"Every time something happens… whether it's getting pushed around, or feeling like no one in the world wants me around, or feeling so worthless…" she said as tears streamed down her face. "It gets worse. It gets harder and harder to find hope each time. I'm scared that one day something will happen and I won't be able to see any hope left."

"Rachel, have you done anything to hurt yourself?" asked Doctor Austen seriously.

"I started by digging my nails into my arms." She muttered.

"Your fathers told me about this when they asked for me to see you."

Of course they would. She had been trying so hard not to let her know and she knew all along.

"I pretty much stayed with just scratching myself or digging them into my palms… But today I didn't find it to be enough and I wanted something more. I ran home and I took my Dad's wood carving knife and I almost cut myself, but I couldn't do it," she was now trembling as she spoke hysterically "I didn't want to kill myself! I just wanted to make the pain go away!"

Doctor Austen's silence scared Rachel even more. She rose from her seat and continued her hysterics.

"Please don't have me thrown into a psychiatric facility!"

"Rachel…"

"Don't make me become Winona Ryder in _Girl, Interrupted_!"

"Rachel?"

"I swear I'm not crazy!"

"Rachel, calm down!"

"I'm sorry." she whispered as she took her seat again.

"First off, Rachel- you're not crazy. You are simply overwhelmed and have no healthy way of dealing with it. Secondly, I understand that you don't want to kill yourself now and that you are merely concerned that if things get worse, your idea on that matter may change. You had a scare today and you came really close to walking into the red territory, but I'm proud of you for realizing that you shouldn't have done it. You did the right thing by coming here." said Doctor Austen firmly.

Rachel could barely meet her gaze. She simply looked down at her feet, ashamed of her outburst just then.

"Second off, I'm not sending you to away. _Girl, Interrupted_ does a terrible job at showing what a Borderline is like, so you won't end up like Winona's character. But anyway, I do ask that you come see me every week and that you write in a journal whenever you feel these overwhelming episodes. If you EVER feel like you are at risk of doing something harmful to yourself, you can call Lima's suicide hotline."

She nodded silently.

"Don't feel like you have to hide this from me because you're afraid of going to an institution. That will only happen if I feel as though you are at in immediate risk of harming yourself right now. But please, don't hide these things in fear. It'll only hurt you in the long run. You can't deal with this alone. That's all I have to say."

Rachel finally looked up.

"Thank you so much, Doctor Austen. You don't know how much better I feel right now. I'm still very sorry for coming like this during your personal time." she apologized.

"Don't worry about it, and don't bother telling your fathers about this one, because this one is on me." she smiled.

"Thanks."

"We'll discuss Jesse this weekend. I know with him here you probably have a ton of feelings to deal with."

"You have no idea…" she replied as she got up to leave.

"I'll see you then."

"Bye!"

Rachel walked outside and shivered again because her clothes and hair were still slightly damp. Little did she know that Jesse was watching her through his window on the top floor wiping away a stream of tears from his eyes and feeling guilt in his heart. The music didn't drown out all of the sound going on downstairs and he heard her outburst. He knew it was wrong, but he sat in the hallway next to the stairs so he could hear what was so bad that she rushed over here. It broke his heart to see his Rachel in such a state.

She wasn't like this when they were together. She had confidence that she would be a star. It was an inevitability. But now his little star was burning out and as far as he knew, it was all his fault.


	9. Swear On Sondheim

When Rachel got back home, she found Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn waiting for her on her doorstep. They were shivering terribly as they held onto each other and stood under Blaine's bright red and blue old Dalton umbrella that could barely cover them. She ran out of her car and unlocked the door for them as fast as she could while apologizing to them a hundred times for keeping them waiting.

"F-f-f-fifteen minutes! Out t-t-there! C-C-c-cold!" Kurt blurted out as he stepped into the warmth of the Berry home.

"Thank God!" said Blaine in relief as he stepped inside.

Quinn stayed silent, looking totally shocked that Rachel actually let her into her house.

"Sorry!" Rachel said as she started the electric fireplace in her living room.

"My fathers are out of town until late tonight so it's just us. I'll make us all some tea while you warm up and I'll tell you what happened."

Kurt and Blaine sat comfortably on the Berry's living room couch while Quinn looked around awkwardly, wondering if Rachel really wanted her there. When she returned and set down the mugs, she looked at Quinn and smiled.

"I'm glad you're here, Quinn. I'm sorry for not forgiving you sooner. It's just—""

"No, I get it. You don't have to explain." she replied.

"Thanks."

Once they were all sufficiently warmed up, the group migrated upstairs to Rachel's room to talk on her bed. Rachel climbed onto her bed and clutched one of her many stuffed animals as she thought of what to say.

"So what's going on?" asked Blaine.

"Do you remember what happened at the New Year's Party?" she asked Quinn.

"Yeah."

While Kurt and Blaine weren't present at the party, they were both aware of what happened because Rachel had told them the day that they found her in the school hallway.

"My dads made me start seeing a therapist after that because I haven't been doing too well with the bullying and my breakup with Finn."

"I noticed. That's why I wanted to help you but you didn't trust me then." said Quinn.

"How has the therapy been?" asked Blaine.

"Mostly helpful. But I don't think it's enough to get me through all these things going on. Especially now that…" she trailed off.

"What happened?" asked Kurt.

"Her therapist is Jesse St. James' aunt." said Quinn.

Kurt shot Quinn a look of confusion.

"She lives next door to me." she explained.

"Do you mean the Jesse St. James you told me about who joined New Directions to sabotage Rachel?" Blaine asked Kurt.

"Yeah, total useless jerk who egged her before Regionals last year." said Kurt.

"He threw eggs at her?" asked Blaine.

"Him and his whole team." said Quinn. "He was such a monster."

"Sounds like a royal jerk." said Blaine.

All this talk of Jesse and his betrayal made Rachel's heart sink. It hurt more than it usually would because of the fact that she just spent a good portion of her afternoon being taken care of by him. She couldn't get over the fact that she had just been looking into his eyes and feeling his touch just an hour ago. There was still anger inside her for what he had done to her, but she couldn't help but feel angry at her friends for calling him names right now.

"I saw him today." she whispered.

The anti-Jesse conversation stopped dead in its tracks. Each of her friends turned their heads to her with looks of shock.

"Don't just sit there, Rachel, spill!" said Kurt impatiently.

"After I quit Glee I was so emotional that I needed to see Doctor Austen, that's her name, and I drove over there and she wasn't home. But he was." she explained.

"That must have been so awkward." said Blaine.

"Horrifying." said Quinn.

"A total nightmare," added Kurt. "Please tell me you hit him?"

She couldn't help but feel herself smiling slightly as her face grew hot.

"Oh no…" started Kurt.

"Nothing happened." she assured him quickly. "Not really…"

"Spill, Berry!" said Quinn as she threw one of her pillows at her.

"Okay fine." said Rachel as she threw her arms up in the air to dodge the pillow. "He kept me company while I waited for his aunt to come back. But I had fallen and hurt my knees and hands in the parking lot at school and had forgotten my coat, so he helped me warm up and took care of my wounds."

"You let him take care of you after what he did?" asked an angered Kurt.

"I didn't have a choice. It was an emergency and I really couldn't go back home. I had to see my therapist." she said painfully.

"What's he doing back here anyway?" asked Quinn.

"School break." she responded.

"Maybe you should get a new therapist. Being counseled by a relative of the guy who broke your heart isn't that helpful." said Blaine.

"I already thought about that and I've decided that I really like going to see Doctor Austen. The fact that she's Jesse's aunt doesn't really bother me that much. I will admit that it was awkward to be so close to him after what happened but part of me enjoyed that." said Rachel, unable to meet any of their gazes as she confessed.

"You still love him don't you?" asked Blaine sympathetically.

"I don't know." she replied. "But, I agreed to see him tomorrow."

"Rachel, no…" said Quinn.

"I'll regret it if I don't." she said honestly. "But can we please not talk about it right now? I want to discuss the reason why I'm in therapy. I promise I'll tell you how it goes after, though."

"Fine." said Kurt giving up.

"Thank you." she replied. "I'm in therapy because I'm overwhelmed by a load of different sorts of heartache. I guess it started with the bullying that I've had to deal with all my life."

"I'm still very sorry for having a hand in that." said Quinn sadly.

"Me too." said Kurt, which caused Blaine to look at him and frown.

"I wasn't so nice to her last year." Kurt told Blaine.

"It's okay now guys, really. The main problem is that it's still going on. At least when I had Finn it wasn't that bad because being his girlfriend protected me. But now it's reached a point where I don't know what to expect. I'm in this nervous state where I feel like I can fall apart at any second."

"We have your back now. Nobody is going to hurt you again." said Quinn as she put a hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"I don't want to drag you guys into my problems, but it's so lonely dealing with this by myself." she whispered.

"You don't have to." said Kurt. "We'll stick together against them and before you know it you'll be happy and won't need therapy."

She shook her head.

"There's something else." she muttered. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It means that I go through emotional mood swings and depression that revolve around this fear of abandonment. That's why I snapped at you two earlier when you said that you couldn't come over earlier. These issues just cloud my mind…"

_Don't cry, Rachel. You've done enough crying for the day._

She snapped her eyes shut to prevent the tears that were starting to form in her eyes.

"I really HATE to be asking for help because I'm so used to dealing with things but I've realized that I can't do this by myself. I need friends. Please don't leave me, guys." she pleaded.

"My sister is a Borderline," said Blaine. "I've seen the effects it has on her and her relationships with others, even with her own family. She even hurts herself sometimes."

Kurt looked at Rachel's hands, remembering what he'd seen before.

"You don't have to tell us, but does this have anything to do with this problem?" Kurt asked as he grabbed her hands and rubbed the marks left on her palms from when she dug her nails into them before and again today.

"I can't help it." she said so low that they could barely hear her.

"You're right, you can't deal with it alone and I won't let you do that." said Quinn.

"None of us will." said Kurt.

Rachel was so overwhelmed with gratitude for having them there. It overjoyed her to finally have a group that she could actually call her friends.

"Come here." said Blaine as he held out his arms for a hug.

Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn stayed at Rachel's house until her fathers returned from their dinner party. They cooked a pasta dinner together while singing along with songs on the radio. It felt so great to be a normal teenager for once with friends. She was left on a high from it all even long after they went home.

After she said goodnight to her dads, she ran upstairs to prepare for bed. She was halfway through brushing her hair in her pajamas, when she saw a flashing window at the bottom of her computer screen. She considered leaving it and going to bed, but she was just too curious.

It was an instant message that was sent not more than ten minutes ago.

_JesseSt-Awesome: Hey Rach, are you still awake?_

The shock that came from the fact that Jesse St. James had just contacted her didn't last very long, and Rachel found herself writing a response immediately. There was a smile creeping on her face as she typed.

_BroadwayBerry: Yes, just getting ready for bed now._

_JesseSt-Awesome: Aww… well I wanted to make sure you really wanted to see me tomorrow._

_BroadwayBerry: Of course I do._

_JesseSt-Awesome: I couldn't tell because you kept giving me evil eyes back there. But thanks for agreeing because I know I don't deserve it. _

_BroadwayBerry: I was already on edge before I even saw you. But seeing you brought back the old bitterness I felt from before… _

_JesseSt-Awesome: I understand._

Was she really casually talking with Jesse right now? She knew she was supposed to still be angry with him, but now that she was talking to him, the last thing she wanted was to tell him to go to hell. She of course wouldn't let him get away with what he did tomorrow, but for right now, she would just see where this goes.

_JesseSt-Awesome: Hey Rach, feel free to say no, but I figured I'd just ask. Do you want to webcam?_

She immediately bolted from her computer chair and over to her dresser mirror to see if she looked presentable. As she was inspecting her teeth, she started to have second thoughts. Doctor Austen says that she jumps from relationships because of her fear of being alone. Was this sudden desire to want to see Jesse and go easy on him because of her Borderline Issues? If that was true then she had to stop this now. Jesse is no stranger to causing her heartache and another one right now will kill her… for real this time. Despite all these reasons floating through her head telling her that she shouldn't, she couldn't resist typing out "_Okay."_ and hitting 'send'.

She accepted the webcam invitation that popped up and within seconds the face of Jesse St. James was looking out at her through her screen. Another smile crept up on her, but this time Jesse was able to see it. He was already smiling, but his grin grew when he saw hers.

"Good Evening." he said as he leaned on his hand.

He was sitting on his bed in the bedroom his aunt and uncle had set aside for him. He wore a white v-neck t-shirt that fit his body perfectly. His hair was wet from a recent shower and his curls were just starting to take their regular shape again. He just sat there looking at her with adoring eyes.

"Hey." she responded.

"Your room still looks the same I see. Except, is that a new Judy Garland poster you have hanging up there next to your bed?" he asked as he squinted slightly.

"Wow, you're good." she laughed.

He shrugged smugly. It was absolutely endearing.

"How are you on this fine night, Mr. St. James?" she asked.

"Very good, Miss Berry. Very Good." he replied. "So I want to iron out the details for tomorrow."

"What do you have in mind?"

"How about I pick you up from school and we go eat, wherever you want." He offered.

"I can go for that. Just please, no BreadstiX. They don't have many vegan selections that are actually edible." she said in disgust.

"The Chinese place my aunt ordered out from today was really good. They have a full vegan selection too."

"Okay, I'll take your word for it."

"Have I ever steered you wrong?- Don't answer that." he said, his face falling when he remembered what he did to her.

She laughed weakly to ease the tension.

"It's good to see you smiling." he said softly.

She covered her face so he wouldn't see the redness that was forming on her cheeks.

"Are you blushing, Berry?" he said through a laugh.

"ANYWAY…."she started.

"Changing the subject doesn't hide that you were blushing, but okay continue." he teased.

"So my doctor turning out to be your aunt is pretty crazy. I thought you only had your uncle living here in Lima." she said when she regained her normal face color.

"She's his wife. She just didn't want to change her last name when they married. I don't know how anyone can resist the St. James name, but oh well." he shrugged.

"She's really good at what she does." she said.

"Definitely. I came to her a lot after what happened last year with us." he said sadly.

To avoid the awkward pause, he instantly asked a question.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked more seriously.

"Yeah," she said weakly. "And thanks for taking care of me before. I really thought you wouldn't have anything to do with me after what happened between us."

"I thought the same about you." he said quietly.

"To be honest I thought I didn't really want to see you at first, but that changed." she said, looking away.

"I'm glad." he said softly.

"Me too." she whispered too soft for him to hear.

"Hey Rach?"

"Yeah?" she asked, looking back up at the screen.

"I really am sorry for all the hurt I've ever put you through. I was ridiculously stupid." he said sincerely.

His face was more serious than she had ever seen. Even with the slightly fuzzy image provided with the webcams, she could see the vulnerability in his eyes. This was a look that she had never seen him ever wear.

"You should be." she replied sadly.

She wouldn't let herself just forgive him so quickly after everything. If she wanted to get better, she would have to be strong and keep her guard up. She needed more time and a better explanation of why he did what he did before she could grant him absolution.

"Fortunately enough for you, I will be sorry for as long as I live." said Jesse with a frown.

"You'll be fine and forget all about me the second you get your first Broadway role, if not sooner." she said while leaning her head on her hand sleepily.

"Doubt it." he replied. "How could I forget about you when you'll be performing every night in the theatre a block away? When I'll be running into you at Gala events? When I see you win your Tony?"

"I don't think things will turn out that way for me. That's majorly why I quit Glee Club. I'm just a Lima Loser who can only shine in a small town like this." she said as she glanced down at her scratches on her arms.

She looked at him and was shocked to see how crushed he looked.

"You're serious, aren't you?" he asked sadly.

She nodded.

"Don't let my stupid screw up mess up your future! I already had a heart full of regret before I saw you, but now that I see all the damage it's done to you now I feel like an even bigger monster. You used to be so strong! What happened to the beautiful little girl with the dreams as big as her voice?" he asked emotionally.

"I don't know, but Jesse—"

"God, what did I do…" he whispered.

"Jesse—"

"I was such a coward!"

"Jesse, it's not all your fault. This has been something that has been going on inside me for years now and it only just now became too much for me to take. I won't deny that what happened between us did play a role in it, but it's not all you. Don't carry it all on your shoulders." she said truthfully, trying her best to reassure him.

"Then, I'll help you get back to who you were before- that beautiful dreamer with a heart full of passion for her dream." he vowed.

She smiled at his sincerity.

"I swear on Sondheim." he in all seriousness. "May he kick the bucket if I'm not successful!"

"Take that back, Jesse!" she scolded.

"No, I'm that serious."

"Poor guy…"

"He'll be fine."

"He's just so old already…"

"Don't worry about him because I always get what I work hard for." he assured her with a smile.

"Okay, Jesse." she replied with a yawn.

"You should go to sleep, babe." he said affectionately.

"Okay, Jesse." she repeated.

"I'll see you tomorrow, and in all honesty, I can't wait." he said looking dead into his camera so that his image on her screen was looking right at her.

"Me neither." she said with a smile. "Goodnight, Jess."

"Night, Rach."

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. I'm trying to wrap up Wonderstruck so I can devote more time to this one because I have my heart invested more in this one. Please R&R and I'll try to update again really soon. **


	10. His Confession

**A/N: I've been getting lots of feedback for this story and I'm totally thankful to all of you for commenting. Especially to those who have followed me on tumblr and become friends, as well as those who have sent me messages about dealing with BPD themselves. I have it, and its no walk in the park. Hang in there. I write this for you. **

"_See you soon."_

Rachel read that text three times as she leaned on her locker with a dazed smile on her face.

"You're really going to see him?" asked Quinn with concern in her voice.

Quinn gave Rachel a seriously stern look as she waited for a reply.

"I know I probably shouldn't, but I want to." she said as she gazed into her locker.

It was impossible to look Quinn in the eye when she had that look on her face. Quinn was suddenly in parent mode and was trying her best to protect Rachel.

"Let me know how it goes then. You have my number." she said, more softly this time.

"I promise." she replied.

"What are you doing hanging out with that mut?" asked Azimio from behind Quinn.

He was holding onto two blue raspberry slushies with his monster hands.

"She's not a mut, and she's my friend." Quinn replied with her arms folded over her chest.

"If you step aside, you'll get spared, Q." he said as he menacingly took a step towards her.

"If you get a single drop on me or Rachel, you'll regret it." she replied with a burning look in her eyes.

"I can defend myself, Quinn." Rachel said from behind her, but she may as well have not said anything because Quinn didn't budge.

Azimio laughed.

"Tiny troll wanna fight?" he asked.

"Go away, Azimio!" shouted Quinn.

He shook his head.

"Too bad for both of you." he said with a wicked smile as he gripped the slushy cups.

Rachel stepped in front of Quinn and kicked him in the shin as hard as her small body could manage. It caused some of the slushy to spill onto his football jacket.

"That's going to stain." she said with a smile.

"I'm gonna kill you, freak!" Azimio shouted as he winced in pain from the kick she had administered.

"See, this is where you're mistaken." came a voice behind Azimio.

A strong pair of hands gripped Azimio's shoulders from behind and spun him around before slamming him into the locker next to Rachel. The force that he hit the lockers caused nearby lockers to rattle loud enough to bring everyone's attention to what was going on.

_Noah… _she thought.

But it wasn't Puck. Rachel blinked twice to make sure that she was seeing clearly. It was Jesse standing there threatening Azimio with the fiercest face she had ever seen him wear. It was actually quite frightening. Apparently his gaze worked on Azimio, because he didn't even try to fight back. Quinn snickered behind Rachel because Azimio actually feared someone smaller than him.

"What is with you people and these vile drinks?" asked Jesse calmly.

Azimio seemed to snap back into himself and regain some of his courage as his face contorted into a monstrous stare.

"You want some, white boy?" he asked, his composure totally regained.

Jesse merely tilted his head with a half smile as he held back a laugh. He folded his arms confidently across his chest. Rachel felt the need to cover her eyes so she wouldn't have to see Jesse get covered in the sticky ice drink. It was a shame because he was dressed really nice today in a light blue button shirt and black vest over it. His perfect hair was a different story. Damaging it was criminal.

The next thing happened so fast that Rachel almost missed it. Azimio took one step forward to throw the slushy at him, but Jesse quickly reacted as he moved his arm forward and elbowed Azimio in the face. Before he could even recover, Jesse swiped his other hand under Azimio's and pushed the two slushies he was holding up into his face. When he tried to take a vengeful swipe at Jesse, he slipped on the spilled slushy around his feet and fell down hard onto the tiled floor.

Jesse put his foot on top of Azimio's chest as he bent down to speak to him.

"Don't make me play rough." he threatened with a smile.

Jesse looked up at Rachel and then back at Azimio.

"If you touch one hair on her head, or any of the members of New Directions for that matter, I'll be on you so fast you won't see it coming! Got it?" he said as he increased the pressure of his foot against his chest.

"Yes!" Azimio coughed.

"Get out of here." said Jesse as he stepped over his body and over to Rachel and Quinn.

Quinn looked at Jesse with brand new eyes. There was a slight smile creeping up on her face in admiration.

"Okay, I trust him a little bit more now. But, he doesn't have to know that, does he?" she muttered in Rachel's ear before stepping in front of her to face Jesse.

"Quinn." said Jesse, smiling.

"Jesse." She replied curtly.

"Are you going to interrogate me?" he asked playfully.

"Not just yet, but I have my eye on you." she said seriously before walking away to leave the two of them alone.

Rachel wasn't too sure how she felt about what just happened. She didn't want to seem like the damsel in distress that needed to be saved, but she couldn't deny that she was flattered by his efforts. Finn never stuck up for her like that when they were together or apart. It also scared her slightly to see him so angry and menacing, even if it was in her defense. After all, he had attacked a high school student and could wind up in a lot of trouble.

"You didn't have to do that…" she muttered as she watched Azimio heave himself up and walk away.

"I think I did." he replied as he leaned on her locker.

"Well, even though I don't approve of violence, thank you." she said as she leaned on the lockers with him.

He stood there with his arms still folded and turned to look at her with a smile and a slightly raised eyebrow.

"You're not going to ask what I'm doing here so early?" he asked.

"Okay, why are you here?"

"I wanted to see if I could change your mind about quitting Glee Club." he replied slightly more serious.

"That's not happening." she laughed.

"Do you realize the kind of exposure you'll get through the competitions? Look at me. I got a full ride for being the star of Vocal Adrenaline." he reasoned. "They won't admit it but you're the star of that group and you have the biggest chance of making it."

Rachel just shook her head.

"You know I'm right." he said with a slight hint of smugness in his voice.

"Let's get out of here." she said as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and pulled her coat out of her locker.

"It's your lunch period, though."

"Let's get lunch then." she said as she walked away.

He raised an eyebrow at her in confusion before running after her. She had changed so much since the last time they were together. For the short time that he was a student at McKinley, Rachel was strict about being on time for everything. Cutting class was simply not anything Rachel Berry would do.

"Are you sure?" he asked when he caught up with her.

"Yep." she replied simply.

"Hold on." he said as he grabbed her arm.

There was a slight look of frustration on her face as she turned to look at him. He ignored it and grabbed her book bag from her and slung it over his own shoulder. Then he grabbed her coat from over her arm and held it open for her to put it on.

"Baby it's cold outside." he sang softly.

She smiled and stepped into the coat and buttoned it up. When she finished, she turned to thank him, but he cut her off by hugging her tightly. One of his hands found its way up her back and tangled itself into her hair.

"Jesse…" she said nervously.

"I'm sorry…" he said as he let go. "We should just try to be friends now."

There was pain in his voice as he said "friends".

"It's all I can handle right now." she said honestly.

"Friends can hug though, right?"

"Maybe after you explain to me why you egged me last year." she replied as she turned away.

"We'll talk about it over lunch, then." he said as he followed her.

As they walked out, Rachel didn't notice the group of members from New Directions standing together by Puck's locker staring at her in shock. Jesse looked up at them and received the most threatening look he had ever seen from all of them. Puck raised his hand to his eyes and pointed at them before pointing at Jesse. He was certainly going to keep an eye on him.

The drive to the Chinese Restaurant they had previously agreed on was a silent and awkward one. Both of them knew that the talk was coming, but neither wanted to initiate the conversation. It wasn't until they had arrived there and had been seated that they actually started to discuss the topic of Jesse's betrayal.

"Let's get this over with." he said nervously.

She was in another world as she gazed around at the interior of the restaurant. It was the same exact one from her dream a few weeks ago…

"Rachel?"

"Okay." she said when he brought her back to reality.

He took a deep breath.

"I didn't transfer to McKinley for the sake of our relationship." he confessed.

"Obviously." she replied as she browsed her menu.

"Rach, please look at me." he said, slightly frustrated.

She put the menu down and gave him her complete attention with a hard to read straight face.

"Shelby wanted me to befriend you so that I could get you to want to find her. I was just supposed to get in, pretend to be your friend, get you to want to find her, and get out."

"Why didn't you just be my friend instead of breaking my heart? It would have saved me a lot of heart ache." she said painfully.

He ran his hand through his curls nervously as he sighed.

"I couldn't just be your friend because I really did like you. You're irresistible, you know." he said as he grabbed her hand and rubbed small circles onto it with his thumb.

She looked down to hide the fact that she was blushing.

"So that was real?" she asked.

"What I felt…" he paused before correcting himself. "What I feel for you is real."

There was no denying that she enjoyed the feeling of his hand on hers. Despite that, she pulled away.

"So why did you throw eggs at me?" she asked softly.

His face fell even further as he relived it in his mind.

"My mission was to get you to listen to the tape, and once that was done I had to go back to Vocal Adrenaline. But the thing is, as far as they knew, I had abandoned them to join the rival group for you. They didn't trust me at all and wanted me to prove my allegiance to them. I told them we broke up, but it wasn't enough. I had to do something really bad to you so they could accept me again."

He could barely look her in the eye because of the shame. When she said nothing, he continued.

"If I didn't go back to Vocal Adrenaline and win the competition, I could've lost my scholarship. I didn't feel like I had a choice. It was either you or my future, and I chose my future."

Rachel flashed back to when she first met Jesse and he told her he got a full ride to UCLA. She admired him so much at the time because he was doing everything she wanted to. She would have done anything to make it at the time. But would she have hurt someone to climb her way to the top? The flashback caused her to feel a deep sense of déjà vu. It was the first time in a while that she remembered what it was like to dream.

"I can understand that part," she said thoughtfully. "But why couldn't you just tell me the truth?"

He leaned his face against one hand while the other traced lines along her arm.

"By that point I was in love with you and I just needed to make a clean break from you if I wanted to be a star. I've never fallen in love before." He confessed. "I was starting to feel tempted to give up my scholarship for a college in Ohio to be close to you."

"I would've gotten in the way…" she whispered in understanding.

"It's no excuse for what I did. I should've stood up to the team and refused to attack you. I could've tried to stop it." he said regretfully.

She shook her head.

"If they couldn't trust you, your performance at Regionals would have been flawed. A show choir needs to be in sync with each other to perform well. They especially need to trust you because you carried the entire performance."

Jesse smiled.

"That's the Rachel I remember. You know what it's like to have to do things for the team even if you don't like it."

She nodded in agreement.

"But I am sorry for the pain I've caused. I look at you now and see a ghost of who you used to be and I can't help but feel responsible. You were just so bright and driven before I hurt you." he said as he gazed into her eyes.

"This would've happened to me anyway with everything I've been dealing with. Please don't beat yourself up over it." she said, grabbing his hand this time.

He nodded without meeting her gaze.

"Jesse, look at me."

He looked up sadly.

"I forgive you." she said.

A slight smile spread across his face.

"Thank you. It means more to me than you know."

She stood up and crossed over to his side of the table without letting go of his hand. A gentle tug was all it took to get him to stand and face her. Standing on her tip toes, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a loving hug. His arms immediately found their way around her waist as he picked her up and spun her around. When he set her back down on her feet, he brushed her bangs out of her eyes and touched her face gently.

"You're going to be a star, Rachel Barbra Berry. I'm not letting you give up your dream. I swear it." he said gently.

She hugged him once more without a word. There was no more fight left in her to disagree. She found herself actually believing in what he said. It wasn't because she was captured by his inborn charm, nor was it because she was still in love with him. It was because being with him reminded her of the dreamer she once was. She could see her old self reflecting back at her in his eyes.

"Thank you, Jesse." she whispered as they hugged. "You're such a good friend."

The smile on his face faded slightly as he shut his eyes to enjoy holding the only girl he's ever loved. It wasn't his ideal kind of relationship with her, but it was better than nothing. For now, anyway.

**A/N: R&R please? Feedback makes me dance!**


	11. Forbidden

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to post. School has been hectic, but I have a week off so expect more soon. R&R?**

* * *

Later that night, Hiram and Leroy Berry were startled when they heard laughter coming from their doorstep. Hiram lowered the volume on the television to hear what was going on outside their home.

"Is that Rachel?" asked Leroy.

Hiram stood up and peered behind their light blue curtains hanging over their living room window. There was a tall male on their doorstep with his back to the window. He assumed that Rachel was on the other side of him.

"I had a good time and the food was great." they heard Rachel say happily to the boy.

"She's dating someone and didn't tell us?" Hiram whispered loudly.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Maybe he's a friend from school." said Leroy as he reached for the remote control to raise the volume again.

"There's something familiar about him." whispered Hiram suspiciously.

"I'm glad. Do you want to go out again this weekend? As… friends?" he asked her politely.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked, her voice full of curious interest.

"I'll think of something." he muttered flirtatiously.

"Okay, you're on." she said happily. "How long are you staying here before you go back to school anyway?"

He stiffened his posture and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"A while longer." he muttered uncomfortably, just barely audible for Hiram to hear.

"Okay, well despite everything we've been through in the past, I'm really glad we're friends now. I hope we can see each other as much as possible while you're here." said Rachel hopefully.

"I'll be here." he said as he grabbed her hand.

Hiram observed as Rachel put her arms around him and pulled him into a friendly embrace. He expected that a kiss would come next, but it didn't.

"Goodnight, Jesse." said Rachel.

"Night Rach." he replied before backing away.

"Jesse? Jesse St. James?" asked Hiram in horror.

Leroy shot up from his seat on the couch and sprinted towards the window.

"You're kidding?"

Sure enough, it was Jesse St. James waving to their daughter from their driveway with a large smile across his face. When they heard the front door slam shut, Leroy pulled Hiram back to the couch to appear as though they hadn't noticed a thing.

"When she wants to tell us about it, she will." he muttered as he started to channel surf.

"Well—"

"Hi Dad, Daddy." Rachel said as she stepped into the living room.

Her cheeks were a bright pink as she smiled at them.

"What's gotten into you to make you so happy?" Leroy asked, trying to get a few answers.

"I just had a really good day today." she said confidently.

"Well, I like seeing you this happy. Your appointments with Doctor Austen must be really working then." he said before slightly elbowing his husband in the arm.

Hiram glared at Leroy slightly before turning to speak to his daughter.

"Who do we send the gift basket to for making you so happy?" he asked flatly.

"Jesse St. James." she whispered as she looked down at her shoes.

"Let's make that an egg basket then." said Hiram bitterly.

"Daddy!" scolded Rachel.

Leroy sighed.

"We saw you two on the doorstep." he confessed.

Rachel walked closer to her parents and sat in the couch next to them.

"It's not what you think." she said seriously.

"Really? Because it looks like you're dating the guy that broke you! He's the reason you're in the mess that you're in!" Leroy said, his voice getting angry and louder as he continued.

"You don't know that!" she replied as her face grew hot with anger. "And you don't know Jesse."

Hiram got up from the couch and sat on the arm of the couch Rachel was sitting at.

"You have to understand why we'd be concerned. We only want whats best for you and the boy doesn't have a good track record." he said calmly.

"I know." she said in frustration. "But we're not dating. We're just friends."

Both of her fathers shot skeptical looks her way.

"I know you don't believe me, but you're just going to have to take my word for it. I know that I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now. I'm focusing on myself for a while." she assured them honestly.

Leroy sighed heavily.

"I still don't like the idea of him being around you. It's not healthy for what you're going through." he said, his voice full of parental concern.

"Dad, Daddy, listen. Jesse is only here for his vacation and then he'll be gone. I'm not even sure if I want to stay friends with him, but I've agreed to give him a chance. I've given him a chance to be my friend. If I feel any pain from it I'll back out." She insisted. "I know what I'm doing."

"You're young, honey." said Hiram softly. "You forgive anyone for the cruelest things without holding a grudge. You'll understand this later on… when you grow up."

"Understand what, exactly?" she asked quietly.

Hiram and Leroy Berry both exchanged knowing looks before nodding in silent agreement.

"You'll understand… why we're forbidding you from seeing Jesse ever again."

At these words, the usually outspoken Rachel Berry was at a loss for words. Her mouth opened slightly to speak but nothing came out. This was insane. This was heinous. Her fathers supported her every decision, and now they were forbidding her from seeing someone?

"You're kidding." she finally muttered when her voice returned to her.

"It's for your own good." Leroy said firmly. "He's done enough damage to you, and he'll only cause more now that you are at your most vulnerable."

Rachel shot up from her seat on the couch and stood face to face with her fathers, her knees slightly shaking with anger.

"I know what he did and I swear to you that I haven't gone a day without remembering it. But you need to understand that he thought he had no choice at the time. It was stupid. It was heartless. But—"

"Save it, Rachel. You're too innocent to understand the cruelty in others that never goes away." said Leroy.

"I'm not a baby, Dad!" she shouted. "I'm old enough to understand what my heart tells me, and my heart has forgiven him!"

Hiram sighed and rose from his seat to speak to his daughter more closely.

"Someday, when you're a parent, you'll understand how much it kills you to see your baby in pain. We saw you cry yourself to sleep over him. We saw the effects that he continued to have on you on New Years Eve when you were hurting yourself." he said emotionally.

She shook her head angrily.

"He had nothing to do with that! You don't understand. I feel good when I'm with him." she shouted, her voice cracking as tears formed in her eyes. "He's helping me!"

"He did this to you." said Leroy bitterly as he stood up from his seat at the couch. "You may have easily forgiven him, but we can't."

Rachel stepped back from them in total shock. She opened her mouth a few times to retaliate, but nothing she could say would make a difference. Giving up, she turned on her heel and ran up the stairs to lock herself in her room for the night.

Were they trying to make sure that she didn't get better? She knew what she was doing when she decided to trust Jesse again and she wasn't going to let herself get hurt by him again if he ever tried. She knew better this time. There was of course an undeniable amount of love for him left in her heart, but she knew that she couldn't handle being in a relationship with him again right now. The only relationship she wanted right now was a better relationship with herself. Why couldn't they see that? She may be incredibly small and she may get most of her clothes from Kids 'R' Us, but she was no baby.

At first, she wanted nothing to do with Jesse because she hadn't forgiven him yet. All she was doing now was giving him a chance at friendship because of the way he made her feel. She loved Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn, but Jesse made her feel something that they couldn't. Whenever she is with him, she remembers the person she used to be. That old Rachel feels within reach around Jesse St. James. Not only does she remember that part of herself, but she wants to be her again when he is near. How could someone who causes such a positive reaction in her be bad? Deep down inside, she knew that Jesse was good because he always brought the best out of her whenever they were together.

She knew she had to make her recovery, and maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to come back bigger and better than the person she was before. The thought of it made her tremble with excitement. She could see a flicker of hope dancing through the darkness that surrounded her. But as quickly as it flashed before her eyes, it was gone as the darkness resumed.

Who was she kidding? She knew that wouldn't ever happen. But it didn't hurt to dream.

_Dream._

It was as if the old Rachel was still somewhere inside of her, fighting to come out. She had sworn that she was incapable of dreaming anymore, but here she was with a fresh new dream warming the cold feeling in her chest. Quickly, before the warmth could be extinguished by the next wave of hopelessness, she ran for the dry erase board next to her bed and uncapped a bright red marker to jot down her message to herself in large words.

"DON'T GIVE UP! YOU'RE RACHEL BERRY, DAMNIT!" she wrote on the board in large print.

A smile stretched across her face as she read and re-read her message to herself. It would probably take thousands of little notes to herself so she could remember the light in the darkness, but she was willing to do whatever it takes to get better again.

A ding emitted from her open laptop on her desk, signaling a new instant message received.

_Jesse._

She nearly fell over as she jumped into her computer chair to respond to the message.

_JesseSt-Awesome: Hope you're having a good night._

Another smile formed on her face as she typed her response.

_BroadwayBerry: Are you busy right now?_

He replied instantly.

_JesseSt-Awesome: No, why?_

_BroadwayBerry: Meet me at the all night Walmart in fifteen minutes._

_JesseSt-Awesome: Sure, but why?_

_BroadwayBerry: Don't ask. Just be there._

Before he can ask another question, she shut her laptop and picked up her coat and car keys and bolted out of her room. When she reached the bottom of the staircase, she found herself face to face with her fathers.

"Do we even have to ask?" asked Hiram with his arms crossed.

"It's not what you think. I'm going to Walmart to meet up with Quinn." she said quickly. "I had a really long day and forgot that we have a group project to do together and we need to get materials and work on it. Its due tomorrow and I'm spending the night at her place so we can put it together."

She hated lying to her parents, but she had no other option now. It made her feel better if she thought of this as an acting exercise. She was turning into Jesse already.

"Do you really expect us to believe that?" asked Hiram skeptically.

"I don't want to fight with you anymore. I don't agree with you but I'm going to obey you both. Trust me, this is a really important assignment that we carelessly forgot about." she said, proud of how convincing she sounded.

"Give me your phone." said Leroy, grabbing it from her hand before she could hand it over.

"Hey!"

"I'll just call Quinn and ask if this is true." he said as he scrolled through her contacts. "Here we go. It's ringing."

Rachel looked away to hide the fear in her face. This was it. She was caught in the middle of a boldfaced lie.

"Hello Quinn? This is Rachel's father, Leroy." he said in fake kindness.

"Yes, I'm doing great. I hope you're doing well, too." he continued. "I'm calling you to verify if Rachel is really on her way to meet you at Walmart to pick up materials for a project you both intend on spending the night working on."

_Come on, Quinn._

"Really?" he asked.

Rachel held her breath.

"Okay, thank you. Have a good night, Quinn." he said before ending the call.

"Well?" asked Hiram.

Leroy handed Rachel's phone back to her.

"Her story checks out." he said, still unsure.

She exhaled slowly, trying to maintain the look of sincerity she had on before.

"Can I go now?" she asked tensely.

"I guess so. Call us when you're at Quinn's." said Hiram.

"Thanks Daddy, Dad." she replied with a smile as she walked past them and over to the front door.

"And Rachel?" said Hiram. "Don't wait for the last minute to do an assignment anymore. That's not you."

She ran a hand through her hair as she smiled nervously.

"Yeah, I know. It won't happen again, I promise." she said as she turned around again.

"Rachel?" said Leroy.

"Yes?"

"We're trusting that you really are going to Quinn's." he said quietly.

"Thank you for your trust." she replied before walking out the door.

When she was finally in the safety of her car, she hit the redial button on her phone. Quinn answered after the first ring.

"Mr. Berry, I already assured you that Rachel—" Quinn started with a fake polite tone.

"Quinn, it's me." Rachel interrupted.

"Oh. Okay, spill." she replied in her normal tone.

"I'm really going to see Jesse." she convinced.

"Clearly. But twice in one day? Don't you think you're moving too fast?" said Quinn with concern.

"It's not like that. We're just friends."

"Then why did you have to lie to your fathers?" she asked.

"They've forbidden me to see him again." said Rachel sadly.

Quinn sighed.

"Just be careful, Rach. You really plan on staying out all night with him?" asked Quinn with even more concern in her voice.

"I… I don't know. The lie just came out before I could really think it through." said Rachel nervously.

"Okay. Just know that you can come over after you see him if you want. My door is always open to you." said Quinn.

"Thanks, Q." she replied gratefully.

"Call me, if anything."

"Okay, Bye."

She took a breath before starting her car and pulling out of the driveway. She wasn't sure what the night would really consist of, but she just had to go.

* * *

The only Walmart within distance was just outside of Lima. After parking her car in one of the hundred empty parking spaces, she ran up to the store only to find Jesse already there waiting for her. He was leaning casually against a shopping cart as he waited for her.

"What took you?" he said as he pulled her into a warm hug.

"Oh my God." Rachel groaned in his arms.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and looked her in the eye with a frown.

"What happened?" he asked.

"No, hug." she mumbled before throwing her arms around him again.

"Not that I'm not enjoying this, but I really want to know what happened that you need a hug so badly." he said as he ran his hand through her hair soothingly.

"Don't talk. Just hug." she said, her voice muffled because her face was buried into his coat.

"You got it." he said as he tightened his grip on her protectively. "But don't think I'm not going to keep asking about it later. I don't give up that easily."

Without a word, she pulled away and grabbed the shopping cart he was leaning on previously. He followed her into the empty store as thousands of questions flashed through his mind. His eyebrow raised in even more confusion as he saw her head for the school supply aisle.

"You needed school supplies this urgently?"

Without responding, she grabbed a pink and yellow stack of post it notes and examined them. Not wanting to have to decide, she threw both of them into the shopping cart and moved onto the markers shelf.

Jesse reached into the cart and pulled the post it notes out before returning them to their spots on the shelf.

"What are you doing?" she asked in irritation.

"You don't want those." he said as he handed her a stack of gold star shaped post it notes. "You want these."

The irritated look on her face faded as a smile replaced it.

"Thanks, Jess." she said as she placed them into the cart.

He observed as she picked out a number of colored gel pens and markers as well as a pack of bright pink printer paper.

"What's this all about, Rachel?" he asked, his patience wearing thin.

"I want to leave myself motivational notes so I don't lose hope." she said as her cheeks turned slightly red.

"That's great." he replied with a smile. "There's no need to be embarrassed over it. You have to do what you have to do to motivate yourself."

He took the shopping cart from her and started pushing it for her. "Where to next?"

A devilish smile broke out across her face.

"Let's go have some fun."

Trying not to jump to conclusions, he tried not to take it the wrong way.

"What do you have in mind, exactly?" he asked calmly.

"The toy section!" she squealed as she broke out in a run down the store.

"Rach, wait up!" he shouted as he abandoned the shopping cart and chased after her.

He followed the sound of her laughter down to the toy section and stopped when he couldn't find her. There was nobody else in the store, save a few late night employees who barely paid them any attention.

"Rachel? Come out, come out wherever you are." he said loudly in a sing song voice.

Nothing.

Quietly, he slowly stepped into one of the aisle filled with teddy bears and searched up and down for her, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"You know I'll find you eventually." he said loudly as he turned the corner at the end of the aisle.

The emptiness of the store was starting to get kind of creepy.

"Ok, Rach—"

"DRAW YOUR WEAPON!" shouted Rachel as she jumped out from the next aisle with a Nerf sword in her hands, causing Jesse to jump back and nearly fall over.

"Oh yeah?" he asked when he regained his composure.

He grabbed a matching Nerf sword from the basket next to him and twirled it around a few times in his hand.

"Little do you know that my parents forced me to endure two years of fencing." he said as he stood in a proper fencing stance.

"Prove it." she said confidently as she lunged with her foam sword.

He quickly disarmed her effortlessly, causing her sword to fly down the aisle.

"You were saying?" he asked smugly.

She jumped and grabbed another sword from the basket and whacked him over the head.

"Easy there, now! The hair!" he shouted as he covered his head before she can administer another blow.

"You and your hair…" she laughed as she put their swords back into the basket.

Jesse rolled his eyes before grabbing her hand and leading her out of the toy section. Her fingers immediately laced themselves with his.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"I choose where we go next." he said as he broke out into a run and dragged her along.

"Jesse you're too fast!" she shouted through her laughs as they turned the corner into the electronics section.

She started to head straight for the CD section, but he pulled her into the section with the hooked up keyboards.

"Of course." she muttered as she crossed her arms and smiled.

"Oh come on, you want to sing. How long has it been anyway?" he said as he stretched his fingers over the keys.

She sighed.

"Two weeks, 3 days, six hours, and 30 minutes." she replied dramatically with a serious face.

Jesse burst out into a fit of laughter.

"God, Rachel." he said as he pulled her close to him.

"What?"

"Despite everything that's happened, some parts of you never change." he said softly as he stroked her hair.

"Is that bad?" she asked nervously.

"Not at all."

"What song do you have in mind?" she asked as she pulled away from him and looked at the keyboard.

Without a word, he returned to the keyboard and started playing the opening melody to "Hello".

"For old time's sake?" he asked hopefully.

She nodded as she stepped next to him so they can sing their duet side by side. It felt absolutely amazing to sing again. To make it even better, she was singing with Jesse. She forgot how perfectly their voices melted together with they sang. It felt like home.

When they finished their duet, two employees behind the counter of the electronics section applauded for them enthusiastically.

_Applause._

She forgot how amazing applause felt.

Jesse grabbed her hand and they bowed together before running down to another section of the store. Their laughter echoed down the aisles, waking up employees that were dozing off. They reached the lawn furniture section and sat down together on a display hammock. Rachel swung the hammock back and forth as Jesse stretched out and laid out fully with a yawn.

"What time is it?" she asked softly.

"Late." he replied sleepily.

Rachel quickly shot a text to both of her Dads letting them know she was going to bed at Quinn's.

"Let's stay here." she said after hitting send.

"We can't stay here." he muttered with his eyes closed as his hand blindly searched for hers.

"Why not?"

Yawning, he sat up and pulled her close to him.

"Tell me what happened." he whispered.

"Fine." she said "My Dads forbid me from ever seeing you again. They think you'll only make me worse."

"You're kidding." he said in disbelief.

"That's what I said to them. But they're serious. I had to lie to see you tonight. They think I'm at Quinn's." she confessed.

"So I take it you don't intend on obeying that command." he muttered.

"I refuse to." she replied.

"Not that I condone lying to your parents, but I'm glad you chose me." said Jesse before resuming his position laying down on the hammock.

"Me too." she muttered as she stretched out next to him.

Jesse pulled her closer so that her head rested on his chest. She smiled as she heard his heartbeat.

"We don't have to go." he muttered after another yawn.

"Thank you, Jesse." she whispered with her eyes shut.

"Anytime." he whispered.

"Jesse?" she muttered with her eyes still shut.

"Mmmm?"

"I love you." she muttered.

His eyes shot open immediately.

"What?"

He wanted her to say it again so he could be sure he didn't just imagine that. It was no use because she was already out like a light, snuggled into him. After pushing away a stray hair from her face, he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

"I love you too, Rachel." he said before closing his eyes and drifting off into a deep sleep.


	12. Like A Phoenix

"Umm… excuse me?" came the voice of a meek college age employee.

The sleeping couple on the display hammock slept on tangled together without noticing him.

"Really now, you're going to have to leave." he said, uncomfortably hoping he could awaken them without having to touch them.

Jesse's brows furrowed together at the sound of the employees voice. He tightened his grip on Rachel as though protecting her from the source of the noise.

"WAKE UP!"

Rachel jerked awake instantly and nearly fell over from the shock. She covered her eyes because the heavy fluorescent lighting from the ceilings was too much for her sleepy eyes to take. Jesse jumped up shouting something about the spotlight being too bright. Forgetting that they were on a wobbly hammock, their sudden move caused the entire thing to flip over completely. Jesse toppled over first, landing hard on his back. Rachel knocked the wind out of him when she fell right on top of him.

"Good morning!" Jesse gasped, as he tried to find air.

"What time is it?" muttered a drowsy Rachel.

"Five in the morning." replied the employee. "Look, if you're gonna buy anything- do it now or just get out."

"It should be a crime to be awake this early." groaned Jesse as he tried to push himself up from the floor.

He turned his head in confusion at the sudden burst of giggles coming from Rachel on the floor.

"What on earth is so funny?" he asked groggily.

Rachel pushed herself up off the floor and pulled Jesse's face to look at her.

"You drool in your sleep." she said through laughs as she pointed to the saliva on his face.

Jesse whipped around to look at his reflection in a glass display case to freshen up. His normally perfect curls were slightly off balance. He ran his hand through them to try and save their shape, but it was no use.

"This is mortifying." he whispered to himself.

"Oh come on, you can't look perfect all the time." said Rachel before messing up his hair some more.

"You're enjoying this too much." he said seriously.

"Are you always this cranky in the morning?" giggled Rachel as she took his hand and lead him down the aisle.

"Typically." he muttered as he pulled her into the school supply aisle.

Rachel picked up the same supplies she had decided to buy before their adventure throughout the store. After securing five packs of star shaped post-it notes and an assortment of markers and pens, she proceeded to check out. Purchases in one hand, and Jesse's hand in the other, she walked out into the parking lot and over to her car.

They both stopped awkwardly.

"So… do you remember anything before we fell asleep back there?" asked Jesse with a nervous laugh.

Of course she did.

"Not really, no." she said firmly.

While it was most certainly true that she did still love him, admitting it before was a slip of the tongue. If she were to be completely honest, she'd tell him how she never stopped loving him, and that her heart grows fonder for him by the day. But admitting that she remembered what happened would let him know that it wasn't just a sleep deprivation induced slip. He'd know her true feelings for him and she'd be in a very vulnerable place. Even if she was ready to be in a relationship again, Jesse may not really want her that way. For all she knew, he was only being nice to her out of his own guilt. There was no way she could handle another let down with him again.

"Oh… okay… I just thought… forget it." he muttered in embarrassment.

Did he want to be with her again? She couldn't help but wonder after the way he responded to her. Maybe she should admit to it… She shook her head to dispel the thought from her mind. She wasn't ready.

"I really appreciate you spending all that time with me, even if it led to you having hammock hair." said Rachel thankfully.

A sad smile broke across his face. Her insecurities told her it was because of how much he didn't enjoy the night. It was her fault he was sleep deprived and had to drive home before dawn.

"And spend my night alone at home? Of course not." he replied with mock seriousness and arms crossed.

Leaning against her car, Jesse pointed out at the horizon. She looked out to where he was pointing at and saw the most beautiful sunrise peaking out of the clouds in the distance. It was as red as a burning flame. The clouds around it were a beautiful bright orange that no artist could ever attempt to match with paint colors. It was a truly one of a kind, breathtaking image that the two of them will never see again. Nature is brilliant that way- it paints a brand new picture each day.

Jesse chuckled slightly.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing… I'm a nerd. It's nothing." he muttered.

"Jesse St. James? A nerd? Now you're going to have to tell me." she insisted with her arms crossed.

"Okay, don't judge me though." he replied, still leaning against her car comfortably. "The sunset reminds me of a phoenix. It's a magical bird that's feathers look like a burning flame. Anyway, when it gets old it bursts into flames and is reborn from its own ashes. Then it rises again as good as new."

"Where did you learn that?" she asked.

"Harry Potter." he mumbled in embarrassment.

"You read Harry Potter?" she asked in disbelief.

"Shut up." he said as he playfully elbowed her arm. "When I was sick with mono in high school I had nothing to do at home but read. My sister had the whole collection and well…"

He shrugged while she laughed in disbelief.

"You don't want to admit that you're a huge fan and own the entire series yourself. Instead you just say that you had nothing else better to do." she said suspiciously.

"Think what you will." he said stubbornly.

"Will you admit it if I told you that I've read the series too? Quite a few times actually." she said proudly.

"Fine." he admitted reluctantly.

She laughed smugly.

"Anyway, the point that I wanted to make is. The sunrise reminds me of a phoenix and a phoenix reminds me of you." he said in a rush.

"How?"

Jesse turned to look her in the eye.

"Isn't it obvious? You're in your moment of being reborn right now, and soon enough you'll be stronger than ever." he said softly.

"Jesse…" she whispered.

Caught in the moment, she threw her arms around him in a thankful embrace.

"What's this for?" he asked through a small laugh.

She pulled away in embarrassment as she realized how much she had been hugging him since they met again. Maybe he didn't like it.

"Sorry…" she muttered. "It's just that I wish I could believe in myself as much as you do."

As if he had detected her embarrassment, he put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer.

"Don't feel bad for hugging me all the time. I like it." he assured her. "And you will believe in yourself way more than I do soon enough. You just need to get back out there and sing. Didn't you feel it earlier when we sang? Didn't it feel like it was where you belonged?"

"It felt like home." she admitted.

"Is there anything else in this world that makes you feel as comfortable and happy as singing does?" he asked.

She blushed deeply.

"There is one thing." she whispered.

"Oh yeah? What else is that special to you?" he asked, his voice completely interested.

"I'm too embarrassed to admit it." she said, unable to meet his gaze.

"I admitted I was a Harry Potter fanatic, it's your turn to make the big reveal." he insisted.

"Jess, I can't. Not now okay?" she slightly shouted. "The point is, both things make me feel amazing and completely at home."

He sighed and nodded, understanding that he shouldn't push the topic any farther. He still made a mental note to find out what the other thing that made Rachel feel so happy and comfortable was. He had to know. He will know.

"You see? Deep down, you know it. You just need to build up your confidence again." he said before letting out a yawn.

"Yeah. Jesse, you should go home. You didn't get much sleep." she said with her voice full of concern.

He shrugged sleepily.

"Neither did you. Where are you off to?" he asked.

Rachel really wished she had thought about this earlier. She could go to Quinn's but it was really early and she would be waking her up. She knew she couldn't go home because her fathers expected her to be asleep at Quinn's. Whether she liked it or not, she had to go to Quinn's house.

"No choice but to go to Quinn's now. I don't want to wake her but I can't go home." she said.

Jesse seemed to be thinking something over for a few seconds before he replied.

"Okay, feel free to shoot my idea down, but you should follow me back to my aunt's place and get some sleep. You're wearing the same thing you wore yesterday at school and you've had no sleep. It's probably not wise to go in today." he offered kindly.

She bit her lip as she thought out what to do. It would definitely be so much easier to go with him and get some real sleep. Best of all, she'd be spending more time with him.

"I want to but I don't know if I should. I haven't been spending as much time on school as I used to. But I'm just so tired." she said indecisively.

"I don't want to sound like a bad influence because school should be number one for you. But really, how effective are you going to be in school with only two hours of sleep?"

"You're right." she groaned.

"Just get some sleep, shower and eat. One of your friends can fill you in on your notes so you won't fall behind."

A yawn broke through her lips as she nodded in agreement.

"Your aunt won't have a problem with this? Especially seeing as she's my doctor?" she asked hesitantly.

"Don't worry about it. Follow me okay?"

"Okay…"

They both got into their own cars and drove out of the empty parking lot. Jesse led the way down the busy highway that was filled with people rushing over to work. After a brief pause in some traffic, the two of them got off at the right exit that lead into Lima. It was a good thing Jesse knew the directions to his aunt and uncle's house like the back of his hand because he felt as though he could collapse from exhaustion at any minute. Pulling up into the driveway, they both realized that his aunt and uncle's cars weren't anywhere to be seen.

"Uncle John is probably in Akron again for a seminar. Aunt Claire is heck knows where. She's all about extremely early nature hikes to take the edge off of the stress from her job." Jesse muttered after stepping out of his car and walking over to Rachel.

She nodded, too tired to speak. Jesse took her hand and brought her inside the home that she had been in numerous times for her sessions. Even though she wasn't here for a session right now, it still provided her with the usual sense of comfort that it did every other time. In her sleepiness, she instinctively headed straight for the living room, but was dragged in the opposite direction to the staircase.

"I'll give you the proper tour later." said Jesse drowsily, entering his room.

"Just show me where the bed is." she said as she followed him.

"Well—"

Rachel threw herself in the middle of Jesse's king sized mattress. It was one of those expensive memory foam mattresses covered in silky black sheets and pillows.

"This feels amazing!" she said with a happy sigh.

Chuckling slightly, Jesse shut the blinds on his window to filter out the sun. He kicked off his shoes and crawled into his bed next to her.

"What can I say? The St. James family only settles for the best of the best." he replied, stifling another yawn.

"It really is amazing, but something feels missing. I'm used to sleeping with my teddy bears in my arms." she said, grabbing a pillow and trying to cuddle it.

Jesse opened one eye and took the pillow from her.

"Hey!"

He got up from his bed and opened his closet to search for something.

"Here we go." she heard him mumble.

After shutting his closet door, he went back to his bed with a yellow Care Bear in hand.

"Jesse!" she squealed in delight. "You still have it!"

"Of course I do." he said before handing it over to her. "I still have all of our mementos from our….relationship."

She took it in her arms and cuddled it like a child. He found it absolutely endearing.

"What else do you have kept away?" she whispered as they waited for sleep to overcome them.

"The Lionel Richie songbook from the store, the signed 8x10 picture of you that you gave me to hang in my locker when I transferred to McKinley, and a few other things." he muttered as he combed his fingers through her hair softly.

A smile instantly crept across her face.

"I have a few things that you left me too." she admitted. "That Patty LuPone biography you bought me for our one week anniversary, for one."

"Ahh, yes." he whispered with his eyes closed.

"The hair care gift basket you gave me with the same products you use." she said, her voice getting sleepier.

"Mmmhm. It made your hair extra shiny." he muttered with a yawn.

"The Rent hoodie you gave me to feel close to you when I slept." she whispered. "I still wear it to bed sometimes."

This time it was Jesse's turn to break out into a smile.

"Sleep well, Rach."

* * *

Six hours later, Jesse was woken up from the sound of pots and pans falling in the kitchen downstairs. Rachel slept on through the clatter, still clinging onto his Care Bear. He stroked her hair, smiling that she looked completely peaceful. There was no sign of distress on her face as she inhaled and exhaled slowly. She had gone through so much these days, that he wished she could be this peaceful all the time.

"Hope you're dreaming something amazing." he whispered to her.

He eased himself carefully off his bed so as not to wake her. The pots downstairs clanged to the floor again, this time louder than before. Jesse walked downstairs to find his aunt kneeling down on the floor, trying to gather all the pots and pans in frustration.

"Good afternoon, Jesse." she said with irritation in her voice.

He bent down to help her pick up the fallen pans.

"What happened?"

"I was trying to make lunch for you and Rachel but I clumsily knocked everything over. Just when I put them all back on the counter, Diva knocked them off again." she said really fast.

"Okay, you and I both know that you don't cook." laughed Jesse as he carried the pans over to a counter away from Diva.

"And how did you know Rachel was here?" he asked.

His Aunt Claire pulled herself up and browsed the refrigerator for food to cook.

"When I came back from my hike an hour ago, I saw her car in the driveway. Then, I went up to your room to ask you to take Diva to get groomed and saw you two tangled together on your bed. We need to discuss this, Jesse." she said seriously.

"Well, she's still asleep, so let's talk about this now." he said as he pulled up two chairs at the kitchen table.

They both sat together at the table in silence for a few seconds, waiting for the other to start speaking.

"Jesse, she's my patient." his aunt Claire said firmly.

"I know."

"I can't give you the details of what's going on and I don't know how much of it she's spoken to you about it, but she is in a really vulnerable place right now. I'm not sure having any kind of relationship with you is going to benefit her right now."

He looked up and laughed dryly.

"You too? You know, I thought you of all people would understand." he replied angrily.

"Her fathers don't approve either, do they?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"No. But the thing that none of you guys seem to see is that I'm trying to help her. I'm just being her friend. Nothing more than that!" he insisted.

She rolled her eyes in disbelief.

"I know it doesn't look that way because we were asleep in bed together, but she just needed a place to sleep. It's a long story, but we didn't do anything. We just slept." he said as his face grew hot with anger.

"Jesse, look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to be with her again." she asked with an eyebrow raised.

Overcome with frustration, Jesse pushed his chair away from the tabled and walked over to look out the window. Diva walked across the kitchen counter and rubbed her head against his hand to calm him. He sighed as he stroked her back.

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to be with her romantically. I still love her." he admitted softly, his back still turned to his aunt.

He turned to face her again.

"But I know that's not what she needs right now and I'd rather settle for that then nothing at all." he said honestly.

His aunt remained silent as she absorbed what he said.

"She needs someone like me around her to encourage her to be the star that she is. It's already having an effect on her." He insisted. "Talk to her, you'll see what I mean. Just talk to her."

She nodded silently.

"That's not all, though." he said, slightly tense. "It's slightly selfish, thought."

"What is it, Jess?" asked his aunt with concern.

Jesse sat down at the table with her again. He usually kept his wall up with his immediate family, but he felt comfortable talking honestly with his aunt and uncle. They were the closest thing to parental figures that he ever had growing up because of his situation back at home.

"I can't leave her again. It's not only because she needs someone like me to encourage her." he said slowly. "But also because with everything I've been dealing with lately, I've grown to need her too."

A silent tear ran down his aunt's face.

"Don't get all sappy on me, now." he smiled, trying to ease the seriousness.

"Jesse, I've known you your whole life and I've never seen you so serious about someone before. I'm sorry I doubted you. I was just worried about how she'd handle things if you weren't serious about her. But I know now that you are. You've grown so much, Jess. You have my total trust that you'll take care of her and from the looks of it…"

She put her hand on Jesse's.

"Judging by how much you've matured lately, she's been doing a good job taking care of you, too."


	13. A Very Rachel Berry Dinner Party

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I also do not own Summer Stock, but it's a really great musical. As a note for who sings what: italics is Jesse, bold is Rachel and bold italics is both of them.

* * *

**

Around two in the afternoon, Rachel woke up from her nap feeling fully rested. She stretched her arms out and turned to talk to Jesse, but he wasn't there. She swung her legs over his bed and across his room to her coat thrown over his computer chair. When she grabbed her phone, it vibrated to signal a missed message. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise when she saw she had eight missed texts and three missed calls from Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine. She took a deep breath and opened them all from the first to the most recent.

_Missed Call 8:42 AM – Quinn_

_Quinn:_

_Where are you?_

_Missed Call 12:35 PM – Kurt_

_Kurt: Q filled me in on your adventure with Jesse last night. Did something happen?_

_Quinn: If St. James did anything to you I will break his legs._

_Blaine: I hope you're okay. I'm here if you need me. _

_Kurt: Quinn, Blaine, and I have been coming up with possible scenarios as to what happened to you. Are you alive or am I going to have to settle with Blaine's theory on you and Jesse getting kidnapped by late night Walmart employees?_

_Quinn: Rachel- This is Mister Schuester, I caught Quinn texting you in class and would really advise that you not make it a habit of being absent from school. Also, please reconsider joining New Directions again?_

_Quinn: Schu took my phone. If you don't text me back by the end of the day I'm going to Jesse's aunt's house. I have a free period at the end of the day and will be over there by two if you don't contact me back._

_Blaine: Call one of us. We're worried and Quinn's about to march down to Jesse's and cause a scene._

_Missed Call: 1:53 - Quinn_

"Oh God." she sighed.

Before she could type a response, she received another text message.

_Dad- Daddy and I are going out of town this weekend to visit the family in Columbus. We'd invite you, but you have a session with Doctor Austen this week and we know how important they are to you. We trust you'll be able to take care of yourself while we're gone. _

Smiling, she went back to her previous texts. As she typed out a reassuring text to Quinn, the doorbell rang downstairs. Without finishing the text, she snapped her phone shut and raced out the door and down the stairs.

She was too late, though. Quinn was already interrogating Jesse in Doctor Austen's doorway.

"Where is she?" asked Quinn with her hands on either side of the doorway.

"Calm down, it's not that serious." Jesse replied calmly.

"Then why hasn't she been to school today or gotten back to any of us all day? What did you do?"

"I'm right here, Q." said Rachel from across the room.

Quinn had an accusatory finger pointed at Jesse's chest as she looked past him and saw Rachel waving at her from the bottom of the stairwell. Without another word to Jesse, she walked past him and over to her friend.

"Won't you come in, Quinn?" asked Jesse under his breath as he shut the door.

"I know, I worried you. I'm sorry." said Rachel quickly. "We fell asleep at Walmart and I was too tired to make it to school this morning so I crashed here. My phone was on silent while I slept and I literally just woke up."

"We got really worried, and well.." started Quinn.

"You thought I took advantage of her because I have an oh so clean track record." said Jesse with a fake smile from the couch.

"Yeah, that."

"It means a lot to me that you guys were concerned and I'm sorry for not letting you know I wasn't coming over this morning. I was just too tired." said Rachel, sitting herself down next to Jesse.

Quinn nodded as she sat down across from them.

"Sorry for being so harsh, Jesse. It was hard not to jump to conclusions." said Quinn, slightly embarrassed.

"Of course everyone expects me to hurt her. I'm the bad guy." he replied, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.

"Jesse…" muttered Rachel.

"Are you guys… together?" asked Quinn.

"No!" replied Rachel quickly.

"No way." said Jesse at the same time, his eyes on Rachel.

"Are you kidding?" added Rachel.

"Absolutely not." said Jesse firmly.

"We're friends!" they said simultaneously with nervous smiles.

Quinn merely stared at them with an eyebrow arched and her mouth slightly open.

"I've been thinking, Quinn. If I want you and the rest of Rachel's friends to trust me, I need to earn it." said Jesse, glad he thought of a way to change the subject.

"I couldn't agree more." she replied.

"How about we have a get together as a group and get better acquainted." he suggested.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked with interest.

"Why don't you all come over for a dinner party and a movie at my house? My Dads are going out of town this weekend. We can all dress up and just have fun." offered Rachel.

"Perfect." said Jesse with a smile.

"I'm in. I'll just text Blaine and Kurt about it. Listen, I have to run. I have your homework at my house if you want to come over later." said Quinn, rising from her seat and walking towards the front door.

"Okay, I'll be over later." Rachel replied as she waved goodbye.

After Quinn left, Rachel immediately rose from her seat and walked halfway up the staircase before turning back to ask him a question.

"Jesse, can you go into the trunk of my car and get the dance bag in there? It has my extra change of clothes and shower supplies for when I get slushied at school."

"I hate that you have to take such precautions, but sure."

Not being too familiar with the house, she figured she'd use Jesse' bathroom. She pushed the door open and was met with a sight that made her giggle. Jesse had an entire collection of hair care products, neatly arranged on shelves. There was an array of shampoos and conditioners, as well as styling products he uses to maintain his perfect curls.

"Oh Jesse…" she muttered under her breath as she examined a particularly expensive looking jar of gel.

Leaning over the vast porcelain tub, she turned the silver knobs to turn on the water. She set her desired level of warmth for the water and turned on the shower. Once she had undressed and stepped into the stream of the water, she closed her eyes in delight. The water pressure was perfect. Once the steam started to surround her, she started to sing "Don't Cry for Me Argentina".

"Rachel, I have your bag." said Jesse from the other side of the door.

Her eyes shot open.

"Crap." she muttered to herself. "One second!"

Her arm shot out of the shower and blindly searched for a towel. She stepped out and pulled an extremely soft emerald green towel around her body. She was glad that the heat of the shower had already made her cheeks flush bright red, because she would most definitely be blushing at the thought of Jesse seeing her in a towel.

"Don't look!" she shouted with her hand on the door knob.

"Sure, take all the fun out of everything." he joked. "Ok, I'm covering my eyes."

She opened the door quickly and saw Jesse standing there with the bag in one hand, and his other hand over his eyes. His lips were pursed together as he tried to stifle a laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked after taking the bag from him.

"You're just cute, is all. And it's nice to hear you sing the song you'll perform in front of a sold out crowd some day."

"Thanks." she said with a smile she was glad he couldn't see.

"I'll be here if you need anything else." he said after she shut the door.

Unzipping the bag quickly, she searched around for her shampoo and conditioner, but when she found them, they were empty.

"Jesse, can I use your shampoo?"

"I'd say yes, but it's not for your hair texture. My sister has some hair supplies in her room here for when she visits, though. It should work for you." he shouted from his room.

"Okay."

A minute later, there was another knock on the bathroom door. Towel grasped together in one hand, she used to other to open the door. Jesse stood there holding a very expensive shampoo and conditioner in both hands. His mouth dropped open slightly at the sight of her wearing nothing but his own towel.

"Sorry." he said slowly as his eyes scanned her.

The embarrassment that she expected to feel from him seeing her in this state never came. She was surprised by the fact that she was amused by the effect she was having on him.

"Why are you smiling like that?" he asked.

"No reason." she said with a giggle.

She took the hair care products and turned to re-enter the bathroom. Before she shut the door, she looked back at him with a wicked grin.

"What?"

When the door was shut and locked, she leaned against the door and laughed as quietly as she could manage. Maybe part of Jesse did still like her.

* * *

After wrapping up her shower, Rachel dressed and ate a lunch prepared by Jesse. Doctor Austen had been in her main office for the rest of the day with other patients.

"Tell Doctor… your aunt that I will definitely make it to the session this weekend." she told Jesse as she was standing in front of the front door.

"Will do."

"Thanks for everything, really."

Jesse nodded and pulled her into a hug.

"Can I ask you for a favor?" she asked in the middle of the hug.

He let go of her and nodded.

"I don't like it when my Dads go out of town because I have to stay home alone by myself. Would it be too much trouble for you to stay with me for the weekend to keep me company?"

"It would be a pleasure to keep you company." he replied happily.

* * *

Rachel spent the next few hours filling Quinn in on what happened with Jesse the night before. After she was properly filled in, Quinn helped her catch up on her class work from the day that she missed. They didn't finish until well after nightfall, and Rachel figured her fathers would be getting worried if she didn't come home soon.

"So, you should let Kurt and Blaine know to be over at my house tomorrow at six, and we can hang out at my place for a wonderful dinner and a movie in my family party room." said Rachel, clapping her hands together in excitement.

"It should be lots of fun." Quinn muttered. "Hey, Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"You're looking so much happier these days. I don't know if it's Jesse or those therapy sessions, but you're starting to have life in your eyes again." said Quinn as she sat with her hands wrapped around her knees.

"Both of those are really helping me, but I also have a great group of friends who do a great job at making me feel like I'm never alone." she replied, nudging Quinn gently.

"I'm glad we're friends now. It sucks that we wasted so much time with high school drama when we could have been best friends from the beginning." said Quinn, her voice full of regret.

Rachel leaned her head on Quinn's shoulder and linked her arm with hers.

"Hey, no day but today, right?" she asked happily.

"You and your musicals." giggled Quinn.

Rachel's phone vibrated on her hip signaling that her father's were summoning her home.

"I have to get going. I'll see you guys tomorrow for our fabulous get together." said Rachel as she gathered her things.

"I can't wait!"

"See you then!"

* * *

A short red dress with three quarter length sleeves was laid out on Rachel's bed for the night ahead. She styled her hair with the hair products that Jesse had given her when they were together, leaving her hair full of body and shine. When her makeup was all done, she was about to slip on her dress and complete her look, but the doorbell rang downstairs. None of her guests were expected to arrive for another two hours. Confused, she put on a robe and ran downstairs to see who it was.

She opened the door to find Jesse standing on her front step wearing a blue dress shirt with a red tie and a black jacket with black slacks.

"My, aren't you looking quite dapper this evening, Mr. St. James!"

"Well you said we were dressing up, so here I am!" said Jesse as he stepped inside.

"You're early, though. I haven't even gotten half the cooking done." she replied after shutting the door.

"Exactly why I'm here. I couldn't let you do all that alone."

Jesse removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves before walking over to the kitchen. When he reached the doorway he turned around to face Rachel.

"Oh yeah, nice robe." he said with a wink.

She followed him into the kitchen and showed him what she was working on and what she still had left to do. There was a large restaurant quality glass dry erase menu board where Rachel had written out the each dish that will be served. There was a starter salad, vegetable pasta with a vegan vodka sauce, and brownies with an assortment of ice cream flavors for dessert. Jesse didn't waste any time and started to slice the vegetables for the pasta Rachel had planned.

"I would have never taken you for the cooking type." said Rachel as she checked on her brownies in the oven.

"When your parents are hardly around, you tend to spend a lot of time with the nanny. She used to distract me from my parent's constantly being out of town by letting me help her cook." he said while stirring the sauce.

There was a slight bitterness in his voice that Rachel could easily detect. He seemed to have something on his mind that was leaving him in a bit of a funk.

"Is everything okay, Jess?" she asked as she grabbed plates out of her kitchen cabinet to set the table.

"Just family drama, let's not talk about it." he said curtly.

"Okay well… if you want to talk about it—"

"How about I take care of the rest of this and you go upstairs and get dressed. I've got it under control." he said, turning to face her.

She nodded and ran upstairs to put her dress on. After slipping on the short red dress, she tried to zip it up. She got it up a third of the way when the zipper got stuck. No matter how hard she tugged, it just would not budge.

"Jesse, can you come up here and give me a hand?" she yelled.

His footsteps echoed down the hall as he ran upstairs to see what she needed.

"Are you dressed?" he asked tentatively from the doorway.

"For the most part. Can you help me with this zipper? It's stuck and I just—cant—get it—ugh!" she asked, trying her hardest to get it to move.

Jesse walked up behind her and unintentionally licked his lips at the sight of Rachel's bare back in front of him. He fiddled with the caught zipper for a few seconds and was able to remove the piece of fabric it was stuck on with ease.

"There." he said, smiling at Rachel's reflection in the mirror in front of them both.

"Thank you, it was really stuck." she said, browsing through her jewelry.

Jesse picked up a necklace she had with the drama symbol of comedy and tragedy and placed it around her neck.

"You're stunning." he said softly.

His hands trailed from her shoulders, down her arms, and hovered slightly at her waist for a few seconds before he pulled away.

"Thank you." she said. She could feel her blood rushing to her cheeks as her face grew warm.

"Come on, let's finish that meal." said Jesse, trying to break the awkwardness of the moment.

Jesse and Rachel ran downstairs to finish preparing the dinner. Rachel hooked up her iPod to the speakers in the kitchen, so they could sing while they worked. He helped her put on her bright pink apron so she wouldn't get her dinner dress dirty. It had ruffled sleeves and a big cartoon kitten on the middle of it.

"How are you able to look so ridiculously cute in something as ghastly as that?" he asked as he placed the olive oil and garlic covered French bread in the oven.

"You secretly find it hot. Admit it!" she laughed as she set out the silverware.

"Sneaky hot, maybe." he teased.

She rolled her eyes.

"Cartoon kittens totally turn me on." he said sarcastically while looking through the refrigerator.

"Pedophile." she muttered with a giggle.

"Yeah?"

Jesse pulled out a can of Rachel's special soy whipped cream and chased her around the kitchen table. She immediately ran around the table in the opposite direction to avoid the attack. Their laughter was so loud that it echoed throughout the empty house.

"That stuff is really expensive and hard to find, Jesse!" she shouted through her laughs.

"I'll get you a new one." he replied as he tried to grab her and missed.

"I guess whipped cream beats throwing eggs at me." she giggled, still running.

His face fell slightly as he froze in his tracks and put the can down.

"I'm sorry." she said with a half smile. "I shouldn't have brought it up. I didn't mean it in a hurtful way."

"Look at you," he muttered, pulling her close. "Apologizing for something that isn't even your fault."

"I'm over it, Jess. Really. I'm so over it, we can joke about it." she assured him.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." she said, grabbing the can of whipped cream from him.

"What are you doing?"

She squeezed a hand full of whipped cream in her hand and set the can down. She dipped a finger from her other hand into the handful and tasted it seductively.

"Rachel…"

"I wonder…" she said softly, stepping closer to him. "What this will look like if I put it…"

Jesse gulped hard, trying to refrain from grabbing her and kissing her right then and there.

"IN YOUR HAIR!" she shouted, smashing her hand full of whipped cream into his perfect curls.

He shut his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth while his mind absorbed the fact that his hair was damaged. To make matters worse, she wiped off her hand on the side of his face. When he opened his eyes, he saw her giggling and watching him for a reaction. Without a word, he grabbed her by the waist with one hand, and grabbed some of the whipped cream on his hair and smeared it on her face.

Her jaw dropped in shock.

"Jesse!"

The doorbell rang.

"Look, now I have to answer the door looking like this." she shouted, still smiling.

"Let's do it together. That'll give them a sight. Look serious." he said as he pulled her to the door.

Show faces on, Rachel and Jesse pulled the door open to greet the guests. Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine stood in front of them with their mouths slightly open.

"What the…" muttered Blaine.

"Welcome!" said Rachel excitedly.

"You guys are in for a wonderful night!" added Jesse, motioning for them to enter.

"If this is what you meant by dressed up, don't you dare get any of that near my jacket. It's brand new and cost me two month's allowance." said Kurt quickly as he walked past them.

"What's going on, Rachel?" asked Quinn.

Rachel burst out into laughter against Jesse's shoulder.

"Ok, I can't play this game anymore as this stuff is very quickly thickening." said Jesse as he poked at his curls dramatically.

"Go wash up, Jess."

He sprinted out the door and over to his car where he kept his overnight bag that he had brought to spend the night. Luckily he always carried the essential hair care supplies whenever he planned on spending a night away from home. He slung the bag over his shoulder and ran back in the house and up to Rachel's bathroom.

"We were just playing around." Rachel told her friends, who looked at her with knowing smiles.

"Playing around?" teased Kurt.

"Stop that!" she said, turning to the kitchen to wash her face.

"When are those two going to get together already?" Blaine asked Quinn and Kurt, who both nodded in agreement.

* * *

Once Rachel and Jesse were cleaned up, Rachel invited everyone into the dining room for the meal. A play list of songs that New Directions had once chosen to perform played on the ipod speakers for them to listen to while they ate.

"I brought some wine." said Jesse as he showed them the bottle. "Brought it in when I ran to my car earlier."

"Jesse, we're under aged." said Rachel as she served the salads.

"It's just wine. I grew up drinking it with dinner every night." he shrugged while he searched for a corkscrew.

"Fine, but what about everyone else? They're driving."

"We all came over in my car. I'll be the designated driver." offered Quinn without a problem. "I've had too many bad experiences with alcohol, one of which lead to a pregnancy."

"It's settled then!" said Jesse as he poured everyone else a glass.

"Let's do a toast!" said Kurt excitedly.

"Rachel, you're the hostess." said Jesse.

"Okay. Here's to friendship. I love you all and am so glad you could be here tonight." she said, holding her glass up.

"Cheers!" they all shouted.

"Always wanted to do that." laughed Blaine.

They ate their meals together and shared lots of laughs and stories. Kurt and Blaine told a few funny stories from when they were at Dalton and Quinn told Jesse about how Rachel sent Sunshine Corazon to a crack house earlier in the school year.

"You're kidding?" he asked, nearly choking on a piece of zucchini in his pasta.

"It was inactive!" insisted Rachel defensively.

"Trying to defend your solos? I would've done it too." he shrugged.

"You both would." said Kurt.

"So Jesse," said Blaine. "How is UCLA treating you?"

Jesse poked at his pasta for a few seconds without meeting anyone's gaze.

"It was definitely not what I expected and I'm really glad to be done with it, quite honestly." he said, still unable to look at them.

"Things will get better next semester." Rachel assured him.

He nodded and poured himself another glass of wine in silence.

"Okay, how about dessert?" asked Rachel, trying to break the silence.

"Bring it!" said Blaine.

"I have brownies and ice cream. Soy ice cream for me, and regular for the rest of you." she said as she took their plates.

Jesse finished off his second glass and started to help Rachel clear the table for dessert.

"Pour me another glass, Jess?" she asked.

"You just finished your third. That's a lot for a girl as small as you." he reminded her.

"Please?"

He refilled her glass as she wheeled out a small cart with brownies and ice cream.

"My father's bought this for dinner parties but we hardly use it enough." she said as she served the dessert.

'Oh my God Rachel, this is amazing. I know it'll all go to my thighs when I'm done but I just don't care." said Kurt.

"Live a little." said Blaine, elbowing Kurt affectionately.

"This is really good." said Quinn with a smile.

"Your dinner party seems to be a hit." muttered Jesse with a wink.

"Thank you for your help." she whispered to him, putting her head on his shoulder.

"Let's get to that movie." said Jesse quickly, taking the wine glass out of Rachel's hands.

"No, let's play charades!" she shouted.

Rachel ran into the living room and pushed the couches against the wall.

"What was I thinking bringing wine?" muttered Jesse as they followed her.

"Okay, I'll go first!" Rachel shouted as she stumbled into the coffee table.

"Rachel, how about we play something safe? Like a board game." asked Jesse.

"I have Candy Land!" she shouted before skipping to the game closet.

Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine watched her with their eyebrows raised.

"Maybe we should go…" said Kurt.

"This party means a lot to her. Humor her?" whispered Jesse.

Rachel ran out with the game and set it up on the coffee table. The rest of them sat around the table, glancing at each other awkwardly. When she finished setting up, she sat down in between Jesse's legs and leaned back against his chest. Kurt shot Jesse a look. He shrugged, but was unable to remove the smile that came to his face when Rachel sat there.

When the game ended, Jesse offered to show Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine out.

"Great dinner party, Rachel!" said Blaine as they walked to the front door.

"Thank you for the great meal!" said Kurt.

"It was amazing, really." said Quinn.

"We should do it again sometime!" said Rachel from the couch.

Jesse stood in the doorway as the rest of the guests walked out and turned to face him.

"You're staying?" asked Kurt suspiciously.

"She asked if I could… and I don't think she should be alone right now. That's if you don't think I'm going to take advantage of her or something." he said defensively.

"Calm down theatre boy, you've earned our trust." said Quinn.

"It's obvious you really like her and want her to be happy." said Blaine.

"And when you do get back together, we trust that you'll treat her right this time." said Kurt. "Don't give me that look, we all know you love her."

Jesse looked down and nodded.

"Goodnight, Jesse." said Quinn as they walked away.

He waved and shut the door. He turned to speak to Rachel, but she wasn't in the living room.

"Rach?"

"I'm cleaning up!" she shouted from the kitchen.

He sighed and walked over to the kitchen to help her. She was trying to load all the dishes into the dishwasher by herself. He went into the fridge and took out a large bottle of water.

"Let me finish. You should drink some water because you had a lot to drink for someone of your size." he said as he pulled her from the work.

She giggled and took the bottle from him.

"Tonight was so fun!" she said in between sips.

"You sure know how to throw a good dinner party." he said as he cleaned up.

When he was done, Rachel grabbed his hand and dragged him upstairs.

"What are you doing?" he asked suspiciously.

"Why should the fun stop now?" she asked, pulling him into her room.

"Rachel, I really don't think—"

She kicked off her flats and popped in a random DVD from her musicals shelf next to her flat screen television. It turned out to be Summer Stock with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly.

"You thought I was going to try and have sex with you." she giggled from her bed.

"Well you did have a lot to drink." he said as he climbed into bed next to her.

"I'm not drunk, Jesse. I'm just really happy." she said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Well I'm glad." he smiled. "I love this movie."

They watched it in silence, occasionally singing along to songs they liked.

"Hey Rachel?" he asked during a song they both didn't like. "Will you do something for me?"

"What?"

"I have to go back home in Akron next weekend and I'm really not looking forward to it. Would you mind coming with me so it's not so miserable?" he asked nervously. "You probably wouldn't have a very good time but I figure you could use a change of scenery and-"

"Enough rambling, Jesse. I'll go with you." she giggled.

She was slightly shocked that Jesse would ask her to accompany him. He must really need the emotional support because it must have been really hard for him to ask.

"I love this part." muttered Rachel when the movie reached a romantic song and dance number.

Jesse rolled off her bed and pulled her to her feet.

"Let's dance." he said as he held out his hand.

"I'd love to." she replied.

Jesse grabbed her waist with one hand, and her hand with the other as they danced around the room gazing into each other's eyes. He sang the song to her lovingly.

"_I'm glad I met you_

_You wonderful you_

_I can't forget you_

_You wonderful you_

_Your're like a breath of spring_

_A whole new thing has happened_

_And without much ado_

_I look at you and there stands love_

_My arms around you, that's wonderful too._

_So glad I found you._

_You wonderful you._

_Remember, finder's keepers, loser's weepers_

_And because it's true, _

_You're mine now._

_You wonderful you. _

After the singing stopped, the music continued into a nice and easy dance break. Jesse twirled Rachel around and pulled her close to him again where she belonged. After the dance, Jesse sang the end of the song to Rachel. This time he sang it more passionately as he wrapped his arms around her and held her. She even joined in with him in singing the last line of the song, just as Jane did in the movie.

"_You're like a breath of spring_

_A whole new thing has happened. _

_And without much ado, I look at you _

_And there stands love_

_My arms around you, that's wonderful too_

_So glad I found you_

_You wonderful you…._

_Remember finder's keepers, _**loser's weepers**

_**And because it's true you're mine now**_

_**You wonderful you.**_

They ended the song gazing into each other's eyes like the characters in the movie were doing. Caught up in the romance, Rachel and Jesse abandoned their own rules they put up to just be friends and pulled each other into a passionate kiss. Their lips collided together like electrical fire in the longing desperation that they both had pent up inside them since they were reunited. They broke their kiss only to gasp for air before crushing their lips together again. Jesse tangled his hands in her hair as they crashed together on her bed. When he broke the kiss to pepper kisses along her jaw and neck, her eyes shot open.

"What are we doing?" she whispered.

Rachel rolled off her bed and ran to her bathroom and locked the door.

"Rachel, I'm sorry!" Jesse yelled from the bed.

He punched one of Rachel's pillows regretfully.

"Fuck!"


	14. St James Manor

**A/N: I know Rachel and Mercedes are friends on Glee now (I use that term loosely because Mercedes was a pretty bad friend in the last episode), but because I favor continuity, I can't have them be suddenly best friends in my story right now.**

**Update: Thanks to Orthographer for letting me know about my slip up with Jesse's full ride. No more writing in the middle of the night when i'm half asleep. Anyway.. I've corrected the scene. **

**

* * *

**

"Rachel, come out!" begged Jesse from the other side of the door.

"I suppose you want us to sing about it?" she asked.

"If that's what you want."

She unlocked the door and walked to her bed without meeting his gaze.

"I'm sorry." he said after sitting down next to her. "I'm not sorry it happened, but I' sorry for not resisting when I knew you weren't ready."

Rachel stayed silent.

"Are you sorry it happened?" he asked with a hint of worry in his voice.

"No." she whispered with her eyes on the ground. "But we got caught up in the moment. I… had too much to drink and the song was really romantic."

Jesse shook his head.

"That may be true but you and I both know it was more than that. Nevertheless, we should stay friends until you're ready." he said with a half smile.

"Leave it to Jesse St. James to see through me." she muttered.

"Don't I always?"

"I really value our friendship and I just don't want to risk losing that. Think about it, Jesse. You mean so much to me and are helping me get better. What would happen if we dated and had a fight? Or what if you left me? I'd lose one of the biggest support systems I have. I could spiral back down… No. I'm not strong enough. It's too much of a risk."

Jesse pulled Rachel so she was facing him on the bed.

"No matter what happens to us, I swear that you'll never lose me. I'll always be here for you to support you through everything. I promise." he assured her sincerely.

"I hope you're right."

"Always am." he said with a playfully smug tone. "I'm going to go get changed. You should too."

He got up from the bed and looked at her for a few seconds as he thought something out. Decision made, he leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. Their foreheads pressed together as they closed their eyes and relived their moment of passion earlier in their minds. His eyes opened first and he pulled away before she could captivate him again without even knowing she was doing it.

While Jesse changed in her bathroom, Rachel slipped out of her dress and into her pink teddy bear pajamas. Jesse stepped out of her bathroom wearing a black t-shirt and green flannel pajama pants.

"Do you want me to sleep in another room? I'd understand if you feel uncomfortable after that."

"No, with me is fine… unless it's awkward for you." she replied as she fluffed his pillows.

"No. I figure we can sleep in the same bed since we were able to sleep together in Walmart and my room without a problem." he said as he climbed onto her bed.

They each made sure that they were as far away from each other as possible on her bed. Rachel clapped her lights off and snuggled into her teddy bear to fall asleep.

"Goodnight, Jesse." she said softly.

"Night."

Rachel shut her eyes and waited for sleep to take over, but it never came. After what felt like an hour, she rolled over and sat up.

"Jesse?" she whispered.

Not having gotten any sleep either, Jesse sat up too.

"I don't like this awkwardness." she said softly.

"Then don't let it be."

Jesse grabbed her waist and pulled her to lay down into a spooning position.

"Better?" he whispered in her ear.

She grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her tighter.

"Better."

* * *

The next morning, Jesse drove Rachel back to his aunt's house for her therapy session. The awkwardness from the previous night had just about cleared up because they valued each other too much to let it come in between them. While neither would bring up the topic of the night before, neither of them could forget it for a second.

"I'm going to go drive around so you'll be alone for your session." said Jesse after pulling into his aunt's driveway.

"I guess I'll see you later."

"Of course, we have to go back to your place and finish those brownies." he replied with a wink.

Rachel stepped out of the car and was greeted by Doctor Austen in the doorway.

"This is really weird now. Do I still call you Doctor Austen?" she asked once she was settled in her usual spot on the couch.

"I guess you can call me Claire. You've slept over my house, we're there." said Claire from her seat across from her.

"Okay. I guess you want to talk about what I've been doing with Jesse."

"We can talk about whatever you want to talk about. But yes, I do want to know how your life has been since you two met again."

"I thought it was going to be terrible at first. I just thought that he'd remind me of the heartache I went through when he walked out of my life. But honestly, all he's been reminding me of is of the person I was when I was with him before. I'm actually kind of… happy." she said with a big smile.

"Wow… it feels so good to say that. I'm happy. I'm starting to want things for myself again. I want to get better." she said really quickly. "I… kind of want to join Glee Club again."

Claire jotted down a few notes.

"It looks like Jesse is doing a lot of good for you." she said proudly.

"We kissed last night." Rachel blurted out without thinking.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"It just happened. But we both know it's not the right time to take our friendship to the next level. I'm getting better but I'm just not there yet."

"Are you feeling any sort of pain after kissing him?"

"Honestly? No. I know I still love him and want to be with him again. But what if this Borderline Personality Disorder thing makes me depend on him too much and I'll just sink back into my old patterns?" she asked fearfully.

"That is a very valid concern. I think waiting it out for now is the best thing you can do to see where things go. But one day or another you're going to have to make a decision."

"I know." Rachel replied in a near whisper.

"You're hiding this all from your Dads, right?" asked Claire with a slight smile.

"Please don't tell them!"

"Don't worry. This is confidential, remember?"

"Thank you. They just don't get that Jesse isn't a bad guy. I don't know what lie I'm going to come up with next weekend but—"

"What lie?"

"Jesse invited me to go with him to Akron to meet his family—"

"Are you serious?" said Claire, her tone shifting from professional doctor to surprised aunt. "Jesse hates his parents. I thought he'd want to keep you AWAY from them."

"He said it would make his stay less miserable."

Claire's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Wow… that's so out of character for him. If he wants someone with him for emotional support then something big must be happening. Jesse is an island. He doesn't need emotional support from anyone for anything."

"That's exactly why I couldn't say no. I'll have to come up with something so my Dads don't find out, but I'm going."

Claire put down the clipboard and sighed.

"Okay Rachel, I'm not talking to you as your therapist right now. I'm talking to you as Jesse's family. You need to know something before you walk into the lion's den." she said seriously.

"What?" asked Rachel fearfully.

"Jesse's dad is not the nicest of men you'll meet. He is incredibly full of himself and has high standards for his family. He's not exactly proud of how Jesse has turned out… Expect a lot of cruel words and arguing." warned Claire.

"What's his problem?"

"He think's Jesse's a disappointment for choosing the theatre as his path. Anyway, it's not my story to tell. I just want you to know what you're getting into."

"Well, thanks for the heads up."

Claire looked at her watch to see how much time they had left in the session.

"So things have been going well this week. Let's hope it continues. But don't be hard on yourself if you have another melt down. It would be unrealistic to expect things to be bright and sunny from here on. In fact this is something that you'll probably be dealing with your whole life. The point of these sessions is to help you find ways to cope with it so it never gets to a point where it interferes with your life."

"That's so depressing." Rachel muttered. "What's the point of this then?"

"I know… but there is hope. I'm going to be honest with you. When I was your age I fit all the symptoms of a Borderline. But through therapy and time, I managed to reach a healthy equilibrium. Some days are worse than others but it does get better. It _will_ get better." said Claire in a motherly tone.

"I hope you're right."

"I typically am. You're going to turn out fine, Rachel." assured Claire. "Besides, borderlines are the coolest kinds of people you'll ever find."

They both shared a laugh before Rachel got up to leave.

"I told Jesse this, but I may as well let you know. I'm glad that you two are friends. Despite your history, you're good for each other." said Claire from the doorway.

"You're always right." replied Rachel with a laugh.

"Where do you think Jesse got it from?" said Claire with a wink.

* * *

Over the next week, Rachel considered visiting Mister Schuester in his office to ask for her position back in New Directions. Every time she stood outside his door, she was overcome with nervous thoughts of what if. What if he laughed at her and told her they didn't need her anymore? What if she had already been replaced? He had asked for her to come back when he confiscated Quinn's phone, but what if he was doing it just to get the chance to shut her down?

"Ugh these stupid issues!" she whispered to herself in anger.

As she was walking over to the library to study, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She flipped it open and smiled when she saw a text from Jesse.

_Jesse- Are we still on for this weekend?_

Her hands reflexively typed out a response, but she waited a minute before hitting send so she wouldn't appear so desperate.

_Of course. I'll settle out my alibi right now so my Dads aren't on my case. _

A minute later, another text came in.

_Jesse- Let me know what the plan is when you sort it out…_

It wouldn't be fair to Quinn if she asked for her to cover for her again. No, this time she'd have to ask another one of her friends.

"Hi, Kurt!" she said enthusiastically.

Kurt was in the middle of talking to Mercedes next to his locker when she snuck up on him. He jumped back so quickly that he knocked into Mercedes, causing her to spill her drink all over her jacket. She glared at Rachel venomously.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" she shouted.

"I'm sorry..."

"I've had enough with you, Rachel. You quit, thinking that you'll screw our chances of winning and now you screw up my jacket!" she shouted. "You know what? I'm going to show you just how much we don't need you!"

"Mercedes!" scolded Kurt.

"No. I'm done with her." she said before walking off.

"I… I was just." was all she was capable of saying before tears filled her eyes.

"No, Rachel. Don't." he said as he pulled her into a hug. "She was only lashing out in frustration. She was just telling me how she didn't think we'd win without you."

"I was going to tell Mister Schue that I wanted to join again!" she cried after breaking their hug.

"Things in Glee Club are just really hectic right now. Most of them will never admit it around you, but we do need you. You don't let them slack off." said Kurt with a half smile.

"I'll think about it a little more over the weekend…" she said. "I came here to ask you if you would do me a favor and cover for me this weekend."

Kurt shut his locker and leaned on it with his arms crossed.

"Where are you and Jesse going now?" he asked with interest.

She looked away and blushed.

"He asked me to come with him to Akron for his trip to see his parents."

"Meeting the parents already? Impressive."

"Will you cover for me? Please?"

"Not another word. Just tell your Dads that you're sleeping over for my semi-annual Judy Garland Marathon."

"Thank you, Kurt!" she squealed.

"Hey Rach!" shouted Blaine from behind her.

He scooped her up into a big hug and spun her around.

"Put me down!" she giggled.

She could hear Kurt mutter an "Oh dear" as Blaine set her back on the ground.

"Did I hear about a Judy Marathon?" he asked excitedly.

"It's just a cover for Rachel to run away with Jesse for the weekend." said Kurt.

Blaine's face fell.

"But… that doesn't mean we can't still have one." winked Kurt.

"You should! I'm going to get going. Thanks for helping me out, Kurt. And Blaine, I really needed a good laugh so thanks for the hug." said Rachel before walking away.

She shot a quick text to Jesse.

_Be parked a block from my house on Friday at four.

* * *

_

"But Daddy, it's Judy Garland!" she whined from across the dinner table.

"A whole weekend's worth?" asked Leroy suspiciously.

"Your entire shelf devoted to Judy Garland DVDs is proof enough that there are way too many movies that can be knocked out in one night." she said with her arms crossed.

"She has a point there." muttered Hiram.

Leroy sighed.

"Fine. But we'll drive you and walk you inside. We want to make sure it's okay with the Hummels."

"Why?" she asked, as calmly as she possibly could. "You didn't ask Mrs. Fabray when I stayed over at Quinn's the other night."

"We take you there and talk to the Hummel's or you can stay home." said Hiram in a very final tone.

"Fine…"

After dinner, she shot Jesse another text.

_Change of plans, pick me up at Kurt's house… My dad's insist on driving me. __I'm also going to need your help...__  
_

Once that was settled, she hit Kurt's number on speed dial so they could come up with a plan…

* * *

After loading her sleep away bag in the trunk of the car, she buckled herself in and prayed this would go off without a problem. Her fathers must be suspicious of her if they're going to such extremes as treating her like a child.

"I still don't get why you have to do this. Kurt's house is three blocks away."

She looked out the window as the car rounded the corner into Kurt's block. Her eyes widened in horror at the sight of Jesse, Kurt, and Blaine laughing with each other in Kurt's yard. They all noticed the car coming at the same time and what happened next was all a blur. Jesse looked around quickly for a place to hide and Kurt shoved his head down for him to duck behind the bushes. At the same time, Blaine tackled Jesse to the ground to hide. Once the car parked in the street, Kurt stood leaning against his mail box as casually as he could manage.

Rachel's fathers stepped out of the car wondering what they had just missed. Blaine crawled over muttering something about finding his contact.

"Hello Kurt, is your Dad here?"

"He's just about to step out to go to a football game with Finn." he said just as Finn and Burt walked out of the house.

"Ah yes, Mr. Hummel,"

"Football game, Berries. Make it quick."

"We just wanted to clear with you if it's okay for Rachel to be staying at your house for the weekend." said Leroy in a very businesslike manner.

Rachel and Finn exchanged glances and he could tell that something was going on. He whipped his head around in confusion and his eyebrows rose when he saw Jesse crouched in the bushes.

"_Please_." she mouthed out desperately.

Finn gritted his teeth and then sighed.

"Burt, we need to get going or we'll be late." hurried Finn as he stepped in front of where Jesse would be visible to her parents.

"Yeah. Judy Garland Marathon right, Kurt?" said Burt as he fumbled for his keys.

"Yep…"

"Yeah, sure. Have fun guys." said Burt before getting into his car and driving off.

Fully convinced, Rachel's Dads kissed her on the forehead and drove back home without another word.

"Jesse, you can come out now." shouted Kurt without even turning around to look at him.

Jesse pushed himself up off the grass and dusted his jeans off while giving Blaine an angry glare for tackling him so hard.

"Oh please, you should thank me." said Blaine with a shrug.

"Thanks for getting Kurt's Dad those tickets. It was the perfect distraction to get him to be in too much of a hurry to pay much attention." said Rachel as she dusted his jacket off.

"Finn could've ruined the whole thing. He looked me dead in the eyes…" said Jesse.

"But he didn't and that's what's important. Let's hit the road, shall we?" she asked as she pulled a leaf from his curls.

"Yeah, let's get going. It was nice seeing you guys." he said to Kurt and Blaine.

"Drive safe!" shouted Blaine.

* * *

Jesse's car was parked a block away from Kurt's house as she had told him to.

"You should've stayed in the car. That was really close." she muttered after they got into the car.

"I got here too early and wanted to say hi." he shrugged.

As he drove past the Hummel house and rounded the corner, they didn't see Rachel's Dads parked in one of their family friend's driveways in the middle of a conversation. Hiram was barely paying attention to their friend's story and saw Rachel laughing in the passenger seat of the car with Jesse.

"Leroy…" he nearly shouted.

"What?"

"She's with him! You were right. They are sneaking around."

"You're kidding?"

"They just drove by in his car."

"Let's go to the Hummel's." growled Leroy angrily.

"No. There's no point. Wait until she comes home…"

* * *

"I'm telling you, Rach. I have every single Broadway album ever recorded." said Jesse smugly as he drove.

"I bet I can think of a few show's you don't have."

"Try me."

"Ragtime?"

"Got it."

"A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Forum."

"I was IN Forum. Of course I have the recording."

"Once on This Island?"

Jesse hit play on his CD player and "We Dance" from Once On This Island started to play.

"It's a favorite. See, I have everything. Wait till I show you the actual CD collection in my room. You'll see."

Rachel rolled her eyes and sang along to all of the female parts in the song while Jesse sang the male parts. It was the little moments like these that she enjoyed most with Jesse. They didn't have to do anything elaborately planned to have a great time. But the closer they got to Akron, the less fun Jesse seemed to be having. Rachel noticed him biting his nails a few times at red lights once they were close.

"Jess..."

He stopped the car briefly in front of the gates of the manor where a security guard waved him in. Once he was on the property he parked the car and sat in silence for a few moments.

"Jesse…"

He looked at her with a look that she had never seen him wear in the entire time she's known him. She'd seen Jesse look incredibly happy; she'd seen him look infuriated, and even heartbroken. But the look on his face right now was a mixture of torment and fear.

"It's possible that things can get really ugly in there." he warned her.

"What's going on?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"I'm about to give my Dad yet another reason to hate me."

Before she could ask another question, he got out of the car and slung his and Rachel's bags over his shoulder. She grabbed his hand as they made their way up the stone path to the front door. Jesse sighed and rang the doorbell. As they heard the door being unlocked, Rachel squeezed his hand to show him her support.

"HE'S HERE!" shouted a young voice from inside.

The door flew open and a girl about an inch taller than Rachel and no older than fourteen ran out and threw her arms around Jesse.

"It's about time you've come to visit, Jesse!"

"Hi, Lacey." said Jesse happily.

She broke the hug and looked at Rachel.

"Lacey, this is—"

"Rachel. The girl Jesse has a picture of in his bedroom." she said with a giggle.

Jesse ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"It's nice to meet you." said Rachel kindly.

"Is she your girlfriend now?" asked Lacey.

"Lacey, come inside before you catch a pneumonia!" barked the voice of a man with from the grand staircase in the mansion.

"Yes, Daddy." she whispered meekly.

Jesse suddenly stood up straight nervously. This behavior from Jesse scared Rachel more than anything. Jesse was the most fearless person she knew.

"Hello Jesse, nice of you to drop by." he said emotionless before moving his eyes down to Rachel. "And who do we have here?"

"This is my… best friend Rachel." he said after they stepped in.

Jesse looked so much like his father, it was scary. Despite their age difference, Mr. St. James simply seemed to appear as what Jesse would in his fifties. He scanned Rachel intensely with his blue- green eyes, as though trying to spot out any imperfections. When he finished, he glared at her without saying hello.

"Dinner is about to start." he said before leading the way into the dining room.

"This isn't so bad." Rachel whispered.

"You just wait."

When they reached the dining room, Jesse's mother was there waiting in her seat with a glass of wine clutches firmly in her hands. She was a tall blonde hair and blue eyed woman whose face seemed to be frozen due to all of the work she had done.

"How was the drive, Jesse?" she asked after they sat down.

"It was—"

"That's nice. Mary Ann, please bring in the roast!" she shouted.

"Mom, this is Rachel. I told you I was bringing her on the phone." said Jesse calmly. "Anyway, she's a vegan. I mentioned that before. Do you have anything else she could eat?"

"We eat meat in this house." said Mr. St. James coldly.

"I'll make you something." sighed Jesse before pushing himself up from his chair.

Lacey looked at her parents and then to Jesse uneasily.

"Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. St. James, but you haven't seen your son since he left for school in the summer. Aren't you going to hug him? Ask how he's doing? Anything?" asked Rachel with a tone as polite as she could manage through her irritation.

"That's not necessary." Jesse muttered to her.

Mrs. St. James looked up at Jesse as she refilled her's and her husband's wine glasses.

"How's school going then, Jesse?" she asked.

He sighed heavily.

"About that. It started off alright. I got cast in a show on campus-"

"That's great!" said Lacey.

"Dear God, you're still doing this gay singing crap? I'm not having my son make a fool out of the St. James family name by playing make believe and singing show tunes." spat Mr. St. James venomously before turning to his wife."My only son is gay, Lucille."

"I'm not gay, Dad." muttered Jesse with his eyes down.

Rachel was starting to slightly shake in her seat from the rage she was feeling caused by Jesse's father's ignorance. Jesse noticed this and grabbed her hand.

"I told you to end this, Lucille. But you insisted on putting the boy in those song and dance classes. Now look at him!" he scoffed. "You were supposed to study something useful, like business!"

"That's not my dream!" he shouted back.

"Do you know how much money I've wasted on you? The money in your bank account doesn't magically refill itself!" his father yelled before calming down. "When you go back for the Spring, you're going to focus on business, or that money stops."

"I can't do that-"

"Do it, or you're cut off." said Mr. St. James coldly.

Jesse stood up and hit his fist against the table.

"I guess you're cutting me off then."

"You're such a disappointment. You're no son of mine."

"That's great, because I'm about to disappoint you some more. I'm no longer a student at UCLA!" he shouted.

"Excuse me?" whispered Mr. St. James.

"I—"

"EXCUSE ME?"

Jesse's stood his ground bravely, but wavered for a second when Rachel let go of his hand.

"What?" she whispered.

"Lucille, are my ears failing me or did I just hear that your son is no longer in school?" asked Mr. St. James.

She remained silent.

"Jesse, why?" whispered Rachel.

Jesse looked down at Rachel and sighed.

"I failed out."


	15. Goodbye

Before Jesse's father could dish out more condescending remarks, Jesse threw his cloth napkin on his plate and stormed out of the dining room. He stopped at the doorway.

"Rachel." he called without turning around.

"Excuse me." she said softly before getting up and following him out of the room.

When they both were in the living room he stopped without turning to look at her.

"Follow me." He said with his back turned.

"Jesse…"

He slid the glass door in the living room open and walked out into the yard and down the hill to a large oak tree. There was a giant tree house built on top of it that looked as though it hadn't been occupied in years.

"Jesse, you didn't bring your coat!" she shouted as she followed.

He climbed the ladder halfway and held out his hand for her to grab on and climb. When they reached the inside, he picked up an old box of matches and lit a few candles that were laid out around the room. Once they were lit, he turned on a portable heater and sat down next to it with his arms folded and his face serious. She crawled next to him and waited patiently for him to speak.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that." he said, still not looking at her. "I knew it was going to happen and I brought you here anyway. I'm selfish."

"It's okay to want support, you know."

"Not me. I'm an island. I don't need anyone." he growled.

"Jesse, calm down." she said as she crawled in front of him and held his face. "Now tell me what happened."

Jesse grabbed her hands and pulled them away, but didn't let go. He held them in his lap.

"It was a mess of a lot of things." he finally said. "I got there and immediately auditioned and got a part. I was an understudy to a chorus member."

There was a look of utter disgust all over his face.

"Now Jesse, you know there are no small parts—"

"Don't, Rach. Don't." he snapped.

"I would've been upset too." she admitted. "But then what happened?"

He continued to play with her hands, tracing small circles with his thumbs for a minute before he looked up and replied.

"I was a nobody! I went from being a four time champion of Vocal Adrenaline to this loser on campus. It was mortifying. So I started going to parties to see if I could build up my status there, but all I did was get completely wasted every week. Eventually, it started to affect my grades."

She nodded silently and let him continue.

"Back in Carmel, Shelby made sure that I passed because I was the star of the team. It's like how they pass the football team and cheerleader squads in your school so they don't get kicked off."

"No wonder Brittany keeps getting promoted..." she muttered to herself. "I'm sorry, continue."

"You know Rach, I was never a great student to begin with. I was stupid for thinking that UCLA would just start making exceptions for me because of my talent."

Jesse sighed and leaned his head back against the wall.

"I don't know what to do…" he continued. "You know, I was going to just visit my aunt and then run away to New York to start auditioning. But then the unexpected happened and you showed up."

A small smile flickered across her face.

"What about me?"

"Well, I was still guilty about what I did and wanted to fix things between us. And then I found out that you were going through a lot emotionally and I wanted to fix you too." he said softly.

Rachel leaned forward and hugged Jesse. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her between his legs to lean against his chest. They sat there holding each other in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling of being close. When Rachel found it to be too quiet, she started to hum "Smile" with her eyes closed. He closed his eyes and listened.

"Sing it?" he asked in a whisper.

_Smile though your heart is aching  
Smile even though it's breaking.  
When there are clouds in the sky  
you'll get by._

_If you smile through your pain and sorrow  
Smile and maybe tomorrow  
You'll see the sun come shining through  
For you._

_Light up your face with gladness,  
Hide every trace of sadness.  
Although a tear may be ever so near  
That's the time you must keep on trying  
Smile, what's the use of crying.  
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-  
If you just smile._

When she finished singing, she opened her eyes and looked up at him._  
_

"Jesse?"

"Mmmm?"

"I want to help you."

"Don't worry about me." he replied with his eyes still shut.

"No really, I want to. I can help you get back in school." she insisted.

He opened his eyes and looked down at her.

"I'm not going back."

She peeled herself off of him and folded her arms.

"Of course you're going back. You need to graduate college, Jesse." she said firmly.

"No, I don't. When the time is right, I'm going to New York and auditioning." he said simply.

"That's ridiculous!" she exclaimed.

Jesse stood up and walked to the window farthest away from Rachel.

"What's the problem with that? School was just holding me back from my future." he said without looking at her.

She stood up and followed him.

"Jesse, you're not thinking rationally. You're not going to like what I'm going to say to you—"

"Then don't say it."

"Listen, did you ever think that maybe you didn't get a lead role because you weren't prepared enough for it? Getting a role in UCLA isn't going to be easy for someone fresh out of high school. Imagine New York City! You need to study and perfect your skills! Otherwise, you're going to end up completely unprepared when you audition for a real Broadway show!"

He turned around with his mouth open slightly in disbelief.

"I can't believe that _you_ of all people would say that to me!" he shouted defensively. "I thought you believed in me!"

"You know I believe in you. Jesse, you're incredibly talented; I know that because I'm incredibly talented. But raw talent needs to be perfected. That's why we need to train before we enter the big leagues!"

He simply looked at her in complete disbelief.

"You know, I could go over to New York tomorrow and get offers in an instant." he said confidently.

She sighed and grabbed his hands.

"Your confidence is admirable, but if you really were ready to take on Broadway, why did they only make you an understudy?" she asked softly.

His eyebrow raised in even greater disbelief. He dropped her hands and turned around.

"I'm taking you home." he said before climbing out of the tree house and storming down the lawn.

"Jesse! Let me help you!"

She climbed down and ran after him as fast as she could. By the time she caught up, he spun around and looked at her furiously.

"I don't need your help! I don't need anybody's help!" he shouted so loud that his sister poked her head out of the window to watch.

"Back inside, Lacey!"

Rachel cocked an eyebrow at him and put her hands on her hips.

"Okay let me get this straight, I can't help you, but you can "fix me"?"

"That's because I'm part of the reason why you needed the help in the first place. I was merely taking responsibility for my actions to pay back for what I did." he said with his arms crossed firmly against his chest.

Her expression went from strong, confident; take no-nonsense Rachel, to heartbroken in a split second.

"Is that really all this was to you?" she whispered.

He immediately regretted the words the second they left his mouth. The look on her face only deepened the pain and regret. Jesse ran a hand through his hair in frustration, knowing he had just screwed up completely.

"Rach…"

"I want to go home." She said quietly as tears streamed down her face.

She walked over to the house to go get her coat, but stopped at the door and turned back.

"And for the record, your debt is paid."

Jesse stood in the middle of the back yard wanting to kick himself for being so stupid. He hoped that she would stay inside and at least spend the night until they both cool down and could talk it out. But she quickly re-emerged from the house with both of their coats in her hands as she walked over to his car.

"Rachel, wait!" he shouted as he jogged after her.

"Please just take me home. Then you can just go to New York and forget all about me."

He nodded grimly and got into the driver's seat. His hand hovered over the wheel for a few seconds as he looked over at her. She turned her body away from him so he wouldn't see the silent tears that spilled down her cheeks. He didn't have to see them to know she was crying, though. It was evident in the way her uneven breathing caused her shoulders to rise and fall quickly, and also in how she occasionally sniffled. He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder, but decided against it because he just didn't know what to say.

Half of his mind screamed at him for not pulling her into his arms and apologizing for screaming such things at her. All he wanted to do was scoop her into his arms and explain that he didn't mean it the way it sounded. But the other half was still hurt over the blow she delivered, no matter how right she was. His ego was bruised by the only girl whose opinion he actually cared about. A final sigh escaped his lips before he turned the key and backed out of his parent's driveway.

Though they spent the entire drive in mutual silence, their internal voices were screaming. Questions kept running through his mind about why Rachel didn't believe in him enough to support his decision. He hated how much this fact hurt him. This was why he vowed to be a soulless automaton when he joined Vocal Adrenaline in the first place. Once you finally let someone in and care, they manage to obtain the power to hurt you.

One the other side of the car, she sat outwardly silent, but internally panicking. Her heart was breaking at the thought that he only tried to help her because he felt bad for her. Of course that's the reason why he bothered spending so much time helping her. She was nothing but a charity case that he used to feel better about himself. It must have boosted his ego greatly if he could help heal her. Despite all that, she still didn't want to lose him. She had grown used to having Jesse as her friend since he returned to Lima, and was afraid for what would happen when he left. A voice in the back of her head was screaming for her to turn to him and beg him not to go, but she knew that was part of her dependency that came from her disorder. She reminded herself that she thought he was leaving her eventually when he would go back to school, so this shouldn't be so bad. The difference was that he was leaving her angry, and they'd probably never speak again after this.

This was exactly why they couldn't have a relationship. Something like this would've happened and she would be dealing with an even greater heartbreak. Its one thing to lose your new best friend, but to lose your lover too would have been even worse. Her mind tried to convince herself that this kind of split was for the best if she ever wanted to recover, but her heart screamed in agony. Without even realizing it, she was digging her fingernails into her palms as hard as she could.

He spent the last half hour mentally plotting out booking a flight to New York and which of his friends he'd ask to stay with until he got back on his feet. He'd probably be a waiter in some Manhattan restaurant until he was cast in a show. Jesse sighed and looked over at her for the 500th time and noticed her fists shaking. He reached out instinctively to grab one of her hands but thought against it. She'd probably only scream at him for trying. He bit his nails anxiously as they entered Lima. Eventually he'd pull up to her house and she'd be gone from his life forever. Time was running out.

His inner voice cursed the constant green lights he encountered that sped up their journey. Before long, he was in her driveway. They sat in silence for a few seconds, wishing the other would say something to save their friendship. Frustrated, he slammed his head down on the horn, causing it to honk loudly.

"Rachel…" he started, but stopped when he saw the lights to Rachel's living room turn on.

The front door flew open and both of Rachel's father's stormed out in their pajamas and slippers. When they reached the car, Leroy opened the door on Rachel's side, while Hiram went over to Jesse's and tapped on the window. Without protest, he stepped out of the car and raised his hands to surrender.

"Mr. Berry, I—"

"Shut up and listen because I'm not in the mood for games."

Jesse shut his mouth and took a few steps back.

"I want you to get back in your car and drive away. Drive far away and never see, contact, or even THINK of Rachel." He shouted menacingly.

"Daddy…" Rachel whimpered from the other side of the car.

"Get in the house, Rachel. We'll deal with you after." said Leroy firmly as he grabbed her arm.

She shook her arm free and ran around the car over to Jesse and threw her arms around him. Her fathers stared daggers at him, as if daring him to hug her back. He took his chances and held her close.

"Rachel!" shouted Hiram.

She let go of him and grabbed onto his face with trembling hands. He could feel the raw skin on her palms from when she dug her nails into them on the way over. Her eyes welled up with more tears and her lip trembled. She closed her eyes so she could lock in the memory of the last time she saw his face in the back of her mind. The image she had stored was one of him looking back at her looking painfully torn. She opened her eyes and a new wave of tears began to flow.

"Good luck on Broadway." she said, tearfully trying to smile. "Send me a ticket for opening night, okay?"

"Rachel, I…" he started before shutting his mouth and nodding silently.

"That's enough Rachel, now get inside!" shouted Leroy.

She ignored her fathers demands and threw her arms around Jesse once more.

"I've always believed in you." she whispered into his ear.

Rachel broke the hug and took a step back.

"I didn't mean what I said—"

She cut him off by quickly pulling him into an urgent kiss. Her fathers yelled in outrage at this, but she didn't care. If this was the last time she was seeing Jesse, she would do it her way. Jesse brought his hands up to cup her face and kissed her back softly.

Hiram grabbed Rachel by the arm and pulled them apart.

"I knew she was lying when she said they weren't just friends." muttered Leroy.

"I'm sorry, Rach." Jesse whispered.

"Goodbye, Jesse." was all she said as her fathers led her back to their house.

Before her fathers could usher her inside, she stopped in her doorway and glanced back at him over her shoulder. She tried to smile so that it was the last image of her he'd have in his mind, but the look on his face only brought on more tears. The last image that she had in her mind of Jesse St. James was of him trying his hardest to hold back his own tears painfully.

**A/N: Sorry for this being so short, but it was necessary to lead to her next spiral. Review?**


	16. Downward Spiral

**A/N: Thank you for all the alerts and reviews. They mean everything to me and inspire me to continue writing. Thank you!**

* * *

Hiram Berry slammed the door shut so hard it echoed throughout the house. Rachel walked straight into the family room and sat on the couch with her arms folded in front of her chest. They followed her into the room and sat down for a second. Leroy was too enraged to stay seated and jumped out of the seat to pace around. Hiram followed suit and jumped up. He looked out the window and watched as Jesse St. James drove away from her forever.

"Where do we even begin!" Leroy shouted in complete outrage. "You disobeyed us by sneaking around to see a boy that we have forbidden you to see, you lied to us about staying at Kurt's… Did you really go to Quinn's house that night?"

Rachel didn't even bother to look at him when he spoke. She simply stared at the wall defiantly.

"Answer your father, Rachel." said Hiram when he turned around.

She ignored him as well.

"I can't believe you were dating him behind our backs! He's scum, Rachel!" fumed Leroy from right next to her.

There was no reaction from their daughter once again. All she did was stare at the wall and clench her fists together, causing her to tremble from head to toe.

"What are you doing?" muttered Hiram, his face growing concerned.

Her breathing grew uneven and her face turned a deep shade red. Tears started to fill her eyes again from the pain she was inflicting upon herself. The more pressure she applied, the more intense she began to shake.

"Rachel honey, stop that." he whispered, trying to reach out and grab her hand.

Leroy grabbed her left hand and forced her to open it. The skin was completely raw and peeled to the point where she actually drew blood.

"Get the nail clipper." he asked his partner urgently.

Hiram ran to the bathroom and grabbed the nail clipper from the medicine cabinet before quickly returning. Leroy grabbed her shaking hand and tried to hold it straight so Hiram could trim her nails, but she quickly jerked her hand away.

"Stay still, honey. Please." insisted Hiram.

Leroy tried his hardest to hold his daughter down, but she twisted her way out of his grip and sprinted up the stairs to her room.

"RACHEL!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" she shrieked after slamming her door and locking it.

Her parents footsteps echoed loudly down the hall signaling that they were coming. It wasn't long before she heard them banging at her door.

"Don't do anything stupid!" she heard Leroy shout from the other side of the door.

"Rachel honey, please open up," begged Hiram sadly.

"This is why I wanted that St. James kid to stay away from her in the first place. Look at the state she's in!" said Leroy furiously.

Something inside Rachel had snapped completely. She grabbed a crystal vase on her desk and threw it at her door so hard that it shattered to tiny pieces instantly.

"How many times do I have to tell you guys that this isn't Jesse's fault!" she screamed. "He's one of the best friend's I've ever had! And YES, he was only my friend. I kissed him because I know I'm never going to see him again after tonight! You two wouldn't let me near him, and he's going off to New York City to start his career! What is it going to take for you two to see that he's the best guy that's ever came into my life? Now go AWAY!"

There was no response.

Rachel took a few steps backward until she hit the wall and slid down to the floor where she started to sob into her already stinging hands. She reached for her phone and began to type out a text message to Jesse, but deleted it halfway. She tried it again a few times, but they met the same fate.

_Jesse- please don't—_

Delete

_Please—_

Delete

_I need you to—_

Delete

_Jesse- I love you, I've never stopped loving you. Please don't leave me yet. Don't leave me like this with our relationship in this state. I need you right now. I'm so scared. Just don't go._

Her finger hovered over the send button for a few seconds, but she just couldn't do it. She saved it as a draft and then typed out another text message.

_Jesse, I hope you get everything you've ever wanted in New York. Thank you for everything you've done for me. Make me proud._

She hit send and then chucked her phone against the wall. How pathetic must she be to feel like she's dying because of a guy? She knew she shouldn't be reacting so bad to losing him because she should simply hold her head high and move on. But this stupid disorder had her feeling as though it were the end of the world. Between the heartache and emptiness, a new feeling was starting to take root in her heart. Hatred. But this kind of hatred wasn't for Jesse or her fathers. It was towards the one person whom she blamed for all of her tears: herself.

* * *

On the other side of town, Jesse threw the door open to his aunt and uncle's house and ran upstairs. He grabbed his suitcase and started furiously tossing in whatever clothes were in his reach. Once he was all packed, he sat on his bed for a few second and shut his eyes. He grabbed his phone in his pocket and started typing out a message to Rachel, but kept deleting it.

_Rach, I'm sorry for what I said-_

Delete

_Forgive me—_

Delete

_You were right, I was stupid-_

Delete

_Rachel, forgive me for my stupidity. Everything you said was completely true. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to lose you. I love you._

He was about to hit send when her text message came in. She was basically pushing him out the door.

He saved his previous text as a draft and sent back a different one.

_Thank you. Take care of yourself, Rach. You'll always be on my mind. Until we meet again.-J_

Jesse convinced himself that their separation was for the best. When he watched her face go from confident to shattered in a split second, he hated himself. When he saw her cry in his car, unable to look at him when she did, he hated himself even more. When he last saw her standing in her doorway with tears streaming down her face, he hated himself more than anything.

If he made a quick exit now, then she will surely have enough time to recover and lead a normal life without the guy who has a record of breaking her heart. He stood up and grabbed the picture of Rachel he had on his computer desk and shoved it in his carry on bag. After one final look around the room and a last stroke on his beloved Diva's neck, he left for the airport.

Next door, Quinn Fabray was having trouble sleeping. She was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, when she saw Jesse standing outside his aunt's house with luggage. Her brows furrowed in confusion as she set the glass down and turned to grab her coat and go out the door. She jogged across her lawn and over to her neighbor's. She walked up to Jesse with her arms crossed and her face fierce.

"What are you doing?"

Jesse looked up impatiently.

"Waiting for a cab" he replied curtly.

"Going somewhere?"

"Seems to look that way, doesn't it, Quinn?"

Quinn put her hand on her hips and pursed her lips.

"What happened between you two? You had a fight didn't you?"

The taxi pulled up in the driveway and Jesse started to gather his things.

"Look, I'm going to New York to start my career. I have to go now." he muttered as he walked down the pavement to the car.

"Jesse, what happened? What about school?" she shouted back.

"Don't start with me about that like _she _did!" he snapped back.

After he loaded his bags in the trunk of the car, he opened the door and paused for a few seconds. He turned to look at Quinn with a softer expression.

"Go be there for her now. She needs you." he whispered.

"What did you—"

"Goodbye, Quinn." he said before getting in the car and slamming the door shut.

As the car sped off down the road to the airport, Jesse shot a quick text message to Kurt and Blaine.

_Go to her. Take care of her. She needs you.

* * *

_

The next morning, Rachel knelt on her floor to clean up the shattered glass from the vase she broke the night before. Her eyes were bloodshot and her eyelids puffy from all the crying she had done throughout the night. She hadn't gotten a second of sleep the entire time. Once all the broken shards were swept into the dustpan, she reached out for the garbage bag she had gotten to dump it in. As she was tipping the broken shards into the bag, her father knocked on her door. She jumped, causing the glass to fly out all over her. One rather large piece fell against her arm and scratched her. She observed the scratch for a few seconds and thought that it felt more intense than the scratches she inflicts upon herself with her nails. The soothing effect it had on her remained the same.

"The door's open." she said, her voice hoarse.

Leroy Berry stepped inside and raised an eyebrow at the sight of his glass covered daughter.

"You scared me." She muttered as she picked the shards out of her hair.

He looked at her with an unreadable expression for a moment as he thought something over. After a few seconds he knelt down and helped her clean up the mess before looking up at her.

"Can you come downstairs, honey. I know it's not the best time. But we have another problem that we need to discuss with you." he said as kindly as he could manage.

Rachel nodded silently and followed him down to the living room where she sat on the couch in silence. Leroy walked into the room with the mail for the day and set it down on the coffee table in front of her. Her eyes darted down to the stack of mail and noticed an already opened letter from McKinley High School with a stamp that read, "Report Card enclosed." She sighed as she picked up the envelope and pulled out the bright pink piece of paper.

_Spanish –A-_

_Chemistry- C+_

_American History – C+_

_Advanced Calculus – D_

_American Literature- B-_

_Note: Your daughter appears to be distracted during class. Her attendance has dropped and her teachers are worried that if this persists, she would run a risk of being unable to be promoted to the next grade._

She carefully folded the report card and set it down on the coffee table again, making a mental note to add being an academic failure to her list of reasons to hate herself.

"After what happened last night, we don't want to yell." Leroy said calmly.

Hiram sat next to Rachel and grabbed her hand. His eyes shot down to the scratch on her arm and then back to her.

"But this is completely unacceptable. You've never gotten grades like these before. Not to mention your attendance has dropped and we've never called in for any absences at your school. Have you been cutting classes to see Jesse?" he asked as patiently as he could manage.

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" she replied softly. "He's gone. You've gotten what you wanted."

Leroy pushed his glasses up and sighed.

"I wish you could see the way you look right now from our eyes. You look like a broken mess, and don't say that it's not his fault. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you had a fight before we came out and got you." he said bitterly.

"He wanted me to be with him for emotional support while he confronted his parents about him failing out of school. So I lied to you about it. I'm sorry I had to lie, but I'm not sorry I went." she said seriously.

After taking a deep breath, she continued.

"We had a disagreement. He wanted to give up school and try his chances auditioning in New York. I told him he should go back to school until he's prepared. He took it the wrong way and stormed out of my life to prove that he could do it his way… He's determined that way."

She intentionally left out the part about him insinuating that he spent so much time trying to fix her because he felt guilty for his actions and was simply trying to pay her back for it. That would make her fathers hate him even more, and while she was upset with him for it, she couldn't take hearing them spew more hatred about him.

"He was my best friend, Dad." she whispered as she held back tears. "Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn are my best friends too… but Jesse and I have something so strong between us that is special. He's done so much good for me since he's gotten back. But now that he's gone, I feel like I've fallen a few steps down the ladder. It's not his fault, it's mine. I'm not strong enough to be alone…"

Both of her fathers watched her pour her heart out in agony. They knew that something more had to be done to help her, but they just didn't know what.

"Whatever the case may be, you're nearly failing out of school and this is going to affect your chances of getting into college if you continue down this route. Maybe it's for the best that Jesse isn't here anymore so you don't have any temptation to cut classes and sneak away." said Hiram quietly.

Rachel shot him an angry look.

"My grades aren't Jesse's fault. If you didn't notice, I've been going through my own issues for a while. It's kind of why I've been in therapy? Did you ever think_ that's_ why my grades are suffering?" she asked with her arms crossed.

"Respect your father, Rachel," said Leroy, his voice rising. "If Jesse was doing good for you, then why have your grades continued to drop since he's come back into your life?"

She stood up and walked to the staircase without a word. When her foot touched the first step, she turned back to face them.

"You know what's sad?" she asked as she made her way back. "You raised me to believe that you'd trust me and support me through all of my decisions. I've _never_ given you a reason to doubt me. I'm not out at parties every weekend. I'm not getting knocked up. I'm not doing drugs. And yet when one boy that you don't approve of strolls into my life, you suddenly treat me as though I've only ever given you reasons not to trust me. Thanks a lot Dads. Your support means the world to me." she spat venomously.

Both of her Dads sank back into their seats quietly. Their face bore the image of total guilt. When she turned to walk up the stairs again, Hiram spoke up.

"Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"You have a letter." he said quietly.

Rachel turned around and picked up the unopened letter from the coffee table. Disappointment was evident on her face when she saw that it wasn't left in her mailbox from Jesse. She turned and ran up the stairs so she could lock herself in her room and open it in silence. She sat on her bed and stared at the envelope for a few second. The initial disappointment faded slightly when she remembered what the letter was for, causing a small smile to flicker across her face.

It was a response to her application for a summer program in Columbus for musically gifted high school students. She had applied to the program on a whim during the start of the school year. Mr. Schuester suggested she give the audition a shot and wrote her a really kind letter of recommendation. But as events unfolded throughout the school year, she forgot all about it. There was a small flicker of hope growing in her chest as she ripped the letter open. She grinned widely as she felt this because it meant that she wanted this again. She wanted fame. She wanted what Jesse was currently on his way to obtain.

Rachel slipped the letter out of the envelope and read it quickly.

_Dear Ms. Berry,_

_We thank you for applying to our Future Stars of America summer program for this upcoming summer. We've received a vast amount of applicants for this very selective program, making our decision extremely tough. We regret to inform you that you have not been selected to join us this year. However we encourage you to try again next year._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Joseph Daniels_

_Chairman of FSA_

Rachel re-read the letter three times to make sure she was seeing clearly. This program didn't think she had what it takes. If she couldn't make it into a program in Ohio, then how could she ever make it anywhere else? Suddenly everything started to fade around her. All she could hear was her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to breathe. Panic filled her as she started to shake from head to toe. She reached out for her Tony Award replica on her bedside table and looked at it as she cried. It would never be replaced by the real thing. She wasn't ever going to be good enough for that. Her breaking point had finally been reached, bringing her to the point of no return.

She got up and walked to her mirror with the Tony in hand. Her eyes glanced back at her reflection and she could hardly recognize herself anymore through the look of complete agony on her face. After taking a deep breath, she looked at herself and opened her mouth to speak.

"The end." she whispered before throwing the Tony into the mirror, causing it shatter loudly.

The darkness was almost completely clouding her vision. She turned to see someone standing in her doorway looking seriously concerned. Her head told her to go run to him, but her body wouldn't move. He opened his mouth to say something, but she couldn't hear. Her mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out. She couldn't breathe. The last thing she saw as she faded was him running to her. Then the darkness took over and she passed out.

It was all over. Her dreams. Her future. Her life.

* * *

**A/N: depressing. I know. It's all going somewhere though. I promise. The next chapter will probably be the most intense yet and I will get to writing it immediately because I can't wait to see what you guys think about it. R&Rs will make it come faster!**


	17. Flashes Before Your Eyes

"Rachel?"

Rachel's eyes fluttered open slowly as she returned to consciousness. Everything around her seemed completely fuzzy while her eyes tried to adjust. The figure of a guy hovering over her was slowly starting to get clearer. She reached out to touch his hair. _Sleek and combed back. No curls. Not Jesse._

"Rachel, wake up." he said softly.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah, it's me." he sighed with relief.

She could now see clearly. Kurt was kneeling next to her and Blaine was on her bed looking down at her.

"Did she wake up?" asked female a voice from the doorway.

"Quinn?" she asked groggily.

"Yes, Rachel. We're here." she said as she walked over to the broken mirror pieces and swept them up.

"You're looking into some serious years of bad luck there." teased Blaine.

Kurt offered his hand out and pulled Rachel up to her feet. She thanked him and sat down next to Blaine on her bed. Blaine pulled her to his side so she could lean on his shoulder.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked suspiciously.

"Jesse sent us." said Quinn.

She shot up from Blaine's arms and instantly started asking a slew of questions.

"Calm down, Rach," insisted Blaine as he pulled her into his arms again. "He texted Kurt and I last night telling us that you needed us to be there for you."

"By the looks of your mirror, I'd say he was right," added Kurt flatly.

"He didn't text me, though. I saw him leave." said Quinn while she swept.

"He left already?"

"In the middle of the night. I was in my kitchen and saw him pack his bags in a taxi and head out. Before he left I had a word with him and he told me to go be there for you. What did that jackass do to you?"

Rachel's face fell into her hands as she tried to hold herself together.

"Obviously he must have done something bad that he's fleeing the state." said Kurt after sitting down on the other side of Rachel.

She sighed and put her head on Blaine's lap where he stroked her hair soothingly.

"He's going off to New York to get his big break. I thought he should stay in school until he perfected his skills and he took it personally. He's out there proving me that he can do it."

Kurt climbed on Rachel's bed and grabbed her hand.

"We know your spiraling again. You look the way you did that first day I transferred back and we became friends. But we want you to know that we'll always be here for you, even when he isn't." he said softly.

Quinn climbed on the bed and leaned on Kurt's shoulder.

"You're stuck with us!" she chimed in.

Rachel opened her mouth to answer, but all she could do is yawn. It was ten in the morning, she had just had a meltdown, and to make matters worse, she got no sleep the night before.

"Let's let her sleep," whispered Blaine as he eased her off of his lap.

"Don't go…" she croaked.

"We'll be here when you wake up, Rachel. We'll just be downstairs with your Dads alright?" whispered Kurt near her ear.

"Okay... Are my Dads mad at me for breaking the mirror?"

"You can probably expect it to come out of your allowance," replied Blaine with extra emphasis on the 'probably'.

Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine slowly shuffled out of her room one by one to leave her to get some rest. Once they were gone, however, her eyes fluttered open once more.

* * *

While the Berry living room may have been full of people downstairs, hardly anyone said a word. Hiram and Leroy sat next to each other on the love seat with one looking off into space and the other with his head in his hands. Blaine sat on the couch looking at Rachel's old photo albums with Kurt, and Quinn sat on the recliner texting on her mobile messenger.

_JesseSt-Awesome: How is she?_

_HBICQuinnie: Why don't you get off that plane and find out?_

_JesseSt-Awesome: We're taking off soon. Anyway, she needs this. She needs to do this without me. And I need to get the show on the road or I'll never get out of Ohio._

_HBICQuinnie: I hope you know what you're doing. I know something bad is going to happen soon. You should've seen her this morning._

_JesseSt-Awesome: I saw enough when I left._

_HBICQuinnie: You're making a mistake by leaving her and leaving school._

_JesseSt-Awesome: Goodbye, Quinn._

_JesseSt-Awesome: Keep me updated on her. I want to know everything that happens._

_HBICQuinnie: Alright…

* * *

_

On Monday morning, Rachel walked into school with Blaine on her side. He insisted on picking her up and taking her to school, but she knew that her fathers had made her friends take shifts on who was going to watch her.

"So am I on 24 hour suicide watch, then?" she asked, completely annoyed.

"Don't think of it that way. Think of it as all your friends making sure that you've always got someone there for you at all times," he replied with a shrug.

"Yeah, I'm on suicide watch."

He nodded with a half smile.

"I'm fine, Blaine. I swear."

Blaine pulled her aside in the corner of the hallway and looked at her seriously.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you you're not thinking of killing yourself," he whispered urgently.

Her eyes drifted down to her feet guiltily. Blaine grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Not on my watch," he whispered.

"Okay Blaine, I believe I'll be walking Rachel to Spanish class," said Kurt from behind them.

"Great…" she muttered before following him.

Kurt linked his arms with her and put on a fake smile. He looked back at Blaine and they shared a concerned look that she didn't see.

"Hey Rachel, I was thinking we go to the choir room after school and sing a duet. How does that sound to you?"

"I can't, I have a session with my therapist," she replied, looking away.

"I'll take you!" said Quinn, sneaking up behind them.

"You really don't have to. I can do these things on my own, you know," replied Rachel through gritted teeth.

"No really—"

"Hey Rachel, can I talk to you for a second?" came the voice of Mr. Schuester down the hall.

She detached herself from Kurt and Quinn and nearly set off in a run to get away from them.

"Yes, Mr. Schue?"

He pulled her into his office and sat on the corner of his desk with his arms crossed.

"Sit, please."

"I'd rather not."

"Okay, I'll just get to it then."

"Please do."

"Please come back to New Directions. We're a mess without you."

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can."

"Yes, you can. Don't worry about the rest of the group. They won't admit it, but they want you back too."

"No really, I can't. Do you remember that program you said I was a shoe in for? I didn't get it… I'm sorry, I just have to go." she said quickly before storming out of the room.

She rounded the corner to go to her locker and found herself face to face with Noah Puckerman.

"Hey Jew Berry." he said with his arms crossed.

"Noah..."

"I'll just cut to the chase. Now that St. Loser is out of town, you're on the market, right?"

"I was never dating him," she replied in an aggravated sing song tone. "and I'd appreciate it if you call him by his real name."

Puck grabbed her waist and pinned her against the locker gently.

"Go out with me," he growled softly.

"Let me go."

He stepped aside with his hands up in surrender and she sprinted away.

"Don't think I'm giving up so soon!" he shouted after her.

* * *

Rachel managed to get through the rest of her day without too much of a problem, if you wouldn't consider Quinn, Blaine, and Kurt stalking her even to the bathroom to be too much of a problem. At the end of the day she had to duck into the supply closet to lose them. When she stepped out and looked around to see if the coast was clear, she found herself face to face with Azimio.

"So I hear your body guard is out of town," he said with a wicked grin.

"How is this even going around? Hardly anyone here knew him." she asked with a glare.

"I overheard Sam telling Finn in the locker room. Quinn must've told him. Anyway, that means I can resume our slushy appointments."

"Appointments?" she asked with her arms crossed.

"You and me. Everyday. Unless you want to work something out," he replied, pushing her back into the closet.

"What are you—"

"Quiet now," he whispered as he entered and shut the door.

Rachel fumbled in her purse for her rape whistle but he grabbed her arm.

"Let go of me, please," she begged.

"You help me, and I'll help you," he said with his voice laced with total desire.

He grabbed her waist with one hand and used his other to grab her breast. When he moved in for a kiss, she grabbed her rape whistle and blew it as hard as she could. In a matter of seconds the door flew open and Azimio was grabbed by the back of his jacket and thrown out of the way. She found herself face to face with Sam Evans.

"Sam!" she cried, throwing her arms around him.

"What did he do?" he asked protectively.

"He touched me!" she shrieked.

Sam spun around and raised his fist, but she grabbed his arm.

"Just please take me home."

He nodded and led her out of the school with his hand on her back.

"Don't worry. We'll get him expelled for that…. Come here."

Sam pulled her into a hug so she could cry into his shirt. They stood their together holding for a minute when Quinn ran up to them.

"There you are!" she shouted from the school doorway with a smile. It faded when she saw her crying. "What happened?"

Sam looked at her seriously.

"Azimio trapped her in the supply closet with him and… touched her."

"What… Rachel, are you alright?"

"I'm taking her home," he said as he pulled her down to his car.

Quinn pulled out her phone without hesitation and logged onto her mobile messenger.

_HBICQuinnie: Jesse, you there?_

Luckily, he was also logged onto mobile messenger and answered straight away.

_JesseSt-Awesome: What happened now?_

She sighed and considered not telling him. What good what it do anyway? Either way, she gave him her word that she'd fill him in if anything happened.

_HBICQuinnie: You remember Azimio, right?_

_JesseSt-Awesome: … What did he do now?_

_HBICQuinnie: He touched her… as in… touched her._

_JesseSt-Awesome has signed off.

* * *

_

After Sam dropped Rachel off at her house, she thanked him and ran upstairs to take a hot shower. She wanted to remove the dirty feeling she had on her body from being touched. After scrubbing her chest for five minutes, she still felt unclean. The spot where he touched felt permanently cold as though the ghost of his touch lingered. She increased the heat in the water to the point that her skin turned red, but the icy feeling remained. She gave up on the shower and dressed to go to her session with Doctor Claire Austen.

The drive over to her session was filled with mental planning. She'd been thinking this out for the past day and a half and by now she was sure. There was no doubt in her mind that there would be no tomorrow for Rachel Berry. She' had enough, and was ready to throw in the towel.

* * *

Rachel parked the car in the driveway and knocked on the door quickly. She was going to keep this quick and simple. Get in, get out. Luckily she didn't have to wait long because Claire opened the door by her third knock. She was on the phone with someone, so she told her to wait in the living room, but Rachel wasn't having any of that.

"Claire, I'm just here to tell you that I won't be needing these sessions anymore. I'm done. Goodbye," she said quickly and turned to leave.

"Rachel, wait!"

"What?"

"Why? Do you feel like you've completely recovered?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I'm perfectly sane now. Thanks for everything, goodbye!"

And with that, she ran out the door and got in her car. Back in the house, Claire sighed and returned to her conversation.

"Yes, don't worry about it. Just get here fast."

* * *

Rachel got into her car and sped off down the road to the old bridge on the outskirts of Lima. Her fathers used to take her there to watch the sunset over the river when she was a child. She remembered grabbing them by their fingers and dragging them around the bridge to the bottom where they'd feed and sing to the ducklings. Those were simpler times that she wished she could get back.

But those days were in the past.

Once she was almost there, she remembered that she never said goodbye to anyone. She started typing out a message to Jesse, but nearly lost control of the car earlier than she planned. She sighed and hit send on the draft that she had saved from the night he left. It would have to do.

* * *

Jesse St. James had just gotten out of a New York City yellow taxi cab when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Thinking it would be another update from Quinn, he checked it immediately. His heart caught in his throat when he saw that it was from Rachel.

_Jesse- I love you, I've never stopped loving you. Please don't leave me yet. Don't leave me like this with our relationship in this state. I need you right now. I'm so scared. Just don't go._

That one message made his heart completely burst. He ran into the building in front of him and sprinted through the crowd of people to get where he was going. As he ran, he tried to type out a text back to her, but it slowed him down. He had no time to lose. So, he sent the message that he had saved in his drafts from the last night he saw her.

* * *

The bridge was just barely in view. Things were now starting to get real. Did she have the guts to do this? Doubts started to fill her mind as she started to consider all she was giving up. The closer she got to the end, the slower things felt. She thought about her fathers and what they'd do when they found out what she did. Her heart tore for the tears she'd make them cry. Then, she thought of her best friends. Quinn, Blaine, and Kurt were only doing what they felt was right at the time to protect her. Her mind flashed back to the four of them laying on her bed and the love she felt from them. She could see each of their faces in her mind as they smiled at her and reassured her that they'd never leave her alone.

Then she thought about Jesse and all they'd been through recently. She could see his smile as clear as day in her mind. His laugh echoed in like a ghost. He was off in New York now showing her how it's done.

New York. She saw New York flash before her eyes. She saw the vast amounts of people bustling along Times Square leaving the theatres of Broadway shows. Flash to the St. James theatre and the name Rachel Berry is up in lights on the marquee. She's leaving through the stage door at the end of her opening night and there are fans lining up for her autograph and the chance to get a picture with her. There's a hand on her back leading her down the line to rest of the fans. She looks up to see a proud Jesse St. James smiling down at her.

"You made it," he whispered in her ear.

She looks up at him with tears in her eyes and whispers, "No, we made it."

Suddenly she was back in her car, speeding down the road near the bridge.

"No, I don't want this," she cries to herself and reaches for the wheel to swerve out of the way, nearly hitting a pedestrian.

Her phone rings next to her signaling a text message. In her peripheral vision, she can see the name "Jesse" flashing on the screen. She grabs it quickly and opens it.

_Rachel, forgive me for my stupidity. Everything you said was completely true. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't want to lose you. I love you._

Her head shoots up quickly as she tries hard to swerve her car out of the way, but it's too late. It breaks through the barrier of the bridge and zooms down into the river below. Time slows down even more as the car slowly fills with water.

She can see her life flashing quickly before her eyes. First she's five years old with her Dads at the carnival. Hiram lifts her up and puts her on his shoulders after winning her a pink unicorn stuffed animal. Flash to her debut on the community theatre stage as a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz where she sings with all her might. Flash to her first day of middle school where she felt left out and teased by Quinn and her father Leroy held her for hours while she cried. Flash to high school when she auditioned for New Directions with On My Own and the confidence she had then. Flash to that first Sectionals performance when she swept the crowd off their feet singing Don't Rain on My Parade and the cheers they made that nearly blew the roof off.

Next up was a flash to her at the music store browsing for a song for their assignment of the week. Jesse St. James pulls down the songbook in her hand and she sees him for the first time. Her heart swells as they sing together for the first time and everything feels perfect. Then it fast forwards to seeing Jesse again for the first time since she lost Regionals and the look he had when he saw her. All those times he took care of her and slept next to her in Walmart and in her room. The dinner party with Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn flooded back to her. She could hear all the laughs and see all the smiles. She could see her and Jesse singing and dancing in her room and play fighting with the whipped cream. She could see the last time she saw him and kissed him. That text he just sent…

Time sped back up to its normal pace the second the car hit the water. Ice cold water was filling the vehicle as she tried to fight her way out. It had filled up completely and she was still trying to break the glass on the window. It was starting to crack. She was almost out. But by now, her car was filled completely and she was starting to run out of air. Everything started to fade until all she saw was white.

* * *

**Yeah, I cried writing this. It hits really close to home. For added emotion, listen to The Constant from the Lost Season 4 Soundtrack during the flashbacks. I can hear it playing perfectly during the whole thing. R&R?**


	18. Confrontation at the Hospital

Everyone has a purpose. Sometimes your life has a greater purpose that you just have yet to achieve. Whether it's to be the parent of the child that will go on to cure cancer, or to save someone's life-or to become a Broadway star that touches the hearts of millions, you'll find that each life has a purpose. Somewhere down the line you may find someone who will need you for their own survival and you thank a higher power for giving you the strength to get there just for that. There might also be a person in your life right now that has been touched by your existence so much that they choose life over death. Sometimes you just have to choose it even if you have no reason to at all. You just have to simply choose it, rather than accepting defeat.

_When it's not your time to go, you're definitely not going anywhere._

On that day, Rachel Berry learned that lesson.

* * *

Rachel opened her eyes.

She found herself on her feet in the middle of a completely deserted Times Square soaked to the bone from the crash into the river. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest as she tried to keep herself warm, but it was a wasted effort. Her hair was starting to harden from the effects that the blistering cold was having on it. As she walked down the street, she scanned the area for any sort of place where she can go in to warm up, but every door was locked. She turned the corner and found herself walking down a street with a few theatres nearby.

"Is anyone out there?" she shouted through chattering teeth.

Off in the distance, there were two people standing next to each other in the middle of the empty street. One was a man wearing black and the other a woman wearing white. As she got closer to them, her view of them became clearer. She was slightly shocked to find herself face to face with Jesse and Santana. Jesse looked slightly different than he normally did. His hair was slightly longer and combed back with a few pieces dangling in his eyes. He wore a short sleeve black shirt and no coat. He looked slightly older than he was now. Santana was dressed in a long white coat with her hair flowing down her back. She too looked to be a few years older. Both of them looked at her with unreadable expressions.

Rachel stepped closer to them and smiled weakly.

"Do any of you know where I can go to get warmer?" she asked hopefully.

Jesse and Santana both exchanged looks before looking back at Rachel.

"I do," said Santana with a grin.

Rachel stepped over to Santana and looked back at Jesse. He was looking at her sadly.

"Come with me, Jess," she said expectantly.

"I can't do that, Rachel," he said softly.

"Why not?"

"Because neither of us should be going where you're going right now. We don't belong there yet,"

"I don't understand…"

Santana sighed impatiently.

"Do you want to get warm or not? Look over at that theatre over there, do you see it?" she asked as she pointed to a theatre on Rachel's right.

"Yes?"

"Well in there you can take a nice hot shower backstage and drink some vegan hot chocolate as your your beloved Barbra music playing. There's a nice warm change of clothes just waiting for you. In fact, you'll never have to worry about fighting the cold again once you're inside. It's _heaven_. Trust me."

Rachel nodded with a smile and started to follow Santana, but stopped and turned back to Jesse with a frown.

"Why don't we belong there?" she asked curiously.

"Because it would be the easy way out," he replied simply.

"Jesse, it's just going inside to get warm. It's not that serious," she said with a laugh.

Jesse crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"Sometimes the easy way out isn't the right way."

"What are you talking about?" she muttered, her voice now getting serious.

"Sometimes… you have to suck it up and handle the cold, no matter how much it hurts; no matter how much easier it is to just run to what seems to end your pain. Sometimes you have to stay in the cold because it'll make you stronger and more resistant to harsh winds that come along in the future."

Realization was slowly stating to dawn on her.

"You're not talking really about the cold, are you?" she said as she continued to shiver.

The only response he gave her was a smile.

"Listen Rachel, you're tired. You've been through so much today and throughout your whole life in genera! Don't you want to just come inside?" asked Santana, losing her patience.

"I don't know…"

"How about you take my coat? It's really warm," she said as she removed her long white coat and held it open.

Rachel looked from Santana to Jesse in confusion.

"I don't know what to do."

Jesse sighed.

"I can't give you what you want, but I can give you what you need. I can hold you through the storm and we can make our own warmth together."

A smile flickered across her face as she stepped over to Jesse's side of the street.

"You sure?" he whispered.

"I'm sure."

Rachel looked over to say thanks but no thanks to Santana, but she was gone. She turned back to Jesse and he wrapped his arms around her protectively. As he rubbed her shoulders, she felt warmth slowly trickle throughout her body. She looked up at him and put her arms around his shoulders.

"What now?" she asked.

Jesse looked down at her with complete adoration in his eyes.

"We stay here together and wait for someone else to come along. Then we can help them choose the right path… together," he said as he held her.

"Sounds like a plan," she replied, grinning wide.

Jesse cupped her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers gently. The second their lips touched, she felt as though someone had grabbed her by her collar and yanked her out of his arms and into darkness.

There was a sound in the distance.

_A faint beeping. _

She could feel something in her hand.

_Another hand._

Rachel opened her eyes and found herself in a hospital bed. The beeping that she had heard was from the machines she was hooked up to that were monitoring her heart beat. She tried to lift her right hand to shield her eyes from the heavy lighting, but it was too difficult with the needles and tubes hooked up to her arm. She looked to her left to see who was holding her left hand and saw someone slumped over her bed in a chair. His curls and black shirt were a dead giveaway for who it was.

"Jesse?" she whispered hoarsely.

His head shot up immediately as he woke from his nap. He rubbed his puffy red eyes with the back of his free hand and moved closer to her.

"You're awake!" he said in joyful relief.

She managed a faint smile.

"I missed you," she whispered.

He shook his head, still smiling and kissed her hand.

"No, I missed you more."

They looked into each other's eyes in silence for a few seconds, both of them enjoying that the other was there with them.

"What happened?" she asked after the pause.

His smile faded.

"I was hoping you'd tell me," he replied. "Do you remember anything about the bridge?"

She thought for a second and then it all came flooding back to her.

"I know how bad this looks. Everyone's going to think I tried to kill myself," she groaned.

Jesse raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"No one ever said anything like that…" he said slowly.

"I... I... just meant—"

"Rachel…"

"Okay fine. I drove to that bridge with every intention of killing myself. But I changed my mind. I _really _did. But by the time I did, it was too late and I lost control of the car!" she said quickly and urgently.

Jesse looked as though he was battling whether or not to believe it. There was such hurt and confusion evident in his tired red eyes.

"I know it sounds cheesy, but before it happened… I saw my life flash before my eyes and I saw everyone I loved and all that I wanted to become. That's when I knew that I had to live. But then it was too late…" she said frantically.

He looked her in the eye and nodded.

"You didn't try doing that because I left you, right?" he asked quietly.

"It was a lot of things. I just got overwhelmed and didn't know what else to do. But I'd really rather not talk about it…"

Jesse leaned in closer and pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes for a moment.

"The point is that you're alive and you woke up even though the doctor said you were slipping away," he said as he opened his eyes and looked into hers. "I almost lost you…"

She reached up her hand and touched his face.

"How long was I out for?" she asked softly.

"The longest three days of my life," he whispered.

"Jesse…"

Jesse's lips hovered over hers for a few seconds as he looked up in her eyes for permission. Rachel shut her eyes and closed the gap between their lips herself. Their lips pressed together gently at first, slowly bumping together in chaste pecks. But their sheer joy that they both felt in having the other there by their side took over, making it more urgent. His hand caressed her cheek, careful to avoid the scratch she had from the accident over her cheekbone. He pulled away and pecked her lips a few times before kissing her forehead and sitting back down in his seat next to her bed. She looked him in the eye and mouthed out, 'I love you'. He kissed her hand and then mouthed out that he did too.

"I'm glad you were here when I woke up," she said as she rubbed his hand with her thumb.

"By the time you crashed, I was already at the airport coming back. Quinn had been updating me on what had been going on and when she told me that… that Neanderthal touched you, I just had to come back and kick his ass and be there for you. I knew it would be difficult for you. I just wish I'd gotten here sooner…" he said angrily, his eyebrows furrowed.

"You're here now," she said with a smile in an attempt to comfort him.

"Yeah, and I'm not going anywhere."

Before she could respond, the door to her hospital room opened. Her fathers walked in, looking as though they hadn't slept in days. They looked up and saw Jesse holding their daughters hand and nearly lost all control. They were both torn between running to Rachel and showering her with hugs and kisses for waking up from her small coma or chasing Jesse out the room.

Leroy walked up to his daughter and kissed her forehead first before looking up at Jesse.

"You're going to have to leave now," he said calmly.

"No, he doesn't," she said quickly.

Hiram sighed, obviously too tired to be dealing with this right now.

"We have to discuss this situation as a family. You have a lot of explaining to do," he said bitterly.

Jesse stood up, still holding on to her hand.

"With all due respect, sirs, Rachel just woke up for the first time after an extremely traumatic event for her. Maybe it would be best if you hold off on the questioning and just enjoy the fact that she's okay. You can ask all the questions later. Just let her relax for now," he said as nicely as he could manage, but his patience with them still wearing thin.

Leroy shot Jesse a look of disbelief. It said, "Excuse me?"

Jesse fought to hide his smug grin that was starting to creep up on him from schooling her parents.

"Daddy, please let him stay," begged Rachel.

Hiram opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by a knock on the door. Rachel's doctor entered to check on her and smiled widely when he saw that she was awake.

"And why did nobody let me know that Rachel's awake?" he asked happily.

The tension between Hiram, Leroy, and Jesse prevented them from answering.

"Okay…" muttered the doctor as he walked up to Rachel. "Hey Rachel, I'm so glad you're awake. You had a pretty scary accident, didn't you?"

She nodded, her eyes still darting back and forth between her parents and Jesse.

"Well, you should be thankful that you've survived. Not many drive off a bridge and live to tell the tale. You're a real fighter, Rachel. We could've lost you today, but you held on. Anyway, there's a police officer who wants to meet with you and ask you a few questions. Should I let him in now?" he asked as he walked back to the door.

"I guess…"

The police officer walked in and attempted to greet her parents like the doctor did, but was met with the same tension.

"Okay Rachel, I have a few questions. Do you know how fast you were driving?"

"I… I don't remember," she replied.

"Were you under the influence of any drugs or alcohol during the incident in question?"

Leroy seemed to snap out of his glare at Jesse and turned to the police officer.

"What are you trying to say?" he asked defensively.

"Well sir, she is a teenager and teenagers are more reckless when it comes to substance abuse and driving," he said rationally.

"You don't know our daughter," said Hiram.

"I was asking Rachel…"

Rachel shook her head and said 'No.'

"Were you on your cell phone or texting during the crash?"

She opened her mouth to say no, but then recalled that she was reading the text from Jesse when her car had reached the point of no return. If she hadn't been reading it, she may have been able to avoid the fall.

"I was reading a text message," she confessed.

Her eyes looked up at Jesse, silently letting him know that it was his text she was reading when it happened. He immediately dropped her hand and walked over to the wall to lean against it as he squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"I know this is a tough question, but I need to ask. Was this an attempt at suicide?" asked the officer seriously.

Rachel swallowed hard and looked over at Jesse who was still facing the wall.

"No, it was an accident," she lied.

The officer asked a few more questions and wrote down his answers in his note pad before inviting himself out. Before he reached the door, he stopped and turned around.

"You're really lucky that a pedestrian you almost hit dove in to save you. You know him, too," he said with a small smile.

"Who?"

"Will Schuester, your Spanish teacher. He was out for a jog when you came by. Thought you should know," he said as he lingered by the doorway.

"But… how?" she asked in shock.

"It just wasn't your time to leave the earth. You still have things left to do," said the officer before making an exit.

Jesse turned around and took his seat next to Rachel again. He opened his mouth a few times, but stayed silent.

"What's going on?" asked Hiram suspiciously.

"I'm so sorry," Jesse whispered.

She shook her head and grabbed his hand.

"How would you have known? It's not your fault."

"Okay really, what's going on?" asked Leroy.

Jesse looked up and ran his hand through his hair anxiously.

"The text she was reading before the accident was from me," he confessed.

"Okay so you're saying that if you would've listened to us and not contacted our daughter, she'd be at home unharmed? Choose your words carefully," said Leroy with his fists clenched.

"Okay that's enough. Dad. Daddy. I was really driving down there to kill myself. But I changed my mind. His text just came at the wrong time. If anything it was my fault for checking it when my eye should've been on the road. PLEASE stop blaming Jesse for everything!" shouted Rachel furiously.

"Rach—"

"No! I'm sick and tired of you guys constantly putting the blame for all of my issues on him. Look at him! He flew out here just to be there for me when he heard that I was molested!"

"You didn't tell us—"

"Jesse isn't perfect, but he doesn't deserve all the hell you're giving him! Now please be civil!"

There was a long pause where Hiram and Leroy exchanged looks and nodded. Jesse looked at Rachel with his eyebrows raised, not quite sure what to say about her outburst in his defense. The look on his face was between gratefulness for sticking up for him, shock for her boldness, and apprehension for how her fathers would respond.

"Okay," said Hiram softly.

"What?" asked Jesse.

"Okay as in, alright. We'll give you a chance to be in Rachel's life. But we'll be monitoring her progress and if she sinks back down because of something you do… We won't be so nice anymore," said Leroy patiently.

Jesse nodded seriously.

Hiram was the first to offer out his hand to Jesse. He hesitated for a few second before taking it and shaking it. Then Jesse extended his arm out to Leroy and they shook as well. When their hands dropped back to their sides, Rachel burst into tears. They all looked at her, asking what was wrong and if she was in pain and needed a doctor. She laughed through her tears and shook her head.

"I'm just glad that you guys can accept him now. You don't know how badly I wanted this to happen before," she cried through her tears. "You all mean the world to me and I wanted you all to get along from the beginning!"

Leroy smoothed out her hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"We're doing this your way now. It may take us a while to like it, but if you want Jesse back in your life, we won't get in the way anymore. Unless he gives us a reason not to trust him…"

"Daddy…"

"That's a fair agreement, Rach," said Jesse before looking up at her dads. "But let me just say, if you're waiting for me to slip up someday and give you a reason, you're in for disappointment."

"Let's hope you're right," said Hiram with a weak smile.

"I usually am," replied Jesse with a smirk.

Leroy raised his eyebrow at Jesse and laughed.

"Confidence. I like it."

Jesse looked down at Rachel and grabbed her hand.

"May I be honest with you two?" he asked as he looked back up at them.

"That's what we always expect," said Hiram.

"I don't deserve to have Rachel back in my life after what I did. But she was kind enough to give me her friendship and I've grown to treasure that so much," said Jesse before pausing for a moment. "I'm going to be straight forward in telling you that I love Rachel. I've never stopped loving her and I don't think that's going to change any time soon, if ever. What I'm trying to say is, I want to be Rachel's boyfriend again, but I'm going to need the both of your blessings. What do you say?"

Rachel's grip on his hand tightened nervously.

"Do we even have a choice?" asked Leroy with a small smile.

Rachel smiled and shook her head. "Not really, no."

"Then I guess you have our blessing," said Hiram with a kind laugh.

A nurse knocked on the door and walked in with an injection on a tray.

"Okay, I know you are all jumping for joy that she's awake, but she needs to rest. I have a little sedative here that'll help Rachel have a nice long sleep," she said as she prepared her for the shot.

"I feel fine, really," insisted Rachel, sitting forward quickly.

She instantly clutched her head from the dizziness and fell back on her pillow with a groan.

"Yep, you're going to get some much needed rest," said the nurse as she injected her.

"Don't go…" she whispered as she felt her eyes get heavy.

Jesse squeezed her hand and gave her a reassuring smile.

"I'll be here when you wake up. I promise," he said softly.

She nodded and looked over at her fathers.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Rachel. Get some sleep," said Leroy before kissing her forehead and then stepping aside so Hiram could say goodbye as well.

When they reached the door, they turned back to Jesse and gave him a weak smile.

"I guess we'll be seeing you here tomorrow?" asked Hiram.

"You most definitely will," he replied.

Once they were out the door, Jesse turned back to Rachel and pressed his lips to her hand.

"Sleep, now. You're not alone," he whispered before getting up and kissing her softly.


	19. Visiting Hours

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me a while to update, this chapter has been draining me. I think I've been feeling as tired as Rachel feels throughout the whole thing. Anyway, here's a chapter posted today because it's my birthday and I wanted to give you guys a little something-something. _Reviews make the best birthday present._**

* * *

The next morning Rachel woke up to the view of Jesse slumped over her in his chair with his head tilted to the side in a strange angle.

"Jesse!" she whispered.

He turned in his chair and his head tilted off to the other side. She sat upright and tossed a pen from the table next to her bed at him. He barely even flinched. A small smile broke out across her face. He must have really been tired to be sleeping as heavily as he was right now. She felt bad that he was probably so uncomfortable and sleep deprived because he wanted to keep her company. She was in the midst of watching him sleep when the nurse entered.

Rachel immediately put her finger to her lips and pointed to Jesse to signal that she should be quiet and not wake him.

"You should be the one resting up, Doll," said the smiling nurse.

"I know, but he's been here for me and has hardly gotten any sleep. I don't want to wake him," said Rachel, looking back at him with a slight grin.

The nurse nodded and put the clipboard down on the bedside table.

"Well, it looks to me like we're moving you to a new room today, so he'll have to get up regardless," she replied.

"A new room? You mean I can't go home yet? I feel _a lot _better."

"We're just making sure. Think about it as extra time to rest. You need it after such a traumatic experience," said the nurse kindly. "Now hold out your arm so I can free you of these needles."

"But..."

Jesse's head flicked up as he woke up from the noise. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he tried to adjust his eyes to the bright sunlight flooding through the window. He looked up at Rachel, running a hand through his curls, and smiled.

"Morning," he muttered groggily, stretching his arms.

"You know you sound incredibly attractive when you're sleepy?" said Rachel, wincing slightly as the IV was removed.

Jesse smirked and raised an eyebrow.

"Really, now?"

"I shouldn't have even said that. It's going right to his head as we speak," muttered Rachel to the nurse, rolling her eyes.

"Perhaps," he replied with a smug grin as he stood up from his chair.

Once Rachel was successfully disconnected from all needles, she slung her leg over the side of the hospital bed and pressed her foot to the icy cold tiled floor. The accident as well as not having stood up for four days straight, however, had her legs too weak to support her weight. Her knees wobbled and she nearly fell over. Luckily, Jesse stepped forward in time to catch her in his arms.

"Easy there," he muttered, brushing her hair out of her face.

"You're enjoying this," she said, putting her hands against his chest to support her.

"Holding you this close? Yes. You not being able to walk straight? No," he replied as he grabbed onto her waist.

Rachel huffed and looked down at her legs as she concentrated on walking without his help.

"You know, I can just carry you wherever you want to go if you ask," he offered with a chuckle.

She rolled her eyes and moved her foot to take a step.

"Easy here, hun," said the nurse before stepping out of the room. "You banged up your legs pretty badly in the crash. Apparently you hit your legs hard when you were pulled out of your car."

This didn't make her feel any better. She looked down at her feet with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Let me help. Sometimes you need help," said Jesse softly. "One step at a time."

She nodded and took a step forward.

"Good. Keep going," he nodded encouragingly.

Her hands slid from his chest, down into his hands as she took another weak step. Then another. He let go of her hands and stepped back against the wall as he watched her do the rest on her own. She managed to walk all around the room and over to the bathroom by herself without any assistance. While inside, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, and combed her hair. When she emerged, she walked straight up to Jesse, who was still leaning against the wall. She leaned against his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Jesse's hands immediately found their way around her, one hand running itself lazily through her hair.

"You're welcome," he replied before bringing his lips down to her forehead.

Rachel leaned closer by standing on her tip toes to capture his lips in a kiss. Her hands instantly traveled up his chest and around his neck where she liked them to be. The hand that he already had in her hair pulled her head closer, deepening the kiss. His other hand ran down her back, as though searching for something before it and rested on her lower back. He pulled away from the kiss, chuckling softly to himself.

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just hoping this gown wouldn't have a back. I've just been denied of a prime opportunity to grope you," he said, pouting slightly.

Rachel threw her head back and laughed. Jesse saw this as yet another prime opportunity. He leaned down and placed a trail of kisses along the line of her neck. She let out a small sigh of enjoyment and lifted her head steal another kiss from his lips.

"Disappointed?" she asked with a straight face.

"Not in the slightest way possible," he whispered into her ear.

"Hey Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Carry me back to my bed?" she whispered, taking him up on his offer.

Jesse's bent down slightly so Rachel could jump up and wrap her legs around him. His hands immediately settled on her thighs to support her from falling back. He carried her over to the hospital bed and sat her down on it gently. Rachel's hands lingered around his neck and pulled him down onto her bed with him. Jesse stroked her face as he kissed her along her jaw lovingly. Her legs which were still wrapped around his waist tightened their grip around him. A smirk played across his lips in response as he looked up and into her eyes. Their lips collided together again hungrily and their tongues danced together in perfect harmony. After a few more slow kisses, Rachel pulled away, gasping for air painfully. Jesse pulled away as well and looked at her with concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know… my chest hurts," she whimpered.

"Well you did almost drown in your car," he rationalized. "Maybe we should hold off on these steamy make out sessions until you're released."

Rachel sighed and nodded. She looked up at him and felt adored when she saw how he looked at her. There was so much love in his eyes that couldn't be anything less than genuine. As if she read his mind, she reached up and touched his face and said exactly what he was thinking, "I'm so glad we're together."

"You're glad?" he chuckled. "I've been waiting patiently for this ever since I saw you at my aunt's house. Heck, I've wanted this since we broke up."

"Well thank you for waiting for when I was ready," she replied.

Jesse leaned in and kissed her tenderly before looking back up into her eyes.

"You're so worth the wait."

Rachel's grinned up at him adoringly, her heart swelling twice its size in her chest.

"I love you," she said sincerely.

Hearing her say it made Jesse feel absolutely invincible. He'd read her say it through text, seen her mouth out the words yesterday, but now she finally said it. He grabbed her face and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, too," he replied before crushing her lips with his in a smoldering kiss that left her tangling her hands in his curls as she pulled him closer.

He pulled away, "We shouldn't…"

"I'm fine, really," she insisted, pulling his lips back to hers.

The door opened and the nurse returned. Jesse jumped off of Rachel and toppled onto the hard floor, thinking it was her fathers walking in. The nurse stood there and shook her head as she laughed.

"Young love," she muttered as she stepped in.

Rachel sat up straight and Jesse pushed himself off the floor and onto his usual chair. The nurse simply chuckled and crossed her arms.

"Come on, Rachel. We're heading over to the new room," she said, reaching out her hand to help her off the bed.

Jesse grabbed Rachel's things and followed her out the room with his hand on her back. When they reached the new room, she sat on the bed with her arms crossed and sighed.

"I want to go home," she muttered.

"We just have a few more tests to run on you today. With all luck you'll be heading home tomorrow," said the nurse before leaving.

And run tests, they did. After a few hours of annoying tests to see if she would have any lasting damage from a concussion and getting her chest examined for the pain she'd experienced earlier, she returned to her room and crashed on her hospital bed feeling completely drained. She rolled over in her bed to take a quick nap while Jesse went home to freshen up, but there was a knock at her door.

"Come in…" she croaked sleepily.

In walked a nurse who looked a bit uncomfortable.

"It's visiting hours and you have quite a lot of people who are asking to see you. I just wanted to see if you were up to that many people," said the nurse, looking out the door at the waiting visitors.

Rachel sat up and looked at the nurse as though she was crazy.

"What do you mean a lot of people? Who on earth would come visit me?" she muttered impatiently, her head hurting her too much.

"Do you want to see them? I'll let them in small groups so you're not overwhelmed."

Rachel nodded and watched the nurse signal in the first group. She crossed her arms and tried to crane her head to see out the door, but it wasn't possible from her bed. When the first group entered, her face broke out into a wide smile. Quinn, Blaine, and Kurt entered together, each holding a pink rose. Blaine reached her first and gave her the warmest hug she could ever imagine before sitting down at the foot of her bed.

"These are for you," said Kurt, before they handed her the roses.

"How are you?" asked Quinn from Jesse's chair.

"A little dizzy and really tired…" she replied, crashing back into her pillows.

"Well, you can sleep after you see the rest of your visitors," said Blaine with a grin.

"Fine…"

Quinn and Kurt left the room to talk to the rest of her visitors, but Blaine stayed behind for a second. He reached over and grabbed Rachel's hand.

"My sister that has BPD and almost took her life a few times," he muttered, looking out the window to avoid looking her in the eye. "She almost succeeded one time."

Rachel sat up and gave Blaine her full attention. She squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue.

"I can't begin to know what you're feeling, but I've seen it first-hand. You're a really great person, Rachel and I know your life sucks a lot of the time. But I'd hate for the world to be denied of the gift that you are, and I don't want to lose one of my best friends, too. So please, if you ever feel like you've lost hope. I'm always here for you, no matter what time," he said, looking her in the eye.

Rachel leaned in and pulled Blaine into a tight hug. Everyone seemed to believe that she was just in an accident, but Blaine knew better. She was so grateful to have friends like she did, and she was especially grateful for Blaine. A silent tear rolled down her cheek as she gripped his shirt. "Thank you," she whispered. Blaine nodded and bid her goodbye before walking out of the room.

She laid back down and wiped the tears from her cheeks as she waited for the next people to enter. The door opened and Mercedes walked in with a bright pink teddy bear in her hand. She smiled weakly and handed it to Rachel.

"Rachel, I—"

"Forget about it," said Rachel, holding her arms open for a hug.

"I'm just really sorry for the things I've said to you these past few weeks since you quit glee. It was really out of hand and I'm sorry it's taken until you getting in an accident for me to say something. So yeah, I'm really sorry," said Mercedes guiltily.

Rachel opened her arms even wider and pulled Mercedes into a hug.

"Thank you. Let's put that in the past, okay?" said Rachel.

"Definitely."

Over the next hour, every member of New Directions filtered into Rachel's hospital room. Each of them carried flowers and get well cards. Brittany brought her a homemade card that had a drawn picture of a unicorn wearing a sweater with a unicorn on it in a hospital bed.

"It's you as a unicorn and you're in the hospital... wearing a unicorn sweater because I know how much you like those. I took a lot of time on the shading," she pointed out.

Even Finn showed up, clutching a stuffed purple giraffe.

"I'm sorry for the hurt I must've caused and I hope you can recover quickly," he muttered with a half smile.

Rachel nodded silently and gave him an awkward hug. She wasn't completely ready to be friends with him again, but she was willing to be civil with him because he had apologized.

Once everyone who she thought would show up left, the door opened again. Rachel sat up again, holding onto one of her many stuffed animals. When she realized that it was Santana who was walking through the door, she looked down at her flowers.

"Hey Berry," she muttered with a weak smile.

"Santana…"

She didn't come baring any gifts or flowers. She simply stood at the edge of her bed with her arms at her sides awkwardly.

"I've done… a lot… of crap to you," she said softly, almost whispering.

"Yes, you have."

"I guess I always picked on you because it upset me that you were always so sure of yourself and what you wanted. You're probably the only one of us who has a chance of getting out of this dump. So, I figured if I could drag you down with me, I'd feel better…" said Santana with a shrug.

She covered her eyes with her hands and turned away. Rachel's mouth dropped open slightly when she could've sworn she saw Santana tearing up. Santana turned back and took a deep breath.

"My cruelty has contributed to what you're going through- and don't deny that you're going through something because we can all see it. You've changed and lost that spark. At first, I freaking loved it. But now…"

She couldn't hide the tears that fell freely down her cheeks now.

"You could've died. I don't know if the crash was an attempt at suicide or not, but I just want you to know that I never wanted it to go this far. You annoy the CRAP out of me most of the time, Berry, but I'd never wish this on you. I was so wrong in everything I did."

Santana sat down at the edge of her bed and continued.

"Please don't let what I've done to you affect your future. You go on and be someone, dammit!"

Rachel sat there, completely frozen in shock. Of all the time she'd known Santana, she'd never seen her open like this. Santana looked up at her and wiped her tears away.

"I swear I'll never try to hurt you on purpose again. Just don't go doing anything stupid because of me, Berry. I'm sorry!" she cried out, grabbing Rachel's face to make her look her in the eye. "Get the hell out of Lima and make a name for yourself. You hear me?"

Rachel nodded. This sent Santana completely over the edge and she threw her arms around her. Rachel hugged her back and was overcome with tears too.

"It's okay, I forgive you," she said through her tears.

"Dammit, Berry you're too forgiving," replied Santana when she pulled away. "Listen, if anyone at school does anything to hurt you, I've got your back. When I heard about what Azimio did I slashed his tires and had his locker filled with worms."

They both managed to laugh a little about it as they wiped away their tears.

"Okay, I should be going. I have to go break up with Finn. Taking him from you was out of line," said Santana as she stood up.

She nodded and laid back down on her pillow, completely drained. Santana walked up to the door and then stopped and looked back.

"If you tell anyone about this emotional stuff… I'll kick your ass, Berry," she said with a wink.

Rachel managed a laugh before closing her eyes to fall asleep. But that wasn't the last of her visitors for the day. The door swung open again and Mister Schuester walked in with a bouquet of beautiful purple lilies in his hand. Rachel immediately mustered up the energy and pushed herself out of her hospital bed before throwing her arms around him tearfully. Caught off guard at first, Mr. Schuester hugged her back.

"How are you?" he asked softly.

Rachel peeled herself off of him and opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out. She simply started to cry harder and went in for another hug. He patted her back and put the flowers down on the bedside table.

She took a step back and wiped away her tears for probably the hundredth time that day.

"Thank you, Mr. Schue," she finally managed to say. "If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be…"

He shook her head and sat down next to her.

"Don't mention it. I'm just glad you're alive," he said soothingly.

She nodded and looked over at him, wanting to ask something. She sighed and asked it.

"Is there any room in New Directions left for me?"

"We've always held your spot in the event of your return, Rachel," replied Mister Schuester with a grin.

Rachel straightened up her back and flashed him the best smile she could manage.

"Good, because I have an entire list of songs that I believe would do us well for the next competition. Many of them feature me on solo, heavily of course. But, they give the rest of the members opportunities to shine. I believe they will definitely guarantee us the win," she said in a firm and business-like manner.

Mr. Schuester tilted his head back and laughed hysterically.

"It's great to have you back, Rachel," he said, patting her on the back.

"It's great to be back."


	20. Jesse's Proposal

**A/N: Sorry for the time it took to post this. I've been having trouble getting my muse going, but here we go. As a reminder, this story started off on New Year's Eve, so by now we're in February. **

* * *

The next morning, Rachel's doctor had gladly informed her that she would be allowed to go home. She jumped out of her bed and immediately began to prepare herself excitedly for her departure. Jesse sat in the corner watching her run around and look for her clothes frantically, chuckling softly at her excitement to leave.

"Rach, your dads brought you a change of clothes, remember?" he said, pointing to the bag on the other side of her hospital bed.

"I knew that…"she said with a quick nod before grabbing it reaching in for her clothes.

She paused and looked up at him nervously at the thought about changing in front of him.

"You can change in the bathroom, or I can leave," he said without a problem.

"No… I want to," she said, looking down at her feet.

He raised a curious eyebrow at her and pushed himself up from his chair to walk over to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he turned her around so that her back was to him. His hands moved down to the snap buttons on the back of her hospital gown and slowly began to undo them all as his hands continued to trail downward. When they were all undone, he hooked his fingers under the gown at her shoulders and slid it off so that she only stood in her undergarments. She immediately wrapped her arms around her torso nervously.

"Are you cold?" he asked close to her ear.

"A little…"

Jesse let his hands slide under her arms and pulled her back against his chest. He leaned down to press his lips to her shoulder for a moment before pulling away and turning her to face him. When he saw the nervous and insecure look in her eye, he shook his head and pulled her close to him again.

"Why are you so nervous? You're not even naked," he said as he rubbed her sides. "Besides… _it's just me_. You shouldn't be nervous around me. You know I think you're beautiful."

A smile flickered across Rachel's face at his words. She nodded and pressed her face against his chest as she returned his embrace.

"Let's get you dressed now, shall we?" he asked as he reached into the bag for her yellow undershirt.

Rachel nodded and put her arms above her head like a child waiting to be dressed by her parent. He pulled the shirt down over her head, making sure to graze his hands along the sides of her breasts over her bra as he did so. She shuddered at his touch and instinctively leaned into his hands. Noticing this reaction, he smirked and picked her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist before crushing his lips to hers. She smiled against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck for support.

Chuckling softly, he pulled away and shook his head at the brunette.

"If we keep going, at this rate you'll never get dressed," he said, pecking her lips quickly.

"I fail to see the problem with that," she replied with a smirk.

"Who are you and what have you done with Rachel Berry?" he asked, raising his eyebrow curiously.

"Shush, St. James," she muttered before silencing him with her lips.

Jesse chuckled through the kiss and pulled away.

"One of those nurses out there is going to come in here to change the sheets on the bed and see you half naked in my arms. As much as I'm loving this display of affection, we should save it for some place outside the hospital," he said as he set her back down on the floor. "Like the bushes _outside_ the hospital, perhaps…" he added, jokingly.

Rachel grabbed her skirt from the bag and swatted him with it playfully. He took a step back and watched as she slipped it on before returning to her and zipping up the zipper for her. Then he reached into the bag for her argyle cardigan sweater and held it open for her to put it on. When she turned back to face him, he began to slowly button up the buttons from the bottom, up.

"There," he muttered after finishing the last button. "All done."

She kissed him appreciatively and bent down to slip on her shoes.

"Not helping…" he muttered as his eyes darted down to look at her butt.

She leaned back slightly and pressed her butt into his hips. His mouth dropped open slightly at her boldness. She turned her head to see his face and laughed.

"Wasn't that a prime opportunity for a typical Jesse St. James smirk?" she teased.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed her bags so they could hurry up and leave. She followed after him and hopped into the wheelchair by the door, swinging her legs playfully.

"I believe the patient always gets wheeled out when they are discharged," she said in a very matter of fact tone.

He shook his head and walked up behind the wheelchair to push it down the hallway and into the elevator. When they reached the main floor and got up to the doorway, he pulled her to her feet and out the door. She immediately began walking towards the parking lot, but he grabbed her arm to hold her rooted to her spot in front of the automatic doors.

"What—"

"Rachel, look at me," he said seriously before turning to look at the doors and back to her. "I want you to promise me that we'll never be back here again if we can help it."

She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes, but understanding soon dawned on her the moment she saw the serious concern in his eyes.

"I promise to try my best," she said honestly, reaching up to touch his face as she said so.

Jesse shook his head and looked down at her seriously.

"That's not enough. I need your word that we'll never be back here because of any attempt to take your own life."

There was a slight ghost of fear in his worried voice that broke Rachel's heart. Just by looking in his eyes, she could get a glimpse of all the pain he'd been through ever since the crash over the bridge. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to imagine how she'd feel if she spent days watching him recover from something like that after almost dying. She knew that she'd had a change of heart and ended up not wanting to take her life before the crash, but she still couldn't bring herself to be able to give him her word.

"Jesse…" she started tensely. "I really want to say that I promise, but that's not really realistic. I don't know what the future holds or what might happen to me down the line that may influence my way of thinking for the worst. But I can tell you that I promise to try my hardest to make sure that it never happens again. I hope you can be satisfied with that at least."

He looked down for a moment as he processed what she said before looking up and nodding. Pulling her into an embrace, he nuzzled is face into her hair.

"I just never want to see you like that again," he whispered. "I've never been more afraid in my life."

She pulled away and touched her lips to his apologetically, murmuring a soft "I love you," against his them.

Jesse laced his fingers with hers and pulled her down to his Range Rover in the parking lot.

"C'mon. Let's get you out of here…"

* * *

Rachel was so glad to be out of the hospital and back in the real world and she felt as though she'd been liberated from her own personal prison. Sticking her hand out the window to feel the breeze on her fingers, she closed her eyes and sang along to the songs playing on the radio, while Jesse listened happily. He'd usually sing along, but today he was just being thankful for the fact that she was still here for him to hear.

When he pulled up in the driveway of his aunt's house, Rachel looked over at him with confusion.

"What are we doing here?" she asked anxiously.

She thought that he was taking her back to her home. Normally, she'd have no problem going inside his aunt's house. But after she quit her sessions and then landed herself in the hospital from a suicide attempt, she didn't think she'd be able to face her.

"I really don't think—"

"Calm down. She's more understanding about these things than you think. It's her job," he said before reaching to open his door.

"Jesse, please take me home," she said urgently.

"Rach—"

"Please?"

He sighed and grabbed her hand.

"I wouldn't insist if I didn't think this was what was best for you. This isn't a session I'm taking you to. I just want you to have lunch with us and then we can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want," he explained slowly.

"She's probably so disappointed in me, though," she worried.

He shook his head and rubbed her hand with his thumb.

"Trust me when I say that she's the least judgmental person I know. Not to mention when I told her about the crash, she made me promise to bring you down here when you were released. She's worried because she cares about you. You're not just a patient to her, you know," he explained.

She nodded and stepped out of the car. As they walked up the stone path to get to the doorway, she reached out and grabbed his hand for support.

"Why am I more than a patient to her?" she asked curiously.

"Because I love you, and because she likes what you've done to me," he said as he fumbled with his keys.

"And just what have I done?" she asked, biting her lip curiously.

Jesse chuckled and unlocked the door.

"You've domesticated me."

"You're damn right, you've domesticated him!" shouted his aunt Claire from the kitchen.

"As usual, your hearing is excellent," said Jesse before lowering his voice in a whisper. "Isn't it creepy?"

"Heard that!" she shouted back.

Claire Austen wiped her hands on a dish towel and entered the living room to greet the two teens. She walked right past Jesse, who had his arms out for a hug, and immediately pulled Rachel into a warm embrace.

"I feel the love," muttered Jesse sarcastically, letting his hands drop back to his sides.

Diva lurked into the room and rubbed herself against Jesse's leg quickly before running straight at Rachel and meowed.

"That hurts," said Jesse dramatically before plopping himself down on the couch.

"How are you feeling?" asked Claire softly.

"I'm good. Really," she replied as she bent down to pick up the overweight cat.

Rachel hesitated slightly and stroked the cat's neck to ease the awkward moment for her.

"I'm sorry about –"she started, but was cut off.

"Don't apologize. You were really overwhelmed at the time. But I do want to know if you plan on continuing with our sessions now," said Claire as she sat down on the couch next to Jesse.

Jesse looked up at her, curious about her response.

"Even though I feel a lot better now, I think it would be for the best that we continue so that I can go on feeling better," she said to the both of them.

Claire smiled and shared a look of relief with Jesse.

"Well I'm glad. I honestly do think it's for the best that you continue," she said before standing up and rubbing her hands together. "Anyway, I've attempted at cooking today. I made soup and salads. It's all vegan friendly, of course."

Rachel's face lit up because of Claire's consideration. She nodded and followed her into the kitchen with Jesse following close behind. As they sat at the table, Diva lurked around their feet as she begged for their attention. Jesse couldn't resist and pulled her on top of his lap.

"Jesse…" started Claire at the sight of Diva trying to climb up on top of the table from his lap.

"Diva is family," Jesse insisted as he tried to feed her a slice of a mandarin orange from his salad.

Diva looked up at Jesse as though she was insulted by this offer and hopped off the table to sulk around her food bowl.

"She hates anything remotely healthy," he quietly informed Rachel with a smirk.

"Isn't it obvious? That cat is as heavy as a baby whale," said Claire bluntly, causing Rachel to choke on her soup.

Jesse gasped dramatically and looked from Diva to Claire with his mouth wide open in shock.

"How could you be so insensitive?" he said in mock seriousness, biting down on his lip to hold in his laughter.

Rachel turned to look at Jesse and shook her head in disapproval of the fact that he let his cat get as big as she is. He shrugged and returned to his salad.

"You spoil her," she muttered, looking over at the cat as she wolfed down her cat food.

"Only the best for my girl," he replied with a wink.

"Should I be jealous?" she giggled.

"Oh yes, you should incredibly jealous of the obese cat," muttered Claire.

Jesse rolled his eyes and ignored his aunt. He reached under the table and placed his hand on Rachel's thigh, squeezing gently.

"I have bigger plans for you," he said with an eyebrow slightly raised.

"Oh dear Rachel, he's going to fatten you up. Say goodbye to your dainty little figure," laughed Claire.

Jesse shot a quick glare at Claire and shook his head.

"You're ruining my charming smoothness, Aunt Claire," he said, shaking a finger at her.

"You make it entirely too easy,' she shrugged, getting up from the table and clearing their empty plates.

Rachel stood up to help her, but Claire held her hand out and insisted that she could do it by herself.

"You on the other hand can help me," she said to Jesse before he could sneak away.

Jesse sighed and nodded, grabbing the rest of the plates and following her to the sink. As he rolled up his sleeves to wash the dishes, he turned to Rachel. "Go upstairs and wait for me in my room. There's something I want to talk to you about."

A curious look flashed across Rachel's face as she opened her mouth to ask what he wanted to talk to her about. But he shook his head and returned to the dishes before she could ask. She turned on her heel and left the kitchen, making her way upstairs to wait for Jesse in his room. Diva followed right behind her slowly, having slight trouble making it up the stairs as fast as Rachel could. Giggling, she waited at the middle of the stairs for the cat to catch up with her.

"I'm going to make sure you return to a healthy weight if it's the last thing I do," she said to the cat as she continued her way up.

When she reached Jesse's room, she threw herself onto his large bed and sighed from how soft it was. She pulled the silky black sheets over her body, enjoying the feeling of the lavish fabric against her skin. After a few failed attempts, Diva managed to hop on top of the bed and curl herself next to Rachel's legs. She reached down to stroke the cat's fur, causing her to emit a delighted purr. She giggled and sat up to give the cat more attention when Jesse walked in.

"My ladies," he said, grinning at the sight of Rachel and Diva as he shut the door.

Jesse kicked off his boots and climbed into bed with Rachel and pulled her close to him. She immediately nestled herself on top of his chest easily as though their bodies fit together like perfectly matched puzzle pieces. His arm curled around her body as he let his hand run lazy lines up and down her side.

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked as she played with a button on his blue plaid shirt.

"Oh yeah, that…" he muttered with his eyes closed.

She waited for a moment, expecting him to say something, but he didn't.

"_Jesse…"_

He chuckled and sat up, making sure to not let go of their embrace as he did.

"I have a proposal for you," he said smoothly.

"I do!" she said immediately, clasping her hand to her mouth when she realized what she'd said.

"What?"

"Nothing…"

Jesse raised an eyebrow and shook his head in confusion. He shrugged and kissed her forehead.

"Anyway, seeing as this weekend is _Valentine's Day_…" he started, making sure to put extra emphasis on the name of the holiday.

Rachel's face immediately lit up. She'd completely forgotten about the holiday with everything that had happened over the course of the past week. But when he mentioned it, she grew excited at the thought of celebrating her first Valentine's Day with Jesse as a couple. She'd never had a Valentine before, and she was more than happy to have him be her first.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked eagerly.

"Well, I have this crazy idea. But, I'm not sure your dads will go for it," he said, slightly tense.

"What do you have in mind?" she repeated, this time even more anxious.

"I was thinking of taking you to spend the weekend in New York. Aunt Claire and Uncle Jon have a loft apartment over in the city for their getaways. They used to take me there all the time when I was growing up. We'd go see shows and sight see… we had really good times," he recalled nostalgically.

Rachel couldn't help but grin from ear to ear as he spoke about his fond memories. She could see how much his aunt and uncle had influenced him and encouraged him to follow his dreams. Sadly, she couldn't say the same for his parents…

After snapping out of his day dream of the past, he looked back to her for her opinion. But Rachel was too busy daydreaming of what it would be like to spend a weekend with Jesse alone in New York City. She started off into space with a glazed look in her eyes and a wide smile on her face.

"Rachel?" he asked, waving his hand in front of her face. "Do you want to?"

Suddenly, she was brought back to reality and realized she hadn't given him an answer.

"Is that even a question?" she asked, rolling her eyes slightly. "Does Rachel Berry, the girl who eats and breathes all things Broadway, want to go with her amazing boyfriend to New York City for Valentine's Day? No, not at all…" she said sarcastically.

He couldn't help but lose his train of thought slightly when she referred to him as her amazing boyfriend. Their relationship was still very new and he was used to having to settle with being her friend until she was ready to take the next step. But here they were in the present, together and closer than ever.

"Okay," Jesse shrugged. "I'll just have to cancel the reservations, then."

"Jess!" she scolded, swatting his chest lightly. "Wait… you already made the reservations before finding out if I could even come?"

He shrugged and leaned back on his elbows.

"What can I say? I'm an optimist," he said as a smirk played across his lips.

"Well lucky for you, I want to go," she said as she leaned against him.

"Good."

He swiftly grabbed Rachel and pushed her down so she was lying down with her head resting on his pillow. She instantly responded to his action by grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him to hover over her.

"Eager," he growled in approval before capturing her lips with his hungrily.

As he kissed her, one of his hands reached down to start to unbutton her sweater that he'd buttoned up for her back at the hospital. He broke the kiss to move onto her neck, making sure to pay special attention to her pulse point.

"Now who's eager?" she giggled in his ear.

"Hey now, I'm just finishing what we started at the hospital," he quipped.

"Less talking, more kissing," she replied breathlessly.

He didn't need to be told twice. Jesse swooped back down to reclaim her lips, sending his tongue to glide alongside hers. Her hands reached up to fist the curls at the back of his head as she pulled him closer to intensify their already smoldering kiss. He groaned from the urgency displayed in how tightly she gripped his hair.

Rachel couldn't believe how much time they had wasted when they could have been together. She knew that she had needed time before, but now that they were together, she regretted waiting so long. So to make up for lost time, she didn't want to hold back. However, when she reached to remove his shirt, his hand clasped over hers to stop her.

"What's wrong?" she groaned against his lips.

"I just need to make sure you know what you're doing," he whispered, pulling away slightly.

"I do," she whimpered, reaching up to kiss him again.

He pulled away again and she sighed, rolling away from him and sitting up.

"What's wrong?" she asked nervously.

"Nothing," he replied, pulling her close to him again. "I just think we should talk about how far you want to go because you weren't 100% sure last time."

She nodded and leaned into his arms, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the feeling of closeness.

"What do you want to discuss?" she asked, her voice small.

He straightened up slightly and thought for a moment.

"Well for starters, how far do you want to go?"

Rachel looked down and blushed for a moment, trying to focus on straightening his collar. He chuckled and grabbed her hand away with one hand and tilted her face up to look at him with the other.

"I was hoping we could… consummate our relationship," she said shyly.

Jesse arched an eyebrow and stifled a laugh at her choice of words. She looked up at him with hurt and confusion in her eyes because of his laughter.

"Don't you want me?" she asked as her eyes pooled with tears.

Jesse sighed and cupped her face, rubbing the pad of his thumb against her soft cheeks in an attempt to soothe her.

"Of course I want you," he said, pecking her lips quickly after he did. "Isn't that obvious?"

He let his hand rest on her knee for a moment before it traveled up her thigh and under her skirt. Her breathing hitched when he left his hand dangerously close to where she wished it would be. Leaning in, he let his cheek rest on the side of hers for a moment, causing her to immediately bury her face into his shoulder. When he pulled away, he looked at her expectantly because she hadn't answered his question. She nodded silently, unable to form any words, or coherent thought for that matter.

"But today we won't," he said as he removed his hand from up her skirt.

Her mouth dropped slightly in confusion and a small whimper escaped her lips because she already missed the warmth of his hand on her upper thigh.

Chuckling softly, he pulled her back into a lying down position and trailed apologetic kisses along the side of her jaw, before wrapping his arms around her in a spooning position.

"New York," he said softly.

She turned her head slightly to ask what he meant, but realization dawned on her quickly.

"You'll get your epic romance in the city of your dreams," he whispered in her ear.

Overcome with excitement, Rachel turned around to face Jesse and they immediately wrapped their arms around each other and pressed their foreheads together as though it were instinct. As she looked into his eyes, she continued to curse herself for waiting so long because of her stupid issues and insecurities. Her sadness was evident in her eyes and Jesse could easily tell.

"What's wrong?"

She sighed and shrugged.

"I just hate that I've wasted so much time just being your friend when we could've reignited our love a long time ago," she confessed.

Jesse brought his hand up to touch her cheek as he looked into her eyes amorously.

"But we did reignite our love a long time ago. Just because we weren't officially together doesn't mean we didn't feel the way that we do about each other now back then," he said, refusing to look away from her big brown eyes. "Besides, you needed the time to sort things out and understand if this was what you really wanted."

"But this was what I wanted—"

"You were still unsure because you were afraid of getting hurt and the effects it would have on you. That is a valid concern that I understood completely."

She nodded weakly.

"Don't have any regrets. We spend too much time regretting things that we don't appreciate what we have now."

"So you're saying that I should be thankful that we're together now, and that all the time that we took building up a close relationship should be treasured because it brought us to where we are today?" she asked as her hands played with his curls on the back of his head.

"I couldn't have explained it any better."

The couple spent the rest of the day lounging around the house, not doing anything that may seem too eventful. They spent time in bed talking, playing with Diva, and occasionally sharing a tender kiss when their eyes met and sucked them into each others trance. It may have seemed like an unmemorable day, but in the grand scheme of life, it was the simple moments like these lazy afternoons that mattered most. It was nothing that either of them would ever regret.


	21. Taking Matters Into Her Own Hands

**A/N: Many apologies for taking so long. Life has been hectic and I've gotten caught in role playing, but I've never abandoned this story! It's worth noting that this chapter is the first reason why I had to change the rating of this story from _T to M_. I think you know what that means... Enjoy?**

* * *

The clinking of silverware and the occasional sip of water was all that could be heard in the Berry dining room during dinner the following night. Occasionally, Hiram and Leroy would glance up from their meals and ask Rachel and Jesse a question to stimulate conversation, but they were too nervous to give a full reply. They were planning on discussing the New York City trip with them after dinner and were both nervous about how her fathers would react. They had only just started to accept him and they both knew that a romantic weekend getaway was pushing the boundaries past any fathers comfort zone.

Rachel pushed her plate aside and sent Jesse a nervous look. He reached over under the table to squeeze her thigh to give her strength. She couldn't help but stifle a small chuckle with her napkin. Their nervousness was ridiculous, really. They were only asking for permission to go away for the weekend. It wasn't like she was pregnant or that they were announcing that they were eloping. She looked over at Jesse and he could just tell what she was thinking and stifled a chuckle himself.

"Alright you two, what's going on?" asked Leroy with a raised eyebrow.

The couple looked up with fresh grins still on their faces and exchanged glances, knowing now was the moment.

Hiram looked over at them and choked on his water.

"Oh my God, Rachel. Are you pregnant?" he gasped, slapping his hand down on the table.

Jesse's eyes widened as he shook his head vigorously.

"Dad!" scolded Rachel angrily. "I can assure you that it would be absolutely _impossible_ for that to be the case right now."

She gave them a serious look and they understood that she was telling them that she was still a virgin.

"You didn't propose, didn't you?" asked Leroy to Jesse suspiciously.

"No, sir. Definitely not," said Jesse seriously.

"Dad, Daddy, Jesse and I would like to ask your permission for something," said Rachel tentatively.

Hiram and Leroy both exchanged glances and nodded.

"This should be good," muttered Hiram.

"The floor is yours," said Leroy with a slight wave of his hand.

Jesse sat up straight in his seat and grabbed Rachel's hand under the table.

"Seeing as this weekend is Valentine's Day, I was hoping to be able to take Rachel somewhere—with your permission of course," said Jesse politely.

Hiram nodded.

"Well, if you can have her back by her curfew—"

"That's just the thing, Dad," said Rachel nervously. "It's to stay out past my curfew."

Leroy sipped on his wine silently and raised an eyebrow.

"How much later?" asked Hiram.

"The whole weekend?" said Rachel, unintentionally making her response sound like a question through her nervousness.

"Now that's just ridiculous, Rachel," said Leroy, shaking his head.

"Sir, if I may…" Jesse interrupted. "…I'd like to take Rachel on a trip to New York City. We could see a few Broadway shows and see the sights. I think that it would be _very good for her_."

Jesse gave them both a look. They both knew what he was talking about. Given all that Rachel had gone through with her Borderline Personality Disorder and the accident, perhaps a trip to New York could remind her of all of her old dreams and just how ambitious she used to be.

Leroy stood up from the table and placed his napkin to the side.

"Darling, may I have a word with you in the family room," he said to his husband before stepping out.

Both Hiram and Leroy stepped out into the family room to discuss the matter without another word to the two teenagers. Rachel looked over at Jesse and bit her lip.

"Do you think they'll say yes?" she asked anxiously.

"I don't know, Rach. You know them better than I do…"

Rachel grabbed her chair and pushed it closer to Jesse's.

"What do we do if they say no?" she whispered.

He sighed and leaned on his hand.

"I'll see if I can get a refund on the airline tickets and maybe try and sell the Broadway tickets," he said sadly.

Her face fell at the very thought.

"Why couldn't you wait? You may have just wasted a lot of money!" she scolded him, her voice still at a whisper.

Jesse had never been too great with his finances. He spent money way too much without putting much thought into it. He ended up buying the best of the best airline seats and Broadway tickets. It was all he was ever used to.

He shrugged and squeezed her hand.

"They'll say yes," he assured her, pulling her hand to his lips.

He hoped they would.

* * *

"Do you think they're having sex?" asked Leroy bluntly to his husband.

Hiram looked up at him from the couch and shook his head.

"Rachel wouldn't lie to us."

Leroy scoffed.

"Normally, she wouldn't. But when it comes to sex, everyone lies!"

Hiram shook his head again.

"I trust them and you should too," he said seriously.

"You want to give them permission?" he asked incredulously.

Hiram stood up from his seat and peered into the dining room to see the couple deep in discussion. He could see Jesse holding her hand and pulling it to his lips tenderly.

"She's so much happier with him and you know it. She has that sparkle in her eye again," whispered Hiram.

Leroy sighed and nodded.

"I can't deny that," he sighed in resignation. "Alright, we'll give them a shot. But if they make us regret trusting them, it's over."

Hiram placed his hand on his husband's shoulder and smiled slightly.

"I don't think they will."

* * *

"So what shows would we be going to see?" Rachel whispered close to his ear.

"Why are we whispering?" whispered Jesse with a slightly puzzled look. "We're not talking about anything secretive."

Rachel shrugged.

"I don't know, I love how dramatic it seems," she said honestly.

He rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"You didn't answer my question," she muttered when he pulled away.

"_You'll see…"_ he replied in a teasing sing-song voice.

"Jesse—"

"Alright, you two. We have come to a unanimous decision," said Leroy as he and Hiram stepped back into the dining room and sat and their seats.

Jesse and Rachel straightened up in their seats and gazed at Hiram and Leroy expectantly.

"Alright, you have our permission—"started Leroy.

"THANK YOU, DADDY!" shouted Rachel.

"But!" Hiram cut in.

"There's always a 'but'…" whimpered Rachel to Jesse.

He reached out and squeezed her knee sympathetically.

"Please continue," said Jesse.

"We just want you to check in with us at least twice a day. There will be no alcohol, and no clubbing," said Hiram firmly.

"Of course," said Jesse without a problem.

"One more thing," added Leroy. "If there will be any… sex, we need your word that you'll be _safe_."

"Daddy!" Rachel gasped.

Jesse looked over at Rachel with his eyebrows raised. She still had her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth wide open in horror.

"Don't look at us that way," said Hiram quickly. "It's a valid issue that we would like to make sure we have covered."

Rachel crossed her arms in front of her chest and pursed her lips.

"Well?" asked Leroy, losing his patience.

"Should we decide to be intimate, we will of course take the proper precautions," insisted Jesse calmly.

Rachel looked over at Jesse in embarrassment. She gave him an apologetic look for having to deal with her parents over protectiveness right now. He squeezed her thigh again to reassure her that it was alright.

"Then have an amazing time and take lots of pictures. We'll be expecting a slide show presentation of all of you adventures when you return," said Hiram with a grin.

Rachel's look of embarrassment faded into a grateful smile.

"I'll be sure to bring back plenty of souvenirs!" she squealed, excitedly clapping her hands together.

* * *

"How much longer?"

Jesse sent an annoyed look over at Rachel and shook his head.

"Really, how much longer?" she asked again impatiently.

"Are you really going to ask this every fifteen minutes, Rachel?" he asked, his patience wearing thin.

"Maybe," she said playfully, nudging his arm gently.

Jesse couldn't help but smile at her excitement. She'd been asking him how much longer until the plane landed in New York every fifteen minutes since she woke up from her power nap after take-off. At first, it was cute, but now that she had asked for the fifteenth time, it was starting to get a little old.

"Why don't we play a game," he suggested as he turned to her in his seat.

The brunette clapped her hands together excitedly and leaned closer to her boyfriend as he grabbed his notebook out of his carry on and tore a page out. He then ripped the page into six neatly ripped squares and handed her three. He took out a pen and wrote down three musical theatre characters on his three and handed over the pen to her to do the same. He didn't even have to tell her what the name of the game was because she immediately squealed when she saw him writing names.

"Don't look, you cheater," he said playfully.

She rolled her eyes and wrote down three names, making sure to hide them from his sight.

"I'm not a cheater like you," he muttered without looking at her. "So, you don't have to try hiding them from me."

She stuck out her tongue at him and placed her names faced down on the small pull out table in front of him. He did the same with his and put them down in front of her. At the count of three, they both picked one and licked the back before sticking them to their heads without looking at what they said. They both chuckled at what each other's character was before straightening up and getting ready to ask questions.

"Okay, I'll go first. Have I been played by an incredibly talented Tony Award winning Broadway Diva?" asked Rachel very quickly.

"Rachel, that's incredibly vague," he replied with a frown.

"Was I played by Patti LuPone?"

"No."

"Bernadette Peters?"

"No…Rachel, it's my turn to—"

"Idina Menzel?"

He shook his head and sighed.

"Fine, you go," she sighed, crossing her arms.

"Was the musical that was in fairly recent?" he asked slowly.

She nodded and bit her lip.

"Was I in a critically acclaimed rock musical that won eight Tony awards including Best Musical?" he asked seriously, squinting his eyes slightly.

She nodded and sighed.

"Do I have awesome hair?" he asked, his lips curling into a smirk.

"Why yes you do," she replied, reaching up to stroke his hair.

"Moritz Stiefel," he said confidently.

Rachel ripped the paper off Jesse's head and sent him a glare.

"You cheated," she muttered.

He rolled his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat.

"It's your turn…"

"Fine. Am I female?"

"Yes."

"Am I blonde?"

Jesse nodded.

"Am I pretty in pink?" she asked with a giant smile.

"I'd say so," he said as his hand played with the hem of her pink dress.

"I'm Galinda!" she shouted too loudly, causing people around them to turn and look.

"I thought you were good at this," he teased.

"Elle Woods?"

He nodded and removed the paper from her head.

"You wrote down Elle Woods? Of all of the characters from the entire history of Broadway that you could have written, you picked Elle Woods?" she asked incredulously.

"You didn't see it coming, did you?" he shrugged.

"Best two out of three!" she shouted, once again making heads turn.

He chuckled and leaned in to press and affectionate kiss to her lips.

"You're on."

She reached out to grab another piece of paper, but he clapped his hands over hers.

"What—"

"Look out the window," he said quickly.

"Jesse St. James, if you think you're going to sneak a look and cheat while—"

"Just look," he insisted.

She huffed and turned in her seat to look out the small window. She gasped and pressed her face and hands like an excited child.

"JESSE!" she squealed. "It's so beautiful!"

Jesse chuckled and leaned over her shoulder to get a good view of the lights of New York City that were starting to become visible as the plane made its descent. The lights were extra bright through the haze of the light snow fall scattering the city, causing everything to glow a bright pinkish purple. Jesse leaned his chin against her shoulder and rubbed his hands along the side of her arms.

"Welcome home," he whispered in her ear, causing her insanely wide grin to grow even more.

* * *

The second the couple had reached Jesse's aunt and uncle's loft apartment in the upper west side, Rachel grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweater from her luggage to change into. Jesse crashed down onto the bed in the master bedroom to relax for a few moments before they decided what to do for the night. He poked his head up at the sight of Rachel scrambling around for clothes and raised his eyebrow with curiosity.

"What are you doing?"

She jumped around the room trying to get her long fuzzy red and pink striped socks on and slipped and fell on the waxed wood floor. Jesse rolled over on the bed to look down at her and shook his head.

"Going somewhere?" he asked with a smirk.

"WE are going out to play in the snow," she informed him matter of factly, sitting up so her face was level with his.

"You're acting as though it doesn't snow all the time in Lima," he replied.

"Yes, but that's Lima snow. This is New York snow. It's ten times more magical," she insisted, rolling her eyes.

"If you say so…" he chuckled, shaking his head.

"You're coming, right?"

"And freeze my ass off and mess up my hair? No way," he replied. He wasn't serious; he just wanted to mess with her for a bit.

"Wear a hat!" she insisted, pouting her lips slightly.

Jesse scoffed and ran his hand through his hair.

"That'll just make it worse!"

Rachel placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned in to touch her lips to his.

"Is that how you plan on convincing me?" he muttered against her lips.

"Is it working?" she whispered, taking his bottom lip into her mouth and sucking on it gently.

"Mmmmno," he replied, tracing his tongue along her bottom lip slowly.

Her hands slid from his shoulders up to around his neck where she gently tugged at the curls at the base of his neck. She parted her lips and allowed him to lunge his tongue into her mouth and massaged it with hers. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up on the bed with him. Before he could pin her down, she rolled him over so that she was on top of him and held his hand down to his sides.

"How did you do that?" he asked, slightly impressed.

She smirked and leaned down to hover her lips over his so he could feel her hot breath against his. Their eyes locked and for a moment, they both got lost and forgot what they were doing. Jesse broke one of his hands free from Rachel's grasp and reached up to push a few strands of hair out of her face and behind her ear.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

Rachel's eyes darted away from his nervously as her cheeks grew pink. He noticed her blushing and stroked her cheek, only making her blush more.

"Stop trying to distract me from my mission," she finally said, her smirk forming again.

Jesse raised his eyebrow and leaned up to steal a kiss from Rachel before she could get to him first. Taking advantage of his head off to pillow, Rachel ran her hands under his head and tangled her fingers in his hair. He pulled away from her lips to place open mouth kisses along her jaw and neck as he sat up with her in his lap. She tilted her head back and sighed from the feeling of his expert lips against the weak spot on her neck.

"If this was your plan to get me to want to leave, I'm sorry to disappoint you," he said in between kisses.

His words brought Rachel back to reality. She placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back down on the bed and straddled his knees.

"What on earth—"he started, his eyebrows pulling together in slight confusion.

She smirked up at him and reached for his belt buckle to undo it. Jesse's eyes widened and he propped himself up on his elbows but she pushed him back down.

"Don't worry, I fully intend on going along with your plans of romance later on, but I do wish to take a little detour and take matters in _my own hands_," she assured him, adding extra emphasis on the last three words.

"Okay, you win," he muttered, grabbing another pillow to prop his head up so he could get a better view.

Once the belt was undone, she undid the button and slowly pulled down the zipper. She couldn't tell where this confidence was coming from, but she knew not to question it. All she knew was that this was something she wanted to do and that was enough for her.

Jesse reached his hand to touch her arm and rubbed his thumb against it encouragingly. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his as her hand travelled under the waistband of his boxers and grabbed him. The feeling of her warm hand suddenly taking him made him gasp against her lips. That small reaction fueled Rachel with an even greater desire to keep going. She gently squeezed him (evoking another gasp from him) as she began to stroke his length, all the while never breaking their kiss.

He reached up and placed one hand on her back, rubbing it for the simple reason of wanting to touch her. His other hand found its way to caress her warm cheek as he kissed her back, sucking slowly on her bottom lip. She moaned at the feeling and pulled away, deciding that she wanted to take this further. She released her hold on him and he frowned up at her in protest. But when he saw her working to remove his jeans, a smirk played upon his lips and he raised his hips and helped her push them off. Once they were thrown somewhere on the floor, she unbuttoned his gray shirt and kissed along his chest before removing it.

"Rach…"

She looked up at him as she reached to pull down his boxers, but he grabbed her hands.

"Please understand what you're doing, right now," he warned her.

"There's no doubt in my mind, Jess," she assured him.

He nodded and helped her push his boxers off before kicking them to the side. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of him, having never seen a man naked in front of her before. She tentatively reached out to touch him again to resume her strokes from before. The feeling of her hands on him again made him lick his lips.

Jesse reached his hand to her nervous looking face and stroked her cheek.

"You don't have to do this," he reminded her.

Suddenly, the courage returned to her and she shot him a determined look. Without warning, she leaned down and took the head of his length in her mouth.

Jesse's eyes widened as he gasped in a mixture of surprise and pleasure. She couldn't see the look on his face because she had her eyes closed to concentrate on the task. At first, she started out only taking only a little of him in her mouth, but when she felt him touch her cheek, she opened her eyes and lowered her head on him even more. She heard him suck in a sharp breath before exhaling a moan. His sounds had her instinctively moaning in response.

Jesse moved his hand down her back before letting it settle on her butt which was perked up in the air as she leaned over to service him. When she didn't seem to protest this, he squeezed gently over her skirt, before slipping his hand under her skirt. Rachel's eyes connected with his as he gave her a look of request. Her lips tugged into a slight smirk around his length as though telling him it was okay. He nodded and ran his hand down to feel her heat over her panties, licking his lips when he felt how wet she was.

She moaned and leaned back against his hand, needing to feel the friction that she wanted. He took that as a green light to keep going and began to rub small circles where she needed it. The sensation made her lose her concentration on the task at hand and she froze her movements to shut her eyes and enjoy the feeling he was giving her. The lack of movement on her part was like torture to him, so reached up with his other hand to touch her cheek and encourage her to continue.

His silent reminder had her opening her eyes and continuing to bob her head up and down even faster than before. Jesse groaned and picked up the speed and pressure of his actions, making her let out even more muffled moans that were like music to his ears. She kept leaning back against his hand to encourage him to continue. He decided to make this an even better experience for her and slipped her panties aside to have some actual skin to skin contact with her naturally lubricated core. The feeling of his fingers actually touching her sensitive nub made Rachel stop servicing him all together as she pulled away to bury her face into his thigh and cry out in pleasure.

He smirked and increased the speed of his hand motions before stopping all together when he sensed that she was nearing her orgasm. She jerked her head up at him and whimpered at the loss of contact, but she realized that she had done the same to him. She moved to resume her act, but he put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. He sat up and unzipped her skirt before pulling it off. She sat up and pulled her shirt over her head to reveal her bare chest, leaving her wearing nothing but her striped knee high socks. She couldn't help but giggle as she saw him cock an eyebrow at the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra. Her giggling was cut short, however, when she was forced to take in a sharp breath as he leaned in to latch his mouth to one of her nipples as he fondled her other one with his fingers.

"Jesse…" she sighed, reaching down to continue to stroke him so he could feel some pleasure, too.

Jesse grabbed onto her hips and pulled her to lie on her side before lying out on his side opposite her. She parted her legs when he eased them apart and he leaned in to rest his head on her inner thigh as he stroked her most sensitive spot, evoking another moan. When Rachel was too busy trying to stroke him in the midst of her moans, he leaned in to exchange his fingers with his tongue. It was his own silent way of payback for her sweet surprise when she did the same to him earlier.

Rachel squealed with surprise and delight from the new sensation. To make things even, she took him in her mouth again and attempted to give him as much pleasure as he was giving her. He wrapped his arm around her hips and slowly inserted a finger into her folds, causing her to shudder. It grew harder and harder for either of them to continue their ministrations because they were both nearing the edge at the point of no return. But neither let up.

Rachel felt this new feeling of complete euphoria building inside of her and she knew that she wouldn't last long. Not wanting to leave Jesse hanging, she wrapped her hand around his length and began to pump him vigorously with her hand as she continued to pleasure him with her mouth. Jesse groaned against her core and slid in another finger into her already impossibly tight center. Once more flick of his tongue had Rachel hitting her peak and Jesse was soon to follow. The sound of each other's moans growing louder and more urgent helped make their climax twice as intense because of just how erotic it was.

They laid there in the same position for a few moments as they tried to regain their breath and ability to think after something so mind shattering. Rachel felt herself get pulled up and turned over to lie against his chest. She closed her eyes and listened as his heartbeat began to slow back to normal.

"Thank you," they both muttered simultaneously, bringing them both to small laughter.

Jesse stroked her cheek and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"So," she muttered with a smirk.

"So?" he repeated.

"Are you coming?"

"But, I already—"

She swatted at his chest and he couldn't help but chuckle. He pulled her lips to his and nodded.

"Okay, let's go," he said, moving to get up, but she pulled him back.

"Let's just stay here for a few more minutes," she muttered, nestling herself into his arms and feeling totally safe and content.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, that scene lasted longer than I expected and I could probably turn it into an independent one shot if I wanted! So I hope it's not too much and that you find it tasteful. Hope you all love it and review!**


	22. Insecure

"Rachel!" Jesse groaned, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer to him. He ran his hand through his damp hair to push it out of his eyes.

Giggling wickedly, Rachel turned around and arched a thin eyebrow at her boyfriend. "Want more, Jess?" she murmured devilishly, bending over slowly.

His hand immediately shot out to grab her arm. A small smirk pulled on his lips as he pulled her hand against his chest. "I've got you now…" he growled, reaching out for her other arm.

But Rachel had other plans. She reached down behind her into the snow and grabbed another handful in her bright pink mittens. Just when Jesse had reached for her arm, she brought it up to quickly smash the snowball in his face. Wiping her mitten on the side of his jacket, she reached up on her tip toes to plant a quick kiss on his cold wet cheek.

Jesse let go of her arm to wipe the melting snow from his now extremely red. "I want a divorce," he growled, staring down at her with a dead expression.

"But we'd have to be married to get a divorce," she reminded him with her arms crossed.

Jesse tilted his head and pondered for a second. "Let's get married so I can immediately divorce you right after," he said, crossing his arms to mirror her.

Shaking her head and sighing, Rachel reached for Jesse's designer scarf and wiped what was left of the snow from his face. Once his face was dry, she rested her soft mitten covered hand against his cheek. "No more snow balls, okay?" she promised him, her lips curling up into a smile.

He nodded and reached up to place his hand against her cheek to pull her into a kiss. In the midst of their kiss, he moved his hand from her cheek to her hair to pull off her winter hat and quickly smash a snowball he was holding behind his back on top of her head.

"JESSE!" she screamed, jumping away from him to shake the ice from her hair. "That was so cold!"

Before she could get all the ice out of her hair, Jesse pulled her hat back onto her head, leaving her screaming even more.

"That's not fair!" she groaned, her lips pulling into a pout.

"Oh and this was?" he asked, pointing to his disheveled hair that still had traces of snow within his curls.

"Oh, you're getting that divorce, Mr. St. James!" she snapped back.

After removing her hat and shaking the ice from her wet hair, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and trudged forward down the sidewalk. Rolling his eyes, Jesse pulled his scarf from his neck and followed after her. When he caught up with her, he wrapped it around her neck and pulled her against him. Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Still mad at me?" he murmured, stroking her cheek gently with the pad of his thumb.

She glanced up at him with her big brown eyes and shook her head. "No, I suppose not. Okay, we're even," she replied, leaning in to press her chin against his chest as she looked up at him.

"Good."

After one quick peck on the lips, Jesse grabbed her hand and led her down to the end of the sidewalk. He smiled contentedly when he realized that they had finally reached their destination. Thankfully the snow had slowed down into very light flurries, leaving the bright lights of Times Square as beautiful an magical as ever. The electric signs flashed their advertisements for movies and local Broadway shows, lighting up the entire area around them with a beautiful glow.

Rachel turned to look at her boyfriend, furrowing her eyebrows in slight confusion when she saw the happy look on his face. It was then that she noticed where they actually were. "Oh my God, Jesse. It's so much more beautiful in person!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up as bright as the scene around them.

Squealing loudly, she grabbed his hand again and tugged him down the street, dodging the traffic and ignoring the blaring horns. Jesse decided to humor her and go along with the ride, laughing as she continued to pull him down the block. Each time they reached a street, her head whipped to the side to see the theatres and what shows were playing around them. "Jesse can we go see that one?" she asked excitedly.

"Whatever you want, Rach," he replied, continuing to keep up with her sprinting.

She pulled him up to the top of the bright red TKTS steps in the center of everything so they could catch the view from higher ground. Once they reached the top, she let go of his hand and grabbed onto the railing to look out at the view.

"Wow…" she whispered in awe.

Jesse walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"See?" he asked quietly.

She craned her head back to give him a confused look.

"What?" she muttered.

"This place is where you belong and you know it. You'll make it here someday," he said confidently.

Her smile faded and her insecurities returned to haunt her. Biting her lip, she shook her head slightly and leaned her head back against his chest behind him.

"Do you really think I can do it?" she asked in a small voice.

"Of course I do. But that doesn't mean anything if you don't believe it yourself," he replied, leaning his chin down on top of her head.

"I want to… I'm just not sure. I mean, look around, Jesse. There are thousands of people here who want the same thing and are probably really talented," she explained nervously.

"Yeah, you're right," he sighed in agreement.

She quickly pulled away and spun to give him a hurt expression, having obviously expected him to say something to make her feel better.

"Jesse—"she began, but was silenced when he reached a finger up to her lips.

"Yes, you're right. There are thousands of new people who show up every year for the chance at the big time and it will be hard for you to stand out. But you know what it takes and you want it. Not to mention your talent and charm sets you apart from the rest, making you one in a million," he said simply.

Rachel's lips pulled up into a small grateful smile.

"What makes you so sure?" she murmured, looking away at the lights around them.

"I'm absolutely positive about this because I, like you, am one in a million myself. It takes one to know one," he explained, his head raised confidently.

"Oh but of course," she replied.

They stood there in each other's arms in silence, just enjoying the feeling of electricity radiating through them from the city around them. Words didn't have to be exchanged for them to know that they were both at their happiest than they've been in a while because they were together in their city. It felt as though they were making their destiny a reality.

"Jesse?" Rachel murmured after another minute of shared silence.

"Mmm?"

She looked up at him and bit her lip nervously.

"What's wrong?" he asked, glancing down at her with evident concern across his face.

"Everything is going so great now," she began, her voice small and weak. "I'm just worried that the universe will try and even itself out and hit me with something terrible soon. It won't be long before something happens like you realizing that you're wasting your time with me and that you can do so much better with a girl who is probably much more beautiful and talented than me who doesn't come with so much drama and—"

Jesse rolled his eyes and silenced her with his lips in a brief but meaningful kiss.

"Stop that," he said firmly. "I don't even know where to begin with a response to that extremely heinous statement. Perhaps the part where you believe that I'm wasting my time on you?"

"Well, I—"

"I couldn't imagine a much better use of my time than to spend it with my beautiful and talented girlfriend. Which brings me to point number two. You think that there is actually someone else who could ever make me feel anything like the way you do? No girl will ever come close to your beauty and talent."

"Jesse…"

"And point three. I've told you before and I'll tell you again. I never want to miss your drama. Yeah, sometimes things get hard and I worry about you more than anything, but I wouldn't ever leave you because of it. It's my job as your boyfriend to be there for you through everything. The good and the bad. So, I'm not going anywhere, Rachel. You're stuck with me," he assured her, smiling down at her.

Rachel looked down at her feet shamefully and crossed her arms in front of her chest nervously.

"I'm sorry. My insecurities have ruined such a beautiful moment," she muttered, still looking away from him.

"Don't worry about it. Let's just get back to our walk and pick up some dinner," he said, pulling her down the steps slowly.

But she didn't move.

He turned to give her a confused look, but Rachel had jumped into his arms to plant a deep kiss on his lips. "I love you," she murmured, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "And thank you."

"You have nothing to thank me for," he replied, pulling her back down the steps. "And I love you, too."

* * *

Takeout in hand, Jesse led Rachel back into the apartment building to go back up to the loft apartment they were staying at. As they waited for the elevator, Jesse browsed the bulletin board in the lobby where a few local performances and auditions were being advertised for the actors and theatre goers living in the building. His eyes caught sight of a bright pink flyer near the bottom right corner.

"What are you looking at?" Rachel asked curiously, trying to lean her head around his shoulder to take a look.

He quickly ripped the flyer from the board and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Nothing in particular," he replied, turning around to lead her into the elevator.

She raised a suspicious eyebrow at him, but followed him anyway. As the elevator took them up to their floor, Jesse's lips curled into a smirk. There would be one more thing added to their to-do list tomorrow, but she didn't have to know about that.

* * *

"Rachel, stop pouting and eat your dinner," Jesse muttered, poking at his Chinese food with his chopsticks.

Rachel sat on the bed sulking and hunched over a carton of tofu and broccoli.

"But Jess—"

"No. I've already told you. We're not having dinner on the balcony while it's snowing and freezing outside," he said firmly, lifting a piece of sesame chicken into his mouth.

"It would be so magical to take in the view as we dine, though!" she insisted.

Jesse rolled his eyes and leaned over to steal a piece of broccoli from Rachel's carton.

"Hey, get your own!" she complained, elbowing him gently.

Jesse shrugged and stole another piece.

"If you want to spend the rest of our time here stuck in bed with the flu, then by all means, go out on the balcony and have your meal there," he said with another shrug.

Rachel rolled her eyes and continued to eat her meal. When she saw Jesse eyeing her food, she raised another piece of broccoli to his lips and he quickly ate it from her.

"Fanks" he murmured with his mouth full.

"You should just get the vegan dish next time, then," she muttered, reaching for a napkin to wipe the sauce from Jesse's chin.

"It tastes better when you're stealing it from someone else," he explained simply.

There were a few more moments of silence as they returned to their meals. Sensing Jesse's eyes on her, Rachel looked up and handed him her carton.

"Thank you!" Jesse said happily, reaching into her carton for another bite.

"You've already been through two cartons of food. Where on earth is it going?" she asked playfully.

Jesse raised his head proudly. "I can owe that to my vigorous workout regimen," he explained.

Rachel bit her lip and shook her head. "No, I don't think so. I think it's all going right here," she said, poking his stomach.

Jesse glanced down quickly and poked at his stomach. "I have no idea what you're talking about. See? Those are abs," he said matter-of-factly.

"I don't know, Jess. Looks like you're getting a little pudgy," she playfully teased.

Jesse's eyes widened in horror and he quickly shot up from the bed to the full length mirror in the corner. He lifted his shirt to survey the "damage".

"Oh God…" he muttered, turning on the light in the corner to get a better look.

"Jesse, I'm just messing with you," Rachel muttered from the bed.

He turned to the side to glance at his profile and poked at his stomach some more.

"Jesse…"

"You're right!" he exclaimed, his voice sounding so depressed. "I have to hit the gym. I'll never be a Broadway sex symbol at this rate!"

Rolling her eyes, Rachel pushed herself off the bed and placed her carton of Chinese food on the bedside table. She walked up next to him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her lips to his chest.

"I wasn't being serious. You're perfect, you know that. And trust me… you will very much be a sex symbol with tons of girls fawning over you at the stage door," she explained, glancing down.

Detecting that insecurity in her tone again, Jesse tore his eyes from his reflection and held her close. "Yeah, you're right. There will be a Jesse St. James fan club that tries to track my every move. Not to mention the stalkers, we can't forget about those," he said with a small smile.

"Oh well I guess you've finally made it in the business when you get your stalkers," she said with a nod.

"But you'll always be my one and only, no matter how many girls throw themselves at me after every show," he promised.

"Even the tall leggy blondes with the fake breasts and hair extensions?" she asked.

Jesse scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not attracted to plastic. I love the real thing," he murmured, reaching up to cup one of her breasts with one hand. "You're perfect, you know that," he said, repeating her words.

Cheeks now completely red, Rachel looked down. "I'm far from perfect, Jesse," she muttered softly.

"Do you actually doubt my taste?" Jesse gasped in a mock insulted tone.

Giggling softly, Rachel shook her head. "Of course not."

"So believe me when I say that to me, you're perfect," he said seriously.

There were no words that could really be said. Part of her was feeling bad for constantly allowing her insecurities to ruin their moments, while the other felt overjoyed that Jesse was reassuring her. So she simply nodded and hugged him silently.

"I don't want you to think that I'm fishing for reassuring compliments," she said nervously in the middle of their hug.

"Never," he replied simply, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Now let's go to bed. We have a full day ahead of us tomorrow around the city, okay?" he said, peeling himself away from her to begin clearing up the empty food cartons.

Rachel reached for her food, fully intending on throwing it out because she was feeling full. But she sensed Jesse's eyes on the back of her head again and she just silently handed him the carton with a smile.

"_Thank you…"_ he muttered in a sing-song voice.

* * *

Rachel couldn't get much sleep that night. She was too excited for tomorrow and had quite a lot on her mind from the day. There had been quite a lot of ups and downs and she couldn't help but feel guilty for those downs. If it wasn't for her stupid insecurities brought upon by this damn disorder she was dealing with, they would have had an even better time tonight.

She laid there in bed watching Jesse sleep ever so peacefully and wondered what he was dreaming about. Was he annoyed with her deep down but was too much of a gentleman to show it? Was she sabotaging her relationship with him by being so crazy? Her heart sank to her stomach at the thought of him changing his mind and deciding that she was too much for him to handle. It would happen eventually. The sooner she accepted it the better.

Feeling her eyes prickle with tears, Rachel turned around to reach for a tissue on the bedside table and dab her eyes. Turning back, she watched him sleep and cried silently. She reached her hand to push his curls out of his forehead and leaned in to kiss it gently. She figured that she should enjoy these moments while they lasted because it wouldn't be long before it all blew up and fell to pieces. But it was great while it lasted.

She sat up, intending on going out to the balcony to sulk some more and look out at the city when the silence of the bedroom was broken.

"Rachel, turn your brain off and go to bed," Jesse muttered with his eyes closed.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Before she could say anything, he opened his mouth to speak again.

"You're over thinking things again," he said, opening his eyes to look at her.

"How-how did you know?" she sniffled.

Jesse nudged himself closer and pulled her into his arms to lay her head on his chest. "I know you," he replied simply, running his hand through her hair soothingly.

"I'm just really excited and I can't sleep. New York and all, you know?" she lied.

"Yeah, right."

"Really—"

"We're gonna be fine, me and you," he said softly. "You're worried that it's all too good to be true and that it'll all be over soon. Correct?"

She nodded silently, knowing he'd feel her nod against his chest.

"I'll be yours as long as you have me," he promised. "So just let me know how long that'll be. It's up to you."

"Well, I was thinking something along the lines of forever," she shrugged.

"Only forever? I was hoping for a little longer than that," he replied, looking up at the ceiling.

"Really?" she whispered, moving her head to look up at him.

"I've _never_ been more certain of anything in my life."

Rachel felt a little bad that she kept doubt him when he continued to reassure her time and time again. He really was the best boyfriend she could have ever asked for. Now if only she could be the best girlfriend _HE_ could ever ask for. It would take a lot of work, but she was determined to become that. But as far as Jesse knew, she already was the best girlfriend he could ever ask for.

"I love you," the both murmured simultaneously.

With that said, they shared one last kiss and fell asleep in each other's arms. Rachel's insecurities were still present and she knew she'd have to deal with them on many more occasions. But for right now in this moment, they took a back seat to the feeling of being completely loved that was taking over—and that was enough for her to drift off into a peaceful sleep.


	23. Valentine's Day

**A/N: Rachel Interrupted hiatus is over! Will the fact that I'm already working on the next chapter put me on the way towards forgiveness for taking so long?**

* * *

"Where are we going?" Rachel asked, looking around at all the people they passed by in a hurry.

"Must you ruin the surprise?" Jesse asked as he pulled her around the corner.

"But Jesse, shows don't start for another few hours. I don't understand why we're in such a rush right now," she said, quickening her pace to catch up with him.

"Who said we were headed to see a show right now?" he asked as he seemed to be looking at the street signs as though he was looking for a particular street.

They reached a much more crowded area where the streets were closed off to traffic. There was a sort of festival going on with hundreds of people in attendance. There were families bringing their children to see the performances on the stage as well as vendors and advertisers for Broadway shows and local businesses.

Sensing the excitement in the air, Rachel grabbed onto Jesse's hand and looked up at him curiously. "What is this?" she asked, biting her lip and looking around.

"It's a winter festival thrown to support the performing arts for the youth," he explained. "Plenty of Broadway stars are set to make an appearance and I thought you'd enjoy the performances."

Rachel immediately squealed at the thought and began looking around for a glimpse of some of her favorite stars. But Jesse looked as though there was something else he was much more excited about. It was something that he had yet to tell her.

"You're not telling me everything," she muttered suspiciously, looking around at the people there slowly.

Jesse shrugged and looked away with a smirk.

"Is Barbra here?" she asked, whipping her head around frantically.

"No, sorry," he replied, shaking his head.

"Then what is it?"

Instead of saying anything, he pulled her into a line of exciting looking teenagers that seemed to be leading to table with a sign-up sheet. Rachel tried peering over the heads of the people around them to see what they were signing up for, but it was no use for a girl as short as her.

"What—"

"You ask far too many questions," Jesse said, stepping forward to grab the pen for the sign up sheet.

"What are you signing up for?"

Jesse looked back at Rachel with a small smirk before returning to the list.

"I'm signing us up for something," he explained.

Before she could say anything, he had finished signing their names and stepped off the line. She followed him with her arms crossed in front of her chest anxiously.

"It's a contest. They're hosting a small singing contest for people in our age range and I thought it would be fun for us to do together," he explained with a shrug.

Her face grew pale at the thought.

"But Jesse, I haven't prepared. I haven't done any of my vocal exercises and it's the middle of February. I can't just sing unprepared outdoors like this!" she protested.

"You'll be fine," he assured her as though this wasn't a really big deal.

"But…but Jesse, you said there will be Broadway stars here. What if I make a fool of myself and they all judge me?"

Jesse rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Rachel.

"Firstly, you won't make a fool of yourself because you're going to blow everyone away. Secondly, you care way too much about what other people think. Just go there and do it for fun. When it's over, you'll be able to say you sang a solo in front of a crowd in the middle of New York City. Don't you want to be able to say that?" he asked.

Rachel didn't offer him a response. She simply looked away at the stage which was currently being prepped for the contest.

"What's the prize?" she asked, her tone now matching a serious competitor with her heart set on winning.

"Trophy…small prize money…that doesn't really matter. What matters is you're getting yourself back out there and you're showing New York City who's gonna own it in a few years when you're on Broadway," he said, patting her on the shoulders to rev her up.

She nodded and looked back up at him with determination shining in her eyes.

"Let's do this," she said, standing up on her tip toes to peck his lips.

"That's my girl."

"Can we sing any song or are we limited to a selection?" she asked as she combed her mind for solos.

"Any song ever written."

"Let's go rehearse. I have a few songs that I'm prepared to perform off the cuff. I need your expert opinion…" she said quietly, as though concerned that another contestant might overhear and steal her ideas.

* * *

Rachel stood at the edge of the stage watching Jesse perform with wide eyes. He was standing in the middle of the stage with the entire crowd wrapped around his finger, but none of them mattered because it was as though he was singing directly to her. He was nearing the end of singing "She Is Love" by Parachute.

Holding onto the microphone stand, Jesse looked out at the audience who watched him with such rapt attention. He didn't care about winning this one, so he was just doing it for the experience. Ever since he flunked out of UCLA, he hadn't had very many chances to sing in front of crowds these days. Despite that fact, he still kept turning his attention back to Rachel in the front of the audience.

_"And when that world slows down, dear.  
And when those stars burn out, here.  
Oh she'll be there, yes she'll be there…"_

Rachel held her hands over her heart and felt her face grow warm, despite the frigid February air. She knew he meant these lyrics he was singing and it meant so much to her that he was serenading her in the middle of New York City. He really was too good to her and much better than she deserved.

"I love you," she mouthed out and he winked in response.

Smiling widely, she turned to the man next to her and nudged him.

"That's my boyfriend," she said proudly.

The man looked from Jesse to Rachel with a small grin.

"You must be really proud," he said with a nod.

"Very much so."

"_She is love, and she is all I need."_

After Jesse sang that last line, the audience broke out into a roar of cheers and applause. He thanked them and politely nodded before stepping off the stage. Girls had already collected on the sides of the steps for the chance to speak to him. He wasn't even back in the audience for a second before Rachel ran to him and jumped in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his lips fiercely against hers. Disappointed, the girls who thought they actually had a chance with Jesse glared jealously at Rachel before turning to leave.

"You were amazing," Rachel finally said after pulling away from the kiss. "And thank you for singing it to me," she added before pulling him into another kiss.

"You're welcome," Jesse murmured against her lips, trying to pull away, but Rachel wouldn't break the kiss for anything.

"Rach..." he tried to say, but she simply threaded her fingers in his curls to pull him closer.

"Rachel," he said, finally pulling away. "They just called your name. It's your turn!"

"OH!" she squeaked, stepping away to try and smooth her coat and hair. "Jesse, I don't think I'm ready…"

"Nonsense. Go show them who you are and what you've got," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She nodded silently and looked up at the stage with a little more determination in her eyes.

Jesse pecked her lips lightly before stepping away to go stand with the rest of the crowd as she climbed the steps up to the stage.

She walked up to the accompanist and told him what song she wanted to sing and he nodded with a smile, clearly knowing how to play the song. She smiled at him weakly before walking up to the microphone. It was an average microphone, just like all the others she sang into for competitions or karaoke performances. But this one was just so intimidating to her because she was about to sing in front of a huge crowd in New York City. This was certainly a huge step towards her dream and she was still unsure if she could do it.

Down in the audience, Jesse looked up at Rachel with nervous excitement and pride. Before Rachel had begun, the same man Rachel had spoken to before while Jesse was performing had tapped Jesse on the shoulder.

"Jesse St. James, right?" he asked, holding his hand out. "If I could have a word—"

"In a moment. My girlfriend is about to sing," he said, holding up his hand and turning his attention back to Rachel.

Rachel saw the man try and speak to Jesse and it warmed her heart to see that he refused to talk to him until she finished her song. She wondered to herself what the man wanted, but quickly pushed that to the back of her mind as the music started playing for her song. Confidence started to spread throughout her as she gripped that microphone, which was now so much less intimidating. A small smile of determination spread across her lips and she opened her mouth to sing "Waiting for Life" from Once on This Island. It was a Broadway number that she had rehearsed countless times in front of her mirror at home and she was sure that she could manage it off the cuff.

It felt as though some surge of energy was rushing through her as she began the first few lines. From those alone, the audience stopped talking and began listening to the brunette sing with undivided attention. With each line she sang, her confidence only grew. She found herself swaying to the music and smiling down at the crowd.

_Oh, Gods  
Oh, Gods  
Are you there?  
What can I do to get you to look down  
And give in?  
Oh, Gods  
Oh, Gods  
Hear my prayer  
I'm here in the field  
With my feet on the ground  
And my fate in the air  
Waiting for life to begin_

She wasn't even done with the song and the crowd was cheering for her. Feeling as though she was owning the crowd, she grabbed the microphone from the stand and moved around the stage a little as she continued with her song. As the song built up to the end, she was able to deliver those higher notes with ease. She was so confident of her performances that she knew that there was no chance that anyone else could take the prize and she hadn't even finished the song yet.

_Wake up!  
Look down!  
Hear my prayer  
Don't single me out  
And then forget me...  
Oh gods, oh gods  
Let me fly_

_Send me to places  
No one before me has been_

_You spared my life  
Show me why_

_You get me to rise  
Like a fish to the bait  
And tell me to wait  
Well, I'm waiting..._

The audience was in the palm of her hands. Smiling, she stepped up to the edge of the stage and opened her mouth to deliver that final line.

_Waiting for life to begin!_

Rachel was absolutely beaming as she stood there basking in the sound of the crowd going wild for her. It didn't go a thing like she had worried it would. They weren't throwing their candy and popcorn at her. Instead, they were actually showing their love and support. She could even hear someone shouting that she should win the contest. Despite the massive amount of support she was getting from the audience as a whole, she could only look down at Jesse who stood there in the front and center. He stood there applauding and smiling up at her with such love and pride. She gave the audience a final word of thanks before stepping off the stage.

She ran directly into Jesse's arms and he immediately picked her up and spun her around.

"And what did I tell you?" he said smugly after setting her down.

She playfully hit his arm and opened her mouth to say something when the man who had been waiting to talk to Jesse spoke up.

"Make it the both of you," he said to Jesse. "If you'd like to leave the crowd so we can talk away from the noise and music, we could head over for some coffee at the concession stands."

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and Jesse raised his in suspicion.

"What's this about?" he asked, wrapping his arm around Rachel.

"You're talented. Is there any chance the two of you are interested in using your talents professionally someday?" the man asked, as he reached into his wallet for one of his business cards.

"Are you kidding? That's all we want to do," Rachel replied, looking up at Jesse with a smile.

Jesse took the man's business card and looked back up at him with a small smile.

"Alright, we'll talk. Lead the way," he said.

Rachel and Jesse shared hopeful glances with each other before following the man out of the crowd and over to a more quieter place so they could talk about the man's proposition.

* * *

Rachel sat on the side walk staring down at the business card and biting her lip. Jesse sat down next to her and handed her a cup of coffee from Starbucks before grabbing the card from her.

"Did that really just happen?" she asked, taking the cup from him and bringing it to her lips.

"I think it did," he replied before drinking from his own cup.

"It's a really good opportunity…"

"It is..."

"The two of us, spending the summer in New York at NYU and getting to see shows while we train in a summer program and get to network and get our names out there… it's just absolutely perfect, Jesse!" she said, smiling widely at him.

But Jesse didn't seem too happy about it. He smiled weakly and nodded without a word.

"Aren't you excited, Jess?"

He shrugged and drank from his cup.

"I can't do it," he replied with a frown. "I don't qualify."

"That's nonsense. You heard him. It's an exclusive program for talented students between the ages of 16 and 20. Of course you qualify!" she said, nudging his arm lightly.

"Listen to what you just said. "Students". I flunked out of UCLA, remember? I can't go," he said, looking down at the pavement.

Rachel's heart fell at Jesse's words. This was absolutely dreadful. Here she was getting excited about the thought of spending the summer with Jesse in the city of their dreams. It completely made up for not getting into The Future Stars of America program and it was like she was getting some sort of second shot at it all. But she had forgotten that Jesse had been kicked out of school and could now not qualify for it.

"I'm not going without you, Jesse," she said firmly, rising to her feet and facing him.

"Don't speak such nonsense," he said, standing up with her and tossing out his cup of half finished coffee in the garbage. "There's no way you're going to pass up an opportunity like that because I can't go."

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her chest stubbornly.

"Of course I'm not passing up the opportunity!" she said quickly. "We're just going to make you qualify again."

Jesse looked down and back up at her with a look of frustration.

"No," he said simply.

Rachel thought back to the last time they had this conversation back at his parent's house. It resulted in a huge argument between the two of them because she thought he should go back to school and he didn't think he had to. She never intended on dropping the subject completely because she felt it was necessary to get Jesse back in school again. She just hoped that she could actually convince him this time and not start another argument that would ruin their Valentine's Day.

"Jesse, just hear me out," she said, reaching to grab his gloved hand. "You could really benefit from going back to school. So, you screwed up with UCLA. That wasn't where you belonged. But maybe there's a place out there that's much better for you…"

Jesse gritted his teeth and tried not to snap at her. The subject of school always made him angry and he preferred not speaking about it. But he was determined not to let his anger ruin the day.

"Can we just not talk about it?" he asked, shaking his head.

"No," she said stubbornly. "I insist that we talk about it."

"Later?" he asked in a slightly pleading tone.

She opened her mouth to tell him that she would absolutely not wait until later when the host of the event came on the stage to announce the winner. Smiling with relief, Jesse wrapped his arm around Rachel's waist and tugged her back into the crowd so they could get closer to the stage.

"I hope you win," she whispered in his ear.

"No you don't," he whispered back with a chuckle.

He was right. She wanted to win this more than she had ever wanted to win anything right now.

"I'm sorry… is it bad if I want to win?" she asked, looking up at him apologetically.

"It's okay. I want you to win, too," he replied with a wink.

It was no surprise to anyone in the audience that Rachel had in fact won. It was no surprise to Rachel that she had won. Despite that, she still squealed and ran up to the stage to claim her prize. Before the host of the contest could leave the stage, Rachel grabbed the microphone from his hand with her heart set on delivering a speech.

"Its an honor to accept this prize. I wish my two dads and friends could be here to see me win, but it's alright because my boyfriend, Jesse is here. I love you, Jesse. Thank you for bringing me here for Valentine's Day," she said.

The audience broke out into simultaneous 'aww's in response to her cute statement. Jesse smiled up at her and shook his head at her spontaneous speech. It was such a Rachel Berry thing to do.

"I just want you all to know that you'll be seeing a lot of me soon when I inevitably star on Broadway. So remember this face and remember the name 'Rachel Berry'!" she said confidently before handing the microphone back.

She hopped off stage and returned to Jesse with a proud grin. He held his arms open to hug her, but she placed her hands at her hips and shook her head.

"Where were we? Ah, yes. School," she said sternly.

Jesse rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around her waist to lead her out of the crowd.

"Come on, we have a show to make," he said, ignoring what she said as they walked back to the side walk.

* * *

Rachel had allowed Jesse to put the subject on the backburner yet again for the sake of making it to the theatre in time to catch that night's performance of Wicked. Jesse had managed to get them excellent seats that allowed them to see the show with the best view possible. Throughout the whole show, she kept one arm linked with Jesse's as she just about bounced in her seat to the music. Jesse was torn between watching the show and watching Rachel's reactions because they were just so amusing. Feeling his eyes on her, Rachel turned to look at Jesse with a small scowl.

"The show is up there!" she whispered, hitting his arm lightly.

He chuckled softly and turned back to look at the show while still occasionally stealing a side glance whenever he could.

Once the lights came back up for intermission, Rachel turned in her seat and opened her mouth to continue in her attempts to getting Jesse to consider going back to school. Sensing this was coming, Jesse placed his finger to her lips and shook his head.

"Not here. Not now," he said quietly.

"You can't escape the conversation forever, Jesse," she muttered with a frown.

"Watch me."

Rolling her eyes, she sank in her seat and pulled her Playbill open to read one of the articles as she waited for the show to resume.

"_I love you_," Jesse muttered in a sing song voice as he nudged her arm lightly.

"Yeah, yeah…" she grumbled.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you, too," he muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Sighing, Rachel pushed herself up in her seat and leaned in to kiss his cheek lightly.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Jesse," she said with a small grin. "And thank you. For this trip. For all of this."

"That's more like it," he replied with a smirk.

* * *

After the show, Rachel grabbed Jesse's hand and raced him out of the theatre so they could make it to the front of the line for the Stage Door. As they waited for the actors to come out, Jesse wrapped his arms around Rachel in an attempt to keep her warm in the chilly winter night.

"I have to say, it's difficult for anyone to compete with the Original Broadway Cast, but this particular selection of actors blew me away," said Rachel as she rubbed her hands together to try and generate some heat.

"Definitely. I've seen the show a few times with some pretty weak actors but this one was pretty excellent," he said with a nod.

The door opened and the first of the actors started filtering out, causing Rachel to start bouncing on her feet like a kid in a candy store. The second one of them approached her, she immediately started babbling compliments at them. Jesse watched with total amusement and just held out his Playbill to get signed.

Once all the actors and theatre-goers had cleared off, Rachel moved to head back to the apartment, but Jesse grabbed her arm.

"What—"

"You need a picture in front of the Stage Door," he said simply, reaching for his camera in his coat pocket.

"Why?" she asked, looking up from her signed Playbill.

"Because, later on in the future when you're playing Elphaba, I want to be able to say that I have the first picture of you at the Stage Door," he said matter of factly. "Now pose."

Rolling her eyes, Rachel ran her hand through her hair to straighten it out before stepping up to the door to strike a pose. She flashed Jesse a bright smile as he snapped the picture. Before he could pocket the camera, she grabbed it from him and pushed him over to the door.

"What are you—"

"Seeing as you'll be playing Fiyero someday, I'd like to say that I have your very first picture at the Stage Door," she said, mimicking his tone from before.

Chuckling softly, he leaned his back against the door and looked over at Rachel and the camera so she could take the picture.

"Excuse me, sir?" Rachel said, stopping a random person on the street. "Would you mind getting a picture of the two of us?"

The man nodded and took the camera from Rachel. She showed him how to use the camera for a second and Jesse rolled his eyes.

"I think he knows how to use a camera, Rach," Jesse muttered, wrapping his arm around her.

Rachel swatted his chest and leaned into his arms for them to take the picture. Once it was taken, she thanked the man and took the camera back.

"This trip has already turned out to be pretty memorable so far, hasn't it?" she asked, looking down at their picture in the camera's screen.

"The best memories have yet to be made," he murmured into her ear, his voice in a low growl.

Rachel could tell exactly what he meant from his tone. Feeling a chill course down her spine that she knew had nothing to do with the February winds, she bit her lip and turned to press her lips to his.

"Let's go back to the apartment then," she said with a small smirk.

"Yes, lets," he replied, lacing their fingers together and leading her down to the street to hail a cab.


	24. Sparks Fly

The second the heels of Rachel's boots hit the pavement of the street as she stepped out of the taxi cab, she twirled around giddily. Lifting her small trophy in the air, she squealed and kissed it before turning back to look at Jesse. He stood there shaking his head and wearing the proudest of smiles.

"And just what are you smiling about, Mr. St. James?" she asked as she leaned in to let her head rest against his shoulder.

"Nothing, you just looked really adorable just now," he replied, kissing her forehead lightly.

She crinkled her nose and giggled softly at the compliment which only made her look even more adorable in his eyes. Before he could say anything else, she peeled herself from him and continued to twirl and dance up the sidewalk to the building. She was absolutely on cloud nine and nothing could bring her down from it right now.

"Dance with me, Jesse!" she squealed and reached out for his hand.

Jesse didn't need to be told twice. He reached out and grabbed her hand to pull her into his arms so he could spin her around himself. They felt as though they were sent back into some old Hollywood movie where the couple danced under the lights in New York City before bursting out into song. It certainly seemed that perfect.

Despite the frigid February air and the late hour, it certainly felt like they were in an old musical.

"Can't you just feel the magic in the air?" Rachel asked happily as she jumped up into Jesse's arms.

"Feels like electricity, doesn't it?" he asked, looking up at her.

"It's like the lights are radiating this magical electricity down to us and its flowing through our veins and whenever we touch it explodes!" she explained dramatically, reaching her hand up in the air for extra emphasis.

"That just about explains how it feels whenever I touch you," Jesse muttered with a slightly raised brow.

How it could be that those words alone could cause Rachel's heart to absolutely pound in her chest as madly as it did, she didn't know. Biting her lip softly, she stood up on her tip toes to lightly stroke his cheek and plant a loving kiss on his lips.

A warm tingling sensation spread throughout her body the second her lips touched his. It immediately caused butterflies to dance in her stomach as though it was their first kiss all over again. Tilting her head, she deepened the kiss and the electricity shared between them exploded in a burst of sparks. How it was possible that such a simple kiss could cause fireworks to explode behind her eyelids, she'll never know. Pulling away, she looked back at him as though she were in some sort of slight trance. Jesse seemed to be in the same state as well.

"It doubles when we kiss," he observed as he got lost in her eyes.

Rachel reached up to smooth Jesse's coat collar and smiled up at him with utmost adoration and love.

"I love you, Jesse. This weekend has been perfect. You've been perfect. I could never ask for anything more than this," she said honestly as she reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. "You make me feel so special and loved. I honestly don't know if I deserve it all."

"And I love you," he replied, kissing her nose gently. "And you are incredibly special. And you do deserve it all. You're the only one for me and there will never be anyone else who will ever come close to making me feel what I feel for you. Just accept it and it'll all be easier."

They both shared a small laugh and laced their fingers together to walk into the lobby of the apartment building that held the loft apartment that Jesse's aunt and uncle had let them borrow for the weekend. They were both incredibly aware of what was going to happen between them when they reached the apartment, and they were both completely ready for it.

During the elevator ride up, Rachel let her head rest on Jesse's shoulder like she usually did. It was a habit of hers that she didn't see herself breaking any time soon. She just loved having some sort of physical contact with him to keep that electricity that she only felt with him flowing. Jesse would always respond by wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her even closer to him because he fed off the feeling just as she did.

Just as their lips were about to touch once more, the elevator dinged to signal that they had reached their floor. Jesse pecked her lips gently so as not to leave her hanging before proceeding forward and reaching for his key to the apartment.

When they stepped inside and shut the door, Jesse immediately reached to grab Rachel from behind and lowered his face to her neck to press his lips that were still cold from the winds outside to her warm neck. As he kissed the crook of her neck from behind, he reached for the buttons on her yellow coat to undo them for her. Once they were all done, he slid the coat off her shoulders and tugged it off to drape it over the couch. He reached to unzip his own coat but Rachel had quickly turned around to reach for the zipper herself. She tugged it down and bit her lip when it got stuck for a moment. Before he could reach to help her, she swatted his hand out of determination to do it herself. Their eyes locked for a moment and her look of determination faded to a warm smile and they shared a small laugh.

"There," she muttered under her breath as she finally got his coat to unzip all the way.

Jesse rolled his eyes and tugged at one of his sleeves to get the coat off before placing it with Rachel's. He reached out for Rachel's hands and let their palms touch in silence. Despite the fact that they were still cold from the temperature outside, they could still feel that familiar warmth that generated between them. Lacing their fingers together, Jesse stepped backwards to lead her back into the bedroom with him.

He set the lights to a warm dim setting so that they could still see each other perfectly, but still have a softer setting around them. As he did this, Rachel walked over to sit on the bed and reached for the zipper of her boot but stopped when she caught Jesse's eye. He shook his head to stop her from what she was doing and she immediately let her hand fall back to her side.

When Jesse joined her on the edge of the bed, he didn't waste time and leaned in for a deep kiss. Rachel immediately reached up to thread her fingers through his curls like she always loved to do and pull him closer to deepen the kiss even further. As their lips continued in their romance, Jesse's hand settled on her thigh and lowered down to her knee. He broke the kiss and moved off the bed and on his knees on the floor, causing a soft whimper to escape Rachel's lips at the loss of contact from him.

He flashed her a look that told her to be patient and returned his attention to her legs. His hand lightly skimmed the zipper along her calf of her right leg before he slowly pulled it down. Now she understood why he didn't want her to do it herself. It was ten times more erotic when Jesse was doing it himself ever so slowly. She bit her lip and exhaled slowly as he tugged the boot off and set it to the side. As he reached for the other zipper, he pressed his lips to her knee and looked up at her with those stormy eyes of his. The simple look alone had the power to take her breath away completely.

Once both her boots were off, Jesse returned next to her and reached for the hem of her sweater, but Rachel placed her hand over his to stop him. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he wondered if she was having second thoughts, but those concerns were quickly washed away when she reached for the buttons on his shirt. He leaned back and let his arms support himself on the bed as he watched her undo the buttons to his shirt. She wasn't even halfway when he was reaching to run his hand through her hair because he simply couldn't get enough of touching her in some way. She smiled to herself and undid the last button before pushing it off his shoulders.

Before he could make a move, she fluidly moved herself so she was straddling his hips and reached her arms up in the air so he could rid her of her sweater. He smirked and immediately let his fingers slip under the hem of her sweater to tug it up and off her head. Once it was off and discarded wherever his shirt was, he reached up to cup the back of her neck with one hand and let the other fall on the small of her back to pull her into another kiss. His hand at her neck moved down to skim over her collar bone, causing her to immediately close her eyes and enjoy the feeling of his fingertips on her skin. The hand continued to travel lower and lightly skimmed over her bra covered breast and she let out the lightest of gasps in response. Loving the response, Jesse leaned forward to kiss her collarbone and lightly nip at it. Her hands found themselves once again tangling themselves through his hair and he didn't mind at all.

Rachel reached her arms around him to grip at his strong back as she tugged at his undershirt to pull it up over his head. She nuzzled his neck lightly and moved lower to press her lips to his chest before returning up to reclaim his lips. Jesse cupped the back of her head and gripped her hip to move them further on the bed and lower Rachel onto her back without breaking the kiss for a second.

His hand skimmed over her side and stopped over her skirt to undo the button that fastened it. Once that was taken care of, he slid down the zipper and broke the kiss so he could move away to pull the skirt down her legs. He sat there for a moment to take in the view of his girlfriend laying there in nothing but her underwear and couldn't help but lick his lips at the sight.

Rachel couldn't help but squirm slightly as she felt his eyes scanning her. Even though he had already seen her naked before, she still couldn't help but feel nervous. For a quick moment, she felt a rush of insecurities flood her mind like a tidal wave. Closing her eyes, she took a breath to push them out of her mind. As her eyes fluttered open again and she caught the look of total adoration in his eyes, she immediately smiled and felt those insecurities get immediately replaced by a rush of confidence. The look he gave her wasn't one of judgment or disgust of her body. It was that of total love. Just that look alone could banish those insecure thoughts from her mind for now.

"_I love you_," she mouthed out silently as she reached for his hand and pulled it to rest over her heart.

He smiled at the feel of her heart rapidly beating in her chest, telling him just how nervous and excited she was. But from the boldness of her gesture, he knew that she was sure that this was what she wanted. Without removing his hand from her breast, he swooped down to close the gap between their lips once more.

Rachel hooked her leg over his hip and he instinctively reached under her to grab her butt and pull her up against him as he ground his hips against hers. The contact alone made her moan his name lightly. Just the utterance of his name fueled Jesse with even more passion and he ground his hips into hers in an attempt to get her to have the same reaction as before.

Placing her hands at his shoulders, Rachel pushed him over so she could flip them over and be on top. Jesse of course didn't protest this motion and let his hands rest at her hips as he moved up for another kiss. But Rachel had other plans. She moved down his legs so she could reach his belt buckle to undo it and make things even. Jesse took the hint and sat up to help her push his jeans off.

She was glad that they had seen each other naked the night before because that took care of the nerves that came with wondering what he'd think of her naked body. Now she was much more confident and had a slight idea of what kind of touches Jesse liked, so she didn't feel completely in the dark.

Jesse reached up behind her to unclasp her bra with one hand effortlessly. She caught his smug smirk and rolled her eyes as she pulled it off and tossed it aside. Craving his touch, she grabbed his hands and placed them on her chest. His smirk only deepened at her boldness, but she was too busy wanting more to comment on it. Grabbing his arms, she pulled him up into a sitting position and leaned in to let her tongue trace the edge of his lips. The urgency in her actions fueled Jesse with even more passion. After a few moments of some breathtaking kisses, he moved his lips down to her neck and chest. Tugging on her hair lightly so she could arch her back, he ran his hand over her nipples with his free hand and leaned in to gently suck on one.

Whimpering softly, Rachel pulled him closer in an attempt to get more of that delicious feel of his mouth on her chest. Looking down to watch, her eyes connected with his and that was all it took to get them to lunge at each other's mouths in a steaming kiss. In the midst of the kiss, they rolled over again and Jesse moved them so Rachel's head was resting on one of the pillows in the center of the bed.

"Jesse…touch me…please…" Rachel managed to moan against his lips.

Not needing to be told twice, Jesse slipped his hand down her body and under the fabric of her panties to tease her with the lightest of touches. They were enough to have her bucking her hips against his hand for more of that friction that she desperately needed. In an attempt to keep things equal, Rachel reached between them and slipped her hand under the waistband of his boxers and grabbed him in her hand. The feel of her small warm hand brought a slight moan from his lips and he temporarily broke the kiss to enjoy the feel of her light strokes.

Wanting to drive him even crazier, Rachel sat up and pushed his boxers down and he quickly moved to help rid them completely. Before he could reach to pull down her panties, Rachel got on her knees and took him in her mouth completely as though it were totally effortless. The quickness of her motion caught him off guard and he quickly groaned in response to the feel of her warm mouth taking him completely.

"Where's this… boldness coming from?" he managed to ask, completely surprised he could actually get words out in the midst of the pleasure.

She let her tongue trace along his length and her lips curled into a smirk at his words. The sight alone made him moan slightly.

"Don't you like it, Jesse?" she asked in a feigned innocent tone before taking him again completely.

The only response he could give her was another moan. Luckily, that was a good enough response for her. When she felt his hand at her cheek lightly encouraging her to stop, she pulled away and frowned. It had taken him all of his strength to stop her, but he wouldn't have lasted very long if he had let her continue. Before she could ask why he wanted her to stop, his hands were at her waist and he had pulled her on her back once more.

That familiar spark shot throughout her body as she felt his fingers hook under her panties to pull them down.

He pushed her legs apart and trailed kisses along her inner thigh as he neared closer and closer to her center.

"Jesse…_please_…" she whimpered as she reached out for him.

She was absolutely writhing with desire right now and needed him to satisfy her needs before she went insane. She didn't even need him to do what he did next. It would have been satisfying enough to get to the actual deed. But the feel of his mouth on her womanhood was just to amazing that she wasn't going to complain for a second. Her writhing only increased as he continued to flick his tongue against her and she reached out to grasp at his hair to pull him closer. She shuddered as he slipped a finger inside of her and cried out when he added another. His expert mouth and touches was just sending her into sensory overload and it wasn't long before she was crying out his name in her first orgasm of the night.

Rachel was left in a trance as she tried to catch her breath. Though they had already done this previously the night before, it was even more amazing this time. As she came down from her high, Jesse had laid down next to her as kissed her temple. He pushed a few stray hairs behind her ear so that nothing covered the image of total beauty that lied before him.

"Don't think I'm finished yet, Mr. St. James," she managed to say in between uneven breaths. "I've got a lot left in me."

"Glad to hear it," he chuckled softly before pushing himself up to reach for the protection on the bedside table.

The sight of it caused Rachel to tense up slightly. Everything seemed so much more serious now because seeing it just made it so much more real. This was it. There was no turning back. She watched in slight awe as he rolled it on. Suddenly his size became incredibly intimidating. It was no problem when she was just using her mouth because she had no gag reflex to really make things difficult. But Rachel was already petite and she had never previously been with a guy before. It was bound to be incredibly painful and there was no avoiding it.

He sensed her tension and it reminded him to take things slow. In an attempt to soothe her, he kissed her with a certain gentleness that he hadn't used the entire time since they entered the bedroom. It had all been passionate and electrifying kisses before. But now he was alright with keeping it slow if it meant keeping her calm. It worked immensely and she felt a lot of her tension subside. When she felt alright enough to move on, she stroked his cheek and nodded, a silent gesture for him to continue.

Jesse pushed her legs apart again pecked her lips one last time before slowly pushing himself inside of her. Rachel tightened her grip on his back as she braced herself for the inevitable pain. She was both terrified and aroused at the same time, but she knew more than anything that she was ready. When he was fully inside of her, he paused so she could adjust. It hurt, but not as much as she had thought it would.

Rolling her hips up to encourage him to move, she winced slightly as she continued to adjust. As Jesse slowly continued to thrust inside of her, though, the pain was replaced with pleasure and her painful whimpers were replaced with light moans. Moaning his name pleadingly, she continued to roll her hips with his in an attempt to increase the depth of his thrusts. Jesse filled her in a way like she had never even imagined and she simply couldn't get enough of it. All she knew was that she needed more of this incredible feeling and she needed it now.

She reached up to fist at his hair and pull his lips to hers in a bruising kiss, but whimpered when he pulled away. He loved kissing her, but couldn't allow himself to stifle those wonderful sounds that were escaping her lips with each one of his thrusts. It would be criminal to do such a thing.

Hooking her leg over his hip, Rachel cried out as the new angle allowed even more depth for him to hit the spot she didn't even know could feel so good when touched. Digging her nails into his back, she cried out again for him to hit that spot again exactly as he had done before. When he did, she could feel herself quickly beginning to unravel again.

Gripping onto her hip, Jesse increased the speed of his thrusts when he sensed her reaching the edge. It wouldn't take much longer for him to reach that point either because of the foreplay that lead to this as well as the amazing feeling of being inside of her right now. Closing his eyes, he groaned because of how good it felt to have her digging her nails into his back. It was an odd sort of pleasure that he couldn't describe. They were both covered in a light layer of sweat that left them both glowing slightly in the dim light. That made it even harder to keep their eyes off of each other.

The sound of their moans mixing together with the sound of skin coming in contact with skin filled the room like some sort of music. It had its own rhythm and beat that was their own and could not be duplicated by anyone else. As they both neared closer and closer to their undoing, the sounds only grew louder and more intense. Each time Rachel dug her nails into his skin, he'd grit his teeth and groan in pleasure.

Gripping onto her hip tightly, Jesse thrust into her one more time, hitting that spot once more, and she fell completely over the edge as a wave of total and complete euphoria rushed over her. That wonderful sound of her moans coupled with the feel of her shuddering beneath him had him following right after her with a call of her name.

Jesse rolled over next to her and closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Unable to be apart from him for long after such an amazing experience, Rachel rolled with him and nuzzled her face into his chest. Her lips pulled into a tired smile at the sound of his rapidly beating heart. She lazily ran her hand along his chest as she listened to it start to slow down and return to its normal pace. Ever since the last time they pleasured each other, it had quickly become one of her favorite sounds in the world and she knew she couldn't go without it.

Looking up at him, she noticed that he was already looking at her with the most loving gaze possible. She reached up to push his sweaty curls from his face and moved up to kiss his cheek lightly.

"Was it everything you thought it would be?" he asked when he finally caught his breath.

"Everything and more. I only hope that it was just as satisfying for you as it was for me because I didn't have any experience prior," she said quietly, looking down nervously.

Jesse shook his head and pressed his lips to her forehead as he ran his hand through her hair.

"You were beyond satisfying. I'd go as far as to say that you're a natural," he winked. "But seriously, it was the first time it actually meant something to me. I love you, Rachel."

Rachel felt her cheeks grow warm and as though her face would split if she smiled any wider than she was now.

"I love you more than anything," she whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek.

"More than fame," he whispered back.

Rachel gasped slightly without realizing it. Sitting up, she ran her hand through her hair and pulled him up with her.

"Do you seriously mean that? That's a really serious thing to say, Jesse," she said nervously.

Jesse shrugged and leaned in to press his forehead against hers.

"I _seriously_ love you," he replied. "Fame will come and go, but this is forever."

"I love you just as much," she whispered as she nuzzled herself in his arms.

"I don't doubt that."

Smiling, Rachel gently pushed Jesse back down onto the pillow and snuggled up against him.

"There's something we need to talk about, though," she murmured as she resumed tracing lines on his chest.

"There's no avoiding it, is there?" he muttered with a shake of his head.

"Jess… just hear me out, okay?"

"Fine, say what you have to say…"

Rachel pressed her lips to his chest one last time before looking back up at him and sighing.

"You've done so much for me since you came back to Lima in January. I'm no longer the same person I was back then. I've improved and grown and have become a better and stronger person because of it. I know much of it can be owed to the therapy and support of family and friends, but I really do owe most of it to you. You've been so patient and loving with me and I just want to return the favor," she explained slowly.

"You don't have to. I did all that because I love and care about you, Rach…"

"And I love and care about you, Jesse. I want to help you, too. Its not too late to get you enrolled in school. You can enroll at the local Community College and boost your GPA and stay in Lima until I graduate. Then you can transfer to wherever I go and we could be together in New York. Doesn't it sound amazing, Jesse? Think about it."

She bit her lip and sat up because her nervousness was making it too hard to stay down.

"You've certainly put a lot of thought into this…" he muttered as he sat up with her.

"I have. Back home, I have a ton of brochures and pamphlets that you can look at. We can plan our future together, Jesse. But in order for us to do that, you need to get back in the game."

Jesse sighed and shook his head.

"Community College, though?" he asked, cringing at the thought.

"Well, if it boosts your GPA so you can get into a really good school after, then you have to do what you have to do," she explained with a shrug.

"What could they possibly teach me that I don't already know?" he asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"You're incredibly talented, Jesse, and I believe in you so much. But they can help you perfect your talent and it can only help you grow to become the best you can be. Trust me," she said, pulling his hand to her lips.

Jesse looked down and thought out her offer, taking several moments to work it out in his mind. Biting his lip, he looked up at her and nodded.

"Okay," he said simply.

"Okay? You'll do it?" she asked, her tone slightly higher in excitement.

"Yes. I'll do the Community College thing and we'll see what happens from there. Even though I know I'm far too good for a Lima Community College… The idea of being in New York with you was probably the selling point. I want to reach that and I'm willing to do what it takes to get there," he said with a small nod.

Squealing with excitement, Rachel flung her arms around Jesse's neck and pulled his lips fiercely against hers.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesse. You won't regret it. I promise," she said, bursting with excitement.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he muttered with a smirk as he pulled her back against him.

"I'll help you study and everything," she said as she moved to straddle his hips.

"Studying never seemed so enticing," he muttered in a low growl.

Rachel placed her finger to his lips to silence him.

"Enough about school," she murmured, leaning down to let her hair graze his chest.

She trailed kisses up the center of his chest to his throat before settling on his lips. Nothing else had to be said for him to know what she wanted next. He wanted it just as much as he did, so he willingly went along with it, eager to see just how much more amazing round two would be…

"More than fame?" he whispered in the midst of their kisses.

"Yes. More than anything."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed that because it's about to get dark again.**


	25. A Matter Of Trust

Clutching her backpack over one of her shoulders, Rachel pushed the front door to McKinley High School open and stepped inside with her head held high. As she walked down the hall, she noticed a few people giving her glances and whispered to their friends next to them. It didn't take a genius to know that they were all talking about the fact that she had been the one to almost drive her car off of the bridge. It was her first day back to school since the incident happened early the week before. The sound of the whispers was enough to make Rachel nervous, but she wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of seeing her look as nervous and fragile as she was inside. Show face in place, she walked on past them and over to her locker to grab her books.

She tried to keep her mind clear of all the memories that she had left from the last time she was at school. She couldn't help but nervously look over her shoulder every now and then to make sure that Azimio wasn't anywhere near her. Just before she had snapped completely that day, he had pushed her into the closet and molested her. It wasn't something she would be very quick to forget. Her romantic weekend with Jesse in New York City had helped her forget all about those things, but being back at school made it all resurface.

Pulling her locker open, she ducked her head inside for a moment to close her eyes and take a breath. All of a sudden someone leaned against the locker next to hers and nudged her back to reality.

"For a girl who just got back from the city of her dreams, you sure don't look so good," said Quinn with her arms crossed.

Rachel flinched at Quinn's sudden appearance and gave her a weak smile.

"I'm just tired," she lied, turning back into her locker to grab a notebook.

Quinn looked her up and down and raised an eyebrow. Before she could say anything, someone passing by with a group of their friends audibly whispered "Yeah, that's her. The one who tried to kill herself."

Rachel buried her face in her locker again and Quinn immediately stormed over to the girl and gave her a threatening glare.

"Shut up," she said angrily. "Cut the childish gossip and go make yourself useful and get out of here."

The girl rolled her eyes and looked over to Rachel who was trying not to tremble from the embarrassment she was feeling.

"She's crazy and deserves to be put in a mental institution after what she did."

"It was an accident," Quinn snapped back.

"_Right."_

Quinn stepped forward to go off on the gossiper and she didn't back down. Rachel turned around to say something, but someone had quickly walked in front of her to block her view of the situation.

"What's going on?" asked Santana with her hands on her hips in front of Rachel. "Is someone messing with you, Berry?"

Rachel looked up at Santana in slight shock. She still hadn't gotten used to the fact that Santana was on her side ever since her accident at the bridge. Despite the fact that she still had to adjust to it, she welcomed it.

"Quinn's about to… as you would say 'Go all Lima Heights' on her for basically saying I'm a crazy person who tried to kill myself," she explained, turning to shut her locker for a second before turning back.

"Aww hell no. Step aside, Q. I got this," said Santana as she cracked her knuckles and stepped in front of Quinn.

"You think Berry is crazy? Well say hello to your worst nightmare. Soy loca," she said menacingly. "Berry, come here."

Rachel raised her eyebrows curiously and stepped over next to Santana to see what she wanted. Santana put her hand on her shoulder protectively as she glared at the gossiping girl and her friends.

"Sure, she may have an unnatural obsession with animal sweaters and headbands, but she's still our Berry and like hell will I allow anyone say shit about her."

"Neither will I," said Quinn, glaring at the girls with her arms crossed on the other side of Rachel.

"Or me," said Kurt, walking up to join them after he realized what was going on.

"Me too," said Blaine, glancing over at Rachel with a small smile.

Soon enough an entire crowd formed in the hallway formed of most of the members of New Directions all standing around Rachel supportively. They were all there except for Finn, but Rachel didn't even bother to notice or care. Looking around at the group that had all shown up to protect her, Rachel felt her eyes sting with the early sign of tears. The group had so much trouble in the past with her and she used to feel as though none of them ever really cared or appreciated her. While part of her felt bad that their change of behavior was more than likely a result of her accident at the bridge, she didn't really care so much because she had her team sticking up for her. It was rare that she was defended by many people in New Directions and to have most of them do just that meant the world to her.

"So as you can see, if you mess with Berry, you mess with all of us," said Santana with her head held high before turning around to the bystanders in the hallway who had gathered nearby in the hopes that a fight would break out. "And that goes for all of you! The shit ends here!"

The girl that caused this whole thing to happen glanced around at the entire Glee Club that had formed around Rachel and knew she was too outnumbered to bother continuing the argument. Rolling her eyes she muttered "Whatever," under her breath and stepped away to go off to her class.

"Next time anyone so much as looks at you the wrong way, let me know. I need a reason to go all psycho," said Santana with her hands on her hips.

Rachel looked around at the entire group that had joined forces to actually defend her instead of ignoring her or being the ones to hurl the insults and it made her a little emotional.

"You guys…" she began, trying not to sniffle too much.

"Don't ruin the moment, Berry. Just savor the victory," said Santana, clapping her hand on Rachel's shoulder before walking away.

Despite Santana's words, Rachel still looked over at the rest of her team appreciatively.

"Thank you," she murmured.

"We've got your back," said Sam before he pulled Rachel into a giant bear hug and lifted her off her feet.

The group shuffled down the hall to walk Rachel to their next class while Finn Hudson stood by his locker a few feet away after just having witnessed the entire thing. Shutting his locker, his eyes connected with Quinn's for a moment before they both turned to go in opposite directions. She gave him a stern look before turning back to face Rachel. He sighed and ran his hand through his already messy hair as he tried to work out his confused thoughts on the way to his first class.

* * *

Rachel sat in Chemistry class sitting up straight and taking an insane amount of notes like she usually did. She was in the zone and was determined to bring all her grades up so that she could both prove it to her dads that she could as well as get her grades high enough to get her into college in New York. In the midst of copying a definition, she felt Kurt poke her side from where he sat next to her. Glancing over at him with furrowed eyebrows, she saw him slide over a note. Shooting him a stern glare, she tried to ignore it and get back to her work but the curiosity got the better of her and she grabbed the note to open it under the desk. Her eyes quickly scanned the paper to read the message.

_Don't think you're going to get away with not telling us all about the details in New York. I want to know everything._

Rachel looked over at him and sighed as he smiled and shrugged. Shaking her head, she grabbed her fuzzy pink pen to jot down a quick.

_Meet me outside on the steps during lunch. But just so you know, it was absolutely magical._

She underlined the word 'magical' three times for extra emphasis before neatly folding the note up again and sliding it back over to him, making sure not to get caught by the teacher as she did. After he read it, they both shared a brief smile before returning to their school work.

* * *

There weren't very many people eating in the usual outside hangout area of the school because of the cold February weather. Holding onto her bag of lunch that she had prepared at home, she walked outside to find that Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn were already there waiting for her.

"What do you want to know?" Rachel asked, sitting down with them at one of the empty tables.

"Everything," said Blaine as he picked at his lunch.

"It was incredible. We went to see Wicked—"

"Jealous," muttered Kurt under his breath.

"…and there was this theatre festival where a bunch of students entered this contest and Jesse entered us. At first I was incredibly reluctant, but now I'm glad he did because I won," she said with a proud grin.

"That's awesome, Rach," said Blaine.

"Where did you stay?" asked Quinn with a raised eyebrow.

Rachel's cheeks turned slightly pink and she bit her lip.

"We stayed at his aunt and uncle's apartment in the city. It was really nice."

"You shared a bed, I assume?" she asked with a smirk.

Rachel could tell that her question wasn't simply asking if they had shared a bed. She hadn't told anyone yet about the fact that she and Jesse had been intimate, but if there was anyone she trusted with this information, it was the group of friends around her.

"Honestly? Yes, and it was the most amazing, romantic, and absolutely erotic experience—"

"Rachel, please," Kurt cut in, cringing at her with eyes wide with horror.

"TMI…" whispered Quinn.

Giggling softly, Rachel shrugged and grabbed a baby carrot from her lunch to snack on. She wasn't all that embarrassed about discussing it with them and she was proud that she made love to Jesse, in fact.

"Well how were your Valentine's Day, then?" she asked, smiling up at them.

"BERRY!"

The four friends all jumped in their seats at the sound of Dave Karofsky shouting Rachel's name across the court yard. He stormed over to their table with clenched fists and completely ignored the fact that the rest of her friends were there with him when he confronted her.

"Can I help you?" she asked, putting her carrot down.

"Because of you, Azimio got expelled!" he growled, pointing a finger in her face.

Rachel clenched her jaw and stood up to face him. She was still incredibly short next to him, but she stood her ground nonetheless.

"So the fact that he backed me into a supply closet and touched me inappropriately without _my_ consent makes his expulsion my fault?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips. "He's lucky I don't press charges!"

"I don't care what happened. All I know is my best friend isn't here anymore now," he replied stepping closer to her.

"So what are you going to do? Hit me?" she asked, staring up at him with a glare.

"I'm about to make your life a living hell, Berry."

"Oh really?" said Kurt as he stood to his feet.

It was then that Dave turned and noticed that Rachel wasn't alone. His raging anger before had made him only notice Rachel. Seeing Kurt, though, brought his toughness down a few levels.

"What do you want, Hummel?" he asked, turning to face him.

"I don't think it would be in your best interest to do anything to Rachel if you know what's good for you," he said, walking over to Rachel's side and putting his arm around her.

"Are you actually threatening me?" he snapped.

"You could call it that," he replied calmly.

Rachel glanced up to Kurt with slight confusion and concern. She appreciated him sticking up for her, but she didn't understand what made Kurt so extra confident right now. It was as though he had some information on Dave that he knew he didn't want to get out.

Kurt's eyes narrowed at Dave as though daring him to try something. Dave seemed to be working something out in his mind as he clenched and unclenched his fists.

Blaine stood up nervously and glanced between Kurt and Dave as though calculating whether or not he should step in or let Kurt continue to handle it on his own.

"I could cream you so easily if I wanted to, you know," he said, still trying to seem tough.

"But you don't want to," Kurt replied with a knowing look. "Besides, you can throw all the threats you want at me, but I'm _not_ running. Not this time. Not ever again."

Dave clenched his jaw and raised his fist but simply brought it down on the table in frustration.

"We're not done here," he growled before turning to storm off back into the school.

Kurt straightened his jacket collar and turned back to his friends who were all staring at him with both shock and approval.

"What was that all about?" asked Quinn as Kurt sat back down.

"He could have hit you, you know," said Blaine with concern as he placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"He wouldn't have," he said confidently before returning to his lunch.

"You have something on him, don't you?" Rachel asked with a suspicious eyebrow raised. "Something big."

Kurt was silent for a moment before he set down his fork and looked at the rest of the group.

"Yes, I do," he said, looking around to make sure that there was nobody in the area to overhear.

He and Blaine shared a look and that told Rachel and Quinn that he already knew what it was. Rachel poked Kurt and gave him a look to encourage him to spill. Sighing, he nodded and motioned for them to lean in closer.

"Before I transferred to Dalton, David kissed me. Turns out that's why he had so much aggression towards me," he confessed, looking down and shaking his head.

"You're kidding!" gasped Rachel with her jaw dropped wide open.

"He's not," muttered Blaine quietly.

"I trust you'll keep this a secret. It really wasn't my place to tell you, but you are my best friends and I trust you enough with this information."

Rachel and Quinn both nodded and shared glances.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that," said Rachel. "That was your first kiss, wasn't it?"

"Sadly," he muttered with a frown.

"But there will be many more," said Blaine, placing his hand on his shoulder and making Kurt blush slightly.

"The good thing is, I don't think we'll be having to deal with very many issues from him anymore. He's too afraid of his secret getting out," he said with a weak smile. "We'll be safe."

* * *

After school that day, Rachel quickly grabbed everything she needed for her homework from her locker and said a quick goodbye to her friends before nearly sprinting out of the school and into the parking lot. She was running so fast that she nearly fell on the ice on the ground, but managed to gracefully save herself from it. Straightening her hat, she slowed her pace down to a jog when she spotted Jesse standing in front of his SUV at the end of the lot. Smiling, she jogged over to into his arms and clung to him for a moment.

"I missed you," she murmured, reaching up on her toes to plant a kiss on his lips.

"Missed you, too," he murmured with a frown.

Rachel's eyebrows furrowed slightly at his tone and sad expression. Sensing something was wrong, she reached up to stroke his cheek and tilted her head curiously.

"What's wrong?" she asked with a look of concern.

He quickly shook his head and put on a fake smile before pulling away to get in the car.

"I'm fine," he lied.

Frowning slightly, Rachel climbed into the passenger's seat and put her seat belt on.

"I know when you're wearing your show face, Jesse," Rachel murmured, reaching out to touch his arm as he started the car.

There was a pause between the two of them as Jesse contemplated what to say. She saw him bite his lip for a moment before continuing to pull the car out of the parking lot and drive off in the direction of her house.

"It's really not a big deal," he muttered before she could say anything to try and get him to talk about it again.

"If it's not a big deal, then why won't you talk to me about it?" she asked, feeling slightly frustrated that he was keeping something that bothered him from her. "I'm your girlfriend and you're supposed to talk about things that bother you with me. You can't just hide them."

"I just don't want to talk about it, okay?" he snapped, slamming his foot on the breaks at the red light.

Rachel grabbed onto her seatbelt as she jerked forward from the sudden stop.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, shifting in her seat so she faced the window. "I won't pry anymore."

Jesse glanced over at her guiltily and reached out for her hand. She considered pulling away for a moment, but she instead chose to gently squeeze it.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm just frustrated and I didn't want to bother you with my issues. Can we talk about it when we get to your place?"

She shifted back in her seat so she was facing him again and nodded. The rest of the drive back to her house was in silence, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. All she could think about was what he was going to tell her. She started imagining the worst case scenarios to prepare herself for whatever was coming. Was he breaking up with her for whatever reason? She shook her head and tried to dismiss the thought. They had just spent a romantic weekend in New York City. He wouldn't back out now after that. Still, she couldn't help but feel a pang of worry as she thought about it more.

"I love you, Jesse," she whispered, looking over at him to gauge his reaction.

He looked over at her curiously, as though trying to figure out why she was saying it right now, but he couldn't quite figure it out.

"Love you, too," he murmured back, squeezing her hand again.

She nodded and exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding. Whatever it was could really not be that bad if he still loved her. Before she could continue to torture herself with it anymore, though, he had pulled into her driveway and stopped the car. She stepped out and grabbed her backpack before shutting the door and walking with Jesse up to the front door.

After unlocking the door, she dropped her bag down by the door and walked straight upstairs to her bedroom. She didn't bother calling out a greeting to her fathers because she knew that they were likely still out at work at this time.

Pushing her bedroom door open, she kicked her flats off and climbed into her bed, patting the spot next to her for Jesse to join her. Once he did, she snuggled in his arms and waited for him to open up and tell her what was bothering him so much. After a few moments of shared silence, he opened his mouth to speak.

"I went down to Lima Community College today," he said quietly as he ran his fingers through her hair lazily.

"Really?" she murmured, looking up at him with her chin against his chest.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Took in my transcripts and submitted an application in person. They accepted me right then and there."

"That's great, Jesse!" she smiled, leaning forward to kiss him. "I'm so proud of you."

Jesse only kissed her back halfheartedly before pulling away and sitting up. Rachel sat up with him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"So what's the matter, then?" she asked curiously.

He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair before looking at her sadly. He truly looked as though he was in a deep funk.

"I just hate that I have to stoop so low as to go to this crap school when I'm so much bigger than that," he muttered. "It's just so depressing. This is a place that maybe Finn would go to. Not me."

Rachel frowned and swatted his arm.

"There's nothing wrong with Community College, Jesse," Rachel muttered. "It may be cheaper and different from UCLA, but it's still an education. "

"There isn't even any theatre there, Rach. It's going to be hell."

"Jess…" Rachel murmured, moving into his lap and grabbing his face between both of her hands. "I know you're bigger than this school. You're bigger than this town. Both of us are. However, just like I need to get through McKinley to get to where I need to be, you need to get through Lima CC. It doesn't make you any less of the amazing guy that you are. You're still incredibly talented and you will make it on Broadway someday. I know it."

Jesse looked into her eyes and nodded silently.

"It'll all be worth it when we're both in New York. Whenever it makes you feel terrible, think about that. It's what I do," she added with a weak smile.

His lips curled into a slight smile before he closed the gap between their lips in a grateful kiss. Still touching his cheeks, she caressed them and smiled against his lips. It felt great to be the one helping Jesse for a change. While she loved and appreciated him for all that he had done to help her, she still wanted to be able to return the favor in any way that she could. It also made her feel like she was doing a good job as a girlfriend and that made her even happier.

"How do you always know the right things to say?" he asked as he leaned in to brush his lips against her jaw.

"I learned from the best," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to lay on the bed with her.

* * *

The following day, Rachel had her first rehearsal with New Directions since rejoining the group. She stood in front of the piano and beamed at her teammates as she recounted the story of her performance in New York City.

"So as you can all see, I'm doing much better now. So you needn't worry because I am ready to help lead you all to victory at Regionals," she said confidently.

"Okay Berry, I know I said I'll get along with you now and we're all glad to have you back, but this isn't going to be The Rachel Berry Show," said Santana with her eyebrows raised.

"Of course not," Rachel murmured with a weak smile. "I was simply saying that as Captain—"

"Co-Captain," Finn corrected her with his arms crossed.

"As co-captain," she said, glancing over at Finn. "I'm ready to do my job and get us that trophy. I'll do whatever it takes."

"Good. Because I've been working on a solo while you've been gone and I think it'll guarantee our win," said Mercedes, standing up and walking up to the center of the room.

"Oh, but Mercedes, I was planning on singing a song. You know, to commemorate my re-joining the team."

"Rachel, let's just see what she's got," said Mister Schuester from his seat.

"Of course," she murmured, nodding and going to sit down in the only seat available that was next to Finn.

She wasn't about to storm out like she might have before because she didn't want any more drama with the team right now after they had all had her back in the hallway the day before. She grabbed her cell phone and checked to see if she had any messages to distract her from the slight frustration she was feeling, but there weren't any.

"Hey Rach," Finn whispered.

She turned her head and saw that he had leaned in close to speak to her so that his lips were very close to her ear.

"Meet with me after practice. I want to talk to you about something."

She glanced at him with a suspiciously raised eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Just do it. Meet me by my truck and I'll give you a ride home."

"I can't. Jesse's going to pick me up," she whispered with a shake of her head.

"Just five minutes, then. Please?"

She turned to look at him and saw a pained look in his eyes. Sighing, she nodded and figured she could give him a few minutes after rehearsal to hear what he had to say.

With Mercedes' singing and Finn's whispering in her ear, Rachel failed to notice that Jesse had arrived early and was standing just outside the choir room. He figured he'd listen on the song Rachel told him she'd be singing for them and was surprised when he saw her sit down. He was even more surprised when he saw her sit next to Finn. That surprise turned into rage when he saw Finn leaning in to whisper in her ear. He knew that he was probably getting jealous over nothing, and he trusted Rachel. But he didn't trust Finn and he knew that he had to be cautious with him now.

Stepping away from the door, he glanced at them one more time and sighed before making his way back to his SUV to wait for her to get out for the day.

* * *

After Mister Schuester had dismissed the group, Rachel commended Mercedes on a job well done and walked over to her locker to grab her things. Finn followed after her and walked her to the parking lot so they could talk as they walked.

"Okay, say what you have to say," she said as she glanced around to see if Jesse was anywhere nearby.

"You shouldn't have let Mercedes walk over you like that," he said. "That was your moment and you should have sung your song."

Rachel crossed her arms and glared at him suspiciously.

"Then why didn't you speak up in the choir room when this happened? Why do you always defend me when nobody is around?" she asked.

"Look Rachel, I'm trying. I screwed up and I lost you so I'm just trying to make things right and help," he said, looking down and running his hand through his already messy hair.

"Really?" she murmured, looking up at him tentatively.

He nodded and took a step closer to her.

"I think that as co-captains we should get together and like… plan a few things out, you know? That way we can come up with ideas for Regionals and stuff," he shrugged.

She bit her lip and thought it out for a moment as she tried to work it out in her mind. There didn't seem to be very much of a harm in brainstorming ideas for the competitions. They were co-captains, after all, and they had to get along. She was secure enough in her feelings for Jesse to not feel any sort of temptation with Finn. So she nodded and smiled up at him.

"Great. I can come to your house, if you want."

Rachel bit her lip and thought it over. The idea of being alone with Finn in her house made her a little uncomfortable.

"How about we meet at The Lima Bean instead?" she asked quietly.

"I can do that," he said with a nod.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, Rach," said Finn.

Before she could turn to leave, he caught her off guard and pulled her into a hug. She froze for a moment before reaching up to wrap her arms around him and hug him back briefly. Pulling away, she smiled politely and waved him goodbye before setting off for the usual spot where Jesse waited for her after school to pick her up. Looking over at it, she saw him standing against his car with an unreadable expression. She didn't need him to say anything to know that he had just witnessed the conversation between her and Finn. She tried to see if he looked angry or not, but he had kept his expression so neutral that it was killing her.

"Hey, Jesse," she murmured when she was within hearing distance.

She reached up to peck his lips briefly and waited for him to say something. He simply stared past her at Finn to watch as he climbed in his car. Rachel glanced back to see where he was looking and sighed.

"It's not what it looks like, Jesse," she murmured. "We were just—"

"Really, because when people usually say 'Its not what it looks like, it tends to be exactly what it looks like," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you trying to say?" she asked, placing her hands at her hips.

"I'm saying that he's trying something, Rachel. It's obvious," he muttered with a sigh.

Rachel looked down and shook her head.

"Even if he is, nothing is going to happen, Jesse. I'm yours, remember?" she asked, reaching up to touch his cheek.

Her touch seemed to calm him slightly and he nodded.

"I just wouldn't put it past him to try," he confessed. "And I don't want to lose you. I couldn't bare it."

He looked down at her with such vulnerability in his eyes and she could see the insecurity he held inside shining through. He wasn't the type to let it something like that come out, so she knew this had to be something big.

"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him.

He nodded and pulled the passenger's door open so she could get inside. Once they were both in and he began to drive, she reached out for his hand and stroked it.

"What did he want, anyway?" he asked while keeping his eyes on the road.

"He wanted to get together and work on some ideas for the team," she replied with a shrug.

"Bullshit," Jesse muttered under his breath.

"I said yes," she murmured.

Jesse quickly glanced over at her with a raised eyebrow before turning his eyes back to the road.

"Oh?"

"Yes. He wanted to meet up at my house—"

"No way," Jesse cut her off immediately.

"I know. That's why I told him it would be best if we met some place in public. Like the Lima Bean," she said, shooting him a slightly annoyed look.

He sighed and nodded.

"Trust me, Jesse," she murmured, squeezing his hand.

"Just… don't meet up with him," he said, glancing over at her as he pulled into her street.

"I can't just stay away from Finn, Jesse," Rachel muttered in slight annoyance.

"Why not?"

"We're co-captains! We have to work together to lead the team whether we like it or not. You're going to have to understand that!" she said loudly as she lost her patience with him. "Listen, Jesse, I can handle this. I promise you don't have anything to worry about."

He stopped the car in her driveway and looked down.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, turning to look at her with apologetic eyes. "I just get jealous and—"

"It's okay, I understand," she replied, stroking his cheek reassuringly. "Come inside?"

"I can't," he muttered, shaking his head. "I told Claire I'd help her move some furniture. But I'll come back and bring some dinner later. How does that sound?"

She smiled and nodded before pecking his lips lightly.

"That'll be lovely. I'll see you later."

He watched as she climbed out of the car and walk up the path to her house.

"Rachel!" he called, poking his head out the window.

When she turned back to look at him, he smiled weakly.

"I trust you. If you want to meet up with him, then do it," he said.

She smiled and looked down, murmuring a word of thanks before waving him goodbye and entering her home.

* * *

An hour later, Rachel was sitting at her desk doing her home work with the sound of one of her many Broadway playlists floating around her room from her iPod dock. She snacked on a few vegan cookies as she tried to work out a complex math problem. She wanted to have her homework done by the time Jesse showed up later on so they could have a happy dinner together with nothing to worry about.

She smiled to herself as she checked her math problem to find that it was correct. She was getting back on track these days and it was starting to reflect in her grades. She couldn't wait to show her fathers her next report card as proof of this. Just as she was about to start the next math problem, she heard a knock at her door. Glancing at the time on her cat clock on her desk, she knew that it was much too early for Jesse to be coming over. Figuring it was the mail man delivering a package, she grabbed her sweater and walked down stairs to get the door.

"Coming!" she called as she skipped down the steps.

She pushed the curtain to her front door window aside and frowned when she saw Finn Hudson standing there. Biting her lip, she pulled the door open and stepped outside with him. She clutched at her sweater and rubbed her arms to try and generate some sort of warmth in the cold February air.

"What's up?" she asked, looking around nervously.

Her eyes darted down to his hands. He was holding a dozen roses in one of his hands.

"Finn, I think it would be best if you leave," she said quickly, trying to turn to head back inside.

"No, Rachel, hear me out," he said quickly, grabbing her arm so she couldn't leave.

"Really, I can't. I'm with Jesse now and you're just going to have to-"

"Rachel, I love you. I was stupid to let you go and pick Santana. Deep down I know you still love me, too. You belong with me, not Jesse. He'll never care about you like I do," he said, shoving the roses into her hands.

Rachel shook her head and opened her mouth to inform him just how wrong he was, but Finn had grabbed her and pulled her into a bruising kiss. Before she could pull away, he pushed her up against the door and kissed her even harder.

"_Rachel…" _

Rachel pulled away from Finn in horror and looked over to the driveway where Jesse stood clutching a bag of take out in front of his Range Rover with his mouth slightly ajar. Both of their wide eyes connected and he dropped the bag of food to the floor at the same exact time her hands released their grip on the roses Finn had given her just moments before. All that could be heard was the sound of them crashing to the floor coupled with their uneven breaths as they stared at each other in absolute horror.


	26. Shattered Like Glass

It felt as though Rachel's blood had run completely ice cold, and it wasn't because of the frigid temperature around her. She could see the deep hurt in Jesse's eyes and it terrified her to know that he probably thought that she had kissed him willingly. It all looked so wrong right now with her having just been holding roses from him and being kissed on her front doorstep when she told Jesse that she wouldn't be meeting up with him in her house. There she was, an hour later, with Finn there kissing her exactly where she said she wouldn't see him.

She had to do something. She had to say something. She had to make sure that he didn't believe that this was really happening.

"Jesse, it's—"

"It's not what it looks like? Really, Rachel?" Jesse snapped, clenching his fists and turning to Finn. "And you! Get your hands off her!"

Finn tightened his grip on her waist and tried to pull her back against him but Rachel wasn't having any of it. She pulled herself away from Finn and ran down the steps towards Jesse. He bypassed her completely and stormed up the steps to Finn. Grabbing onto the collar of his jacket, Jesse pulled him down the steps and threw him into the grass.

"Jesse, it's not worth it…" Rachel said quickly, trying to rush to him to prevent him from doing anything out of hand.

Jesse turned his head to say something back to Rachel, but Finn grabbed his jacket and pulled him to the ground with him. They rolled in the grass and Finn managed to push Jesse down below him before raising a fist.

"FINN NO!" Rachel cried, throwing her hands out to try and grab his fist before it could hit Jesse, but it slipped away.

Jesse moved his head at the last moment, causing Finn to smash his fist into the frozen ground. As he groaned and stretched out his hurting hand, Jesse rolled out from under him and brought his own fist to collide with the other boy's jaw.

"Who the hell do you think you are? She's not yours!" Jesse growled, pushing him back down to the ground when he tried to sit back up.

Finn grabbed Jesse's jacket and rolled them over again, bringing his own fist into to the side of his face. He ignored Rachel's cries for him to stop and managed to get another hit in.

"You don't deserve her!" he growled. "You left her and broke her heart!"

Before he could raise his fist again, Jesse grabbed it and pushed him down to the ground again.

"And you're better for her, huh?" he asked, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"Ten times better," he spat back, grabbing a fist full of snow from a shoveled pile nearby and throwing it in his face.

Rachel stood in the driveway shaking from head to toe as she watched the confrontation between Jesse and Finn. It didn't have anything to do with the freezing cold. By now she had forgotten all about it. She was just terrified of Jesse getting hurt or that he'd change his mind about wanting to be with her after it ended. Whenever she tried to get close to them, Jesse yelled for her to get away because he didn't want her to get hurt trying to stop it. It was frustrating her that he was being so ridiculous and insisting on fighting with Finn when it wasn't even worth it.

"Jesse, please stop!" Rachel cried out after watching him punch Finn once more.

Jesse's head snapped up to look at Rachel and he clenched his jaw.

"Are you really trying to defend him?" he asked, shooting her a look of disbelief.

Rachel shook her head vigorously and stepped closer to them, but had to jump back when Finn tried to attack Jesse again.

"You're better than this, Jesse. Just stop the fight and come inside. Forget about it!"

"She really wants you to stop because she still loves me," Finn muttered in Jesse's ear, causing him to snap back and push him down again.

"Deny it all you want, but you know that no matter what you do, she'll always come back to me like she tried to do today."

He grabbed Jesse's collar and pulled him close so he could whisper something in his ear so that Rachel couldn't hear.

"She asked me to meet up with her today. She said to be at her house. She kissed me. _She wanted it._ That's the truth," he whispered before pushing him down to the ground and getting up.

Jesse pushed himself up and looked from Finn to Rachel in disbelief. This was all too much for him and he needed a moment to think. Standing on his feet, he shook his head and walked over to his car.

"Jesse, where are you going?" Rachel asked frantically, walking after him.

Putting his hand on the door of his car, he stopped and paused for a moment.

"Jesse…" Rachel called, feeling terror flood through her at the thought of him leaving her right now.

He turned back to look at her and shook his head.

"You said you weren't going to meet up with him at your house," he said, his voice shaking as he spoke to her. "And here he is."

Rachel shook her head immediately and walked up to him, but he took a few steps back.

"He just showed up. He brought the flowers and—"

"Rachel, why are you lying?" asked Finn from behind her.

"What?"

"You asked me to come over here. You called me. You said you wanted to get back together!"

"What are you even—"

"You thought you could have us both, didn't you?" asked Finn with his arms crossed.

Rachel turned to face Jesse with frightened eyes. She hoped and prayed that he wouldn't believe whatever Finn was trying to make him think.

"Jesse—"

"Save it," he muttered, turning back to his car.

"Jesse, please. I swear nothing's going on between me and him. He's lying! Why don't you believe me?"

Jesse looked down at her and then up at Finn behind her.

"I need to get out of here and _think_, Rachel. This is just too much for me," he said, putting his hands up in the air before stepping back and getting into his SUV.

"Jesse, stop. Let's talk about this!" Rachel called after him as he started the car.

"Please!"

No amount of her cries for him to stay made him stop, though, and he continued to drive out of her driveway and down the street. Not one to accept defeat, Rachel ran after him and cried for him to come back before she ran out of breath halfway down the block.

"I need you, please don't go," she cried, sinking down to her knees in the middle of the street.

After a moment of sulking, she was brought back to reality by the sound of a car horn behind her trying to get by. She pushed herself up and remembered that Finn was still in her driveway and stormed back over there in the biggest rage that she had ever been in. Before he could say anything, she smacked him as hard as she could. The sound echoed through the yard and made birds fly out of the trees nearby.

"WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?" she shouted, pushing him in his chest.

"Woah, Rachel—"

"You lied to him! You made him believe I wanted to cheat on him!"

"It was the only way!" he replied, holding both his hands up to protect himself in case she hit him again. "I couldn't stand seeing you with him, okay?"

"I never thought you'd ever be capable of such a low thing, Finn. What's wrong with you? Why can't you just let me be happy?" she cried, kicking a pile of snow next to them in frustration.

"Because you're supposed to be with me!" he shouted back.

"You lost your chance with me when you dumped me! I've moved on! I'm not yours anymore!" she shouted and slapped in arm. "I don't want to be with you, Finn! And…and… you….YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!"

Feeling a total surge of rage take over her, she raised her fist and punched Finn as hard as she could. It was the first time she ever hit him this hard and she wasn't feeling a bit of remorse for it after what he had just done to sabotage her happiness.

"Stop being so crazy!" he snapped back because he was fed up with her shouting.

"I'm not crazy!" she cried.

This completely struck a nerve with her. She could take a lot these days, but she couldn't take having her sanity questioned ever since she started needing therapy and especially since the accident at the bridge. It hurt enough when a stranger in the hallways said it about her, but to have Finn, a guy who was supposed to be her teammate and friend say it after destroying everything for her made it so much worse.

"You're completely crazy," he replied, walking down to his truck to leave before stopping. "You know what? I don't care anymore. You've obviously got serious problems. I see that now. And if Jesse is stupid enough to come back, he'll see it, too."

Rachel stood rooted in her spot as she took in what he said.

"That's not true," she whimpered.

"You're crazy and with the way you're going, you're gonna be alone forever, Rachel. I'm done," he said, turning to climb into his truck and head out of the driveway.

Rachel reached one of her shaking hands into her pocket for her cell phone, but it wasn't there. She checked her other pocket, but it was empty as well. She quickly turned and ran back into her house, stomping over the scattered roses on the floor from Finn. Feeling completely hysterical, she kicked them and stomped on a few of them before continuing back inside the house. Slamming the door shut, she ran up the stairs and ran straight for her bedroom. She frantically searched her room for her phone so she could call Jesse and explain what really happened, but no matter where she looked, she couldn't find it. Grabbing her house phone on her desk, she tried calling it, but couldn't hear it ringing and she couldn't remember the last few digits of his phone number by heart to manually punch it in the house phone. She was too worked up to remember that she had left her phone in her coat pocket hanging on the coat rack downstairs by the front door.

Giving up, she grabbed her sheets and pulled them back before climbing into her bed. She pulled the covers back over her and cried into her pillow as she tried to warm up from being out in the freezing cold for so long without a coat. Her thick quilt wasn't doing enough to help her, though, because she was still shivering intensely under the covers. Overcome with impatience and frustration, she pulled the covers off and moved over to her closet for one of her sweaters, grabbing the first one she could find. She ended up grabbing the RENT sweater Jesse gave her when they first dated that she never had the guts to let go of. She threw it on without a second thought and felt a sob rip through her as she thought of him. She made her way back to her bed to crawl under the sheets again, hoping to feel warm now that she had his sweater on.

As she laid there rubbing her arms and legs to generate warmth, she saw the picture of her and Jesse on her bedside table and reached out for it. It was slightly out of her reach, so she leaned closer to grab it. In her attempts, she accidentally knocked it over and heard the glass from the picture frame shatter.

Pushing herself up, she got up to clean the mess, but stopped when she saw all the sharp glass that lay there before her.

* * *

Parked in the lot of a local gas station nearby, Jesse St. James stood pacing back and forth in front of his car. Like he told Rachel before, he needed time to think. He couldn't do it with all the insanity that was going on back there. He tried to replay everything that happened in his mind. He started from the beginning when he saw them in the choir room and went straight through until the time that he left her in front of her house after the confrontation.

Leaning again his car, he sighed and considered the possibility of Finn being right. The thought didn't sit well with him and he knew that it just couldn't be. After all that he and Rachel had been through, she wouldn't do something like that to him, could she? As he thought about this he saw the terrified look in her eyes as he walked away from her in his mind. Realizing just what he had done, he kicked a lamp post nearby in frustration. He had let his own stupid insecurity that he usually kept under wraps get the better of him and he actually believed Finn Hudson. Of course Finn would stoop so low and try something like that to break them up. He was shocked that he was so stupid not to see it before.

Gritting his teeth, he pulled his car door open and immediately set off to head back to Rachel's house. If he had to bed for forgiveness, he was fully prepared to swallow his pride and do so because he had royally fucked up.

* * *

Rachel stepped into her bathroom and ran a hot bath. None of her attempts to get warm were working and she was running out of options. By now she was starting to wonder if her shivering really had anything to do with the cold because it could very well just be due to the broken feeling she was experiencing. Such an experience made her feel as though all the happiness had drained from her body, and with that all the warmth went with it.

She replayed everything that happened in her mind and fought back the urge to cry more when she remembered how Jesse just left. She began to shake completely when she remembered Finn calling her crazy. Looking down at her hands, she saw them shaking as she tried to reach for one of the knobs to get the right temperature.

Grabbing her hand with her other one, she tried to steady herself, but it was no use. She really was crazy. As she waited for the tub to fill, she grabbed at Jesse's sweater and pulled it over her head. She quickly shed the rest of her clothes and glanced at her reflection in the mirror. Looking at herself, she felt like she was right back at the day that Jesse left her for New York the first time. Just like before, she could barely recognize her reflection in the mirror. So much for all the progress she was making. As she stared at her reflection, she didn't realize that she was digging her fingernails into her hands like she used to whenever she was in such a situation. Looking down at her hands, she saw the marks she was creating and felt that old rush that she used to feel when she used to do it. It felt like a small wave of relief spreading through her.

She needed more of it.

Running her thumb along the edges of her nails, she knew that they weren't sharp enough. Sighing, she looked out her open door and saw the glass on her floor that was still there from the broken picture frame. She walked over to the frame and picked up the picture of her and Jesse with one hand and the biggest and sharpest piece of glass with her other hand. She kissed the picture and set it down back on her bedside table before heading back into the bathroom and locking the door.

As she walked over to the filling tub, she knew that what she was about to do was pushing the line. But she was already crazy, so why not? Still holding onto the glass carefully, she set it down at the edge of the tub before dipping her foot into the water to test it out. She made sure that it was mostly hot water filling it and could tell from the steam filling the bathroom that she would finally get that warmth she needed so badly since she came back inside.

She winced slightly as she adjusted to the heat from the water before dipping her foot in again. It burned, but it felt so nice at the same time. She stepped in completely and slowly lowered herself into the tub. Sliding down, she let herself submerge completely so she could be engulfed in the warmth that the water provided. She held her breath for as long as she could until her chest started to burn from the lack of oxygen. Only then did she sit up and come up for air. Wiping the water from her face, she felt her hands still shaking.

Looking over to the shard of glass next to her on the side of the tub, she bit her lip and reached out for it.

* * *

Pulling into the driveway of the Berry residence once more, Jesse noticed that there was no sign of Finn's truck. He wondered what happened after he left, but from the looks of it, she sent him home. It only further supported the fact that he was wrong in believing Finn because if it was all true, he'd probably still be there with her right now. Feeling like an idiot, he let his head hit the headrest of the seat of the car as he tried to think of a way to make it up to Rachel.

Figuring he'd figure it out when he saw her, he reached to step out of the car but caught his own reflection in the mirror. He was already starting to bruise from the fight with Finn. There was a slight trace of blood left on his lip from it all as well, but he didn't care. None of these injuries mattered to him right now because his only concern was the girl inside.

Slamming the door shut behind him, he jogged up the steps and noticed the crushed roses all around. It definitely wasn't like that before he left. Turning back to the front door, he rang the doorbell and waited for a moment for her to open the door for him.

* * *

Up in her bathroom, Rachel couldn't hear the doorbell ringing because of the sound of the water that was continuing to fill the tub around her. She was in her own little world as she ran her thumb along the edge of the glass and cut her finger. She winced and brought her thumb to her mouth to ease the pain. It made her consider if she really wanted to go through with this in the first place. Taking a deep breath, she tightened her grip on the glass and brought it to her wrist with her shaking hand, but pulled away before she could do anything. She closed her eyes to prepare herself a little more before putting it back on her wrist when she opened her eyes again. Biting her lip, she pressed it to her skin and let it stay there for a moment as she felt fear rush through her. But she quickly pushed it to the back of her mind. Fear had no place with her right now. She was taking control of herself by doing this and nothing was going to get in the way. She needed that release, anyway. There was no other way.

Taking another breath, she applied more pressure with the glass and dragged it across her wrist. She gasped as she saw the blood immediately start to seep from the wound she had just created. Her eyes widened as she watched it drip down her arm and into the water. Despite the worry she was feeling after possibly getting herself in too deep… she felt warm again. It wasn't anything like what she felt when she simply digging her fingernails into her palms. It felt so much better and so much worse at the same time. She moved the glass back to her wrist to continue the cut in an attempt to feel more of it, but the pain was starting to grow more intense. She looked down and saw all the blood that was continuing to seep from her wrist and began to shake with panic as the realization of what she had actually just done dawned on her.


	27. Time Is Running Out

Jesse rang the doorbell again and frowned when there was still no response. Rachel had to be home unless she went somewhere with Finn and he really severely doubted that. Pulling out his cell phone, he hit her number on speed dial and pressed his phone to his ear. When it started to ring, he could hear the sound of her "As Long As You're Mine" ringtone going off from not very far in the house. He kept the phone to his ear as he waited for Rachel to hear it and pick up, but it never happened. Once he heard the ringtone cut off, it went to voice mail.

He rang the doorbell again and stepped back onto the path to see if he could see any sign of her through the windows upstairs.

Nothing.

Sighing, he reached under the Berry's welcome mat for any sign of a spare key, but there wasn't one there. He glanced around at the pots of flowers and searched under each of them for the sign of one but there was still nothing. Not one to give up, Jesse ran around back and decided to try his luck at the back door. He gripped the handle and prayed it would open because he had a really bad feeling at the pit of his stomach and he had to get to Rachel to make sure she was alright.

Turning the knob, he exhaled a breath of relief when it opened.

"Rachel?" he called out, looking around the kitchen and the living room for any sign of her.

As he neared the staircase he could hear the sound of the running bath water and sighed with relief. Figuring she was taking a hot bath to relax after what just happened he walked slowly upstairs and pushed her door open with the intention of waiting for her on her bed. Just as he was about to climb in, he heard the sound of glass crunching below his feet. Looking down curiously, he noticed the broken shards of glass from the picture frame that was on the floor. Bending down, he looked around for the picture that it held, but it was nowhere near the frame. Standing up again, he saw it sitting on the bedside table so neatly placed. This made him suspicious of something, but he didn't really know of what.

Turning to her bathroom door, he knocked three times and pressed his forehead to the door.

"Rach… Its Jesse," he called, taking a moment to pause and listen for a response. "Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I just…"

He sighed and listened carefully for any sort of words from her end. When there weren't any, he frowned and gripped the doorknob.

"Rach, please say something. I'm sorry…"

Still nothing.

Now he was starting to grow worried. Before he thought that she was simply giving him the silent treatment because he believed Finn and left when he should have taken her word for it and stayed. Thinking about it again made him wonder how he could have been so stupid. But now that he had tried to apologize, he'd expected some sort of reaction. He'd be happy to hear her scream at him right now if it meant proving that she was okay. But still, after all he tried to say, the only thing he could hear was the sound of the running water.

"I'm coming in now," he warned her before turning the handle, but it was no use.

It was locked.

Panic was starting to rise within him and he turned to her bedside table an desk for any key to her bathroom. He searched past pictures and books but found no key anywhere. Feeling as though he was running out of options, he rushed back to the door and rammed it with his shoulder.

"Rachel!" he called again, feeling a sense of dread turn his blood cold. "Just let me know you're okay!"

He rammed the door again, but it wouldn't budge. Stepping back towards her bed, he took a breath as he prepared himself to run up into it as hard as he could when he heard the water stop running in the bathroom.

"Rachel?" he called, walking up to the door again.

He heard movement inside the bathroom and sighed with relief. He didn't know why she wouldn't just say that she was still alive when he was obviously freaking out, but they'd talk about it when she got out. Sitting at the edge of her bed, he waited patiently for her to come out. Hearing the click of her lock, he stood up and watched as she pulled the door open.

She was wrapped in her dark purple robe and had her hands in her pockets as she walked out. She glanced up at him with her tired eyes and stumbled over to her bed.

"What are you doing back over here?" she asked, looking at him bitterly. "You should leave."

"I'm sorry," he repeated, reaching out for her hand but she wouldn't let him take it out of her pocket. "I should have trusted you and believed you. Jealousy just drove me mad."

"I really….think you should go, Jesse," she said, trying to turn back into the bathroom. "Just get out of here and leave like you did before and like you'll do again if you stay. You're always going to just leave me so make it easy for me now and just GO!"

Screaming seemed to take everything out of her and she stumbled into her chair. He rushed to her side, feeling like crap for being responsible for this. He knew that she didn't like to be left alone. He knew that it was one of her biggest fears. Knowing all of this, he did it anyway and had probably made things a hundred times worse for her and her insecurities. He reached out for her, but she tried to move away and stumbled again.

"I'm not going anywhere, Rachel. Not again," he assured her, reaching out to grab her arm firmly. "Not ever."

She looked at him and nodded without much of a word. It was then that Jesse noticed how weak she looked. Was this a result of the fighting from before? Was this all his fault?

"Please forgive me," he murmured, reaching out to touch her cheek. "I was so stupid."

She leaned into his touch for a moment and closed her eyes.

"You don't look so good," he observed as he stroked her cheek. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I thought you'd never come back," she murmured weakly, feeling her eyes starting to droop shut. "And I just thought that you didn't-"

"I'm never leaving again. I swear. I—"

"Jesse…" she whimpered, trying to cling to him with one hand.

He looked down and saw her trying desperately to grab onto his shirt, but she was too weak to get a firm grip and kept slipping. He grabbed her hand firmly in his and looked down at her with worry and concern in his eyes. Leading her over to the edge of her bed, he sat down and

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Sorry for what?"

"I messed up. I really messed up," she whispered in an even weaker voice.

"No… no, I messed up. I was the one—"

"I messed up," she repeated, pulling her left hand from the inside of her robe pocket and letting the sleeve fall so that her wrist was exposed.

His eyes widened when he saw the bandages that she had poorly wrapped around her small wrist because the blood from her wound was already starting to seep through. The sight of it made his heart stop in his chest. For the briefest of seconds Jesse felt himself flood with absolute panic as he felt all control slip from his grasp. He was terrified over the fact that there was nothing he could do to fix this. But as quick as that fear filled him, he managed to quickly push it down so he could try to do something, anything that would help save her life. He didn't want to imagine the possibility of losing her today.

"I love you," she whispered softly.

Her words filled him with ice cold terror. Tears stung his eyes as he shook his head. If she thought this was the end, she was wrong. He'd save her. He had to. He touched his hand to her cheek and moved her face up so she could look at him, but her eyes fell shut. Her body became limp in his hands and he knew that she had passed out.

"No-no-no-no, Rachel," he muttered, reaching his fingers down to her neck to check her pulse. "Not today. You're not dying today."

Feeling a faint heartbeat was enough to assure him that they still had time. He knew that the little time they had was crucial and that there wasn't a second to waste. He reached around his neck for his scarf and pulled it off to tie it around her wrist in an attempt to buy them more time. He was just relieved that she cut across instead of up or she would probably be gone by now. Once the scarf was securely tied into a makeshift tourniquet, he picked her up in his arms and carried her out of her room and down the stairs. He didn't want to risk help not coming in time if he simply called 911 because he didn't know just how much time had passed since she cut herself. He also knew that her hair was still wet and that she was wearing nothing but a robe, but there was just simply no time to waste.

Throwing the front door open, he carried her out to his Range Rover and put her in the passenger's seat. Running around to the driver's side, he climbed in and started the car. He grabbed her hand and kept it elevated in another attempt to slow down the bleeding as he drove in the direction of the hospital. It was now that he was thankful that they were in Lima instead of some place like New York City for the first time in his life because the town was so small and that meant that the hospital was so close by. Despite its closeness, he was still breaking the speed limit to get her there as soon as possible because he didn't know how much time she had left. Within a few short minutes, he found himself driving up to the area of the emergency room entrance of the hospital and didn't even bother park his car. If they had the SUV towed, then so be it. That was the least of his worries right now.

Hopping out of his car, he ran around to the other side to grab her and carry her in through the electronic sliding doors that he had wanted her to promise that they would never go through again after her accident at the bridge.

"I need help!" he called out, looking frantically for a doctor.

Nurses immediately rushed to him and one called for a bed to be wheeled over as soon as possible.

"She cut herself," he told the head nurse. "I did all I could. I-"

"We'll take it from here. Have a seat," the nurse told him as she tried to grab Rachel from his arms.

Sighing with relief, he kissed the top of her cold head and helped carry her over. He just hoped that he got her there on time. As they wheeled her away, he tried to follow after them so he could stay with her, but one of the male nurses grabbed him and didn't let him go.

"I need to be with her," he said quickly, trying to break free from their grasp. "Let go, I need to be with her!"

"Sir, just fill out her paper work and call her parents. We'll take care of the rest. Sit here and wait," the nurse instructed him, trying to keep Jesse calm.

"You can't just expect me to sit around and wait!" he snapped back, trying to break free again.

"Its hospital protocol. I'm sorry. If there's any updates, we'll let you know."

"She's my girlfriend," he whispered. "We-we're going to go to New York and star on Broadway together….and-and get married and—"

"There's nothing you can do right now but wait. I'd hate to have to throw you out of here, sir. We'll do the best we can and let you know," the nurse said quietly, patting him on his back.

Jesse nodded and stepped away as he watched the nurse go to join the rest down the hall wherever they had taken Rachel. He took a few steps back and raised his hands to his head and ran them through his hair, not even caring that he was messing it up. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried his hardest to just keep it together, but he had never felt so weak in his life. It felt ten times worse than when she crashed her car into the river because he got to actually witness her start to die on him. He had to save her life. He had her blood on his shirt and cheek.

Looking down at his shirt, he felt himself start to shake at the sight of the traces of blood on him. She was so small and could probably not afford to lose so much blood. No wonder she was so weak in the room. He felt stupid for not noticing her change in behavior earlier when he just dismissed it as her being upset over what happened.

What happened.

It was his fault. He had once again been the cause of a traumatic event in Rachel's life because he left her again. Each time he did, it seemed to get worse and worse. When he left her in the parking lot, she grew depressed. When he left her to go to New York, she sunk into a depression and drove her car off a bridge. When he left her in her backyard after having just taken Finn's word over hers, she cut herself. How could he be so stupid and careless? Now she was in another room trying to cling to life and it was all his fault. He should have known. He should have been smarter. All he could think about were the things that he should have and could have done. But it was too late now and her life was in the hands of some small town doctors who probably couldn't make it anywhere else in the country.

"Sir, if you could just fill out the paperwork?" one of the nurses next to him asked, bringing him back to reality.

He nodded and reached for the clipboard and the pen with shaking hands. Sitting in one of the chairs in the Emergency waiting area, he brought the pen to the paper to write out Rachel's name, but his hands were shaking too much to properly write legibly. Setting the pen down for a moment, he tried to take a breath to calm himself, but it was no use.

He reached into his pocket for his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts to find one of her dads. Now came the part that he dreaded the most. He knew he could tell one of the hospital staff people to do it, but it would be better if he did it himself. He owed them that much for being the reason for all of this. Hiram's name came up first on his contacts and he hit the button to call him before bringing the phone to his ear with his still shaking hand.

"Jesse?" said Hiram in a slightly confused voice. He clearly wasn't used to Jesse randomly calling.

Jesse opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out at first. He took another breath and closed his eyes.

"Is everything okay?" he asked when he heard no response from Jesse aside from his uneven breathing.

"Mr. Berry," he muttered, his voice shaking.

Jesse's tone was enough to send him into a state of panic. He didn't need to know much else to figure out that something was wrong with Rachel.

"What happened? Is she okay?" he asked frantically.

"She hurt herself," he said quietly, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose to hold it together. "She's at the hospital."

"What? Is she…. How…. Never mind that. Stay there, Leroy and I are on our way," he heard Hiram say before disconnecting the call.

Setting his phone down on his lap, he buried his face in his hands and kept his eyes squeezed shut. He was determined not to fall apart right now because he needed to be strong now more than ever. He feared that if he let himself break, he'd never be able to get himself back together again and that would truly be accepting defeat.

Taking a few more uneven breaths, he reached for his phone and called Blaine.

"Hey, Jesse, what's up?" he said happily, obviously not aware of any of the problems that happened today.

"Blaine, get Kurt and Quinn and come down to the hospital. Now."

"Wh—"

"You know why," he muttered with his eyes closed.

There was a pause and he could hear Blaine's breathing start to grow shaky on the other end. Jesse gritted his teeth to block it out because it wasn't helping him with his efforts to try and stay strong.

"Is she—"

"I don't know. They're trying to save her now," he managed to say. "Just get down here now. All of you."

"We'll be there as soon as possible."

He nodded even though he knew that Blaine couldn't see it and disconnected the call.

Reaching for the pen and clipboard in his lap again, he tried to fill out the forms with as much as he knew. It was the only thing he could do right now as he waited.

* * *

Some time had passed, but Jesse wasn't sure how much. Both of Rachel's fathers showed up in record time, obviously having broken the speed limit as well to get there. He knew they were going to ask for as much information as possible, but he was just too drained to recount it all. Not to mention there was also the fact that they would probably pin the blame for everything on him because he did so himself. But he knew they deserved to know. When they walked in and saw the traces of blood on his shirt and face, Leroy needed to grab onto Hiram for support before he fell over.

Just as he opened his mouth to explain what happened, the doors to the waiting room burst open and Kurt, Blaine, and Quinn came in. They too reacted the same way to the sight of the blood on him. It verified that this was all real for them and they didn't quite know what to do.

"It was all a mess," he muttered with his eyes down at the ground. "Finn tried to make it look like she was cheating on me with him so I'd leave her because he wanted her for himself. I was stupid enough to buy it…"

He looked up at the rest of them and waited for them to say something, but they just stared at him in silence.

"I left her there. I just… I needed time to think. I…" he continued as his voice grew shaky. "I left her there…"

He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head.

"When I realized how stupid I was being, I turned back. But by then she had locked herself in her bathroom and…" he said, looking down at the blood on his shirt and began to shake again as he felt the urge to cry but refused to. "I got her here as soon as I could. I tried… I…."

The story was obviously too much for her parents to take. Leroy wavered on his feet and needed to sit down on one of the couches before he fell over completely. Hiram placed his hand on his shoulder and stared down at the floor in a slight daze. Kurt shook his head and buried his face into Blaine's shoulder as he fell apart completely. Blaine looked down and grabbed Kurt's hand on his shoulder and squeezed it for support.

"I messed up," Jesse whispered, shaking his head. "I—"

Quinn rushed forward and threw her arms around Jesse, burying her face into his chest as she pulled him into the hug. He stood there frozen for a moment before reaching up to wrap his arms around her and hug her back.

"It's not your fault, Jesse," she assured him in the midst of their hug.

"No, it is," he said, shaking his head.

She pulled away and reached both of her hands to touch the sides of his face so he could look her in the eye as she spoke. He tried to pull away and reached his hand up to his forehead as a few tears managed to escape his eyes. Quinn held his face in her hands and made sure that he was paying attention before speaking.

"Listen to me, it's not your fault," she repeated. "She's dealing with a lot of issues and you can't blame yourself for when she loses control. You're not Superman, Jesse, and you can't save her from herself."

Before he could say anything, Kurt and Blaine walked up to join them. Blaine ran his hand up and down Jesse's back to try and soothe him while Kurt let his head rest on his shoulder. Jesse looked up past them at Rachel's parents to see what they had to say. The sight of them holding each other on the couch was enough to break his heart all over again. Hiram looked up and noticed Jesse's eyes on them and stood up to his feet. Letting go of his husband's hand, he walked over to Jesse and put his hand on his other shoulder.

"We don't blame you," he whispered, patting his shoulder weakly. "We're in this together."

That said, he turned back and returned to his husband on the couch.

Quinn grabbed Jesse's hand and tried to lead him and the rest of them to the couch so they could sit together, but the moment they sat down, the doorknob began to turn. Knowing that everyone he told was already here, he knew it was the doctor who had come to deliver the news.

Feeling as though his heart was about to die, Jesse stood to his feet and ripped himself from Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine's grasp as he watched the door push open. It felt as though time was going at an extremely slow pace. He could hear his heart thumping slowly in his ears. In the split seconds that the door was being pushed open, Jesse found himself praying for the first time in his life. He didn't know if there was anyone out there listening, but he needed them to save her because he needed Rachel. He needed her more than he needed Broadway or fame or anything else in this world. _Please don't take her away._

_"Please..."_


	28. Rachel, Interrupted

Everyone in the room turned their attention to the door anxiously and clung to the person next to them as they waited. But when the door opened, they were all shocked to see that it wasn't the doctor standing there with the news.

It was Finn Hudson.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jesse snapped as he lunged forward.

Kurt and Blaine immediately stood up and grabbed both of Jesse's arms to hold him back. Jesse managed to break free and charge at the other boy, knocking him to the ground instantly.

"Jesse! He's not worth it!" shouted Quinn from behind him.

Jesse had managed to get one punch out of him before he came to his senses and pushed himself up off the ground. Dusting off his jeans, he fought the urge to kick him, but he refrained.

"I don't know how you found out—"

"I heard Kurt tell my mom about it before he left," Finn muttered as he rubbed his sore jaw.

Jesse glanced at Kurt and sighed.

"I don't care how you found out, but you have to leave," he said as calmly as he could manage.

"Is that her blood?" Finn asked, looking down and Jesse's shirt and ignoring the order to leave.

"Did you hear me or are you deaf?" Jesse asked a little bit louder.

"Look—"

"No, you look! If you hadn't have pulled that shit back there none of this would have even happened. You had to go and meddle in her happiness, you selfish bastard. And then you have the audacity to show up here?" Jesse snapped, grabbing at Finn's collar as he did.

"I-I felt bad," Finn replied. "I said a few things to her that were hurtful before I left and then the next thing I hear, she hurt herself and was in the hospital."

Jesse's eyes narrowed and he tightened his grip on Finn's shirt, pulling him up into a sitting position.

"What did you tell her?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"It doesn't matter now."

"What did you tell her?"

"Okay okay…" he muttered, putting his hands up in resignation. "After you left she went insane and hit me because of what I did. So I got pissed off and called her crazy. She kind of is a lot of the-"

Jesse didn't need to hear anymore. That was enough to earn Finn another punch to the face.

"Aren't any of you going to stop him?" Finn asked after taking another punch.

"No way," muttered Kurt from where he sat next to Blaine and Quinn.

Jesse raised his fist again to deliver another blow, but Finn grabbed his arm.

"Cut it out, man! I came to apologize to her!" Finn shouted as he covered his face in the event that Jesse broke free and hit him again.

"Yes, well because of this entire mess you might not even get the chance!" shouted Leroy as he stood to his feet.

Leroy's words shook Jesse and he moved away from Finn. Rachel was in another room on the verge of death and here he was getting into another fight.

"Finn, I think it would be for the best if you left," said Quinn as she stood up and reached her hand out to help Jesse get up.

Jesse stood to his feet and walked over to the nearest couch to put his head in his hands once more.

Finn looked down and nodded before standing up and heading to the door.

"Could someone just let me know what happens?" he asked as he reached out for the doorknob and turned to look back at the people in the room one last time.

Kurt nodded silently and looked away.

Finn sighed and stepped out of the room to leave them all alone like they wanted. A few seconds later the door opened again and Jesse rubbed his eyes to see who it was. He jumped up again at the sight of the lab coat and everyone else jumped up with him. He moved to rush forward but his feet felt like dead weights and he could feel his heart thumping like mad in his chest.

"Are any of you the parents or family of Rachel Berry?" asked the doctor, holding the clipboard to his chest.

Hiram and Leroy stepped forward, mentioning that they were both her fathers and that the rest of them were close to Rachel. Jesse managed to muster the strength to walk up next to Hiram and Leroy to be up front with them when they found out the status of Rachel's condition.

"We did everything we could," said the doctor quietly.

Jesse felt his knees grow weak and he would have probably wavered in his spot had Blaine not grabbed onto his shoulder. He tried to take a breath but it felt like his throat had closed up on him. His world was completely going to black and everything else around him started to grow fuzzy. He couldn't see or hear Rachel's fathers or friends around him because he was in such a state of shock.

"No…" he whispered, shaking his head and grabbing onto the doctor's shoulders.

"You don't understand. I wasn't finished," said the doctor, reaching out to grab Jesse's shoulder. "We did everything we could…and she's going to pull through."

Jesse looked up at him slowly and just stared at him for a moment as he tried to process what he said. He had been spiraling so quickly since Rachel collapsed in his arms back at her house and for the brief moment that he just believed that she was dead, he actually felt what it felt like to be dead inside. Hearing that she was going to be alright, though, kicked his heart back into its normal rhythm and he felt the warmth spread through his body again. He no longer felt weak in the knees and could actually breathe again. He kept repeating in his mind that she was going to be okay and actually managed his first smile in the entire day. Feeling so full of relief, he pulled the doctor into a tight hug and thanked him before grabbing both of Rachel's fathers and hugging them each as well.

"She's going to be okay," he muttered, smiling at Quinn, Kurt, and Blaine.

A few tears of joy streaked down his cheek and he didn't even bother to wipe them away. He wasn't ashamed at all to be crying.

"You brought her here just before it was too late. Any minutes later and she would probably not have made it," said the doctor with a small smile at Jesse. "You're a hero."

Quinn hugged him from the side and ruffled his curls.

"Way to go, Superman. Looks like you do have super powers," she said, punching his shoulder lightly.

He turned to her fathers who had both come at him to shake his hand.

"We could never thank you enough, Jesse," said Hiram.

"Don't thank me. It was—"

"Don't say it was your fault again. We won't hear of it," said Leroy quietly. "Now we're going to go have a moment with Rachel and then send you in by yourself so you can see how she is in person, okay?"

He nodded and walked back to the couch to sit with the rest of the group while they waited. He watched as Kurt sent a text message, most likely to Finn.

"You don't mind, right?" he asked Jesse before he hit send.

He shook his head and leaned back on the couch to close his eyes for a moment.

"I don't really care. She's okay and that's all that matters."

"Amen," muttered Quinn.

"You'll get to see her soon and everything will be fine," said Blaine with his hand on Jesse's shoulder.

"But it won't," he muttered with a shake of his head. "You know it won't."

"What do you mean?" asked Kurt.

"It's just the beginning," he murmured in response. "She needs help."

The rest of them understood now what he meant and nodded in silence. They were all too drained to say much else until the door opened again and Hiram and Leroy returned.

"She's asleep but you can see her now if you want, Jesse."

* * *

It was like déjà vu for Jesse as he walked into Rachel's hospital room. She seemed to be in the exact place she was at the first time she wound up here after her accident. He walked over to her side and looked her up and down. He noticed the fact that she was pale and sickly looking. Her cheeks lacked their usual color. He reached his hand out to touch it and stroked it gently. When she seemed to lean into his touch, his breathing began to grow uneven as those walls he put up to hold himself together before came crashing down.

He knew he probably shouldn't, but he found himself climbing into bed with her. There was enough space on it because she was so small anyway. Careful not to get in the way of any of the tubes that were hooked up into her arm, he crawled next to her and wrapped his arm around her as he finally broke down. A sob ripped through him for the first time since Rachel wound up in the hospital before. Reaching his hand up, he touched her cheek again and kissed the side of her head, letting his lips linger there for a while. His hand fell down to her chest where he let it settle over her heart. The feel of her heart beating instantly became the most wonderful feeling he had ever felt. He couldn't imagine the day that it stopped beating and he was glad that today wasn't that day.

* * *

About an hour later, Rachel woke up with the feeling of strong arms wrapped around her. She felt so warm and protected that she almost slipped back to sleep, but she didn't. Opening her eyes, she saw Jesse there next to her and felt her heart break for him at the sight of him there. She must have really put him through a lot if he felt the need to crawl into bed with her to feel better. She reached her right hand up to stroke his cheek and felt the tears that were still there from his crying before.

She couldn't believe how stupid she had been to hurt herself in such a way. She had tried so hard not to reach this point, but here she was. By now she wasn't even angry with him anymore for believing Finn over her. Those issues seemed like nothing in the bigger picture. He had come back like she didn't think he'd do anyway.

"I'm sorry, Jesse," she whispered before kissing his lips gently. "I love you so, so much."

Jesse's eyes slowly opened and found themselves looking into her tired ones.

"Jesse—"she began, but Jesse raised his finger to her lips to silence her.

"Just rest," he whispered. "Just lay with me here and get better, okay?"

She nodded and snuggled into Jesse's embrace as best as she could with everything that was hooked up to her.

"Don't let go of me, Jesse," she murmured with her eyes closed.

"Never," he whispered.

She smiled weakly and closed her eyes.

"Rach?" Jesse whispered.

"Mmm?"

There was a pause as Jesse tried to decide whether or not he really should say what he was feeling. But he couldn't hold back and said it anyway.

"Don't leave me. I know I don't talk a lot about my feelings very much but… I need you," he whispered, not caring if it made him look weak or not. That show face meant nothing now and there was no point to keep walls up to bottle in his feelings because they had come crashing down the moment he stepped into the hospital room. "I need you more than applause and fame. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone or anything before in my life."

She opened her eyes and looked up into his eyes sadly. She could see the agony in them and felt terrible for all he must have been through over the course of the day. Her hand touched his cheek and it was his turn to lean into it as he relished the fact that it was warm and not cold like it would be if she were dead.

"I'm so sorry, Jesse," she murmured, feeling tears sting her eyes.

He shook his head and placed her hand over hers to hold it there.

"No, I'm sorry for not believing you. None of this would've happened if I would have stayed. I keep messing up…"

"That's not true. You can't prevent everything, Jesse. Don't blame yourself," she murmured. "It's going to be okay. We'll never be apart from each other because… I need you, too."

* * *

"What's this?" Rachel asked as she ate her breakfast the following morning.

Leroy had just dropped a pamphlet on Rachel's lap for her to look at. Jesse glanced over at it from where he sat at the edge of her bed and frowned when he read the title. Looking up at her fathers he nodded with them in silent agreement before looking back at Rachel.

She picked it up with her right hand that she hadn't cut and her eyes widened in horror when she realized what it was for.

"You can't be serious," she gasped.

"Rachel—"

"No! No way!"

"Rach…" Jesse muttered, reaching out to touch her knee encouragingly. "Just hear your fathers out."

She looked up at Jesse in shock that he seemed to agree with her fathers on this. Turning to look at her dads, she put the pamphlet down and shook her head.

"I'm not going," she said firmly.

"You don't get a say," replied Leroy sternly. "You gave up your right to have a say when you put your own life in danger and scared the hell out of us."

"But it's—"

"It's a rehabilitation facility for people your age dealing with issues similar to yours. You can get professional help there and take all the time you need to get better," explained Hiram gently.

"Rehab? But I am getting professional help already, Dad. I'm seeing Doctor Austen all the time!"

"You obviously need more help, Rachel," said Leroy.

"What are you even trying to say? I'm not crazy!"

"No one is saying that you're crazy, Rach," said Jesse with a shake of his head. "We're just trying to get you the best help you can get so you can get better."

"But…but Jesse, if I go to rehab, it'll be with me forever and everyone will know that there was something wrong with me when I become a star. I'll be like Lindsay Lohan and I haven't even had my big break yet!"

Jesse sighed at Rachel's dramatics and squeezed her knee gently.

"Number one, you're not going to one of these places because you have a drug problem. You're going to get help so you can get healthy again. Because none of this is healthy for you, Rachel. I wouldn't feel so strongly about it if I didn't feel that it would help you," he explained. " And its better you take care of this now before you've made a name for yourself than having a nervous breakdown once you actually are a star and having your entire crash and burn get posted in the tabloids and gossip blogs. Trust me. Its better this way."

She didn't have anything to say to that. Picking up the pamphlet again, she flipped it open to see what it had to offer. While she still didn't like the idea, she knew she had to do it whether she liked it or not.

"But I'll have to be away from all of you," she muttered, looking up at Jesse with fear.

"I'll write to you every day and visit you as much as I can," he assured her. "I promise."

"It's not enough. I need you…"

Jesse's face showed just how much his heart was breaking at her words. It was already going to be hard enough on him to have to be away from her, but hearing how hard it was going to be on Rachel made it even worse.

"We'll talk every day," he assured her.

"I'll just get worse without you nearby!" she cried, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it.

Jesse looked down and sighed.

"Look at yourself, Rach," Jesse muttered quietly. "It's okay for us to need each other, but you need to not be so dependant. This will be good for you, I promise. Just give it a chance."

"Okay," she whispered. "Promise you'll write to me everyday?"

"I promise."

* * *

"What if I come out a totally different person and you don't love that person?" Rachel asked, looking over at Jesse sitting next to her in the car ride over to the rehabilitation facility a few days later.

"That's impossible," Jesse replied. "You'll be the same girl that I'll always love no matter what. You'll just be a healthier version of her."

"I'm gonna miss you," she whispered, squeezing his hand with hers.

"Me too," he whispered back as the car stopped in front of the gates of the facility.

Rachel leaned her head against the window to get a view of the place she would be spending the next few weeks of her life.

"Welcome to The Mercy Phoenix where teens learn to rise again," she read to herself.

It took her back to that night she and Jesse had spent in Walmart and when he told her how she reminded him of a phoenix as they watched the sunrise. Looking down at her feet, she felt determined to show him that she really was like one and that she would rise again stronger than ever. She just didn't know how yet.

Stepping out of the car, she straightened her skirt and turned to Jesse who was already helping her fathers unload her bags for her stay. She grabbed her purse and reached out for Jesse's hand as they walked up the path that led to the main building. On their way there, she noticed a few of the patients sitting in the grass talking to each other as though they were normal good friends. They didn't look like what she'd imagine a mental patient would look like. They were dressed in regular clothes and didn't seem to be doing anything that would usually be deemed as crazy. It comforted her to know that the people around with her were normal like she was… well as normal as they could be with the kind of issues they were dealing with.

"How are you feeling?" Jesse asked as they stepped into the building.

"Scared," she confessed.

"Me too," he murmured, squeezing her hand in support.

"And really tired," she added.

"You'll get to rest here," he said with a weak smile.

Deep down, Jesse was kind of panicking for Rachel. He didn't want to be away from her so long because it hurt to put distance between them. But he had to keep reminding himself that it was for the best. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close to get as much closeness with her as possible before having to leave her there.

They both watched as her things were inspected and she was removed of her jewelry and anything else that she could potentially use to harm herself. It initially irritated her, but Jesse's rubbing her arm calmed her down. She understood that it was protocol, but she hated that she wasn't trusted.

Once she and all her things were cleared, one of the nurses led her and the rest of them to the room that she'd be staying at. Her roommate wasn't there at the moment, but she'd have time to meet with her later. They helped her unpack all of her things and set a few of her teddy bears up on her bed so she'd feel comfortable. While it was much more comfortable than she had expected, it was still going to lack the people she really cared about and that would be incredibly hard for her to get through. She knew that once everything was set up, they would have to go and it filled her with dread.

Clutching onto Jesse's hand, she found herself walking closer and closer to him as they walked back down the staircase to the main floor. By the time they reached the bottom, Rachel had both of her arms wrapped around Jesse as she leaned her head against his chest.

"Don't go," she whimpered, knowing that he couldn't stay but feeling the need to say it anyway.

"I wish I could," he muttered, stopping to look down at her. "But it's for the best, okay?"

She nodded silently and threw her arms around him again. She didn't want to cry and make it harder for all of them but it was impossible not to. Being without Jesse and her fathers for so long wasn't something she could ever imagine doing. It would be utter agony.

Jesse ran his hand through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"We'll get through this," he assured her.

She nodded and turned to her fathers to give them a goodbye hug and kiss. She watched as they climbed into their car and shut the door. Turning back to Jesse, she reached her arms up around his neck and pressed her forehead to his chest. He kissed the top of her head and pushed some of her hair behind her ears before letting his hands rest at her cheeks to make her look up at him.

"I have to go now," he murmured sadly.

"I know," she whispered.

"And I'll get to writing the first of many letters to you the second I get home."

"I'll write one to you the second I get upstairs," she replied.

"Good."

Leaning up on her tip toes, Rachel pressed her lips against his with as much love and passion as she could possibly inject into it. It would be their last kiss for who knows how long and she needed them both to have something to hold onto while they were apart. Jesse stroked her cheek and kissed her back with such a loving gentleness that was so unlike their usual kisses. Slowing the kiss down, he pecked her lips a few more times before placing a kiss to her forehead and let his lips linger there for a moment.

"I love you," he whispered, pecking her lips once more.

"I love you, too," she murmured.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her off her feet into such a tight hug and she wrapped her arms around his neck to cling to him. Setting her back down on her feet, he stepped back and opened the back seat door to the car.

"See you soon," he smiled weakly.

She reached her hand over to touch his cheek one last time before quickly moving to steal a final kiss from him before he could get inside and shut the door. Stepping back, she covered her lips with her hand in an attempt to hold on to the feel of his lips on hers. She didn't want to forget what it felt like in their time apart.

As the car sped off, part of her felt the urge to run after try and get them to stop and take her home with them, but she knew they wouldn't. She knew this was for the best anyway. Right now she was willing to do whatever it took to get better. If it meant spending a few weeks in a place like this like in _Girl, Interrupted_, then so be it. She would write about it each day in her journal as she worked her way back to healthiness. This would be her own journey to getting better. She had no idea how she was going to do it at this point, and knew that it would be incredibly hard, but she just wanted to hurry up and get better so she could get out of there.

When she returned to her room, she pulled out her stationary to write her letter to Jesse as well as her brand new journal. Grabbing one of the glittery markers she bought with him at Walmart so long ago, she wrote "**_Rachel, Interrupted_**" in big letters before flipping to the next page to begin her first entry.


	29. Ignite The Light

A few weeks later, Rachel sat on her bed finishing off her daily letter to Jesse before grabbing her journal from out from under her pillow. She flipped to the next clean page for a moment with the intention of writing her next entry, but instead decided to flip back to the first page. Running her hand over the large title that she drew in marker on the very first day, she remembered how it all began. Flipping to the next page, she read part of her entry to go back to the beginning.

**2/24/11**

…**It's not as terrible as I thought it would be in here. I was expecting menacing high gates that would make me feel as though I were imprisoned. There's no padded rooms or strait jackets like I thought there'd be either. The doctors here are trying to make me as comfortable as possible, but that's impossible without Jesse. **

**Not very long after arriving, I met my roommate who is also named Rachel, funny enough…**

"_You can go by Rachel, though, because everyone calls me Roxy," said Roxy as she threw herself on her bed and grabbed one of the books on her desk. _

"_Why does everyone call you that?" asked Rachel from where she sat on her own bed. _

"_Cuz I'm the most badass bitch around here," she replied. _

…**She thought she was so tough and had nothing on Santana, but it was amusing nonetheless. **

"_What are you in for?" asked Roxy, shuffling to her side so she could face Rachel. _

_She looked down and shrugged._

"_There's no shame around here. We're all messed up," said Roxy with a shrug. _

"_I cut myself," Rachel replied quietly. _

_Roxy rolled her eye and shook her head._

"_That's not so bad. You'll be out of here in no time."_

"_You think so?"_

"_Yeah. But people like me? I'll be here for a while because these assholes don't get that they can't fix me," replied Roxy. "But they don't understand that I like the way I am. If it's messed up, then so be it."_

_Rachel grabbed her teddy bear and held it close to her chest._

"_What brought you here?" she asked quietly. "Not that it's any of my business…"_

"_Eating disorder," she muttered with finger quotations. "The way I see it is its cruel world out there and you gotta do what you gotta do to stay thin."_

**She's already dangerously thin and somehow believed that she needed to lose more weight if she would ever reach the goal of becoming a model. I just don't get what's going through her mind when she's so beautiful already…**

"_There's nothing wrong with half the people in here, you know. You seem pretty well adjusted and you shouldn't let any of those doctors try and change you, because that's what they're going to do. They want us all to becomes zombies, Rachel. Zombies."_

**She went on to take me for a walk around the rest of the floor to get to know the rest of the girls. One girl was obsessive compulsive like Ms. Pillsbury and another girl was completely silent. Her name was Carrie and she wasn't mute, but she still refused to speak ever since something happened to her that she wouldn't reveal. She would only sit there listening to her iPod everyday in the corner of her room.**

"_Oh her? She's hopeless," said Roxy, raising her hand to the side of her head, turning her finger to let her know that she thought she was crazy. _

_Before she could say anything in response, Roxie had grabbed her arm and pulled her down to the next room to meet the rest of the girls. _

**There was something about Carrie that I liked and I wish I could get to know her. But it'll probably be impossible given the fact that she won't talk. Tomorrow is my first session and group therapy, so that should be interesting… **

**2/25/11**

**Therapy was frustrating. None of these doctors understand me like Doctor Austen does and I miss the comfort of her living room couch. I miss the feeling of Diva curled up in my lap as I tell her about my frustrations. Perhaps this place isn't for me at all. Roxy keeps insisting I'm fine, but deep down I know she's wrong. I need to hurry up and get better and get out of here, but it's easier said than done. Last night was hell. **

"_Jesse?" Rachel whimpered, holding her phone to her cheek. _

"_Hey, Rach," Jesse muttered sadly, obviously noticing that she was crying on the other side. _

"_I miss you so much. I can't do this. Everything is so cold and uninviting here and I just want to go home. I just want to go home…"_

"_I know it's hard, Rach," he murmured in a soothing tone. "But you'll get through it. You're stronger than you know."_

"_I just wish you were here holding me," she cried, leaning against the wall for support._

"_Me too, baby. Me too…"_

**But today when I came back to my room after my session, there was a knock at the door…**

_One of the women from the front desk was holding a plastic vase filled with the most beautiful assortment of flowers she had ever seen. Thanking her for bringing it to her, she grabbed the vase from her and set it on her desk near the window. There was a card taped to the vase with her name on it written in a familiar script that brought a bright smile to her face the second she realized who it was from. Pulling the card out of the envelope, she noticed that it was just a plain gold card that was cut into the shape of a star. _

_**Rachel,**_

_**I hope you're doing well. Words cannot express how much I'll miss you during this time, but I know it'll all be worth it when I see you again.**_

_**I love you so much.**_

_**Jesse**_

_Beaming at the card, she kissed it and pulled her stationary towards her so she could get to writing him a letter._

**3/3/11**

**This is absolutely infuriating. My doctor wants to put me on some medication. I just can't help but think that this is a completely terrible idea. What if there are some awful side effects? What if they make me sick? What if I grow addicted to them? There are just so many things that can go wrong and I'm supposed to put my trust in these doctors to know what's good for me? I spoke to Roxy about it and she was as outraged as I was!**

"_Those things are going to change you, Rachel. You don't want to take them. That's how they get you to become another one of society's zombies, girl. Don't take them."_

_Rachel looked down at her hands and sighed._

"_They're going to be coming to give us all our medication in a bit. Do what I do. Tongue them," said Roxy with her arms behind her head. _

"_Tongue what…excuse me?"_

_Roxy sighed and sat up, rolling her eyes at Rachel's innocence. _

"_When the nurse comes to give us our meds, slip it under your tongue and pretend to swallow it. Then when she leaves, spit it out!"_

_Before Rachel could say anything, there was a knock at their door._

"_Watch and learn, Rachel," said Roxy as she stood to her feet and yanked the door open. _

_She grabbed the little paper cup from the nurse and brought it to her lips to take the pill in her mouth before grabbing the small cup of water that was provided to wash it down. _

_The nurse turned to Rachel and held out the small cup with her medication. Rachel reached for it nervously and looked down at the little pill before bringing the cup to her lips. She managed to slip it under her tongue like Roxy instructed before she reached for the water and drank it on its own. Once the nurse left, Roxy shut the door and leaned against it._

"_Alright, Rachel, what have ya got?" she asked, sticking her tongue out to show her the pill she didn't swallow._

_Rachel stuck her own tongue out to show her that she had done the same before spitting the pill out on a tissue. _

"_Way to go, Rach!" Roxy cheered, raising her hand to give her a high five. _

_Laughing weakly, Rachel raised her hand and gave her a high five, but it didn't leave her feeling so good. While she didn't want to take the medication, she knew that she wanted to get better and get out of there. But maybe Roxy was right. Maybe she could do this without medication that would change who she was. _

_There was another knock at the door and the same person from the front desk handed her another small vase of flowers. _

"_Your boyfriend has been sending you those every day. You're gonna run out of space for them," said Roxy as she climbed back in her bed. _

_Rachel took a moment to smell the flowers before setting it down with the rest of them. She couldn't believe that Jesse would go through the trouble of sending her flowers daily. It meant the world to her. Grabbing the note, she bit her lip as she read it. _

_**Rachel, **_

_**Classes suck. But it'll be worth it when we're in New York together. We'll be together there soon enough. But before any of that you have to do what you need to do to get better. I believe in you.**_

_**Love you.**_

_**Jesse**_

_The note made her feel bad for not taking her medication just moments before. Jesse was sitting at home thinking about her nonstop and hoping that she'd get better. He'd be disappointed if he knew that she wasn't taking her medication. She glanced down at the tissue where she had previously spit out the pill and considered taking it for a moment before knocking it off into her garbage pail. _

_She just wasn't ready yet._

**3/8/11**

**I think the doctors are expecting too much of me. They were expecting some sort of change in behavior, but I really don't know what they want. I hate it here and I just want to go back home already. Home seems so far away right now. What I'd give to be able to sit in the living room with my dads watching an old musical like we always used to do. Or to be lying in Jesse's arms with not a thing to worry about. But these doctors don't seem to think that I'm ready to go home yet. Perhaps they're on to me and they know that I'm not taking my medication… **

**But anyway, I spent some time in the common room with some of the other patients because I had enough of Roxy's personality for one day. While I was sitting at the piano, I noticed someone watching me…**

_Rachel sat at the piano in the corner trying to write a song, but it just wasn't working. Sighing, she looked up and noticed Carrie sitting in the corner watching her play. For once, she wasn't listening to her iPod, and was actually listening to Rachel. _

"_Do you want to sit next to me?" she asked, patting the spot next to her on the piano bench. _

_It was then that Rachel got to see Carrie smile for the first time ever. Nodding softly, she got up and sat next to Rachel where she was content sitting in silence and watching Rachel try and compose her song. _

**3/9/11**

**I was allowed a visitor today…**

_The second she saw him standing there, she set off at a run and jumped into his arms. _

"_I missed you so so much," she murmured against his lips as she kissed him repeatedly. _

_He could hardly get a word out because he was just so content in wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him. When he set her back down on her feet, he looked her over and frowned when he saw how tired she still looked. _

"_Let's go back up to my room…" she said, lacing her fingers with his and leading him to the staircase. _

_Pushing her door to her bedroom open, she looked around for any sign of Roxy and smiled when she saw she was gone. _

"_My roommate is out in one of her sessions, so she shouldn't be back for an hour," Rachel said as she shut the door behind her. _

_Before he could ask how she was doing, she threw her arms around him and pushed him against the wall so she could kiss him intensely. He moaned against her lips because of just how much he missed kissing her this entire time and reached up to cup her face as he kissed her back with just as much intensity. Rachel grabbed his coat and pushed it off his shoulders before grabbing onto his scarf to pull him down to the bed with her. _

"_Rach…" Jesse murmured against her lips as he crashed down on top of her. _

"_Not now," she whispered, reaching her hand up to thread her fingers through his curls. "I need you, Jesse."_

_He nodded and moved his hands to the buttons of her sweater to quickly undo them. Both of their clothes were off and on the floor in record time because of just how much they had yearned for each other this entire time. When he entered her, she moaned his name loudly and gripped at her sheets. He placed his hand over hers and held it as his other hand roamed her body. Their lovemaking that afternoon was so full of pent up longing that it didn't take very long for them to come undone. Just after Rachel flipped them over so she could be on top, she grabbed his hands and placed them at her hips as she increased the speed of their movements. Seconds later she was crying out his name before she climbed off his to finish him off with her mouth. _

_Once they were both spent, she snuggled up against his chest like she had wanted to do for so long. They both sighed contentedly and closed their eyes to simply enjoy each other's company. _

"_So," Jesse finally murmured as he ran his fingers through her hair. _

"_So…" she replied._

"_How are you?" he asked, opening his eyes and looking down at her._

_She opened her own eyes and looked up at him. Her instinct was to tell him that she was feeling better, but she honestly wasn't. His eyes saw right through her anyway so there was no point in telling him lies. _

"_I don't know…" she murmured._

"_You don't know?"_

_Sighing softly, she pushed herself up and put her face in her hands. Jesse sat up with her and wrapped his arm around her, leaning in to kiss her shoulder._

"_I haven't been taking my medication," she confessed. _

_Jesse's eyebrows furrowed and he sighed. _

"_That's counterproductive, Rachel," he muttered._

_She nodded and turned on the bed to face him. _

"_I know… but I don't want them to change who I am. I don't want to come out of here a completely different person because of what the pills would have made me become. I'm scared, Jesse…"_

_Jesse reached out for her hands and held them in his for a moment before bringing them to his lips. _

"_I know you're scared. But you're going to have to trust your doctors. They know what's best for you and if they feel that medication will help you get better, then you should take it," he said quietly. "And they're not going to change you. I promise. What you've got inside of you can never be changed for anything. You'll still be the amazing girl I love. "_

_Looking down, she shook her head. _

"_Jesse…"_

"_It's up to you Rachel," he said, his tone getting a little less patient. "If you want to keep doing this, then you'll probably be here a lot longer. You decide."_

"_But, Jesse!"_

_Shaking his head, he got up and grabbed his clothes. _

"_It's hurting me to see you like this, Rachel. I see it in your eyes and it kills me. I just want you to be alright again."_

_He moved forward to grab her face so she could look up at him._

"_You need to care about yourself as much as I care about you. Then you'll get better."_

**Jesse was right. After he left that day, I went on my way back to my room to cry in silence when I spotted the piano in the common room in the corner of my eye. It was then that I knew what to write about. **

_Sitting at the piano again, Rachel wiped her tears away and played the introduction she had been working on. _

"_How many times will it take for me… to get it right…" she sang softly._

_Biting her lip, she moved her fingers and began playing a new part that had come to her._

_"Can I start again with my faith shaken?__  
__'Cause I can't go back and undo this__  
__I just have to stay and face my mistakes__  
__But if I get stronger and wiser__  
__I'll get through this"_

_Closing her eyes, she continued to play through the tears that had continued to fill her eyes. She needed this song. She needed to finish it more than anything right now. It was just as therapeutic as actual therapy. _

_"What can you do when your good isn't good enough?__  
__When all that you touch tumbles down?_

_'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things__  
__I just wanna fix it somehow__  
__But how many times will it take?__  
__Oh, how many times will it take for me?__  
__To get it right…"_

_By this point an entire group of patients and nurses had formed around Rachel to watch her sing. They were all completely awestruck that she possessed such a talent. Off in the corner, Carrie stood watching with tears in her eyes. But everyone else around Rachel were invisible to her at the moment. All she could focus on was her song that was pouring out of her like a waterfall. _

_"So I throw up my fist__  
__Throw a punch in the air__  
__And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair__  
__Yeah, I'll send down a wish__  
__Yeah, I'll send up a prayer__  
__And finally, someone will see__  
__How much I care!"_

_She took a breath and leaned against the piano as a sob ripped through her. Grabbing the piano lid, she slammed it shut as she watched the nurse come around with everyone's medication. _

_Roxy stood up and grabbed her cup to pretend to take her medication before turning to Rachel to watch her. Rachel gave her a stern look and shook her head before grabbing her own up and actually swallowing it down with the water provided._

"_I'm done, Roxy. I'm done with these games because if I keep following your influence, I'll never get it right and I'll be stuck here forever," Rachel nearly shouted._

"_Your funeral. Let them change you, then," she said with a shrug. _

"_You keep saying that they're going to change me, but they're just going to make me better! Just admit that the truth is that you don't want to see me get better because you want to drag me down with you so I'll never leave this place and you won't be so alone," Rachel snapped back. _

_Roxy looked Rachel up and down and rolled her eyes._

"_I don't need you. I don't need anyone. You're all the same anyway. So go on. Get better. Leave. Good riddance."_

_That said, she threw the paper cup where her medication was in and in the air and walked out of the room._

Sighing contentedly as she finished reading through her old entries, Rachel flipped the page and began writing her latest one.

**3/16/11**

**The doctors think that I'm making a lot of progress and they say that it won't be long before I'm allowed to go home again. I think they're right because I honestly feel a lot better. Maybe it's the medication, maybe it's the extra therapy… Whatever it is, I think its working. **

**I still miss Jesse so much, though. But his daily letters and deliveries of flowers make it easier to endure. Its reached a point where I take the flowers down to the common room to bring the rest of the patients some extra brightness. Every afternoon, I'll bring down some of the flowers and play everyone a song. Whenever they see me, they gather around me and make requests. It's not Broadway, but it still feels great to be singing for them. **

Closing her journal, she pushed it under her pillow and grabbed the new vase of flowers that had just been delivered from Jesse. She made her way downstairs to the common room to place it next to the others. Setting the vase down on the window sill, Rachel arranged the flowers so they were all showing before grabbing the card from Jesse. Just like she always did, she smiled down at the card and kissed it.

_**Baby, you're a firework.**_

Biting her lip, she placed it in her pocket and grabbed one of the sunflowers from the vase. Walking over to the corner where Carrie sat, she held it out for her with a smile.

"For you," she said happily.

Carrie looked up at her with wide eyes in absolute shock. Her lips pulled into an immediate smile before she reached up to take it from her.

"Do you want to hear another song?" Rachel asked as she turned towards the piano.

She nodded silently and stood up to follow her to the piano. Rachel patted the spot next to her for her to join her like she usually did before placing her fingers at the keys to begin a song.

_Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,__  
__drifting through the wind__  
__wanting to start again?__  
__Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin__  
__like a house of cards,__  
__one blow from caving in?_

Carrie's smile widened as she recognized the song. A few other girls in the room gathered around her to watch the performance as well.

_Do you ever feel already buried deep?__  
__6 feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing__  
__Do you know that there's still a chance for you__  
__'Cause there's a spark in you__  
_  
_You just gotta ignite, the light, and let it shine__  
__Just own the night like the 4th of July_

She had been inspired to sing this one ever since she read the card from Jesse. He obviously had heard the song and thought of her. Now that she thought of it, she really was a firework and she wanted the rest of the girls to know that they were, too.

_'Cause baby you're a firework__  
__Come on, show 'em what you're worth__  
__Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"__  
__As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

_Baby, you're a firework__  
__Come on, let your colors burst__  
__Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"__  
__You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe_

Carrie nudged her and moved her fingers over the keys to continue playing the song for her. Rachel's eyes widened at the revelation that she could play the piano. Smiling widely, she stood up and climbed on top of the nearest couch to continue her performance while Carrie accompanied her.

"This is for all of you!" she shouted to the girls around her.

_You don't have to feel like a waste of space__  
__You're original, cannot be replaced__  
__If you only knew what the future holds__  
__After a hurricane comes a rainbow_

_Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed__  
__So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road__  
__Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow__  
__And when it's time, you'll know_

"SING WITH ME!"

Everyone but Roxy in the corner joined in. She simply watched on longingly before turning her attention back to her plate of untouched food. Sighing, she grabbed her fork and took a small bite.

_Boom, boom, boom__  
__Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon__  
__It's always been inside of you, you, you__  
__And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough_

Rachel jumped up in front of a statue of a phoenix from the center's logo and a wide smile formed on her face. Warmth rushed through her as she finally felt alive again. If this was the kind of bursting in flames and rising from the ashes that everyone was talking about, it felt wonderful. She truly had become a firework.

Spotting Roxy in the corner, Rachel skipped over to her and grabbed her hand to pull her with her to the rest of the girls. As she sang the chorus, she pointed to her to let her know that she too was a firework.

Off in the corner of the room, a few of the doctors and nurses stood watching Rachel leading the entire room in song.

"Has this ever happened before?" asked the doctor with a raised eyebrow.

"Never," said one of the nurses.

"Well I'll be…"


	30. Epilogue

A few days later, Rachel's doctors informed her that she would finally be discharged after they came to the conclusion that she had made enough progress. They reminded her that there was still room for her to fall back on her old ways, though, because Borderline Personality Disorder was something that she would probably be dealing with for the rest of her life.

"But we've taught you some good coping methods so that you won't have as many breakdowns as you did before. Now you can cope with your issues in a healthier way," the doctor explained.

Rachel nodded and jumped up to hug him thankfully.

"And the medication?" she asked, running her hand through her hair.

"I think it's helped you so far, so for now you should continue with it. Don't you agree?" he asked.

"I do, actually," she nodded. "At first I was afraid they'd make me become someone who I wasn't but now I feel more like myself than I've felt in a long time. Whoever I was when I came in here in the beginning wasn't me."

"Well as long as you continue seeing Doctor Austen when you're at home, as well as taking the medication and using all that you learned here, I don't see a reason why you can't go home tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" she asked, nearly bursting with happiness.

"Tomorrow," he confirmed with a smile.

The next morning, Rachel dressed in one of her favorite pink dresses to get ready to head home. It was a pretty warm day for the end of March. Once she was all packed, Roxy helped her carry her bags down to the main lobby. Once they were all gathered in a small pile near the door, she reached out to pull her into a tight hug.

"Sorry for trying to sabotage you before," she muttered, twisting a few strands of her hair anxiously.

"Forget about it," Rachel said, smiling at her. "I'll write to you, okay?"

"Really?"

Rachel laughed and nodded before pulling her into another hug.

"There she is…"

Rachel pulled away from Roxy immediately at the sound of Jesse's voice behind her. She sprinted into his arms and he immediately picked her up and spun her around. When he set her down on the floor, he touched her face with one hand and looked into her eyes. His smile grew when he saw that old sparkle that had previously gone dull before she had started actually accepting the help the doctors were trying to provide her with.

"I missed those bright eyes," he muttered as he stroked her cheek and leaned in for a kiss.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly. When she pulled away, she turned to grab her bag, but froze when she heard someone behind her calling her name.

"Rachel!"

Turning around, her eyes widened at the sight of Carrie standing there at the staircase.

"Rachel, don't go!" she called out, running to her and throwing her arms around her.

All of the doctors and other patients watched in shock as Carrie spoke for the first time since she fisrt entered the place months and months ago.

"You spoke, Carrie!" Rachel, gasped, pulling away to look at her.

"I'm gonna miss you," she said through her tears.

"I'll miss you, too," Rachel replied.

Rachel reached for one of her bracelets on her wrist and placed it over Carrie's.

"Keep it," she said, grasping her hand for a few seconds before letting it go.

Carrie looked at it for a moment before thanking her and going to where Roxy was to show her.

One of the doctors walked up to Rachel with a look of awe on her face and shook her head.

"I have no idea how you did that. We've been trying to get her to talk for months. She didn't have a good life at home before she came here and it left her not wanting to talk."

Rachel shrugged and glanced at Carrie one more time before looking back to the doctor.

"Maybe all she needed was a friend," she said with a smile. "It helped me when I felt alone."

Jesse reached his arm around Rachel and rubbed her shoulder as he leaned in to kiss the side of her head.

"Let's get you home," he said quietly before reaching for her bags.

She grabbed her purse and waved the rest of the patients goodbye before following him out of the building and over to his Range Rover parked outside.

Throughout the entire drive home, Rachel and Jesse blasted the radio as loud as it could go and sang along to some of his many playlists on his iPod. Throughout the entire time, they never let go of each other's hand because they had missed each other far too much to be apart.

Once they were back in Lima, Rachel poked her head out the window and smiled at the sight of some of the people from around town that she hadn't seen in so long.

"Can we stop off at Kurt's?" she asked, looking back at her boyfriend hopefully.

"I would, but your fathers want to see you first. They've been talking nonstop about your return since you told them you were being discharged," he chuckled.

"You've been speaking to my fathers?" she asked curiously as she played with his fingers.

"Of course. I'd visit about three times a week for dinner and stuff. I'm glad they like me now," he said as he pulled onto her street.

"Me too. That time that they forbid us to see each other was unbearable," she muttered.

"It's in the past, though. So let's not think about it."

Smiling, she nodded and squeezed his hand.

Pulling into her driveway, he stepped out of the car and waited for her to join him at his side. She moved to go grab her bags from the car, but he shook his head and grabbed her hand.

"We'll take care of that later," he said as he gently tugged her up the path to the front door.

Ignoring the doorbell, he knocked on the door three times.

A few seconds later Hiram opened the door and rushed out onto the steps to hug his daughter. Leroy was right behind him and nearly tackled them both with a hug, making it a very Berry group hug. Jesse stood off on the side watching with a smile before Leroy grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hug, too.

After the hug, she gave both of her fathers individual hugs and kisses on the cheek.

"Welcome home, Rachel," said Leroy with his hand on her shoulder.

"We missed you so much," said Hiram.

"I missed you too, Daddies," she replied, hugging them both.

Jesse reached out for Rachel's hand and led her inside. When they reached the living room, she nearly jumped back in shock when an entire group of people jumped out yelling "SURPRISE!"

It was then that she noticed the large banner on the wall saying "Welcome Home, Rachel!" and her eyes immediately welled up with grateful tears.

It seemed as though all of New Directions was there as well as Mr. Schuester. The first person to come to her was Blaine, who nearly tackle hugged her to the floor.

"I missed you, Rach!" he said in the midst of the hug.

She kissed his cheek before moving on to hug Kurt and Quinn who had gathered next to her.

"So we have Regionals next week. Do you think you could jump back aboard on such short notice?" asked Mr. Schuester when he walked up to her.

Rachel gave him a determined look and nodded.

"Why Mr. Schuester, you're talking to Rachel Berry, of course I can," she said with her hands on her hips.

"Great, because the theme is Original Songs—"

"That's great because while I was away, I worked on just the song that'll bring us to victory," she said as she started walking with him to the punch bowl.

"Rachel…"

Turning from Mr. Schuester, she saw Finn standing there with a cup in his hand. He looked down nervously and sighed.

"Yes, Finn," she muttered quietly as she stepped up to him.

Jesse watched on from where he stood next to Kurt and clenched his jaw. She gave him a look to let him know that it would be alright to calm him down before turning back to Finn.

"I'm really sorry for what I said and everything I did before. It was really messed up and selfish," he said, looking down.

Rachel raised her eyebrow and looked up at him suspiciously.

"What brought you to that conclusion?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"After the beat down from Jesse and hearing that you nearly died, I felt terrible," he shrugged. "And then I spoke to Quinn and…"

"You spoke to Quinn?" she asked in shock.

"Yeah. And she talked some sense into me. She always does…"

Rachel smirked up at him and pushed his shoulder gently.

"You like her again," she muttered.

"Maybe…"

"But what about Sam?" she asked, glancing back to Quinn who was looking over at Finn.

Finn smiled over at Quinn and waved at her before turning back to Rachel.

"We'll see what happens…" he said.

"Don't you do anything stupid, Finn!" she scolded him.

"But anyway, I'm glad you're okay," he said, ignoring what she had just said before.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"And I didn't mean what I said before. You're definitely not gonna be alone forever… especially not with Jesse there with you."

Rachel looked up at him with wide eyes of appreciation. She glanced over at Jesse and saw that he looked just as shocked as she felt. He had obviously been eavesdropping the entire time. Turning back to Finn, she pulled him into a friendly hug before stepping away to the snack table for something to eat.

"Feels good to be home?" she head Doctor Austen say from behind her.

"Claire!" she squealed, jumping slightly and throwing her arms around her. "It really does. I'm so glad to be back."

"That's great. You really should stop by more often, you know. Diva misses you," she said as she reached for a cupcake.

"I most definitely will. For sessions and for fun," she assured her.

After spending some more time greeting the rest of her guests and giving out a ton of hugs, she felt Jesse pull her away and point to the staircase for her to follow him. Nodding, she walked right behind him up the stairs and into her bedroom. She expected him to pull her to the bed and start kissing her, but he instead shut the door behind him and walked over to her computer desk where there was a small stack of mail that had accumulated over the course of her time away.

Flipping through the letters, he grabbed a large envelope and held it out for her.

"Open it," he muttered with a knowing smirk.

She shot him a curious look before glancing down at the envelope. She squealed the second she saw the NYU logo and immediately slipped her finger into it to rip it open. She pulled out a letter and began quickly reading the message.

"It's about the summer program!" she squealed.

She read it quickly and mouthed her lips with the words as she got through it.

"Oh my God, Jesse. They want me to be in New York for the entire summer studying theatre! Can you believe that?" she gasped, jumping to her feet to show him.

"I know," he muttered with a smirk.

Reaching into his jacket he pulled out a similar envelope and showed her that he had gotten the same thing.

"You too?" she asked, throwing her arms around him excitedly.

"Well, ever since I'm a student again, I qualified," he explained. "Thank you for pushing me."

She stroked his cheek and pecked his lips in response.

"Told you it would be worth it!" she giggled before looking back down at the envelope.

Rachel was so happy that she could absolutely burst. She had Regionals coming up and a summer in New York City with Jesse not too far away. Add that to the fact that she felt so much better now than she did before, and she was having one of the best days in her life since she was in New York with Jesse before.

"All that's left is for us to just sign the form and mail it back," he said as he reached for one of the pens on her desk and signed his own name on his form before handing her the pen.

Smiling as she watched, she nodded when he handed her the pen and placed it to the empty line at the bottom of the form. She quickly wrote out her name and looked down at it. Frowning, she noticed something was off.

"Forgetting something?" Jesse asked, reaching into her desk drawer for a sheet of gold stars and handing her one.

Her smile instantly returned at the sight of it and she stuck it to her finger before placing it down right next to her name like she always used to.

"Rachel Berry's back," Jesse muttered proudly.

"And the world had better watch out," she added as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into the most tender and loving kiss.

* * *

**The End**

Thank you to everyone who has read this and reviewed this ever since I started writing this story last December. It has definitely been an incredible journey for me as someone with BPD, myself. I hope you like how it ended. After this I'll be focusing on my other fanfiction, The Dream Factory, as well as eventually working on a sequel to this story so keep an eye out for it.


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